Nyttår 2012. Ja, tro det eller ei, men nå blir det norsk. For engangsskyld vet jeg ikke hvordan jeg skal formulere meg på engelsk. Det er vanskelig å si noe om 2012, for jeg sier nesten det samme hvert år, men jeg tror virkelig at 2012 har vært det beste i mitt liv. Jeg er nesten bombesikker. Jeg sier ikke at jeg er bombesikker. For som Justin Bieber sier at vi aldri skal si aldri, så bør du også unngå å si alltid. For alt er så usikkert. Uansett, om jeg skal oppsummere 2012 i et par punkter, må det bli – klump, russ, reise og One Direction. 

I midten av februar fant jeg en klump i brystet. Det var en veldig merkelig opplevelse, for hittil i mitt liv, hadde jeg opplevd svært lite sykdom med unntak av da jeg var baby. Men min første tanke var ikke åh, jeg skal dø. Jeg vet ikke helt hvorfor jeg følte meg uredd? Kanskje jeg ikke ville innse at jeg hadde en klump i brystet og det faktum at det kunne være noe alvorlig. Kanskje jeg burde hatt et nervøst sammenbrudd og tenkt at nei, dette er kreft – og jeg skal dø. Men det er på en måte det som skjedde. 

Enhver gang jeg er syk så tenker jeg lite på det, og bare lar det gå. Liker ikke å dra til legen om jeg ikke er på dødsleiet eller ufattelig lei. Så jeg går rundt med hoste og forkjølelse så lenge som mulig før jeg selv innser at jeg kanskje burde oppsøke en lege. Så da jeg oppdaget klumpen, tenkte jeg at jeg kanskje bare skulle vente og se. Og det gikk jo fint – til jeg ikke fikk sove en kveld og faktisk tenkte oi, dette kan faktisk være alvorlig. Hjertet slo plutselig raskere, og panna ble svettere. Panikk, tror jeg de kaller det. Så da bestemte jeg meg for å bestille time der og da, for det var eneste måten jeg fant ro og kunne sove. 

Det vanskeligste med all type sykdom (i min mening) er ventingen. Du venter på time, du venter på legekontoret, du venter på svar. Ja, du venter. Og i mellomtiden så blir de rundt deg bekymret, og de spør og spør. Og du kan ikke svare, for du vet jo ikke ennå. 

Jeg var heldig og fant ut at klumpen var ufarlig, og mine nærmeste kunne puste ut. Jeg kunne puste ut da jeg fikk klumpen ut av brystet, og erfaringen på operasjonsbordet i en operasjonssal er faktisk et av høydepunktene i mitt liv. Det høres nok svært bisart ut, og ja, det er jo det. Men det var interessant, og faktisk morsomt å konversere med legen og sykepleierne og alle som var involvert i min operasjon. Klart har det jo noe med at jeg studerer til å bli sykepleier. Kanskje jeg ville vært mer bekymret om jeg ikke hadde valgt dette studiet. Kanskje. 

Uansett, jeg hadde den klumpen i brystet fra februar til september, så ja, mye venting. Men jeg er takknemlig for klumpen, for den gav meg nye perspektiv i livet. Ikke minst gjorde den meg takknemlig for ting som vi ofte overser i hverdagen. Kanskje den har en del i at jeg er optimistisk også. 

En dag satt jeg og et par venninner og pratet ut om noen av våre dypeste hemmeligheter. På et offentlig sted hvor andre kunne høre oss.  Skjønner ikke helt hvorfor vi gjorde det, og hvorfor vi plutselig bare begynte å prate om slike ting. Men i likhet med klumpen så førte det til at jeg ble mer takknemlig. Takknemlig for mitt eget liv, men også for mine venner. Jeg tror jeg har vært heldig i den kategorien. Jeg må ha vært en god person i mitt forrige liv for å få slike gode venner. Og tingen er at jeg kunne ha skrevet sider om vennene mine. Men dette er et nyttårsinnlegg. 

2012 var mitt siste år på videregående skole også. Og det medførte russetiden. Noen ganger sitter jeg på rommet mitt og ser russebuksen og kjolen jeg brukte på russeballet på skapdøren min (lever i evig fornektelse og nekter å gjemme de bort), og jeg minnes de dager vi sprang rundt og kastet russekort til barn i russebuksene våre. Det å være russ fører til noe annet. Noe annet enn hva vi opplæres til i vårt liv her i Norge. 

Vi hører jo stadig at utdanning er greia. Alle skal ha utdanning for å få seg jobb og tilslutt få seg hus og kone/mann og familie. Også er det jo alle mot alle. Det er jeg som skal få den utdanningen og den jobben og den mannen. Det er jeg. Jeg skal ikke være ansvarlig for å få en annen til å ta en utdanning og en jobb og en mann. Nei, her er det individualisme som gjelder. 

Men. Ja – MEN i russetiden er det kollektivisme som gjelder. Da er alle i russebukser, og alle har et mål. Vi er en gruppe alle sammen. Vi hilser på hverandre som vi kjenner hverandre, og det er ikke lenger like farlig å starte en samtale med en annen fremmed, bare fordi vi går i russebukser. Det var i hvert fall det jeg opplevde. Særlig på Tryvann, for da var det bare vennlighet, smil og latter. En livsmulighet til å møte nye mennesker som du kanskje kunne blitt venn med også i fremtiden. Og tenk at man får mennesker til å åpne seg på den måten bare på grunn av russebukser. Synes nesten at vi må få noen samfunnsforskere på det fenomenet. For det er jo utrolig interessant. 

Like fort som russetiden startet, sluttet den også. En full måned med kollektivisme før vi vendte tilbake til gamle klær og sosiale forskjeller og individualisme. Og alt jeg sitter igjen med er russebuksa, kjole fra russeball, russekort og minner. Og det gjør meg mer takknemlig. For minner er også erfaring, og erfaring det er livet. Og vel, livet, det er jo det vi driver med dag inn og ut, eller hva? 

Mitt tredje punkt er reise. Årsaken til det er at jeg opplevde mer reiser på et år enn hele livet mitt (ok, ikke helt sant, men overdriving eller hyperbol er jo et must). Jeg elsker å reise. Uansett om det er via fly, båt eller bil. Eller tog og buss (må innrømme at hverdagsreisen inn til skole og hjem er litt mindre interessant, men er likevel takknemlig). I år reiste jeg til Paris, London, Trondheim, Bergen og Ålesund. Akkurat i den rekkefølgen. 

Min venninnes 19 årsdagsgave fra hennes familie var en tur til Paris. Det var noe av det morsomste jeg har vært med på å planlegge, ikke minst nervepirrende. Og på et punkt så var jeg nesten sikker på at hun visste. Da jeg stod og pratet med vår gamle lærer som jeg ikke engang hadde det året, glemte jeg at hun stod rett bak der. Og jeg skulle spørre om hun kunne få fri den dagen. Det viste seg at nei, hun visste det tydeligvis ikke. Men skal innrømme at det også var mye jobb, og jeg brukte en lang tid på å finne transport og hotell og den typen ting. 

