it was dark

Just sent in the final paper. And I must admit that I am completely ashamed of my work. If I get degraded at least one grade, I won't even be bothered. Just because it's what I deserve. I'm the type of person who finishes a test, presentation, paper or whatever, and then go into denial. It never happened. "How did it go on your test?" "Oh what test?". And it's not like I'm kidding. I simply forget them. Until I have to make myself look at the result, the grade. And when I get a good grade, I'm like: "Awesome!" for perhaps an hour or less, and it's forgotten. It's in the past. But if I get a bad grade, it sticks. Kind of engraves into my brain. But I go into denial-mode. I try to forget. And I do, till the last day of school where we are handed all the grades. And all the memories comes rushing back to my brain. All that work on trying denying things - all for nothing. Oh well, after isolating myself in this bedroom for the weekend, I'm going to read a book. Finally. I've really been waiting for this. But first I'm going to jump in the shower.