your heart is full and now it's spilling, barreling down the steps

Going to bed yesterday, I decided to set my alarm for 8 am. So I woke up early, had breakfast and then I did some morning yoga. I've not done much yoga in a few weeks now, so my body was definitely out of tune. I felt a bit delicate afterwards, actually. After yoga, I finalised the birthday cards I've recently made. Two of which will be given in the near future. The Kevin McCloud mug I made arrived yesterday, which means I'll be able to give it to my sister earlier than anticipated. I've wrapped it up already, but managed to drop it on the floor. With my luck I'll probably break it. Going to keep it in my handbag rather than my suitcase, just to be safe. I did some reading about medicine, wrote notes. Made me feel a bit like I was revising for school, but am in fact just revising for my own good. I should reread my old curriculum probably. It appears that studying takes awhile, so before I knew it, it was already 3 pm, and I was supposed to meet up with Kiwi at 4 pm. We sat down at the library, had a bit of a catch up, and I helped Kiwi with grown-up-things. Ah, the pile of grown-up-things seem to grow for each week. Kiwi joined me at the mall in my search to find a present for my nephew's birthday. We explored a toy store like two kids, marvelling at all the cool things. We parted ways, and I went home to wrap the gift. I also packed my suitcase. Took me what? 15 minutes? When I've been out of the house for the past 9 days or so, I've not worn jeans. Nope, I've avoided jeans like they've got cooties. Before my second night shift the other week, I was contemplating to just wear my tights and cover up with my long coat. Then I thought that I'm not at that flasher-stage just yet. Dunno what's happened with me, just decided that jeans and I are on a break. Regardless, I've packed with me jeans. I just don't know how often I'll wear them. One of the reasons it's so easy for me to pack, is because my wardrobe consists of basic clothing mostly in black, blue, grey and burgundy. The colours goes with each other, and it's so easy for me to make different outfits. The other reason is because I know this destination like the back of my hand, and I therefore don't need to actively think about what to bring. My current favourite show airs at Tuesdays. Last Tuesday I couldn't watch because I was working, but I had really looked forward to it tonight. Only to discover that I'd mistaken the time for when it airs. So I only got to see the ending, which sucked. Oh well, better luck next time. I am going to finish reading a fanfiction, which I really thought was only 200-something pages, but is really 800-something pages. How that detail slipped my sight, I've no idea. And then I'm going to bed coz I'm tireeeeeed. 

don't need those other numbers when I got my number one

After breakfast today, my dad threw a package my way, and to my surprise it was my pictures. I just didn't expect them this early. So I spent the better part of this morning organising my pictures after dates and putting them in my new photo album from Muji. Looking at pictures like that just brings a smile to the face. It's also a reminder of how great my life truly is, which brings a feeling of gratitude. Admittedly, you mostly only capture the good moments. At least I'm not the one to bring out my camera when I have a shitty day. I've just finished watching a handball match. There were plenty of curse words today, as I think the team I was cheering on played a bad game. Just rubbish. My brother looked on amused, said "it'll be alright". It wasn't alright-- they lost, and I wanted to throttle something. I could probably be one of those dangerous footie supporters, with a few beers in me. Jeez, I'd fit right in, wouldn't I? I saw a shooting star on the way to my second night shift. Didn't realise what it was before it had disappeared. I re-told Sugar about it when I met her, and she asked if I wished for something. Oh, I thought. I'd forgotten about that too. It was such a nice surprise, and practically made my night. The night-sky is gorgeous nowadays. I suppose it's always gorgeous, it's just easier to see because it's gotten darker earlier. Tomorrow is my third Sunday in a row, working. I'm looking forward to be done with it. Am also really looking forward to visiting my sister, seeing my nephews who are growing up quicker than lightening. It's like I've turned around for a second, and then my youngest nephew is suddenly crawling around the place. Trying to live in the moment is a hard exercise, people. It's so easy to think about next week, next month. Oyster said something yesterday that made me realise I'm good at doing things I'm scared of. Good at powering through things despite my beating heart is more palpable than usual. I just know myself well enough to realise that if I avoid something too much, I won't ever want to do it. So sometimes I purposely do things that puts me outside my comfort-zone. Thus far it's been a good thing. 

an old boy on a park bench, thinking in the past tense, looking for the words

There's a layer of fog outside, making everything appear slightly ominous. "Halloweeny," Oyster called it. My night shifts went well, very well if I can say so. Slightly stressful, but not more than I'd imagined. Sugar had night shifts the same nights as me, which felt nice though we worked at different places. It's just the feeling of knowing that your bud is a few metres away. On Wednesday I only slept for three hours after my night shift. So in the evening I was supposed to go to bed early, but I somehow stumbled across the brilliant idea of gifting Volla a mug with Kevin McCloud's face on it. To my big disappointment I couldn't find any on Ebay or Amazon. So I ended up designing one myself via an online photo shop. They were having a sale, so of course I decided I needed to evoke some pictures as well. I ended up spending hours doing this, and not going to bed until late. Thursday, or yesterday, I spent the day with my belieber friend. I tagged along to her local mall because she needed to buy salad. But before the grocery store, we ended up looking at shoes. And well, I tried on a pair of knee high boots, and fell in love. I just couldn't not leave the store without them. I'm a bit peeved at myself for not having more willpower, but I've allowed myself the shoes because I know I've been lusting for a pair of these for a looooong time. However, this means there will be no more shoes for me unless they're gifted to me. It also means I'm not allowed to buy a new coat, regardless of how tempted I am. We basically spent the day watching television and chilling, which was perfect. Last time I saw my belieber friend, I told her to invite me home soon, because I'd missed just tagging along home with her and doing exactly what we did yesterday. Also, I hadn't seen Darren or their cat in months, so that was nice. I also really enjoy the trip home, because I love public transport late at night. There's a lot less people around, more calm. When I got home I was met with a postcard from Ale. It's from months ago, the summer when she went travelling. Nevertheless it was such a lovely surprise. I love getting mail like that. There's just something about getting a card in the mail that can light up your day. Today I met up with Oyster. Walking up their drive-way I met her dad, who complimented my coat. As did her mother. I did some survey for Oyster, had a chat about my life and being a nurse with Mars. Then I ate some food, and we stayed downstairs in the kitchen/living room area. The heart of the house, as they say. Reminisced about our youth and teenage years. It's weird to think how different I used to be once upon a time. Oyster went to exercise at 9 pm, so I accompanied her to the fitness center, and tried to spook her. Hugged her goodbye, and went grocery shopping. Standing in line at the check out, I realised it's Friday night. "And here I am buying mushroom and salmon," I thought to myself.

