you will never know just how beautiful you are to me

My now "old" teacher, once told us that we were a generation with our feelings on the outside. That's why everything has such a great impact on us, why the statistics of depression have been rising, why you find yourself crying alone sometimes. The only reason why I know that I'm not one of those, is because my whole family is quite non-sharing with their feelings. Everyone has their problems. But we keep it for ourselves. And whenever someone opens up, I'm always surprised. I don't like trusting people, because I'm frightened I might get hurt. And whenever I'm sad, I just put on a sad movie and cry. But I have friends too. Friends that I've allowed myself to trust. Precious friends that are so important to me. Just now, two of my closest friends popped in. They surprised me. Like, I jumped back when they yelled "surprise". And then they handed me a card and a box of chocolate muffins in them. And then we just chatted. I know much about my friends and their problems - probably more than they want me to. But I love them very much, and sometimes I just wish to erase all their problems. And sometimes I just want to show them what they are not aware of. Everything they are. Everything they don't see about themselves. And whenever I pray for my own family, I always end up praying for everyone else. And right now I'm listening to  Wake Me Up by Ed Sheeran, and I'm close to crying. Crying because I find his voice so gentle, and his lyrics so nice. But also because I am getting more and more aware that most of my friends are leaving me. And although I wish that everyone is going to stay in touch, I know very well from experience that you always drift apart. The problem with me, is that once I truly trust someone, I have a hard time letting them go. And that's where I get hurt. The feeling of everyone and everything moving on, and you're still there. Just you. And everyone is gone. And you wonder if it's only you who feels this way. And you might wonder why I always write about change here on my blog? Because I need it myself. I need to point out that change is good. Because most of the time I'm afraid of things to change.

But that's where I can get all positive. Without change, I would never have been where I am today. And I've never felt so grateful for my life as I am today. Today I spoke with all of my closest friends. Whether it was over the phone, Skype or in person. And now my whole family is here. And tomorrow I'm going to London. Everything is simply perfect. And I know change is inevitable. It is what forms you as a person. I sometimes wish to go back to my childhood. But I'm a complete different person today. And I don't know, I just love life. Even all the emotions that comes with it. Being afraid only shows that you've got something to lose.