let sleep swallow you whole

I am at loss for words. No, not words. Emotions. Am I happy, am I sad? What am I? If not sadness, surely it must be happiness. Feelings, feelings, they are so hard to interpret. And most times I just think maybe I am sad. Truth is that it is everything but sadness. It is confusion, annoyance, or anger. But I think that maybe today when I chose to take the bus rather than walk the thirty minute way home, I was a bit sad. And when I walked pass that homeless guy that sits at the same place everyday, playing songs to earn a bit money. And when I realised the lack of snow and wintery feelings. And when that person disappointed me. But other than that, I don't think sadness has been apparent today. John Mayer is played in my earbuds, and it has been a long time, dear John. It makes me imagine myself sway along to the music in a dark jazz club, wearing a burnt-red dress, the skirt flared and knee-length. Continuum is the John Mayer album I am listening to. And maybe the only one with all tracks brilliant. I think maybe I will write a diary for feelings. It is something worth documenting, and it is always always interesting to look back at. Not here though, somewhere private. Somewhere only we know. Sorry, I simply could not help myself. Kudos to you if you understood.

I think maybe, just maybe project hate One Direction is on again. A few significant things has happened, and have indeed made a negative impact on my views of One Direction. However, I think maybe I have forgotten that One Direction consists of five members, and it is increasingly hard to hate them all. Especially when Liam makes a account on Youtube for making videos for the fans. It just tug on my heart a bit. And maybe one day Liam will win my heart over. And probably go break it shortly after too. There are all these new and exciting artists popping up everywhere, and the teenagers just go berserk and aaahh. This is a good thing, course, making the artists even more popular. But then time moves on and that artist change. Not in an abrupt way, but it is those little things. Things that almost go unnoticed, but are so so important. And they neglect making Youtube videos and being themselves and interacting with the fans. It is not that they forget, for it is always there tugging in the back of their mind. More, more, more time. But the more popular, the less time there is. And there is no more time. But Liam makes a Youtube account. And he writes sweet things in the description, about how he wants to thank the fans. And though his schedule is set for a year, he finds time. And he goes on Twitcam to say "thank you so so much", instead of tweeting "thank you". And Niall tweets these random thank you's, and he post videos of the boys. And maybe I have decided already. Decided that I will not hate them. Not now or ever.

Let eyelids fall shut
Let limbs go still
Let the breath even out

Let the dreams of tomorrow start

And let sleep swallow you whole