Og wow, Paris. For et vakkert sted! Synd at jeg glemte kanskje det viktigste man bør ha med på en reise – ordbok. Jada, innså det da vi landa, at ja, bra at jeg har med kart og turistbok, men ordbok ville vært bra. Spesielt når man ikke prater fransk annet enn «oui, je m’apell». Flinke som vi var, så klarte vi å sovne den første kvelden, så vi mistet egentlig en rekke timer. Heldigvis våknet vi før det var for sent og tok turen til Eiffeltårnet.  Det var et syn. Dagen etter ble brukt på Champs Elysees der vi shoppet lommebøkene tomme. 

Må ikke glemme turen til flyplassen – ja, følte ut som om vi var med i en episode av et reiseprogram. For å si det sånn så skulle vi egentlig ikke ha rukket det flyet. Jadda, vi stod i bussen og ba for harde livet. Til og med da det var fem minutter til avgang, ja, håpet var der. Og det er vel kanskje derfor jeg hadde mareritt om å miste fly de neste månene etter hver gang jeg skulle ut på en ny reise. Men ja, er faktisk veldig takknemlig for å ha opplevd dette også. For nå har jeg lært min lekse om Paris og trafikk og forsinkelser. Også tror jeg at jeg aldri har vært gladere for å få komme på et fly. Ikke minst var hele opplevelsen av å løpe gjennom en flyplass sammen med en annen som også var sen (ja, her har vi kollektivismen og sånn igjen). Men ja, det er et minne som skal bevares kjært i mitt hode, og hjerte. 

Så var det min bursdag da. Ja, min bursdagsgave var nemlig London. Mine to eldste søstre bestemte seg for å gi meg en reise, og jeg tenker at litt av årsaken til dette var klumpen. Så, igjen, har faktisk en del å takke klumpen for. Uansett, London, tror jeg elsker det. Det er ikke at London er bedre enn Paris, for de er to helt forskjellige steder. Om jeg skal dra for å se på arkitektur eller i det hele tatt på en ferie, så ville Paris vært førstevalget. 

Men det er noe med London som føles hjemme. Kanskje det var været eller hvordan folk oppførte seg. Det var så likt Norge, med unntak av språket (men det er et språk jeg i det minste forstår og behersker i motsetning til fransk). Så hvis jeg skulle valgt mellom sted å bo, så ville det nok vært London. For det var gjenkjennelig. Men tingen er, at med reiser så skal jo ting være nytt. Ikke gjenkjennelig og hjemme? Uansett, jeg elsker London og skulle ønske jeg kunne flytte dit en vakker dag. Ah, morsomt, ser på Oceans Twelwe, og nå er de i London. 

Tingen med London var at det ikke lenger var jeg som var den ansvarlige. Denne gangen var det storesøstrene mine. Og om det er en ting jeg vil tilbake til i Londons shoppinggater, er det Urban Outfitters. Bryr meg lite om Primark, Topshop og alt det andre. Men UO, den skulle jeg ønske vi hadde her i Norge også. For hvem elsker ikke klær, accessoirer, hus dekor, elektronikk og bøker i samme butikk? Ok, så vil jeg også tilbake til Nandos og Pierre. Bare fordi jeg er mat vrak og elsker å stappe i meg god mat, uavhengig hvilken årstid. 

Trondheim, Bergen og Ålesund er jo i Norge. Men fortsatt, jeg regner det som reiser også. Jeg dro til Trondheim for å se den nye leiligheten til søsteren min og hjalp til med bygging av møbler. Tror det kanskje er fire år siden jeg sist var i Trondheim. Så det som stod øverst på agendaen, var å besøke Nidarosdomen. Og jeg innså da at jeg måtte skaffe meg noen venner som er like interesserte i arkitektur, fordi det er umulig å få min nåværende familie eller venner til å studere arkitektur. Det er liksom – er du ferdig snart eller? Det begynner å bli litt kaldt liksom. 

Etter Trondheim var det avgårde til Bergen. Og det var ikke før da, at jeg innså at jeg hadde reist til et nytt sted hver måned siden juni. I Bergen besøkte jeg en venninne, og regnet. Ja, også stod vi og så på en kirke der også, og jeg fikk tatt noen bilder. Helst i svart og hvitt, fordi været var grått og deprimerende. Der fikk jeg oppleve et mangfold av ulike kulturer en kveld. Og fra Bergen fikk jeg en fin hoste som varte i år og dager. Ja, den typen som jeg ikke ville sjekke ut, fordi jeg regnet med at den skulle gå bort av seg selv. 

Måneden etter dro jeg til Ålesund. Dreit i et par forelesninger og dro for å rekke bursdagsselskapet til nevøen min i stedet. For det er jo det som teller til syvende og sist, ikke sant? Familie og venner. Av alle stedene jeg har reist i år, så er det Ålesund som ligger nærmest hjertet. Det skyldes at det er mitt fødselssted og ikke minst oppvekststed. Men det er også naturen. Den overveldende naturen som møter deg i flyvinduet 10 minutter før du skal lande. 

Mitt aller siste punkt var One Direction. Tenkte at de fortjente et punkt i 2012, året jeg ble besatt av dem. Wow, besatt er et mye sterkere ord enn «obsessed», så nå høres jeg i hvert fall ut som en forfølger. Selv om jeg ganske ofte klager over at One Direction har tatt over livet mitt, så må jeg innrømme at denne besettelsen har medført gode ting også. Jeg har blitt introdusert til fan fiction, som i disse dager er livet mitt. Og utrolige mennesker – for ja, One Direction er faktisk ufattelig normale mennesker som likevel blir idolisert til himmels. Og de er utrolige. For alle mennesker er utrolige. Og med mindre du er en directioner, så skjønner du vel ikke om jeg sier – ja, de er mennesker foruten Harry da og hans fire brystvorter. I likhet med andre besettelser så medførte One Direction til nye musikktips som jeg aldri ville gitt sjansen tidligere. 

Så ja, 2012, det har nok vært det beste året i mitt 19-år gamle liv hittil. Håper 2013 blir bra også, med ny erfaring og reiser da også. Kjære gud, jeg blir jo 20. Æsj. 

thirteen reasons why

Clay Jensen returns home to find a strange package with his name on it. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker – his classmate and first love – who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice explains there are thirteen reasons why she killed herself. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why. All through the night, Clay keeps listening – and what he discovers changes his life forever.

