hold me, squeeze a little tighter 'til we can't breathe

Foruten et møte med veilederen min i dag, tok jeg meg fri. Det var en veldig bra veiledning egentlig, dog hun fikk meg til å tenke litt mer på å utsette innlevering. Hadde nemlig sett for meg at neste innleveringsfrist var til jul, men det er faktisk på høsten. Også, ja, dette er kanskje innlysende for alle andre, men jeg innså det ikke før i dag at det å utsette innlevering ikke nødvendigvis betyr at jeg må å jobbe med oppgaven alle de ekstra månedene. Du kan liksom bli ferdig på halve tiden, og eventuelt bruke resten av tiden til å forberede til høring og fortsette med eget liv utenfor skole. Hadde på meg ordentlige klær i dag, fordi jeg ville bruke den nye kåpen min. Det har liksom vært mildere i det siste, og det har sett ut som om våren faktisk er på vei, så jeg ble litt redd for at jeg ikke fikk brukt den nye kåpen min noe særlig. Nå må jeg si at jeg tittet ut av vinduet, fordi min belieber friend nevnte at det skulle snø en del i natt-- og ja, nå er det visst snø igjen. Jeg handlet etter skolen, dro på matbutikken hvor de hadde gått tom for mitt favorittbrød. Og mens jeg stod og plukket epler innså jeg at jeg mest sannsynligvis hadde fått mensen. Var ikke forberedt på det, så det var ubehagelig. Men i det minste gikk jeg i svart, og hadde relativt lang svart kåpe. Det var ingen krise for meg, i og meg at jeg er heldig med relativt liten blood-flow om jeg kan si det så. Dessuten er det langt fra en ny erfaring. Når man har vært en menstruerende person i over ti år, så tror jeg det hadde vært merkeligere å ikke ha opplevd noe slikt kontra det motsatte. Det var på en måte en lettelse å få menstruasjonen, fordi jeg var merkelig bevisst på mine premenstruelle symptomer og følte meg spesielt oppblåst. Det er aldri en behagelig greie. Dro til den nyeste lokale asiatiske butikken, hvor jeg følte jeg, kassadama og et par andre kunder passet på ungen til en annen kunde. Fikk litt panikk da jeg så han hadde kommet seg igjennom sånne automatiske dører, og han innså det selv og så ut til å skulle prøve å stikke armen mellom dørene for å hindre at de skulle lukke seg. Han turte heldigvis ikke å gjøre det. Jeg stod i kassa, og kassadama fortalte meg om prisen, men jeg hadde fult fokus hos kid'en, og jeg løp bort for at døra skulle åpne seg, i og med at han kunne enten falt ned en trapp eller havnet ute ved en noe trafikkert vei. Verken hørtes særlig lurt ut, men da kom heldigvis moren løpende i panikk selv. Så jeg gikk tilbake til kassen, betalte for meg og sa adjø. Grunnen til at jeg tok meg fri i dag-- da fra analysen, er fordi at menstruasjonssmertene vedvarte i litt flere timer enn ønsket. Det var heldigvis ikke det verste jeg har opplevd, men det var sånn typisk smerte jeg opplever, hvor ingen stillinger gir fri for smerte. Så jeg prøvde å være i konstant bevegelse i et par timer, og heldigvis ga det seg etter ca. fem til seks timer. Jeg har sett litt på Brit Awards, men jeg har innsett av jeg egentlig hater sånne prisutdelinger. Det er gøy å se på ulike opptredener, og naturligvis når en favoritt vinner. Men det er egentlig veldig kleint å se på. Favorittdelen jeg faktisk så, må ha vært takketalen til Beyoncè og Jay-Z. Det var faktisk litt ikonisk, om jeg kan si så. 

