rags to riches but I'm addicted to being broken

I did an extensive cleaning today, and sorted out a lot of stuff in my various boxes. I'm still in this mindset to throw things away, so I basically got rid of two boxes. I organised so I got all (mostly) my books in one box, and I counted 49, which is bloody crazy. I'm keeping them in the box because there's no space for them in my actual room unless I buy a bookshelf, and I've no plans to do that. I have a "memory box" that I've had for a decade or just less than a decade. And obviously, that means there's a lot of stuff in it. I halved the contents of it, and got rid of ridiculous things like receipts. As a tradition I have collected all the receipts of CD's I've bought, and the oldest I could find was from 2008. It was actually hard to throw those away. It's strange how attached you get to things. I looked through my old diaries, and I'm shocked by how typical of a teenager I used to be. It was all like "ah, he's so pretty, my mum is the worst, they don't understand how hard my life is, etc". You're so egocentric when you're young, and it's hard to look at the big picture. Anyway, I'm very satisfied to have thrown away all that crap, and to have organised. If I keep going, I'll probably end up with nothing. I finally finished reading Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan yesterday. At the library, I spotted this book, and I thought that I spend so much time reading fan fiction about gay people, why not read an actual book too? At first I was a bit sceptic, as it's a story about quite a few people. I tend to find that annoying, but that's a personal preference. Also, the narrators are dead people, which confused me. On the back of the book, it says: "The two boys kissing are Craig and Harry. They are hoping to set the world record for the longest kiss. They're not a couple, but they used to be. Peter and Neil are a couple. Their kisses are different. Avery and Ryan have only just met and are trying to figure out what happens next. Cooper is alone. He's not sure how he feels. As the marathon progresses, these boys, their friends and families evaluate the changing nature of feelings, behaviour and this crazy thing called love". It's a good book, and though it's mostly about being gay, coming to terms with it, and so forth, I also thought it was just about growing up in a way. There's some really great lines in the book, and at times I felt a bit like I was just reading quotes, because the lines sounded so profound, like: "[...] time can be buoyed by wordlessness, but it needs to be anchored in words". I think and hope the book will do good for people who are struggling, as I thought it was lovely that way. It feels like autumn now, chilly. My coats have been hanging in the closet for months, and I'm sure they'll be thrilled to be used again. Like shoes, I never get enough of coats. Right, I'm probably going to do some exercise now. Or, you know, postpone that until the last minute. 

when you traced your fingers, drew my spine

I'm on a secret mission, myself and this tall guy that looks a lot like he could survive alone in the jungle. He's got dark hair, but fair skin with freckles. A beard that looks like it's seen better days. He's dressed in green, camouflage. We've hiked through the day and it's getting dark. We can't set up a camp because we might get seen, get caught. So we walk towards a supposedly sea, but instead of stepping into water, it's like walking on a trampoline, it's a place to hide. There's two plastic boats which look real. Beneath them, we discover there's holes. Perfect for a body. So we get into each of our own, and we wait. Let the tiredness take us, until the daylight arise again. We wake up to discover that a layer of snow has fallen, making it harder to go unnoticed. But we carry on, walking for hours, trekking up mountains until we find ourselves in some woods. There's no snow here, but there's a strange building on top of a hill. It's just an empty room, all the walls except one covered in wood that matches the forest. The exception is a wall in glass that allows people to see inside, where it's illuminated with lighting. Suddenly my partner, the tall man is inside of the room. And he's got kids hiding behind his legs, his kids. They look frightened, and the tall man is shushing them. I try to signalise that they have to get out of there, or else we'll be found. It's illuminated, fucks sake, I try to convey. They stay inside to my great dismay, and I decide to patrol outside, see if there's any signs of people. It's completely silent, but I still with fright when I suddenly see movement in the forest. People, camouflaged people are being pulled up with rope. The strange thing, is that they're being pulled up by other camouflaged people. I run, back to the room, yell at the man and the kids to get a move on. But they refuse, look at me like I'm crazy. I decide to leave them, run back from where we came from in the first place. I run and I run until I get to the snowy parts. Suddenly I'm crouched on a sled, sliding down a path in increasing speed, and I'm back to the false boats. I continue running, back home to safety. And I end up in Ale's city, on a tricycle. Apparently I'm visiting her, and just killing time whilst she's at work. I'm cycling through parts of the town I've never been. It's empty, no people to be seen. Until I end up in a kindergarten. The people who work there looks at me like I'm crazy. I am after all a stranger, a grown-up on a tricycle in the middle of a kindergarten. They come at me, and I cycle as fast as I can outside, away. I'm panicked, still frightened, and I get away. I follow a child, younger than me, but on a bigger bicycle. She cycles up a grassy hill, and I follow, or try. I get off the tricycle when I realise I no longer can cycle upwards, and walk the rest. When I get on top off the hill, I spot Lynx and Grepper's house. Although in different surroundings than I'm used to. Grepper and my oldest nephew are walking around in a fenced ground for horses, picking up poop with spades. It's confusing because I'm pretty sure they don't have any horses. Lynx is waving at me, and I can see, in the background of their house, there's a beach. The sun is shining, and it's warm, and in the distance I can see people swimming. I undress, wade in the water, looking out for jelly fish. And that was the end of my dream. I- yeah, it was really strange. Yesterday I hadn't slept enough, fell asleep around 4 am. It was my own fault of course, because I discovered a fan fiction that I couldn't stop reading. It was 3000 pages in iBooks, so there was much to devour, but I realised that I couldn't keep going when I had things to do yesterday. I met up with my belieber friend around noon. I was the first to show up for once, and we walked down to find a certain popup store. Afterwards we walked down the pier, discovered a new place where we relaxed for the next few hours. We basically had a long chat by the seaside. There were some tears and snot. We were on the same wavelength, because my belieber friend suggested hot dogs for lunch. But then she suggested burgers. I was all for it, and we devoured burgers, sweet potato fries and water. The latter I probably drank four glasses of, because I'm pretty sure the sun and tears dried me up. My belieber friend tried to sell me her workplace, and I suggested I'd might move to a bungalow in Thailand. We parted ways around 5 pm, and I was reminded that it was indeed a week day by the amount of people on the train.