So, the next book on my list was Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher. It was one of my Christmas present from my younger sister, and I don’t exactly know why she picked it out for me. Other than the fact that she found it intriguing. It isn’t my “regular” genre. I’m the kind of person that usually read romantic comedies in a novel form. But it’s not like I read whatever chick literature out there, because I’ve read some crap before. Yes, published novels that are well under the “okay” mark, and should probably never have been published. I must sound real mean here. But honestly, I’ve read loads of fan fiction that would be gold compared to those books. And to be completely honest, I wish a lot of those who writes fan fiction could have their work published. Because some of it is actually damn good. And it irks me that I cannot recommend fan fiction the same way as I can recommend novels. Because being published means that someone believes that your work actually will sell. Maybe I’ll just become a book publisher. Anyhow, shall we carry on with the actual review? I liked it, loved it even. And I suppose my sister knew I would. Because, I think mostly everyone would enjoy this book. At the beginning it reminded me of Pretty Little Liars and “A”. Because, well, you get clues and there’s all this mysterious things going on, and you must solve things. And yes. With this book, I barely put it down. And I was adamant to finish it in one day. It’s the kind of book that makes you stop and look at your own life, and just think. It’s a bit of a “think about your actions, because they have consequences” novel. And that’s the main reason why I loved the novel this much. It incorporates basically all the knowledge I’ve learned the last two years or so. “No one knows for certain how much impact they have on the lives of other people. Oftentimes, we have no clue. Yet we push it just the same”. I am well aware of the fact that in my actions, I am impacting other people. But yes, you can never know how much. Because the person that is being impacted might not be aware of it themselves. Though Thirteen Reasons Why is in another genre then Looking For Alaska, it turned out to have that same string of thought – your actions will affect others. I’ll add a quote from Looking For Alaska: “There were so many of us who would have to live with things done and things left undone that day. Things that did not go right, things that seemed OK at the time because we could not see the future. If only we could see the endless string of consequences that result from our smallest actions. But we can’t know better until knowing better is useless”. As I mentioned in the review of Looking For Alaska; John Green is a genius with words. I suppose I’m the kind of person that spends a lot of time thinking. And I often think things through in ways other people don’t. I don’t know why to be honest, but I do. And after reading both Thirteen Reasons Why and Looking For Alaska, I cannot help but think of the movie Pay It Forward. I don’t know, but maybe these novels were written for a reason. Maybe it was the authors’ way of doing something to avoid situations that could be avoided. Because the thing is, that one simple action can actually be the deciding factor between life and death. And you might not know it yourself, and if you knew it would lead to something like death, you would obviously avoid it. But you don’t. You don’t always know the consequences of your own actions. But there are consequences. Well, this turned out much longer than intended. I will definitely recommend everyone to give this a read. Because although it’s not the best written book, it definitely carries a good message, and it’s very very exciting along the 288 pages. 

Thing is, that with illness, you eat a lot less. But I eat quite a bit on a regular basis. At least, I think so. And it has just been Christmas, at which I’ve eaten loads, and probably stretched my stomach a bit. But the last days I’ve eaten so little, I’d probably have been dead on a regular basis. And it’s all so odd, because now it’s nearly 3:00 am. And usually I’d be starving at this time. I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. Right, it’s 4:00 pm by now. (I started writing this post last night when I thought it was weird my stomach weren't lurching for food). And I did eat breakfast, but I mostly had to force myself to eat something. It probably sounds like I’m starving myself, when the amount I eat now is probably what a normal person eats during a day. It’s just .. a lot less than what I eat normally. Hence my worries. Anyhow, instead of puking, I’ve gotten a cold now. And my nose is running like a wild river. And I’m coughing every now and then. Also sneezing every now and then, making my eyes water too. The thing with never being ill, is that whenever you are ill, you feel like death. Like, I’m sorry for moaning about it here. But it’s in my nature. I feel like crawling under all the duvets and lie in a fetal position. And, today is my chocolate-day, but I feel so stuffed from breakfast, that I don’t even fancy a piece of chocolate anymore. And that sucks. What sucks more is the fact that I start school next week. I just want to lie around and do nothing for a bit more. Please. Oh god, I just remembered that I need to fix my schedule on my phone too. On a happier note, my sister and nephew is coming next week too. And my broseph whom I watched Elf with yesterday (it is actually quite brilliant, you should watch it if you want a laugh), is staying here until the thirteenth. Oh fuck, birthdays. I just remembered now. I need to go shopping for a new drawing pad, diary and birthday gifts. But the stores are closed tomorrow, and I can’t be bothered to drag my runny nose to the mall today. Might as well just dress up in a Rudolph costume – I already have the red nose for it. I’m just going to stay home today and try finishing my second book I got for Christmas. I must say the genre is very very different to Looking For Alaska. But it’s really interesting thus far. And yes, you are most likely to get another review, since I’ve now gone ballistic and made a tag for book reviews. But, it is a fairly normal thing compared to all the other things I do. Like, making my own fanfiction library, or library of favorite quotes and lyrics. Yes. I’ve done that. 

looking for alaska

"In the dark beside me, she smelled of sweat and sunshine and vanilla, and on that thin-mooned night I could see little more than her silhouette  but even in the dark, I could see her eyes - fierce emeralds. And not just beautiful, but hot too". Alaska Young, Gorgeous, clever, funny, sexy, screwed up - and utterly fascinating. Miles Halter could not be more in love with her. But when tragedy strikes, Miles discovers the value and the pain of living and loving unconditionally.  

When I wished for this novel, I didn't actually search it up. And therefore I wasn't aware of the synopsis. So I was a bit surprised that Alaska was in fact a person, not the state. The last few months has been preoccupied with reading school curriculum and fan fiction. So, I've not really read that much fiction as in novels. To be honest, I'm not quite sure what I think about the book. Maybe my sister will have some input in my opinions after she's read it (she is probably going to borrow it off of me, considering she finished reading my other book last night).The thing about John Green's novels, is that he writes these really great things. Let me elaborate. He writes these things that are in all our minds really, but he writes them down so articulate, which is kind of genius. Because then we (those who read his books) are like "yeah, wow, that's exactly what I've been thinking". I personally think John Green is a genius in that way, and he does come across as very philosophic in the two novels I've read by him thus far. And I do very much enjoy philosophic thoughts. And the thing is, somehow I'm always surprised by the plot twists in John Green's books. He is unpredictable. I added a picture of one of my favorite quotes from the book: "And in my classes, I will talk most of the time and you will listen most of the time, because you may be smart. But I've been smart longer". This is said by the Old Man, a teacher, so old, but very smart and somewhat witty. I kind of love him, because he is the kind of teacher that I do love. Strict, but also fair. And old and wise. It's been a while since I've read The Fault In Our Stars, but I don't actually think that Looking For Alaska exceeds it. But then again, Looking For Alaska was John Green's first published novel, and The Fault In Our Stars the latest. And with writing, you learn a lot from your own mistakes. So, in conclusion, I think John Green is a great philosophical writer, that writes unpredictable plots. But it doesn't exceed The Fault In Our Stars. Nevertheless, I think everyone should read it. Just because it is witty and sad at the same time. Wow, it's been a long time since I've written a book review. And I've just made a tag for all my reviews, so if you want to read any others, you can click here. Also, I just realised I'd forgotten to mention that Alaska reminds me of Effy from Skins. And I'm not quite sure if I like that or not. 

