the only difference is, that you want nothing and I want everything

Things I realised as I was watching TV yesterday. I would have a Kardashians marathon if I was hungover or just really bored. And I would complain about feeling like I lost some IQ. I also realised that I know close to nothing about Australia. I'm not even sure of the capital. It's really windy outside. Was really windy last night too, and I thought for a second that maybe I wouldn't get any sleep due to it. However, I think it works like a lullaby to me. I do find sounds of nature quite soothing. Like the sound of the sea. It occurred to me yesterday that I've also grown used to eating cake at the weekends, which made me a bit sulky, because I wanted cake, but I managed with an ice lolly. You know sometimes you see people looking all deranged and in clothes that looks so outdated you nearly cringe? And it used to make me hope that I'd never become like that. But nowadays I'm not so sure. What if it was a concious decision? What if they've chosen to "let themselves go"? What an awful phrase, by the way, because "let themselves go" implies that they've changed themselves, they've let go of what used to define them. I think it's an awful phrase, because of course people change. We learn new things all the time, which makes our perspective wider, and what we thought when we were ten, is the opposite of what we think when we're twenty, and so on. Change is the only constant. That's another phrase, which I find is true. Also, I've come to realise that if it's a concious decision, who am I to decide that someone shouldn't walk around in dated clothing and such? We live in a very superficial world, which is really sad. Anyway, if you didn't already interpret the row of pictures as a longing for summer, well. The row of pictures is because I long for summer. There you have it. I am not at all surprised by myself, because my mood is very dependant on the weather. But I am surprised it's taken me this long. It's almost march already (it starts Saturday!!), and I don't think I've once yearned for summer yet. I hope we'll have good weather this year too, and I can't wait for barbecues. I've got "praksis" later on, so that'll be a slap back to reality. It's actually only two weeks left though, and in my mind it's only one week. This week will be rather quick, because I've changed my shifts due to things I ought to come along for. Therefore I'll have a full week next week, so I reckon I'll be rather knackered after it. But you know, it's the last week, so why not? Except I've got school the week after, like, there's no break whatsoever. Oh well, life carries on. I'm currently listening to Grimmy's breakfast show on BBC radio 1, and I've been procrastinating all day (well, the three hours I've been awake), so I might actually do some school work now. Have a nice Monday morning and spend some time to cherish life. Oh, that reminds me, a patient once told me that she found the kindness in birds a motivation to carry on with life. I thought that was really nice. Anyway, bye, and good day! 

raise a glass of wine for the last time

It's really glum outside, isn't it? It just looks really grey outside. I think, when I move out, and it's gone ten years, and if my parents will still live in this house, I'll look outside this window and see if the tree is still there. If it's bigger, or if they've removed it. And I'll feel a pinch of sadness if it's gone. I'll think that the tree was there all the time, like an anchor, like a constant reminder of life and new beginnings and growth and everything. And I'll laugh at myself, probably, because I'll always be this strange. Congratulations to the Russian cross country skiers that won today. I am not very disappointed, to be honest, because I realised after watching the race, that I've only every been truly disappointed if it's Petter Northug. And if he's in form. But he's not been, not for the Olympics, not for awhile, actually. And that's a bit saddening too, because my love for cross country skiing is very related to him, actually. Though I said "yeah no, I don't think he'll do it today," the other day to Sally when we were watching the Olympics. And she huffed, and said she had belief in Northug. I didn't respond to that. Instead I thought to myself that I had hope too, but I wasn't delirious. One of the reasons I wasn't that upset with the race today, was maybe because I was reading a fan fiction in between. It was just, I couldn't deal with all the tension of watching a race for almost two hours. And that's what it does to me, when I see Petter Northug looking like he's in form, and it's so hard to know with him-- I get knots in my stomach, with hope, whilst also trying to not get my hopes up. Oyster snapped me something like "it's only ten km yet" when I had snapped her something about having nerves. Anyway, I was reading a fan fiction that almost made me cry. But I was sat in the couch, almost hunched in on myself. Darting my eyes between the TV and my iPhone, and then my dad was sat on the other couch. So I bit the insides of my cheek, willing the tears to stay inside. But once the race was done and I retreated to my bedroom I realised it's been awhile since I've had a cry? So I re-read a fan fiction I knew would make me cry. And it's always astonishing to me how words can make my stomach do a painful lurch. Anyway, it's Sunday, and I'm supposed to clean my bedroom, but it looks like there is less to no determination to get that done. I am however delighted that I've actually been rather productive with my paper, though the word count is at 3500 words now. I've still got about half of the thing left. I will most likely try to shorten it down as much as possible. Or maybe just revel in the fact that there's no word limit for this paper. I'm going to try to get a head start at some school work for next week, before I'll have an exercise session and a shower. Also going to try stop looking at skin products online-- guys, I've become obsessed with that as well. I remember once, when I was younger and I was watching this movie with a friend. And the lady in the movie bought a tiny jar of this really expensive skin product. I would have never thought I'd become like that, but to be truthful, I might just become exactly like that in the future. Oh goodness, let's just all go back to the stoneage. Anyway, I'm actually going now. Bye, ha. 