can't you see I don't have money on my mind

Went to bed a bit later yesterday, because I decided to watch the whole live stream of the Brit Awards 2014. I was rather ecstatic to see Ellie Goulding and Bastille win Brits. And Bastille performed with Rudimental, which was just mental and awesome. Great performance by two of my favourite groups. I wasn't actually aware of which awards One Direction were up for, but they were up for four, and won two of them. And I think it was well deserved, the ones they did win. Because I don't necessarily think it would be right for them to win the other awards. And that's nice, award shows that's not necessarily decided by the people. Although one of their awards were voted for by their fans. I write that like I'm not their fan, ha, I am. But I rarely ever vote for them at these kind of awards and stuff. I think they were happier because of that award, for their music video for Best Song Ever. I'm pretty sure they know that their success is based on their fans. It was slightly odd and a bit disconcerting to see Niall with his crutches, because it does worry me how he'll recover. If he'll be recovered in time for their tour. I was very giddy to see them all together again. I wasn't actually planning on watching the whole show, but I couldn't stop. Not when I had the chance to see the lads gathered again. One of my favourite things with the Brits, is that all the guests have loads of alcohol available at their table throughout the night. Which means most people get rather drunk. Liam Payne was one of them, and he actually did quite a few interviews afterwards, and they're sooo amusing. I'm going to listen to the Radio 1 Breakfast show with Nick Grimshaw, because he was also an attender of the Brits last night, and he happened to have a bit of a snog with James Corden last night. At stage. Hilarious, and the memory was still fresh in mind when I was sat on the bus this morning. It was really hard to contain my grin, and I don't think I was that successful. Holy crap, did you know that Pharrell Williams is 40? I genuinely thought he was in his late twenties-- early thirties. Anyway, today Allie, Sally and I had a day dedicated to our papers at "praksis". We were sat in the canteen, like we did last time too. And the people who work there are so bloody nice. We always get offered coffee and tea. Today we even got free food. And let me tell you, they try to only use fresh products, which makes the food really great. And it's so cheap in consideration to my school, for example. It's just such a nice atmosphere in the canteen, which is sort of funny. I really enjoy having these kind of days with Sally and Allie, going to miss it, probably. We're having a quiz-night next Thursday, and I think it's going to be ace, actually. We had a little meeting with one of our supervisors, so Sally and I packed up and went upstairs, where we meet one of the staff, and we spoke a bit with him. And then we had a little short meeting and said our goodbyes to our other supervisors. And it just made me realise how lucky we've been, because all the staff are so inviting, I think. We've got so much good banter with them, and we can joke around. Anyway, Sally drove me to the train station because she was heading that way. Told her I felt really spoiled, because I feel like I've been driven around a lot lately. On the train I realised I'd be a lot earlier than I had expected. So I texted my belieber friend and Sugar, asking if they were finished with their business yet. They weren't, so I walked around for myself for a bit. Sugar called me a loner, which was rather correct to be honest. I was rather mesmerised with the current fan fiction I am reading, when I felt the hands of my belieber friend on my shoulders. When I looked up, I saw her and Marble. Sugar arrived shortly after. We had a bit of a catch up, and Marble gave me a little lecture in law. Gave up trying to understand after listening to her ramble on. I got home at 6:00 pm and sat down to finish my log, which was really due at 5:00 pm. Oh well, my teacher will have to live on. Because I almost did a double shift the other week, I got tomorrow off. It's going to be really nice to have a proper sleep in after a week with a troublesome sleep pattern. I am however a bit concerned with the little time I have left with my patient. Will have to say my goodbyes to her rather soon, because she'll be off with her own life next week. It's actually a bit scary how quick this "praksis" have gone. And two weeks feels like something akin three days. Marble funnily said "see you in two weeks", in which my belieber friend said "what's happening in two weeks?". Marble answered "you'll all be done with "praksis"". Funny, that Marble. Anyway, I ought to go. Have a nice Thursday evening. Be productive, cherish life and try to live in the now. And sleep well xx. 