oh, hi, hello, goodbye

Hiiiii. The last few days have been exhausting. And to top it off, yesterday I sort of, kind of, puked. And though it was somewhat fascinating to be able to understand what mechanisms in the body is needed to puke, I was kind of disgusted. Because who likes the feeling of the stomach content be pushed out through your esophagus? Also, I think I sort of, kind of, infected all my family members too. So, to be honest, my day didn’t really start until 3:00 pm, when I finally got the courage to eat something. My stomach was begging me to eat something, whilst my brain was hopelessly trying to avoid it. And avoid any puking in the future. Also, my all my limbs feels weak, and I cannot lift a chair properly. Also, I feel a bit tired. Well, actually, really tired. And I woke up quite a few times last night, rolling around every thirty minutes or so. I did finish reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Shakespeare yesterday. Before getting ill and all. My younger sister’s response was something like – finally. Because it is quite short, and I’ve been “reading” it for quite a time now. Well, a week or so (I did start on it two weeks ago, but considering I had a few exams to study for, I forced myself to put it down). But considering my sister will read a novel in one day, it was too long for her. And well, I’ve just started reading another book now, and she’s moved on to her second book as well, which really is mine. She got it for me for Christmas, and then she proceeds reading it before me. Well, thank you. Oh well, I actually got everything I wished for this Christmas. I wished for Looking for Alaska by John Green (the book I'm currently reading), because it’s all over Tumblr all the time. Also, because I read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, and because he also is a Youtuber. My sister told me it was sold out in every store, so she had to order it online. And apparently my eldest sisters said something like “oh course she wishes for the book that’s not even in the bookstores”. I also think our sisters think it’s a bit weird that I and my youngest sister wish for books. Because, well, the predictable wish would probably be something else these days. I didn't get that Christmas jumper. But that’s kind of because I never spoke of that wish before Christmas Eve. And then my sister said “I could have knitted you one though”. And I was like “but that takes sooo long time”. And she just kind of scoffed and replied “but it’ll be of quality”. And I couldn’t really argue with that. So now I’m thinking I might wish for it for next year, and avoid purchasing one now. Because, well, I can’t really go around with a Christmas jumper after Christmas, can I? I’m a bit sad Christmas is over, because that also means Vlogmas is over. And then it’s a bit like .. what am I supposed to do to fill this gap? But then I remember I have at least four books to read. My goal is three before the holidays are over. Just because Emma by Jane Austen is a bit trickier to read than the other three on my list, I think I’ll have to skip it for the moment. 

merry christmas

Hello! It’s Christmas Eve! I just wanted to stop by and wish everyone a merry Christmas, and I hope everyone gets what they wanted. And also, bear in mind, that sometimes you get things you weren’t even aware of that you wanted. And can we just all be very grateful today? And just in general, really? Also, a very happy birthday to Louis Tomlinson. Yesterday, or, well, technically today (2:00 am), half of the trending topics on Twitter were dedicated to Tommo, which I found very amusing. You have two kinds of birthday people in this world – those who are really excited, and those who don’t really care. I’m one of the latter. But Tommo definitely seems like one of those who get really excited and look forward to their birthday ages before it happens. It’s a bit endearing, really. Anyhow, merry Christmas!!!!! I need to go now, and maybe make a new snow light, because it was drenched in the snow today, and my dad managed to shovel it away. My sister was not impressed with him. Haha. 

don't you worry child, see heaven's got a plan for you

So I will have to admit that Swedish House Mafia is probably not my taste. The fact that I only knew two songs by them should probably have been a telling factor. I simply cannot dance to rave music really. Yesterday started off quite badly, with us having to stand in a line in the freaking brisk Norwegian weather for a long time period. Also, the concert was delayed, which was quite annoying because we did have to reach the last train home. And there was a point where I actually considered just going home. Because, well, it seemed a bit pointless. But I’m glad I stayed. Because in the midst of it all, they started playing better tunes. Remixes with songs in them, including Kids by MGMT, and Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall by Coldplay. I guess I was sold at that point, because I love MGMT and Coldplay. And it was just so odd that of all the music out there, they’ve chosen those. Note to myself though; wear your converse when you plan on jumping around for hours. And at one point they were waving the Norwegian flag, and I guess adrenaline and the feeling of pride just took off. We did leave just a bit before the concert ended, because we did have to take the train home. And I’m pretty sure my legs were happy to go home. And I didn’t get out of bed until really really late today, mostly because I was stupid enough to start reading another fanfiction yesterday after coming home. And that’s basically what I’ve been doing today – reading fanfiction. And I was supposed to travel and give presents today. But I’m a lazy arse. Tomorrow, however, I will be really stressed out and have to buy my dad a Christmas present. Because I still have no idea of what to give him. I swear my dad is the worst person ever, when it comes to what to give. Also, we made some snow lights today too, though the snow was definitely not on our side today. Oh my god people, do you know what day it is tomorrow? Yep. Christmas Eve. And I still have to catch up on all the Youtube videos I’ve missed. Alright, now I’m going to take a shower and try catching up on everything. And then hopefully I’ll go to bed a bit earlier than yesterday. 

you held my hands so very tightly, and told me what we could be

It’s two days until Christmas. I woke up before anyone else today and proceeded to go downstairs, and I even looked at all the presents. No, I didn’t shake anyone to try figure out what was inside. But still, I sat down and looked at all the presents, and I felt like such a kid. It’s still snowing outside, meaning it most definitely will be snow for Christmas (if I jinxed the whole thing now, I’m sorry). And I’m so grateful for it, because I didn’t have any snow last year. Only a storm. Right now we are about to eat some breakfast and go to the mall. But everyone are being lazy and lying at the couch, which isn’t the best thing considering I also have a concert to attend.

I do realize that I’ve not written anything about One Direction lately, in which some of you may feel relieved. But yesterday one of the Norwegian television channels broadcasted the Up All Night live dvd. Obviously I recorded it, and then my older sister said: “oh hey, aren’t they those guys you like?”. Do bear in mind that no one other than my younger sister in my family knows about my obsession with One Direction. So, I was a bit taken aback, and I tried to remember if I’d ever mentioned them to my older sister. And when she saw my facial expression, she proceeded: “I saw the poster in your room”. And I was like oh, right. And then during their cover of Use Somebody, my older sister and brother said something similar like “well, that wasn’t very well”, and changed the channel. And I was like, what? That was in the middle of Niall’s solo, thank you very much. My very considerate sister then said: “Well, that song wasn’t so good, but they are probably good otherwise”, just to please me. And I was like please, don’t talk to me, not bothering to look their way. No, I’m joking. To be honest, I just laughed. And to be fair, I don’t think they justify the song either. Also, thank god for Harry's sister. She is awesome, and the twitpic must be an evidence for that. 

I’ll leave you with my indie playlist for the moment. Even if it is Christmas, and I should probably be listening to Christmas songs. Oh well. The order has no relevance. 