Come back and tell me why I'm feeling like I've missed you all this time. And meet me there tonight and let me know that it's not all in my mind

I started reading a new book this morning, whilst eating porridge with banana, apple and some cinnamon. At 8:15 am I got bored, and trudged upstairs. And I watched a video of Ed Sheeran and Gabrielle Aplin singing Kiss Me together, which oh my god. I love the song, and both of the artists. I am crossing my fingers that they will do a duet together in the future. After a bit, I went downstairs with my stack of books and school work, ready to settle in front of the telly and watch some cross country skiing. However, the telly decided to be a bastard, and I didn't get to see much of the race. When I did get access to it, it was obvious that Norway would win gold, silver and bronze medals. Which, is very exciting. But it would have been much more exciting for me if I'd be able to watch the whole thing. That's my favourite thing about cross country skiing; watching a long race builds up excitement and tension. Anyway, after that I had pizza for lunch. Far too much, actually. Felt a bit like I was going to throw up, if I wasn't careful. After that I went upstairs to continue my school work, before I decided to have break, because I was a bit tired. I spent the break in my bed, switching between re-reading a fan fiction and replaying Beyonce's performance from the Brits. I've heard XO loads of times before, but I just really fell in love with the song when I saw the performance. Not that it's a really great performance either, I'd rather say it was a bit boring. After this, I went back to school work, whilst listening to a lot of great songs. Like this cover of Video Games by Tom Odell, is rather gorgeous. And I've been replaying Bastille singing Pompeii, Bad Blood and Flaws acoustic. It just really amazes me how they manage to use their hands so brilliantly. It is especially amazing because I've heard the studio versions of these songs a billion time (because I love Bastille), and I know how they're supposed to sound. And it's just wow. Anyway, I think I've been rather good with my school work. Due to a lot of confusion in the relation with my paper, I sent off loads of questions to my teacher. Which, I thought was a good way to be a nuisance. I'm such a nice person. Not. I curled my hair, just because the length of my hair is actually bothering me a bit. I can't wait to chop it off. Right, I'm not actually going to chop it all off. I'd miss having long hair too much. Wow, just remembered my dreams the past two days. I've had so strange dreams. Last night it was me running around in the shortest white dress ever (my bum was out for everyone to see basically), at my school (which isn't really my school, because my school looks nothing like in my dream) because I had to find my classmates who were working at the paper, and one of them had borrowed my iPad. And this was on my way to my sisters wedding. It was just the strangest thing. Anyway, I've not had that much of chocolate today, so I might grab myself a cuppa and some chocolate before it's too late. Also, I keep thinking it's Sunday, when it's really Saturday. And it's such a nice feeling when you realise that there's yet another day of the weekend. I'm going to try sleep for more than 8 hours, because I felt a bit tired today. But I'm still up bright and early tomorrow, because of cross country skiing. Can't wait, actually. Have a very lovely evening xx. 

I'll search through the crowd. Your face is all that I see

Had a bit of a weird day. A bit glum, to be honest. Spent quite a few hours on the couch half watching the telly (Leap Year. I do love the Irish), half reading a fan fiction, and trying to do school work in between. Anything to avoid my thoughts. I postponed my work out yesterday, so I had to catch up today, which was probably just what I needed. I don't know if I mentioned it, but it was really nice to see my friends yesterday. As I've mentioned, it usually goes ages in between meetups. It was perhaps a bit short, but I've learned to treasure these kind of things anyway. I spoke to Lynx and David today. "Facetimed" with them. David wanted to show off his tummy, and he also wanted to show that he could put on pants by himself. After the call, my mum said: "he's really grown, hasn't he?". "Yeah, he has," I sighed. I get this feeling that once he's grown a bit, he'll no longer come running and hug me. I'll become the aunt he knows lives far away, the one he only sees a couple of times each year. Anyway, I've bought plane tickets. In seven weeks I'll be there, with Grepper, Lynx, David. And hopefully the dress for the wedding will still fit me, as I bought it last summer. I'm not sure what I'll do if it doesn't. And I've already imagined myself telling my sister (if it does fit) "if I have a panic attack or likewise, and I pass out, you'll have to open my dress. A bit like, whassit? Pirates of The Caribbean". I've got a lot on my mind, and it would be nice to not think about everything. The problem is that I care too much to not do so. Oh, Monchita just knocked on my door and told me to hold my hand out with my palm up. My immediate thought was oh god she's going to put gum on my hand. Because you know, I've never done anything like that before (cough). But I gave in, decided to trust her, and held my hand out. "For tomorrow," she said, as she put a chocolate bar in my hand. The good things in life, you guys, let's try to remind ourselves of that. I'm going to watch cross country skiing tomorrow, and on Sunday. And hopefully I'll manage to write on my paper. Because I really am running out of time. Have a nice Friday, hopefully yours have been better than mine. 

