When you said your last goodbye, I died a little bit inside. I lay in tears in bed all night, alone without you by my side

I'm currently watching the match between England and Uruguay, and I'm unsure of which team to cheer on. I don't usually watch football, and my sister just asked me "are you really watching football?". And then she asked me why. I said it's because of my belieber friend. It's because watching football makes me feel like she's beside me. Or in my head, because I'm having an inner monologue with "the belieber friend in my head". But I think I'm actually cheering for Uruguay, because I think they are playing better than England, but then again I know about nothing about football. Whilst watching the match between Italy and England I didn't cheer for England either. Anyway, I won't be able to see the whole game, because I need to go get some sleep. Yesterday I went to the cinema to watch The Fault In Your Stars, and I've not watched anything that has to do with the movie because I didn't want to have any expectations. And I was really surprised, because I thought it would be more Hollywood-y, and there was something different with the camera lens, I think. Because at the beginning it looked a bit more like the kind of lens they use when they shoot a documentary. I was surprised by how much of the book that was actually in the movie. I think it was a really great adaptation, and I don't think it could have been better. The thing is, you never realise how much of a cliché a book can be, before you see it in action. There were some major cringe worthy scenes in TFIOS, but it sort of made me realise that it's how life is as well. Goodness, halfway through the movie I could hear sniffles in the room, and I cried so much. It was like an never ending stream of tears from one of the sad scenes, to the end. If you don't cry during this movie, I don't understand you. The only thing with the movie that I was a bit disappointed about was the use of music. There were some really good tunes on the soundtrack for the movie, but I think they either cut the songs very strangely, or used parts of the songs in a bad way. One of my absolute favourite songs, All I Want by Kodaline, was one of the songs on the soundtrack. And it wasn't until I saw the movie that I realised how well the song suited the movie/book. But yes, because I watched the movie so late yesterday (with Marble, if I've not actually mentioned her), I got home late. And then I got very little sleep, which isn't the greatest base for the first day of my summer job. So I'm probably going to go to bed now. Hopefully I'll be a lot more awake tomorrow, because today I almost fell asleep, ha. 

your lipstick stain is a work of art

Hiya earthlings! I woke up a bit groggy and miserable today, which lead me to have a proper writing session when I arrived at school. That's until Sally interrupted my calm with her appearance. We had a "praksis" group meeting today, and I think we were all a bit tired, because we were all quite giggly. Somehow Sally managed to bang her head into someone's computer, and it was absolutely hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing for one minute-- the kind of where it's completely silent because you're just gasping. Then one started giggling of herself, which caused Sally to laugh, which caused the rest to laugh. At noon, Sally and I finished writing our pieces together for the paper, so we both left. I could have sat there for longer to work on other things, but I was just so bloody tired. And the air was thick, and I figured I wouldn't get anything done if I'd sit in that room. It seems like everyone's going away now; Sally, Kiwi and my mum. My mum is going to California due to an ill family member, and she'll be gone for nearly two weeks. I'm quite excited to see if I'll survive without my mums cooking, ha. When I got home today, I actually decided to enjoy the weather, unlike the past few days. I nearly fell asleep in the sun before my mum came to alert me that dinner was ready. And I'd just read about mermaids and folklore, so I had a few weird images in my head, before I startled back to reality at my mums words. Before I even went outside, I gave Monchita three boxes of beans for her birthday. She's 17 today, which I told her is a really nice age. For some reason I loved being 17, but she just shrugged. And when I asked her yesterday what she wanted for her birthday, she answered "beans". So that's that. I didn't exercise once for the whole time I was at Lynx's, and we ate at restaurants and cafes on a regular basis (a lot of cake, yum). So I'm trying to get back into my regular routines, and hopefully I've filled up my need of cake for a while. People around me might recognise my habit of gasping now and then. I did so too, when I was sat in the sofa at Lynx and Grepper's. And everyone was like "what?". I just grinned down at my Twitter app on my phone, and said "nothing" to the others. It appears that Kodaline and Ed Sheeran have tracks on the movie for The Fault In Our Stars. That makes me beyond happy, because they're both two of my favourites. And it's one of my favourite books as well. Also, another thing that happened when I was at my sisters: I had the feeling of being an unappreciated hard-working stay-at-home-mum when I was babysitting David. And it happened after we watched the revue. Because everyone suddenly decided they wanted to go out clubbing/with their friends and leave me alone with a two year old who was stuffed with sweets and didn't want to go to bed. I let him stay up for a bit and get the extra energy out of his system until I saw he was about to fall asleep. I spent 45 minutes on putting him to bed; reading him two books, stroking his cheek, pretending to sleep beside him, etc. But he wouldn't fall asleep before I'd changed his diaper and put him to bed again. This time however, I just said night to him and closed the door. And he cried for two minutes before he went silent and fell asleep. Oh the relief! Then I watched Gravity, before I started on Cloud Atlas as well. But I only watched an hour of it, because it was suddenly 1:00 am, and I wanted to go to bed. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, before I sent off a text to Lynx, updating her about David. And the last thing I wrote was: "I'm going to bed now, hope you have keys". She obviously didn't see this text, because she managed to forget her phone somewhere. After dropping off to sleep, I was awoken by the door bell at 3:00 am. My phone was buzzing from where it was placed between the sofa cushions. And I could hear their voices outside the door. This is when the feeling of being an unappreciated hard-working stay-at-home-mum appeared. I was too tired to be bothered with throwing anything on, so I sleepily went to the door in my white T-shirt which was probably a bit see through and half my bum on show-- to let the people inside. Idiots, I grumbled to myself. I could hear it the moment they spotted me and stopped ringing the door bell. "Oh, look there she is! Grepper you can come back, she's awake!". I was told later on that Grepper had planned to go knock on my window to wake me up. Anyway, I let the drunken people inside and went off to sleep again. It was a completely exaggerated feeling on my side, that I felt like an unappreciated stay at home mum, but it gave me a little glimpse of things I'd not like to experience much of in the future. I'm going to bed now, because I want to wake up and listen to Grimmy, yay! Night xx. 