feels like war, raise your love

I've given up on hoping that the snow will disappear. Because once it does melt away, it's like the weather gods goes: "oh, there's almost no trace of snow anymore" "oh dear, we can't let the humans think it's going to be spring yet" "I agree, let's make some more snow". For some unknown reason, I slept really bad last night. Like, I did fall asleep around 10:00 pm. But then I woke up at 2:00 am, wide awake, and I didn't know why I was awake. So I figured I'd go to the loo, figured maybe that was the reason. But when I got back into bed, I was just lying awake, trying to force myself into sleep. Until it was about 3:00 am, and I gave up a bit. I checked my Twitter and Instagram, before I decided trying to fall asleep again. And I did, I think. But I must have slept very lightly, because I woke up multiple times, with the lingering feeling of close to no sleep at all. I especially felt it, when it was 5:45 am, and it felt like I'd gotten no sleep at all. One of the staff at my "praksis" saw me yawning, asked if I was tired. I said to her I'd had a sleepless night. And she laughed, told me she could barely sleep these days. And it made me realise that I should be happy I can even get sleep these days. The pro's of being young, innit? I can't imagine having to be feeling the way I felt, and feel today, except feel it every day. My eyes really have been burning with residue of sleep today, and whilst I was sat at the bus station, waiting for my bus, I imagined myself at home in bed. And I thought bitterly, that I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. Though I've been feeling rather tired the past two days, it hasn't effected my mood that much, nothing I could point out anyway. Instead I've been feeling stupidly happy, which made me think that maybe I'm happier when I'm tired. After a bit of pondering, I figured it was probably just me being easily amused by everything due to over tiredness. As I mentioned yesterday, the bus I take is often filled with people with disabilities-- or maybe I didn't mention it. Nevertheless, there are a lot of the same people each day. And today one happened to sit down beside me. I've taken a note to that she seems very unaware to social norms, likes to sing loudly sometimes. She was pretty mesmerised with texting on her phone, and I was in my own world, staring out the window. The only interaction was when she asked me what my bus stop was, before she went back to her phone. And then, when my bus stop came, she poked me with her arm, announcing that it was my bus stop. I was strangely endeared by that, like she felt she had to take care of me. And it made me smile so wide the whole walk to "praksis" from my bus stop. I feel like I'm so happy these days, and it almost feels a bit too strange. Anyway, whilst watching the Burberry Prorsum show the other day, I fell in love with one of the songs played. Raise Your Love by Rhodes. I do actually enjoy it a lot more live. I just think his voice is really nice, and the song is really lovely. Everything's just really lovely and nice and pretty and perfect and awesome and bah. I've been thinking, when I get into these moods, I seem to get blinded, like I can only see positives. And the opposite when I'm unhappy. And it's like my teacher said, when I said I thought I'd been really lucky with all my previous "praksis"-es, "maybe it's the way you see it". Maybe it's my twisted brain that let's in all the sensory impressions which I regard as positive. And I think yes, she was right about that. I know for a fact that whilst I thought my first "praksis" was really good, J.D. thought it was quite shite. We see what we want to see. Anyway, we had a school meeting today, which Allie, Sally and I thought was at 1:30 pm. Allie drove us all, like she did last time too. We arrived at school at 1:50 pm, and we all bought us some hot chocolate. And then we proceeded to walk inside a wrong room, where there were sat two girls watching the sprint finals in cross country skiing. By that time, it was 1:30 pm, and there were no sign of the other people in my "praksis" group, which made me think that we were in the wrong room. And that we was, because a second later I got a text from Kiwi asking where we were. I called her, and she gave me the correct room number, which happens to be a tiny room made for a lot less than we all are. So when Allie, Sally and I arrived, the whole room was cramped. My brain registered the books on the table, the amount of people that had arrived and the time. So it was only natural that I asked what my brain had concluded with: "did we start at 1:00 pm?". My teacher said yes, and Allie looked slightly embarrassed, and Sally looked at me, probably to recognise that I had been right. Because at the counter, whilst buying the hot chocolate, I told Sally that I'd written 1:00 pm in my phone. But she said it was 1:30 pm, and I believed her, because it's been so much back and forth with the times and dates. However, my teacher is so ridiculously relaxed about these kind of things. At least it seems like she is with us, and I think she must like us extra much. I'm sure we're great pupils to have, surely. Haha, no, but I'm going to miss having her as a teacher. I need to have some kind of structure, and I dread the day we have to go back to our old teacher. She's just too vague and has no structure and blah. But have to take the good with the bad, and had I not had a bad teacher, I wouldn't recognise a good one. This is one of the things I do, and I'm sure my friends will recognise it-- I justify things, and when there's complaints about something, I always try to look at the positive sides of the case. And I'm sure my friends sometimes gets very annoyed about this. Today was the first time I think I might have done the same thing with Sally. We were complaining about how we feel like these school meetings maybe feels a bit like a waste. But then I turned it around, and brought out the positives. And she just huffed with a laugh, "alright, alright". Anyway, I'm going to write on my log for this week, and then I'll have to eat, and then I'm going to watch a bit of the #BRITAwards. The arrivals have already started, 1D (or D1 as Marble wrote yesterday) will be arriving soon, according to Niall. I really can't wait, and it's so ridiculous how giddy I am with anticipation. Just to see them all gathered again. Absolutely pathetic, I am. Goodness gracious. Alright then, this has been far too long. Soz for boring content, I literally can't believe it sometimes, how you actually read these things. Have a nice Wednesday evening xx.