1 Featherstone by The Paper Kites

2 Home by Mumford & Sons

3 The Dreamer by The Tallest Man On Earth

4 Nothing Like You and I by The Perishers

5 Copper Down by The Boy Who Trapped The Sun

6 Bloom by The Paper Kites

7 Eyes Closed by The Narrative

8 Open Season by High Highs

9 Landfill by Daughter

10 Love by Daughter

11 Youth by Daughter 

life is full of interruptions and complications

I’ve just finished watching Love Actually. And it made me feel quite old, and surprised that DVD’s weren’t around in 2003. Also, I couldn’t help notice that Colin Firth (Mr. Darcy) had yet another love declaration in this movie. Although, I should probably not be too surprised considering it’s a movie about love. Today was another day spent doing Christmas shopping, although this time, I went by myself. And it isn’t until now that I’ve written those words, that I’ve realised how sad it sounds. But to be perfectly honest, I do prefer doing Christmas shopping by myself, because I get more things done then.

I went to Ikea. And I took the bus I used to take all the time to school for the past three years. And it was really amusing, and I cannot believe it's actually been almost a half year since I've taken that bus. After buying what I wanted and needed at Ikea, I went to the bus stop. And as I was waiting for the bus home, a family friend passed and he drove me to the mall, which was really nice of him. Speaking of meeting acquainted people, I just told my friend the other day that I find those situations really awkward. Especially when it’s someone you don’t really know, but know (does this even make any sense??). But then I think I’m just a really awkward person in general. And that I shouldn’t be put in situations like that. However, this person whom I got a lift off today is really nice and non-awkward to talk with. Might have something with the fact that he does speak Norwegian and not Chinese. After walking around the mall for an hour or so, I went home. Oh, and I also happened to be carrying one of my Christmas presents around at the mall, and it was visible for everyone. And what proceeds to happen? The person the gift is meant for walks by. It looked very much like this person saw me, but then again they walked pass me. So, I can’t be sure. Anyhow, I came home and wrapped the presents. And then I was lazy and sat in the chair, when I was supposed to go and deliver Christmas presents. Oh well, it is Christmas vacation, and I am supposed to relax. Yesterday evening I tried catching up with all the Youtube videos I’ve missed. But I was too tired (because I am getting older, though I am “forever young”), and decided to let sleep swallow me. Also, as I am writing this, my sister told me not to go downstairs, at which I responded “why, are they wrapping presents for me?”. She responded with a shrug and mumbled something about a transfer. What does that even mean? God, I’m starting to get curious, and it feels like I’m a kid again.

Tomorrow I’m going to a concert, which in hindsight I think now wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. I do feel awfully bad about not spending time with my siblings when they are here. And I guess to someone that might sound a bit odd, seeing as it's just for some hours. But to me, family is a great matter. And I am forever thankful for each of my family members. And life is short, and I rarely see my siblings, so I do try to spend as much time as possible with them. Even if it's just sitting in the living room, watching some awful TV-show because your sister likes it. Also, since it was peer pressure that got me into attending this concert (or just guilt, because I tend to say no to everything my friends suggests), I feel like it was a bad decision. Because doing things because of peer pressure is a big no no. At least for me, it is. I will however not regret it. Because spending time with friends is also one of the most precious things in life. And yes, I do realise I sound really soppy, but it is true. Laughter and smiles and good memories. Surely you can't ever regret decisions that leaves you with those kinds of consequences. Also, I am a firm believer in not regretting a decision when it made you happy the moment you made it. This Christmas seems even busier than last year, which is really surprising, considering last year was a hassle. 

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas

Hi, hello, hiya. My sister also says hi for reasons unknown. I just wanted to stop by before the world is supposed to end. Also, I just wanted to stop by because I've neglected my blog. After my final exam, “Christmas” was officially on. Meaning – putting up the Christmas tree and decorate it, buy Christmas presents, and squeeze in hanging with as many people in the shortest amount of time. I decorated the tree on Tuesday after my exam, though I was knackered. I think I did quite a good job, and my sister did compliment it. The next day I went Christmas shopping with my lovely friend who is home for Christmas, and then I met up with my other friend and we continued shopping. I went about six hours with my wedges, which my feet weren't too happy about. Then I slept over at my best friend, came home at 2:30 pm. Showered, packed, ate. And then I was out of the house at 3:52. Ran to the bus that was supposed to be there at 3:56. Managed to be at the bus stop at 3:57. Turns out the bus was late, and I thought I was going to be late for the Christmas workshop at my friend’s house. Turns out I was the first to arrive. I was there until 8:00 pm. And then I went home, cleaned, made the beds. And then my siblings arrived at 10:20 pm. Then we ate while catching up. And then I've just finished wrapping a few Christmas presents now. And yeah, I think I've managed to squeeze in quite a lot the last three days. God, I haven’t even been on my computer for a day. And it feels like ages. Oh, and if we do die .. in one minute. I’ll have you know that this has been a good ride. Thank you. 

Enthusiasm. I think that’s the way to go. It doesn’t matter if you’re not good at something. All that matters is whether you love it or not. And if you love it, it shouldn’t matter if you suck. So, yes, as long as the enthusiasm is there, I don’t think you can go wrong. I guess some people think it’s naïve to think like that. And maybe they are right, but if they call believing in happiness naïve, then who cares? I am pretty worn out, and to be completely honest I don’t think my exam tomorrow will go down very good. I can already see it, me stressing with a pencil in hand, trying to avoid writing incoherent sentences. And I’ll gnaw my lip in irritation that I’ve not read enough. That I’ve not managed to read the nearly five books that was on the curriculum for this exam. Because hell, I’ve probably read loads of books if you add up all the fiction I’ve read since summer ended. But still, it’s nearly five books. And it is much. And how the people have come to conclusion that yes, we should just put five different subjects together in one exam, I cannot phantom. You know, I’ve mentioned earlier that Youth by Daughter is my favorite sad song. And now I’ve just realised that everything by Daughter are my favorite sad songs. Landfill and Love especially. Just because she somehow manage to put so many emotions into a song, and they are just so sad, and it just feels like something in my gut wrenching. Like, if I listen closely and hear.

On a happier note (oh god, I did try starting of this blogpost being positive with the enthusiasm thing, and I do mean it), Niall have just been “twitterraped” (is that even a thing?) by Louis and his new mischievous partner in crime, Liam. In which they wrote: “I just shit myself ..”. And merely 15 minutes later Niall tweeted thanks to Liam and Louis for writing that, and he also tagged the wrong Louis. But it makes it all the better, almost as it was intentional just to piss off Louis by not giving him praise for his “crime”. I also like how the fans decided that it would be good to trend #NiallYouArePerfectForUs worldwide after that. Not to mention that it’s the number one TT as I am speaking. And obviously, as that does resemble Harry’s line in Little Things, I’m just going to imagine that it was originally Harry who tweeted it (although that is completely false because I don’t think Harry would be serenading Niall with love tunes describing how Niall have to squeeze into his jeans, because that is definitely not true. Oh, and also the fact that Harry is very much in puppy love with Taylor Swift). I also wrote my first Ziall (Zayn and Niall) fiction the other day. It was quite weird, but I thought there were too little of Ziall fiction, so yeah. Although to be honest, it was more of a fiction to voice my own opinions. So maybe I’ll just post it along this depressive theme I’ve got going on at the moment. 

