you've got a second chance, you could go home

Hiya. In my relief, I actually wrote something other than school related things yesterday. Especially since most of the time when I write, it's usually when it's 3:00 am. And I can't remember the last time I was awake after midnight. I've been up since approx 7:00 am, so it's half through my day already. My dad came barging in my bedroom yesterday at 11:00 pm. What's up with my parents barging in my bedroom? Jeez. Anyway, he said: "oh, you've gone to bed already?" "yes" "are you going to "praksis" tomorrow?" "no" "ok, well, it's mothersday tomorrow, are you going to make a cake" "sure". And that was our conversation, me with my head smashed into my pillow. At 7:30 am, I had my breakfast and finished reading a fan fiction I started on yesterday. And then I made brownies (which is why I stink chocolate), watched cross country skiing (who the bloody hell puts commercials in between the race??), and I gave my mum the card I made yesterday, which she seemed to really like. I've now cleaned my bedroom, and stupidly let myself start reading another fan fiction. And the problem with that, is that nowadays I only read long ones, and it's really hard to start reading one without finishing it. Blah. I must trust my willpower today. I am going to write on my paper today, and I think I might make myself a detailed schedule for each day this week. It's already Monday tomorrow, and it means I'll have to go back to "praksis" which sucks a bit. I'm really starting to look forward to get done with "praksis". It's been yet another hard period with loads of work. But then again, life is hard, innit? I seem to have adopted a scratch mark on my tummy. Either I must have had a violent dream, or I've just been careless and scraped myself on some kind of surface. I think it's slightly freaky, how I get these bruises and small scrapes, and I never know how. Like, I can't even feel the pain? Anyway, enough of these pondering thoughts. I ought to get some proper food in my tummy now, and then I'm seriously going to do school work. Promise. 

hell if I really mind, if it's who you are

It's stupid, because once I fall in love with a band, they've already toured over here. And I've missed the opportunity. The worst is when I don't realise they have a gig here, and the tickets are sold out before I know. That's a pain. I woke up today, a bit disorientated. Because for the first time in ages, it was bright in my bedroom when I woke up. For a minute there, I thought I'd slept in on a "praksis" day, but I finally got to my senses and realised it was the weekend. Either I didn't put on my alarm yesterday, or I must have turned it off and then proceeded to fallen asleep again without remembering. My alarm was originally set on 8:00 am, if I remembered setting it. But I woke up at 8:30 am, and I sat up to look out of the window where I could see the snow dripping off the branches of the tree in the sun (first picture). I really did think the snow would stop eventually, but the past days have proved me wrong. Anyway, before this I was startled awake at 5:45 am by my bladder, I suspect. Almost laughed as I stumbled through the hallway in the dark on my way to the loo. 5:45 am is when I usually wake up on a regular "praksis" day. My body really has adapted to the routine, and I hope I'll keep some of it once I'm done with this "praksis". There's something nice with having a routine, because it forces me into doing things before I have to go to bed, makes me plan my hours of the day. Anyway, I got up and had breakfast, before I watched cross country skiing. Wee, gold and bronze. That's good. I also helped Monchita cut/shave her hair. I should do some school work now. I should. Except I really want to read fan fiction instead, which I'm probably going to end up doing. But that's alright. I'll allow myself do that, actually. What's life if you're not going to indulge yourself with things you want to do? Oh, once I've actually been home for more things then to sleep, I remembered my craving for crisps and chocolate cookies. My goodness, they should be banned from the house. It's mothers-day tomorrow, and I'm trying to come up with something creative. But my creativeness has fallen short. I've fallen in love with a tune called Paper Knees by The Careful Ones. I think it's delightful. I think I'm going to eat now, enjoy a bit silent time before I do something productive. Have a lovely, lovely Saturday! 