I've been running mostly nowhere

I had a strange dream, but not one of those unpleasant ones. Dreamt of going back to Paris with Oyster, to the same hotel but a shoddier room. We didn't really know what to get up to, since we've already been to all the touristy spots. In the midst of our trip, Oyster upped and left me alone. Then somehow I ended up in Copenhagen alone. I walked a familiar road that split in two directions. Instead of walking the direction I usually take, I went the other and ended up climbing some rocks to see myriad of people enjoying a spectacular view. Beside me sat this kid with his thumb in his mouth. Probably four years old, but had somehow managed to get up all the rocks. He was unfamiliar until he was familiar. It was my youngest nephew, and this was the future. After climbing down we got picked up by Lynx's in-laws in a car that could compete against Mary Poppin's bag. Because though it looked like a normal car, all of Grepper's relatives sat in the car. We got dropped off at the road of Lynx and Grepper's old place, and when we went inside the dining room was all decorated. It was my oldest nephew's birthday. He was sat in the lap of Lynx, looking at the chocolate cake. I tried to snap some pictures of them, but neither would cooperate with me. Weird dreams like these are amusing. I've been obsessed with Tom Rosenthal's music for many months now. He's become my go-to music when I tire of everything else. I want all his albums basically. One of my favourite songs is called Every Sock Gets a Hole. I can't decide whether to buy his album B-sides for myself, or to ask for it for Christmas. I should do the latter probably, seeing as I'm supposed to save my money. I've been dreading today, because I have a night shift. I loathe night shifts because I hate waiting for things to happen. It makes me all jittery. I also hate the time pressure that ascends once the clock hits 6 am. Cause within two hours I should be done with a load of things, and it's not easy. Especially today, cause I've got the lone responsibility for 13 patients+ for the first time. I'm really looking forward to be done with these night shifts, if you couldn't already tell. Yesterday was a good shift, though I was prepared for the worst. My visit to Oyster ended up being rescheduled, which might have been the reason for the first part of my dream. Instead I just read, read and read. Finding a great writer is always gold. I'm going to head back to bed soon. Ought to get some hours of sleep before I have to stay up all night. Happy Monday!

It's all just chapters in the end. Some we receive and some we send. And some are just written really badly

Til tross for at jeg ikke fikk til å ta en hersens blodprøve, hadde jeg en fin dag på jobb. Var litt bekymret for hvordan humøret skulle være da jeg stod opp, men jeg stod visst opp på riktig ben denne gangen. Jobbet ikke på min egen avdeling i dag, men fikk likevel ansvar, og det gikk overraskende bra. Har tatt flere EKG'er de siste to ukene enn jeg har gjort i min hele karriere som sykepleier. Dog, karrieren kun har vart i straks fire måneder. Ettersom jeg var på en avdeling som fortsatt er noe ny for meg, følte jeg meg litt som en usikker hund. Imidlertid fikk jeg ros av flere kolleger, hvilket tyder på at det gikk bra likevel. Fikk ikke gjort alt jeg ønsket, men forlot likevel jobben med en god følelse. Og dèt har jeg ventet lenge på. Når en er ny i jobben, blir man naturligvis usikker, og det er så mye en skulle ha gjort som man ikke rakk. Dette fører til at en går og grubler på ting etter jobb, noe som har lite hensikt. Så det å gå fra jobb uten at en rakk å gjøre alt en ville, men likevel ha en god følelse-- det er bra. Kanskje jeg gradvis aksepterer at jeg ikke kan gjøre alt. I morgen er min andre søndag av tre. Har allerede bedt Kiwi om å gjøre alle pasientene friske så jeg slipper å gjøre noe i morgen. Morgendagen skal også brukes til å besøke Oyster. Tror faktisk ikke jeg har vært i huset hennes siden august. Det er to uker til jeg reiser til min søster, men har likevel startet med marerittene om å miste flyet. Denne gangen drømte jeg at jeg helt glemte dagen jeg skulle reise, og at Lynx ikke ringte meg før dagen etterpå "hvorfor har du ikke kommet?". Det er latterlig, men angsten for å miste fly forblir. På et vis (eller mange), er det kanskje faktisk en positiv angst å ha. Kanskje jeg slipper å miste fly, fordi jeg tar forholdsregler. Glemte nesten at det var sjokolade-lørdag. Kom på det ved middagsbordet da jeg så en pakke After Eight som min bror har kjøpt på Taxfree. Det er skremmende hvor fort oktober flyr forbi. Var det ikke i går det var den første dagen i oktober? Nei? Om ikke så lenge er det november, og da er det offisielt lov til å tenke på jul.