all I want for christmas is you

I really really want a Christmas jumper. Like, it’s probably on the top of my wish list. And it didn’t help to see the One Direction lads all dressed up in Christmas jumpers either. I guess I’ll ask my brother to get me one, if he isn't too lazy and only gives me money. The thing is, I don’t think Christmas jumpers are too popular here in Norway, like they are in the UK. At least it’s what I've come to a conclusion with, after watching all the British vloggers. I can just imagine Primark stocked with woolly Christmas jumpers. Anyhow, when I went to brush my teeth yesterday, I had to look out of the window as usual. And what do I see? A deer! Now, I've had a discussion with my sister about if they really are deer. Because I’m really unsure, and I had expected my sister to know, seeing as she watches animal documentaries on her spare time. However, she didn't. Anyways, with my mouth filled with mouthwash, I ran to my sister’s room and signalized her to come with my hands. Bear in mind that it was about 2:00 am at this time, so the picture is really dark. At first it was only one, and it was in our garden. But then out of nowhere, three deer ran further into our garden because they were afraid of the cars driving past our house. And we were like chanting oh my god, oh my god. And then I saw one of them jump over the fence to our neighbor, and oh my god. It’s the most fascinating thing ever. It’s like they are flying, rather than jumping. I did actually film a bit, and we pretended to be an animal documentary with commentary in the background. It was very amusing, and at the end of it, when all the deer were out of sight, my sister said “well, this was great bonding, thank you”. And then we said our goodnight's and parted our ways. 

Today I have nearly given up studying for my exam. Not because I find it too hard, but just because I’m so tired of it. I’d rather continue reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream. And go Christmas shopping, wrap Christmas gifts, and make Christmas cards. I want to be jolly! I can’t wait for my siblings to come home for Christmas. Except my eldest sister will not come, and I feel slightly bad for her. Because we were all at her place for Christmas last year, and it was really lovely with exception of the lack of snow. Oh, and the storm, which was quite frightening. And I asked her what she wanted for Christmas this year, and she answered that she wished for us to come visit her. And when I proceeded asking her if she wanted something I could actually wrap, she answered that I could just wrap myself. And then I obviously had to think of Cindy Lou Who wrapped up in Christmas paper (The Grinch), and I was actually seriously considering it. However, I figured it would be a waste of paper and only do the nature more harm. But now I've no idea what to give her because she is so stubborn. I also have to think of the fact that I made personalized Christmas decorations for the tree last year, with a picture of each person. Oh my god, I almost forgot about that. And they are probably expecting a new creative thing this year. Someone, please give me a brilliant idea.

did she make your heart beat faster than I could

I would just like you to know that I've gone a bit delirious. Maybe it’s the amount of chocolate. I don’t quite know. But my sister has opened my eyes for Tumblr dashboard designs. I didn't even know they existed, and after scrolling down and looking at my options for what seems like ages, I've chosen a really simple design. It’s black and white. But on the right side of the dashboard, you have a Niall peeking through. And my “home” button happens to be Niall's head. After seeing my dashboard filled with One Direction dolls, I thought maybe I should wish for a Niall doll. And then I read a fiction about One Direction being apples. So yeah, I might have gone a bit delirious. But look, the lads in Christmas sweaters and skiing gear on. This is a clip from their upcoming music video for Kiss You. And I swear, it's going to be hilarious. There is another clip of them in swim trunks (yes, showing off their non-existent six-packs - except Liam who actually is an owner of a six-pack) on surfing boards. In which Zayn is pouting, Niall looks like an excited child on Christmas eve, and Liam looks nonchalant as ever. Oh, and Zayn is wearing floaters. I mean, how can you not love them? 

I want you so much, but I hate your guts

I am wallowing in my somewhat self-inflicted sadness. And ever since I first heart Youth by Daughter, I’ve always gone back to it whenever I feel sad. And no other songs have yet to replace it. Unrequited love is some of the most saddening things I read these days and I’ve only just started reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Shakespeare, and I’m already intrigued. I am well aware that I should be studying for my next exam, rather than reading Shakespeare. It’s an itch in my skin, always reminding me that I should be reading about different blood cells and whatnot. But I am so tired. Both mentally and physically. And all I want is to hibernate, and hide from the world for a bit. I am still very much pissed at the world, and I also feel guilty every time I feel happy, and every time everyone else is happy. And I feel this wave of affection whenever I see something related to the Connecticut shooting. But then it aches, and I’d much rather stay oblivious to all the evil in this world. So I stray away, I flinch every time I see anything related to the shooting and make it go away. Maybe it’s because of the distant memories of what happened here for not long ago – maybe it’s ripping all the wounds open again for it to bleed. I am also a bit mad that there are not Twitter trending topics related to the Connecticut shooting. Because how dare the world move on just like that? Why are you not wallowing in sadness too? This is why I probably should never read the news, and just stay oblivious to everything. Things take a toll on me probably way more than others. And things become personal to me so fast, and then I’m there praying so hard and wishing that all the pain could go away. And I feel like a little naïve child wishing for something impossible. I keep thinking about life, and then the existential questions pop into my head. I don’t question why I live or what the reason with life is. I question the reason for human race. Why are we here, slowly killing the earth and each other? Are we a self-destructing love tragedy? I sometimes think so. Damn it, Shakespeare should have been alive and written a heart wrenching tragedy about this. 

I'm sorry. I am being very depressing lately, a consequence of being swallowed in books and papers, trying to fit everything into my memory. Also, because of the tragedy. And just because I can be really depressing sometimes. But hey, look. I decided on painting the Christmas cards I make a while ago. And I think they turned out quite cute. Right now I'm going downstairs in order to watch Home Alone 2. Because I really think I need to cheer up, and get out of this depressing mode I'm currently in. It seems like even my mum and sister noticed it. But then again, maybe it was the dried tear stains that made them notice. Alrighty, I'll fetch my chocolate and tea then. And then I'm going to be happy. 

I've lost it all, I'm just a silouhette. A lifeless face that you'll soon forget

Sometimes I hate the world. Not the earth, not the nature. But human race. Sure, I should probably lay off the word hate, because it is a strong word, and I don’t actually mean it. But in rage and utter distress, I cannot help it. I don’t usually watch the news, nor do I read news. In some ways this is my way of keeping faith in people. Because the news are painted with bad news, only leaving a tiny spot for the good news. Twitter, however, is a way of letting me know about what’s going on around the world. And today, I was utterly shocked and aghast at what I was met with. There was a shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut, leaving 27 people dead. In which 18 were children. I read this whilst watching Home Alone. And then I almost felt a bit angry, you know, that they were showing this movie when there were so many killed today during this shooting. This was against all logic, seeing as it was a Norwegian television channel. And they are definitely doing something about this case on the news channel. However, I just couldn't help feeling bad almost. Because I was sitting there in my living room, safe and sound, with the knowledge that my family members are okay. And whenever I laughed during the movie, I stopped abruptly, just because it felt wrong to laugh. It’s like a guilt washes over me whenever I feel happy. And when “Kevin” is reunited with his family at the ending of Home Alone, I couldn't help feeling really sad. Thinking that the families that have lost members cannot do that. And it’s so close to Christmas, when everything is supposed to be happy and jolly. And I just cannot phantom why the world has to be such a shitty place.

