but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

30.03.14: Once, I looked at the both of you, and it hurt to see you together. And the flare of jealously felt like an actual physical pain in my chest. Sometimes I’ll think back of it, and laugh a little. Laugh at myself, because I should have known back then that I’d never have you. More importantly, I should have known that it wasn’t really you I wanted. No, it was the company, and sharing secrets, laughs and smiles. I craved someone who understood me, and someone to be there when I wasn’t alright. Someone to ask me if I was okay once in a while.