can you hear me hopeless, louder than ever before

When I got home today, I had some food before I threw off my clothes and slumped into bed. My hair smells a bit like pizza, a consequence of trying to scrub an oven clean after having a pizza explosion. Well, maybe it's a bit exaggerating, but yes. Sally has abandoned me for a trip to New York, well, me and Allie. Except Allie isn't even in my floor, so I expect next week at "praksis" to be a slow one. I'll tell you one thing, and that is that I nearly cried because of how proud I was for my primary patient today. She's come such a long way, and I get this feeling of happiness threatening to burst out of my chest when I see her smile. I've had a good day in "praksis" today, if you can't already tell. Well, to be honest, the whole week has been pretty great. Wednesday, I had a half day shift, and then a night shift. I was barely home for about two hours before I had to get back to "praksis". To my surprise, I had a really lovely night. It was so relaxing, and there was a whole other atmosphere. Sweet Sally drove me home because she was driving in my direction anyway. Immediately removed any make up left on my face, brushed my teeth and dove into bed. Because on Thursday, I had the day shift, which means I have to wake up at six in the morning. Thursday was also evaluation day, which turned out to be a bit like oral examination. It went fine, or as good as it could go, I guess. I was very relieved to be done with it, and Sally and I had a discussion about it in the copy room. Probably stood there for twenty minutes, discussing. It was only slightly awkward when one of the psychologists opened the door and cleared his throat. When I got home on Thursday, which is also yesterday, I ate some food, before I exercised, showered, got ready and ate a bit again. And then I ran out of the door with wet hair, waiting for the bus which strangely was almost on time. I had expected a long delay due to the falling snow. Guess it was my lucky day. I was about to call Kiwi, when I spotted her walking in my direction. We headed over to the concert area, and got our tickets before we sat down to have a little catch up. I'll admit that I had actually only heard about two songs by Jonas Alaska before we went to his little gig yesterday, so I was far from prepared. We also happened to be sitting, which is a new thing for me. I'm pretty used to standing when I attend concerts. But it was a relief for my poor feet. I didn't get completely mesmerised, to be honest. But at times, I felt a bit outside of my body. It happens sometimes, when I'm at concerts, and staring intently at the artist(s). Also, when he sang If Only As A Ghost, I was shocked to realise how alike it was to the studio version. It's such a nice song, and it almost made me shed a tear. He's a really good artist, and a really good entertainer too. A bit awkward and humorous at the same time, which is always a good thing. His brother, however, is a real gem. Couldn't keep my grin off my face when I watched his enthusiastic ways of playing the drums. I do wonder if he's aware of the faces he makes when he's playing. I said goodbye to Kiwi shortly after the concert and left her to wait for her bus by herself (sounds like I abandoned her in a dark bus shelter late at a cold night. Not exactly what I did, but very similar, ha). Managed to get in bed by a pretty good time, considering. And well, then there was today, and now I'm here. My dad called me to tell me to record the Olympic opening ceremony today. I've decided against watching it, mostly because I'd rather spend my time catching up with all the things I've missed these past days, where it feels like I've not been home for anything but to sleep. But also in a little protest. I'm just not so very happy with Russia's president. I've already addressed that matter before, so I won't repeat it. However, I am going to watch the Olympics, course I am. Well, to be honest, I'll have to see how much time I can actually spend on watching the telly, when I've already got so much to do. I intend to spend the last hours of this day to my joy, and hopefully sleep a bit longer than 6:00 am tomorrow. And then I'm going to spend my weekend doing school work, actually. Have a nice Friday evening xx. 