I'm just a dreamer but I'm hanging on, though I am nothing big to offer. I watch the birds, how they dive in then gone, it's like nothing in this world's ever still, and I'm just a shadow of your thoughts in me. But sun is setting, shadows growing, a long cast figure will turn into night. It's like nothing in this world ever sleeps.

Can I cry? I'm still working on my paper, and I'm not going to bed for another two hours, in which I need to finish a lot of work and have a shower. And my favorite Youtube couple is engaged, and I can't even let myself watch their videos about it. Because that will take time. And now I'm on that side of Youtube where you can find loads of beautiful indie-music, and all the top comments are similar to: "im on the right side of yutube music, seriously" or "It is not a youtube channel. It is the corner of youtube you are in right now. Just continue clicking on videos in your sidebar.... but be careful you could get lost for hours.... :)". Oh, indie-music have the best lyrics. Honestly. Go listen to The Tallest Man On Earth, The Paper Kites, Cults, The Perishers, The Boy Who Trapped The Sun. Actually, just go listen to everything and get lost in a river of lovely undiscovered songs. The title of this blogpost are lyrics from The Dreamer by The Tallest Man On Earth. I feel like I'm suffocating beneath books and paper. And I'm so so tired, and just want to hibernate. Instead I've got to study for the next exam once I'm done with this.

if you ever love somebody, you've got to keep them close

I saw this Tumblr blog dedicated to One Direction, and she wrote: "I write stuff and have opinions and cry over the boys while drunk" in her description, and obviously I though that sounded like a great idea. Except the fact that I don't really drink alcohol, and if there was anything I'd like to drink, it's wine. However, I don't like wine, and it looks like I have to swallow a pill (I hate taking pills because I'm afraid I'll choke) whenever I take a sip. I had a discussion about wine with my soon-to-be brother-in-law's sister last new year. And I was like: "I wish I liked it, because I feel like it's really sophisticated". And she - 15 years (or more) older than me - agreed. (She is my favorite sister in my soon-to-be brother-in-law's family). I have however come to the conclusion that you have to get used to the taste, just like tea. I used to hate tea, but after a long period of trying to drown my coughing with tea, I've learned to love it. But I guess you can't really walk around with a glass of wine like you can with a cup of tea. Imagine, me sitting at a lecture about the endocrine system, sipping wine. I'm pretty sure the lecturer once specifically told us not to do that. Well, this escalated quickly. I am currently very tired, and my eyelids are heavy. Thing is though, I have exactly 24 hours and 19 minutes before my exam is due, and I really want to sob hysterically in the corner of my room. But that would take time, and I don't have time for that.

The reason for my tiredness was my lack of interest of going to bed last night. However, Tumblr was shut down (alas my life was ruined too), and there is just so much stalking you can do on the Twitters, so I did eventually go to bed. Except I was standing in the hall, brushing my teeth and looking out the window. I always have this urge to look out of the window in fright that the snow has melted. I did however, not expect to see a deer. At first glance I thought it was a man - at which I freaked out - but my brain quickly figured out that it was a deer. And so I just stood there with my toothbrush in my mouth, staring at a deer through the window at 2:00 am. It's not like I've never seen one. On the contrary actually, we have deer in our garden quite often - much to my mums dismay (they tend to eat her tulips and kindly leave traces of themselves if you know what I mean). I do however never actually see them in action in my garden, except once this summer when I was startled by a creature looking at me with wary eyes. And here's the thing - I'm afraid of hedgehogs, so obviously I was startled by the deer. But also intrigued because it was chilling in my garden, just lying down. It wasn't even eating anything. Yesterday however, the deer I spotted was looking for something edible in my neighbors garden. And then I saw what fascinated me most - it jumped over the fence. And it's not like the fence is small, it's actually quite tall. Nevertheless it jumped over with ease. And then it kind of stopped and looked back, almost like it was staring in my direction in a mockery tone. Because I'll never be able to jump over the fence with such ease and elegance. But then it just ran away - off to the wild, well, another garden I guess.

Well, hello, and I am complaining about time, and then I write this rant about wine and deer? The worst part is that I could probably keep going for so so much longer. Christ, alright I'm going now. Except, I'll have you know that I don't post videos for nothing. This song is really lovely, and once I'm finished with my exams and manage to find time, I'll draw lyrics from this song. Also, I can't put my finger on which artists O'Shaughnessy's tune reminds me of. And bloody hell, he is Irish. Course he is, who isn't these days?

12.12.12

"You may have high hopes about accomplishing a lot today, but unrealistic work goals could set you up for discouragement as the visionary Sagittarius New Moon lands in your 6th House of Employment. Scaling back makes sense, since biting off more than you can chew won't necessarily make you any more productive. Breaking your tasks down into little steps enables you to rise above your current tendency to promise too much". This is my horoscope for tomorrow, which is great. Yeah, the day before my exam is due and it basically says I will not be able to accomplish my goals for tomorrow. How lovely. Anyhow, I am pulling my hair in distress, because I cannot understand how to structure this damned paper. And there is just so much time I can go around an pull my hair, before I need to finish the paper. 3000 words. If I can write 16k words in a fiction, surely I can pull off 3000 words for this paper. I find it highly ironic that I am writing about tiredness and fatigue. It's me in a nutshell. Well, not entirely. Oh and today is the last day in my lifetime and lots of other people, that we'll have a date like this; 12.12.12. But I guess it's okay, seeing as doomsday is nearly here. I thought it was today, but my sister corrected me, saying it was December 21st, and my response was something like: "Oh, so I won't be able to attend the SHM concert then. Cool". Now if you'll excuse me, I really have to go back to writing about fatigue.

your hands fits in mine like it's made for you

Reasons why I love Narry
1 They have synchronized dance moves like this, this, this and this
2 They serenade each other like above or like this, this or this
3 They hold hands like above and this
4 They have the best hugs and cuddles and more hugs
5 They tweet each other weird things nobody can understand but themselves
6 Harry is a hipster and instagram pictures of Niall quite frequently
7 And Harry just really stares at Niall a lot like he is the greatest thing ever and sometimes he licks his lips too
8 And Harry gives Niall piggy rides
9 And they do weird (or cute) shit like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this and this oh and this, yes definitely this
10 And they have these secretive glances, like they can speak without actually speaking
11 And their so called whispers look like intimate moments and I feel like I'm intruding 
12 And their need to be touchy feely  like all the time, it's endearing really 

