how do I know you don't just feel what you've been told to feel?

Something is wrong. Something deep inside, shielding from the surface. It's barely even noticeable. But when I feel it, it's all I can think of. And for a moment, my eyes blink undeniably faster - to stop my eyes from getting foggy. And then it's over. Like it never happened. Like my eyes didn't just get a bit moist around the edges. Until something sets it off again and hits me like a train. 

Hello. So apparently I've not only got one sister coming for a visit on Thursday - but two. My mum said something about my eldest sister trying to pressure all my siblings to come. She's good at that, giving you a bad conscience, so you'll comply to whatever she wants. And it's like great. Because I'm not done with my paper, and obviously I've overestimated my ability to write in a hurry. But it's fine for now - I've still got three days (it's due on Friday but I want to get it done on Thursday), and I'm taking the late shift at the nursing home tomorrow, which means I'll have time to write. I'm just a bit annoyed that my teacher haven't answered  my message, because I sort of really need the answer as soon as possible, considering the paper is due soon. Also, my cold is reappearing -- it's like yaaay, it's gone, and then a day after it's like nooooo, 's backk (imagine saying that with a stuffy nose). I woke up today feeling slightly better than yesterday morning. Because I'm pretty sure I slept through the whole night. I sometimes wake up at 4:30 am. and around that time. Like, almost as my body knows. Like it's saying yeah, I know I'll have to wake up soon. Oh well, it's nearly the weekend now. That's my motivation. One day at a time.