can't you see I don't have money on my mind

Went to bed a bit later yesterday, because I decided to watch the whole live stream of the Brit Awards 2014. I was rather ecstatic to see Ellie Goulding and Bastille win Brits. And Bastille performed with Rudimental, which was just mental and awesome. Great performance by two of my favourite groups. I wasn't actually aware of which awards One Direction were up for, but they were up for four, and won two of them. And I think it was well deserved, the ones they did win. Because I don't necessarily think it would be right for them to win the other awards. And that's nice, award shows that's not necessarily decided by the people. Although one of their awards were voted for by their fans. I write that like I'm not their fan, ha, I am. But I rarely ever vote for them at these kind of awards and stuff. I think they were happier because of that award, for their music video for Best Song Ever. I'm pretty sure they know that their success is based on their fans. It was slightly odd and a bit disconcerting to see Niall with his crutches, because it does worry me how he'll recover. If he'll be recovered in time for their tour. I was very giddy to see them all together again. I wasn't actually planning on watching the whole show, but I couldn't stop. Not when I had the chance to see the lads gathered again. One of my favourite things with the Brits, is that all the guests have loads of alcohol available at their table throughout the night. Which means most people get rather drunk. Liam Payne was one of them, and he actually did quite a few interviews afterwards, and they're sooo amusing. I'm going to listen to the Radio 1 Breakfast show with Nick Grimshaw, because he was also an attender of the Brits last night, and he happened to have a bit of a snog with James Corden last night. At stage. Hilarious, and the memory was still fresh in mind when I was sat on the bus this morning. It was really hard to contain my grin, and I don't think I was that successful. Holy crap, did you know that Pharrell Williams is 40? I genuinely thought he was in his late twenties-- early thirties. Anyway, today Allie, Sally and I had a day dedicated to our papers at "praksis". We were sat in the canteen, like we did last time too. And the people who work there are so bloody nice. We always get offered coffee and tea. Today we even got free food. And let me tell you, they try to only use fresh products, which makes the food really great. And it's so cheap in consideration to my school, for example. It's just such a nice atmosphere in the canteen, which is sort of funny. I really enjoy having these kind of days with Sally and Allie, going to miss it, probably. We're having a quiz-night next Thursday, and I think it's going to be ace, actually. We had a little meeting with one of our supervisors, so Sally and I packed up and went upstairs, where we meet one of the staff, and we spoke a bit with him. And then we had a little short meeting and said our goodbyes to our other supervisors. And it just made me realise how lucky we've been, because all the staff are so inviting, I think. We've got so much good banter with them, and we can joke around. Anyway, Sally drove me to the train station because she was heading that way. Told her I felt really spoiled, because I feel like I've been driven around a lot lately. On the train I realised I'd be a lot earlier than I had expected. So I texted my belieber friend and Sugar, asking if they were finished with their business yet. They weren't, so I walked around for myself for a bit. Sugar called me a loner, which was rather correct to be honest. I was rather mesmerised with the current fan fiction I am reading, when I felt the hands of my belieber friend on my shoulders. When I looked up, I saw her and Marble. Sugar arrived shortly after. We had a bit of a catch up, and Marble gave me a little lecture in law. Gave up trying to understand after listening to her ramble on. I got home at 6:00 pm and sat down to finish my log, which was really due at 5:00 pm. Oh well, my teacher will have to live on. Because I almost did a double shift the other week, I got tomorrow off. It's going to be really nice to have a proper sleep in after a week with a troublesome sleep pattern. I am however a bit concerned with the little time I have left with my patient. Will have to say my goodbyes to her rather soon, because she'll be off with her own life next week. It's actually a bit scary how quick this "praksis" have gone. And two weeks feels like something akin three days. Marble funnily said "see you in two weeks", in which my belieber friend said "what's happening in two weeks?". Marble answered "you'll all be done with "praksis"". Funny, that Marble. Anyway, I ought to go. Have a nice Thursday evening. Be productive, cherish life and try to live in the now. And sleep well xx.