you're a good girl and you know it

The MTV VMA's was on the telly last night, so my sister and I decided to watch it. And seriously, I don't understand why they didn't have a host? Except for the performances, the show was terribly boring. Also, I tried listening for when One Direction gets booed? But I couldn't hear anything. The most hilarious moment was when my dad came home and sat down to watch it with us, and then the camera pan over to Harry Styles whilst Drake is performing. And my dad went "who is that guy sitting there eating?", and obviously I get very excited when I get the chance to speak about One Direction. So I said "oh, you mean the guy that's bopping his head along to the music whilst he's eating an orange?". My dad went: "Yes?", and I answered calmly "oh, that's just Harry Styles, dad". After watching the show, I ran upstairs to watch the livestream from the New York premiere of This Is Us. When the lads arrived in their cars, the camera was filming them, but it wasn't zoomed in, so the "hosts" of the livestream were like "is that them?". Harry and Lou Teasdale (their hairdresser) were outside the car, and I was like chanting "yes, it's them! can't you see them?". Because obviously the "hosts" could hear me from where I was sat in my bedroom at 1:00 am. There were rather interesting interviews, and they were on the black carpet for ages before they actually went inside, so I reckon there will be tons of interviews coming out. From what I've seen in the interviews and whatnot, it almost feels like I've seen everything in the movie now. Like there will be no surprise left, and that saddens me a bit. But I've chosen to watch the interviews on my own accord, so what can you do? Bah it feels like ages until I can finally watch the film. On a happier note, The Fault In Our Stars is going to be a movie, and they just started filming it yesterday. I'm excited to see how the film turns out, as John Green is quite involved in the process of the film making. I'm just afraid I'll be disappointed, but that's quite inevitable-- because what I imagine in my head, will never be the exact same as someone will imagine. Anyway, I'm sort of really nervous today, because it's my first "proper" day in "praksis", and since I'm following my nursing supervisor's shift, I have the evening shift today. But that's not what I'm nervous about-- I'm nervous about meeting my nursing supervisor for the first time, I'm nervous about what to expect, because I've not got a clue of what I'm supposed to do. And J.D. wont be there either-- he had the morning shift. It would be fine if there were any other students there, but it's literally just me and J.D., but since we've got different nursing supervisors this time, we'll probably never see each other. Okay, slight exaggeration, but still. I know I'm being overly nervous, because in the end I'm not going to die. And I know that once I'm there, and I've met my supervisor, the nerves will probably fade away. It's just the not knowing what to expect that scares me. Hold On, We're Going Home by Drake is still my favorite jam at the moment (also Liam Payne's. *giggles*). It's just so chill and calming? Anyway, I've got to get going. I've not even had breakfast yet, and I've been awake since 10:00 am. See you tomorrow lovely people. 

We lie beneath the stars at night, our hands gripping each other tight. You keep my secrets hope to die. Promises, swear them to the sky

I've sort of already just adapted to summer vacation, forgotten about school and other important things. And I kind of remembered all of that that today when I woke up- like a reality check. Also, I no longer know how to write a birthday card- no, that's a lie. It's been this for a long time now. I think I should just do as regular people do; buy a card and write "happy birthday". Easy breezy. Oh well, I started my day with trying to finish my birthday card to Sugar, who turned 20 today! Happy birthday lovely. Well, wow, this suits really well; Oblivion by Bastille just began playing in my earbuds, and they sing "are you going to age with grace". After finishing drawing the card, which is another problem in itself, because I lack creativity- I basically just laid in the grass. Walking in the grass bare feet is a really unappreciated feeling. After lying there for awhile, I decided to get something to lie on and The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I've been meaning to re-read this book for awhile, just because it's basically amazing. Sometimes I read books or fan fictions, and they write breathtaking and/or funny sentences that makes me grin. I'm what? 50 pages in the book, and I'm already snorting with laughter and breathless already. Here's one of my favorites:

"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Augustus half smiled. "Because you're beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence".

