kiss me beneath the milky twilight

No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything about yourself or your life that you want to change.
- Barbara de Angelis

Dramatic sounds to dramatic occurrences suits perfectly. I suppose it is quite obvious, however there is something about the song Marianelli: Your Hands Are Cold (from the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack) that makes me want to run out in the rainy weather and just stand there. Just stand there and shiver, while my clothes slowly become wet. I remember the first English-presentation I held at my current school. I was a nervous, quivering girl. About to speak English in front of the class for the first time. I held my breath, and did so. So, there I stood with two other guys, speaking about the culture in Canada. “Wow, you did an excellent job!” “Shit, you've got such a good accent!”. I was proud, and from then on, I decided that English was my favourite subject. And then today I received some news. I will not be able to attend the English-course for next year. For some reason, I did not see it coming. Our teacher asked three students affected, to talk in another room. One of us quickly said “There will not be any literature-English, will it?”, as the door shut. “No, it will not”. It was such a big shock for me, and a sudden sadness damned on me. What shall I do now, I thought to myself. I could not bare to look at my teacher directly in the eyes. I was afraid that if I did so, I would burst out in tears. I could see the other student a bit emotional too, an it made me even more saddened. By then, I was just about to burst out in tears, so I turned around towards the door. I did not stay long, before I went to the bathroom. Tears streamed down my face, and I just let it fall. I could not believe how sad I suddenly became, and somehow my future plans fell through a hole. It was the one subject that really spoke right to my soul. I remember listening to the teacher describing what they do in English literature - and it felt like it was my destiny. After drying my tears and nose, I decided to go back to the classroom. But then I saw the other girl, and I noticed that she had cried too, so I said: "Are you okay? I cried too". The third girl had gone back to the classroom, however, she came back outside when she saw us sitting on the bench. And the rest of the day was pretty much depressing .. doing math while trying not to think about it - so I could hold back the tears. "Are you okay?" my classmate asked multiple times. I nodded, but I did not put on a fake smile to reassure. Even my teacher asked too, and I gave him the same answer.

Today is my dad's birthday .. and I kinda forgot. While standing in the kitchen, ready to prepare a fruit salad, I remembered. Oh shit, I thought to myself. I put the fruit back on the table, and I ran upstairs and made a card. I have not yet given it to him, but I will do it later. Right now I have to do some homework, and prepare for my presentation tomorrow.