Since when did my blog turn into Tumblr? Yeah, I just had to get it out there why I love Niall and Harry. I just feel like they are best friends and they are so different yet so similar. And they are so supportive of each other, and tell each other everything. It's not like I actually believe they ever will be together, and if they ever end up in a church together it's because they are each others best men at their weddings. And they'll smirk at each other knowingly in their tuxedos looking all smart and give a loving punch to the others arm. To be truthful I kind of love every bromance within the band, and just everyone together. And they are all very touchy-feely, and their whispers looks like the most intimate thing ever, I'll even link a post about it. And everyone sometimes have synchronized dance moves and serenade each other and gives hugs and kisses. And it's all so very fluffy. And sweet like eating candy cotton.

in a bullet-proof vest with the windows all closed

First off, I realised I've got until Friday for my exam. I really thought it was due on Thursday, so I was stressing throughout today. And I told my sister in glee, and she only replied "ah, you shouldn't have found out". And she is right, now I might procrastinate even more. Second, there is something fishy and loads of drama going on with Maker Studios right now (Youtube stuff, I'd suggest you just skip this part). And the only reason why I care about it, is because of Shay Carl who I've been a fan of for a really long time. Although I don't actually watch any of his videos these days, I've always been fond of him as a person. But I've got to say that this is really fishy, and it has made my faith in people bristle a bit. But only a bit, because there are always two sides to a story (or more). And so I'll just wait for everything to be explained. I guess this is why I am glad I only watch British Youtubers at the moment (exception; I do watch one American and a South-African). It's not that much drama. I realise this is very vague, but I can't be bothered to actually make a post about the whole thing, so if you are intrigued, you'll have to do your own research. Third, I want everyone to go listen to See You Soon by Coldplay. Preferably live, because they are awesome. Fourth, you should also go listen to James Arthur winning single - his cover of Impossible by Shontelle. Just because James Arthur is really really great, and he just generally makes every song he covers his. I suppose that's why they are so good too - well, that and his incredible voice. I'm so glad he won X Factor, because I am very skeptical to any talent show on TV. Just because I don't necessarily always think they go for talent, rather just looks and things that sell. And that is really sad, because that sparks the question; what has the world come to. Anyways, I cannot wait for him to record an album. Unless he's gone completely bonkers, I'll probably purchase it. Fifth, these are two of the Christmas ornaments I picked up the other day. Aren't they lovely?

In your head they're still fighting, with their tanks and their bombs, and their bombs and their guns. In your head, in your head, they are dying

Click. You look at the watch, inhale, exhale. Okay, this is good. You've got plenty of time, no worries. Click. Oh, it’s already been an hour, oh okay. "You've still got time" is a mantra in your head. And then you look at the watch again. Oh, eight hours has passed since you looked at the watch for the first time. Great, yes, fistpump. Gold medal to you for procrastination. 

This is me, eight hours after the exam was dispensed. I have literally done nothing. And it’s only me to blame. Give me three days and I’ll procrastinate most of those hours, and obviously it's only logic to finish my exam in a hurry in order to make the due date. I don't know what it is, but it's a routine of mine - you know the whole procrastinate til' you've got as little time as possible to finish your paper. And in a bit the stress will kick in, and I’ll start working in the night. I guess that’s when I do the most too. When I am most efficient. But it's alright. Thing is, unless I die, I will deliver my finished paper in time for the due date. The problem is whether that paper is good. Or just full of rubbish. 3000 words of rubbish, that is. I guess I'll just have to wait. Now I'm going to finish watching Youtube videos and then I'm going to start on the paper. I hope I can write the first draft of my paper within I've gone to bed tonight. I hope. By the way, the title of this song is Zombie by The Cranberries. It is awesome; it's in an Irish accent, and the song is a protest song with a lot of meaning behind it. You should give it a go!

now that you can't have me, you suddenly want me

Hiya! I swear, my legs are dead from walking around the mall for five hours. But I guess that might be because of the lack of exercise. You know, if I didn't go to school, I suspect I would be hibernating like a bear. Like, literally sleeping all day. Eating too, though. I bought a few Christmas presents, but also a lot of crap for myself. I never plan on it, but every time I buy tampons (yes, I feel so utterly comfortable with this blog, that I am going to talk about buying tampons), I also end up buying chocolate. And then I feel like I'm in a Bridget Jones movie, and then I think why not throw in a bucket of ice cream too, yeah? And then don't look them in the eyes is a mantra played in my head while standing at the check-out, because you don't want the cashier to judge you either. But the thing is, that I was going to buy tampons, and then by the check-out there was a deal on my favorite chocolate. And then obviously I had to get chocolate too. Because, well, when do you not need chocolate? I'm off to sleep in a few hours. I should probably go to bed soon considering my exam tomorrow. But I've got so much I want to read and so many Vlogmas' I need to catch up on. I am also currently stalking Harry Styles' twitter, because I'm that cool. (I'm also stalking Niall Horan's twitter, but he tweets so damn much - mostly about food and sleeping - that it's hard to scroll through everything). And look at the picture - aren't they the cutest? Oh my god, imagine them as puppies. Oh wow, that would be so cool. I feel like they would be the coolest bestfriends ever. Sorry current best friends, but if One Direction comes along you might get switched out. Each one is so completely different, but they are so good together. Sometimes I forget that they actually are a manufactured band. Like, I can't understand how people still feel the need to ask: are you really friends?

My demise, I just can't help it. It's suicide looking in your pale blue eyes

This is my new thing. The "aunt may is that an angel" tag, that is. Posting blogposts at 03:00
am however, will not become a new thing. Can I please run my hands through your hair, Nialler?
The title of this blogpost are the perfect lyrics for Niall, and happens to be my favorite song at
the moment. It's called Sand In Your Shoes by This Providence.


"Summer skies and warm colored sunsets
And a sunrise sneaking through my blinds
My demise, I just can't help it
It's suicide, looking in your pale blue eyes"

You know I'm not one to break promises. I don't want to hurt you, but I need to breathe. At the end of it all, you're still my best friend

I am ridiculously excited for tomorrow. I just really want to go Christmas shopping and pick out a special ornament. It’s become my new tradition; to pick out something special each year. I feel like I maybe should be slightly concerned about my exam on Monday, but thus far I’ve got no nerves. I woke up quite early today seeing as I went to bed quite late yesterday. I went to bed a bit later than I had planned, and therefore my tummy was quite hungry. So instead of going to bed at 3:00 am., I slipped downstairs and ate whilst watching our Christmas star hanging in the window. And I also happened to scare the hell out of my sister when I walked upstairs and she spotted me in the dark with her toothbrush in her mouth. I was wearing nothing but underwear and an One Direction tank-top only, so bear in mind – that could have also been a reason for her fright. When I woke up, I immediately started reading anatomy, and that’s about everything I’ve done until now – well, that and making a few Christmas cards too. So I’ll give myself a clap on the shoulder, because it’s not every day I’ve managed to stay away from the computer. Before I go, I’d love to recommend everyone to listen to this cover of Too Close (Alex Clare). Because it is really fantastic. Oh, and maybe listen to his band too, because they are very very good as well.