no one ever said it would be this hard, oh take me back to the start

I wish you could see my pout now. It's so sad. Apparently 1D World is opening in Oslo the 11th of May, and I'm absolutely broke. And I'm never going to meet One Direction. Nor do I want to, apparently, because I don't know what I'd say, and I think I'd just silently freak out and be completely still. And if they do come to Norway the 6th of May, I don't know how to walk around knowing that they are in the same country as me (within close distance). Also I realised I'd probably not be able to actually see them (in human flesh) at the concert, and rather have to manage to watch them on the screen due to our seats. I sometimes really wish I wasn't a fan of One Direction. My life would have been so much easier. (let me be sad and feel sorry for my self Conscience). I think I'm being a bit emotional, and if I start crying now, I'll have to slap myself. I went to the mall today in order to buy some proper hand lotion. Because my hands are seriously dry. Also, I walked inside the bookstore, and what do I find? The Mystery of Mercy Close by Marian Keyes. This is the second thing that makes me sad. Because I really want to read it. But I can't. Because I have that bloody exam in a few weeks, and I've not read through the whole curriculum, and everything is just so stupid. And I'm broke. And I'm tired. And I just .. I just want to go to sleep. And not have to worry about having to do something. I just want to stay curled up in bed all day. And do nothing at all, and not feel guilty about it.

Edit: I did cry. I did however not slap myself, because I'm going to live with my skin for the rest of my life. Plus, the skin is very important for so many reasons I'm not going to list. Apparently I'm so desperate for some relief, I've gone on Tumblr to get some advice. I just- I need to have a break.

no one ever said it would be this hard, take me back to the start

Do you ever feel so tired, it aches deep in your bones? When you wake up, and it's still dark. And you're supposed to get up and get dressed. But the duvet is so warm, and the floor is so cold. And your bare toes would much rather stay in the warmth, but commitment and life drags you out of the bed. And you hiss when your toes touches the cold floor. And your eyes water, and it feels like you have a headache. And honestly, you feel like crying for a moment or two. But then you carry on. So tired you could hit someone, but life goes on. And it's not stopping just because you do. Life isn't waiting for you. 

Hi. I've not slept very much this week. I've mostly been up late at nights, trying to finish my damn school work. But then I'm just exhausted from "work", and I just want to sleep. Especially last night - I kept nodding off (half asleep) whilst I was editing a paper. And today at the bus, I was exceptionally silent. Sure, I'm usually silent anyways. But I didn't bother greet J.D., except for a wave and a half-smile. You know that kind of smile that doesn't reach your eyes, and fade too quickly. And (I'm going to call this other student Carla. Yep, everyone is getting a name from Scrubs) I didn't really have a conversation with Carla either. Just had a nap, really. And then just didn't talk to her, or, actually - I didn't even look at her, or J.D. So I wasn't that surprised when she asked me if everything was okay later. And wow, I was actually almost nodding off whilst feeding a patient too. I've never been that tired. I'm currently alternating between listening to Disney music and Nat King Cole. And I'm going to grab something to eat, before I'll hopefully manage to finish my paper and another log. I'm crossing my fingers, because I really want to do nothing tomorrow. I want to stay in bed with my phone. Or a novel. Hey, maybe I should read an actual novel. Yeah. I'll do that - I think.