feels like war, raise your love

I've given up on hoping that the snow will disappear. Because once it does melt away, it's like the weather gods goes: "oh, there's almost no trace of snow anymore" "oh dear, we can't let the humans think it's going to be spring yet" "I agree, let's make some more snow". For some unknown reason, I slept really bad last night. Like, I did fall asleep around 10:00 pm. But then I woke up at 2:00 am, wide awake, and I didn't know why I was awake. So I figured I'd go to the loo, figured maybe that was the reason. But when I got back into bed, I was just lying awake, trying to force myself into sleep. Until it was about 3:00 am, and I gave up a bit. I checked my Twitter and Instagram, before I decided trying to fall asleep again. And I did, I think. But I must have slept very lightly, because I woke up multiple times, with the lingering feeling of close to no sleep at all. I especially felt it, when it was 5:45 am, and it felt like I'd gotten no sleep at all. One of the staff at my "praksis" saw me yawning, asked if I was tired. I said to her I'd had a sleepless night. And she laughed, told me she could barely sleep these days. And it made me realise that I should be happy I can even get sleep these days. The pro's of being young, innit? I can't imagine having to be feeling the way I felt, and feel today, except feel it every day. My eyes really have been burning with residue of sleep today, and whilst I was sat at the bus station, waiting for my bus, I imagined myself at home in bed. And I thought bitterly, that I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. Though I've been feeling rather tired the past two days, it hasn't effected my mood that much, nothing I could point out anyway. Instead I've been feeling stupidly happy, which made me think that maybe I'm happier when I'm tired. After a bit of pondering, I figured it was probably just me being easily amused by everything due to over tiredness. As I mentioned yesterday, the bus I take is often filled with people with disabilities-- or maybe I didn't mention it. Nevertheless, there are a lot of the same people each day. And today one happened to sit down beside me. I've taken a note to that she seems very unaware to social norms, likes to sing loudly sometimes. She was pretty mesmerised with texting on her phone, and I was in my own world, staring out the window. The only interaction was when she asked me what my bus stop was, before she went back to her phone. And then, when my bus stop came, she poked me with her arm, announcing that it was my bus stop. I was strangely endeared by that, like she felt she had to take care of me. And it made me smile so wide the whole walk to "praksis" from my bus stop. I feel like I'm so happy these days, and it almost feels a bit too strange. Anyway, whilst watching the Burberry Prorsum show the other day, I fell in love with one of the songs played. Raise Your Love by Rhodes. I do actually enjoy it a lot more live. I just think his voice is really nice, and the song is really lovely. Everything's just really lovely and nice and pretty and perfect and awesome and bah. I've been thinking, when I get into these moods, I seem to get blinded, like I can only see positives. And the opposite when I'm unhappy. And it's like my teacher said, when I said I thought I'd been really lucky with all my previous "praksis"-es, "maybe it's the way you see it". Maybe it's my twisted brain that let's in all the sensory impressions which I regard as positive. And I think yes, she was right about that. I know for a fact that whilst I thought my first "praksis" was really good, J.D. thought it was quite shite. We see what we want to see. Anyway, we had a school meeting today, which Allie, Sally and I thought was at 1:30 pm. Allie drove us all, like she did last time too. We arrived at school at 1:50 pm, and we all bought us some hot chocolate. And then we proceeded to walk inside a wrong room, where there were sat two girls watching the sprint finals in cross country skiing. By that time, it was 1:30 pm, and there were no sign of the other people in my "praksis" group, which made me think that we were in the wrong room. And that we was, because a second later I got a text from Kiwi asking where we were. I called her, and she gave me the correct room number, which happens to be a tiny room made for a lot less than we all are. So when Allie, Sally and I arrived, the whole room was cramped. My brain registered the books on the table, the amount of people that had arrived and the time. So it was only natural that I asked what my brain had concluded with: "did we start at 1:00 pm?". My teacher said yes, and Allie looked slightly embarrassed, and Sally looked at me, probably to recognise that I had been right. Because at the counter, whilst buying the hot chocolate, I told Sally that I'd written 1:00 pm in my phone. But she said it was 1:30 pm, and I believed her, because it's been so much back and forth with the times and dates. However, my teacher is so ridiculously relaxed about these kind of things. At least it seems like she is with us, and I think she must like us extra much. I'm sure we're great pupils to have, surely. Haha, no, but I'm going to miss having her as a teacher. I need to have some kind of structure, and I dread the day we have to go back to our old teacher. She's just too vague and has no structure and blah. But have to take the good with the bad, and had I not had a bad teacher, I wouldn't recognise a good one. This is one of the things I do, and I'm sure my friends will recognise it-- I justify things, and when there's complaints about something, I always try to look at the positive sides of the case. And I'm sure my friends sometimes gets very annoyed about this. Today was the first time I think I might have done the same thing with Sally. We were complaining about how we feel like these school meetings maybe feels a bit like a waste. But then I turned it around, and brought out the positives. And she just huffed with a laugh, "alright, alright". Anyway, I'm going to write on my log for this week, and then I'll have to eat, and then I'm going to watch a bit of the #BRITAwards. The arrivals have already started, 1D (or D1 as Marble wrote yesterday) will be arriving soon, according to Niall. I really can't wait, and it's so ridiculous how giddy I am with anticipation. Just to see them all gathered again. Absolutely pathetic, I am. Goodness gracious. Alright then, this has been far too long. Soz for boring content, I literally can't believe it sometimes, how you actually read these things. Have a nice Wednesday evening xx.