if the lights are all out, I'll see who's around

This puts a grin on my face. And hello to you as well. I've not gone hiatus just yet. I've just been tired due to lack of sleep. Visitors have come and gone, and yesterday was spent catching up with friends. And whoops, all of a sudden it was Thursday. Also known as the start of my weekend. Although, to be fair, I wouldn't really call it weekend just yet, because I spend my Thursday nights on writing school stuff. But now I'm back, and I plan on filling you in with new One Direction information. Honestly, Niall has been shirtless in three music videos now. If he keeps it up like this, I think we'll have to start counting the times he's not shirtless. I do wonder how they've made him do that scene. Like, did they just say "I'll get you something from McDonalds or Nando's if you'll do it". One of the main reasons why this music video makes me grin, is the fact that it shows how silly they are. It's my favorite thing about One Direction - they're complete idiots and not afraid to make a fool of themselves. And I love people like that. Also it's the fact that they're trying to do synchronized dance moves. And then there's just the pure randomness. It's like what the hell did I just watch? And then it's the fact that when they are filming themselves, it looks like they are vlogging - and oh wow, how wonderful wouldn't it be if they started vlogging? Speaking of vlogging and One Direction - my favorite youtuber, Tanya Burr got to meet Harry Styles yesterday at The Brits. And of course I'm envious, but I'm mostly proud and a bit overwhelmed, because it feels like every piece of the puzzle is falling together (if you didn't understand what I meant here, it's okay - you're not supposed to understand either). And speaking of The Brits - One Direction won a Brit for Global Success. And they beat Adele and Mumford & Sons (according to my belieber-friend who tweeted me a link to an article about it). And I do actually think they've deserved the award. I don't know if I'd agree if it was an award for "best" something. Because, oh man - Adele and Mumford & Sons? They're like two of my favorite things in the world. But I'm very happy for 1D. Also, it's always amusing to watch their drunken interviews (where they act like a bunch of 5-year olds) afterwards. I didn't really know what 1D was up for at The Brits, so I didn't think they'd win anything. But I sort of woke up today at 05:30 am, when Niall tweeted his good nights and thank you's. And I realised that they probably won, because who would stay up partying so long if they didn't win? This is getting long - I'm going to listen to BBC radio 1 breakfastshow from today, because Harry was there with Nick. And I love them together, the hipsters. Also, before I go, I'd like to point out that Harry commented on Taylor Swift's performance at the Grammy's. The one where she basically imitated him and said "we're never, ever, ever getting back together" or something along those lines. And guess what he said? He actually complimented her and said she's a great performer. And wait - who's 23?