I really love The Fault In Our Stars, and I really recommend it to everyone. Like- I think it's one of those books you can recommend to everyone. After reading a bit of TFIOS (name is so bloody long), I went for a run- which, wasn't exactly very good. A tip to my future self: listen to your gut. Also, don't go running in the burning sun. Tomorrow I'm going out to celebrate Sugar turning 20, and I'm going to wear heels and possibly break my legs. Sounds fun, yeah? Haha. Also, about the Our Moment perfume by One Direction; somebody made a masterpost on Tumblr named: Best reactions to the release of “Our Moment". It is hilarious, and one of the reasons why I love the One Direction fandom-- we've got such great banter. Alright, I sort of am not finished with the birthday card, so I have to resume to the work!

oh, hi, hello, goodbye

Hiiiii. The last few days have been exhausting. And to top it off, yesterday I sort of, kind of, puked. And though it was somewhat fascinating to be able to understand what mechanisms in the body is needed to puke, I was kind of disgusted. Because who likes the feeling of the stomach content be pushed out through your esophagus? Also, I think I sort of, kind of, infected all my family members too. So, to be honest, my day didn’t really start until 3:00 pm, when I finally got the courage to eat something. My stomach was begging me to eat something, whilst my brain was hopelessly trying to avoid it. And avoid any puking in the future. Also, my all my limbs feels weak, and I cannot lift a chair properly. Also, I feel a bit tired. Well, actually, really tired. And I woke up quite a few times last night, rolling around every thirty minutes or so. I did finish reading A Midsummer Night’s Dream by Shakespeare yesterday. Before getting ill and all. My younger sister’s response was something like – finally. Because it is quite short, and I’ve been “reading” it for quite a time now. Well, a week or so (I did start on it two weeks ago, but considering I had a few exams to study for, I forced myself to put it down). But considering my sister will read a novel in one day, it was too long for her. And well, I’ve just started reading another book now, and she’s moved on to her second book as well, which really is mine. She got it for me for Christmas, and then she proceeds reading it before me. Well, thank you. Oh well, I actually got everything I wished for this Christmas. I wished for Looking for Alaska by John Green (the book I'm currently reading), because it’s all over Tumblr all the time. Also, because I read The Fault In Our Stars by John Green, and because he also is a Youtuber. My sister told me it was sold out in every store, so she had to order it online. And apparently my eldest sisters said something like “oh course she wishes for the book that’s not even in the bookstores”. I also think our sisters think it’s a bit weird that I and my youngest sister wish for books. Because, well, the predictable wish would probably be something else these days. I didn't get that Christmas jumper. But that’s kind of because I never spoke of that wish before Christmas Eve. And then my sister said “I could have knitted you one though”. And I was like “but that takes sooo long time”. And she just kind of scoffed and replied “but it’ll be of quality”. And I couldn’t really argue with that. So now I’m thinking I might wish for it for next year, and avoid purchasing one now. Because, well, I can’t really go around with a Christmas jumper after Christmas, can I? I’m a bit sad Christmas is over, because that also means Vlogmas is over. And then it’s a bit like .. what am I supposed to do to fill this gap? But then I remember I have at least four books to read. My goal is three before the holidays are over. Just because Emma by Jane Austen is a bit trickier to read than the other three on my list, I think I’ll have to skip it for the moment. 

the fault in our stars

"Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid Support Group, Hazel's story is about to be completely rewritten."

I suppose I was a bit skeptical upon reading this book, as I've just started reading Inamorata, which I believe is excellently written. Therefore, I was afraid that perhaps The Fault In Our Stars would be poor in comparison. However, they are completely different in themes and genres. Plus, it did really please me. It was not just one of those sobby love stories. It is a novel written by a healthy man, who is married and have a kid. Nothing like the protagonist. So I spent much time wondering why on earth John Green chose Hazel as the protagonist. But mostly, I just wondered how the novel would end. It ended much like An Imperial Affliction - which I've now learned is a made-up book - with an open end. Except The Fault In Our Stars didn't actually stop in the middle of a sentence. John Green, the author, is also a very known Youtuber, which must be one of the reasons why I keep finding quotes from his work on Tumblr. Within twenty pages into the book, I realised that I had read at least three quotes from Tumblr. With very good rhetoric, John Green, managed to keep me busy reading. The novel is both funny and sad - which is just my type of thing. One second I was crying soft tears, the next I was laughing. Plus I find it slightly philosophical, which I also do enjoy. I would actually recommend everyone to read it. It is a novel that I find quite universal. And next, I might start reading Looking For Alaska by John Green as well. I've seen quite a few quotes from that novel too.