all I want is, and all I need is to find somebody

Hiya, been chanting "fuck, fuck, fuck" over and over again for the past minute. I didn't realise I needed to send a draft of my paper to my teacher. Sally told me she'd done it yesterday, and well. I've not been very productive during the weekend. So I've been working on it today. Hence why I'm still awake as well. I asked my sister about eating disorders yesterday, and she concluded with: "no, you're still eating, aren't you?" "yes" "well, then there you go". Very simple of her, in which I started a whole lecture about the seriousness of eating disorders and that everyone can get them. And that I wouldn't be surprised if she knew people who has eating disorders. Also had quite a few discussions with her, or, well, almost lectures. Basically, I talked about shitty health insurance in the USA and mental issues, and she just hummed and agreed. It might seem unnecessary, but you should never underestimate the power of awareness. Tomorrow I have the late shift at my "praksis". Except there's something I wanted to come along with in the morning, so I'm doing half a morning shift, and then the late shift. Oh dear, I'm going to be so tired when the weekend rolls around, which, is in no time. I feel like the time is just flying past me. Oh, and you should check out Birdy's #BRITs2014 playlist. I clicked on it yesterday, and was highly pleased that almost all of the songs were some of my current favourites. Er, night, I ought to finish before I get no sleep. Bah. 

swore upon my sun I'd save you for a rainy day

I've fallen in love with Ellie Goulding's style, I think. She dresses in very sporty gear sometimes, and I've found that I really like it. Also, she's an inspiration in the sense of exercise. If you follow her on Instagram you'll understand, probably. I just genuinely really like Ellie Goulding. Strangely enough, I've been keeping up my exercise regime. And jeez, next year I might even actively try getting into "summer shape" or whatever it's called. I say I "might" because, I've never been the person to base my exercise upon changing my body. It's always been because I'm worried my inside (organs and whatnot) are in a horrid state. I mean, I was blessed with good genes (and I've always been very active during my childhood), and therefore I've always stayed rather slender. But I've always been a big eater. At least I used to. And this made me worry about the state of my health, which again prodded me to exercise. A few weeks ago, my friends joked about something to do with my eating habits. And my mum has increased her nagging at me to eat more, though she always has. I'm going to ask my sister later on, if she thinks I've developed an eating disorder. I'm just curious, is this a real concern? It is true that I've cut down on portions, and I've started trying to avoid the most unhealthy things. But that's because I've realised that my body doesn't need that amount of nutrition. Also, maybe it's something psychological in it, because it seems like my body has stopped needing as much nutrition the past year. Like, I can't eat a lot of food just before bedtime, or I won't sleep very well. Or is that just ageing? Anyway, if there is real concern, I'm very grateful, because eating disorders are a serious matter. And among the things I don't ever want to experience, eating disorders are high on the list. Like, I'm genuinely afraid of it-- have been since I had a presentation about it in high school. Anyway, this turned into a very serious topic. I went to the mall for a quick trip today (like the Saturday trip with Marble and Kiwi wasn't enough), and among the things I bought, I bought this sports bra from H&M. I've grown an obsession with grey coloured exercise wear for some reason. I just think it looks really pretty, for some strange reason. Would it be really strange if I started wearing jogging bottoms? Oh wow, seventeen year old me would cringe at twenty year old me. Now I really want to go to Nike Town in London. Blah. I decided to make this picture of Niall my background for my iPhone yesterday. Seemed to have been a good choice, because I can't avoid smiling when I see it. I'm a bit worried about how Niall will be recovering from his knee operation, as it's less than three months to their stadium tour. At least he was at a Taylor Swift concert yesterday. That must mean he's okay. D'you know The Vamps are the varmup band for Taylor? And then Ed Sheeran was a special guest on Saturday, and Sam Smith yesterday. It's a bit like imagining my iTunes library at the same place, ha. I'm really happy for a new Essiebutton vlog. It feels like I've been waiting for it forever, and when I saw it in my subscription box, I nearly fell off my chair with happiness. I'm going to grab something to eat and watch it. I ought to be productive today, as it is a fairly stressful week. Sally texted me just a few hours ago, and she was so sweet. Goodness, I think the next few months will be good. I hope so, at least. I also really want to go to Aalesund to visit my sister and co. But I'm rather broke, so we'll see. Anyway, have a nice Monday!