Eg sloss og jeg led, gjorde alt for å vinne. Da hørte eg englene synge om fred. Legg våpnene ned, det er jul du må finne. En fred inni hjertet et sted

Hei hei, nå fløy nettopp en kråke opp på taket ovenfor vinduet mitt. Skvatt noe, hvilket ikke er så overraskende for å være meg. I utgangspunktet hadde jeg tenkt å dra på matbutikken og få gjort noe juleshopping i dag. Men da jeg våknet var det veldig deilig å gjemme meg i sengen til tross for det fine sollyset. Skal sies at jeg ble vekket av en telefon fra jobb klokken sju. Da hadde jeg sovet i fem timer, og hatt en merkelig drøm. Se for deg en sitcom som tar utgangspunkt i et kontor/sykehus. Først er jeg en mann i førtiårene, tror jeg er sjef på kontoret. Jeg stopper opp ved en kontolpult og snakker med to av mine ansatte (de hadde ikke navn i drømmen, men for å enklere forstå får de navn her) Helene og Daniel. Helene er i starten av sekstiårene, og kontorets omsorgperson. Hun er den personen som plutselig finner på å strikke deg en lue fordi du frøs sånn. Daniel er pliktoppfyllende, i slutten av tjueårene. Er alltid presentabel til alle tider. Jeg, sjefen, jeg er litt sånn rar. Se for deg sjefen til Rachel fra Friends. Ja, jeg liker en limerick innimellom. Husker ikke hva jeg snakket med de om, men Helene lo, og Daniel så noe klein ut. Jeg gikk videre gjennom gangen, og stoppet opp ved Magne. Magne er kontorets Dwight (hvis du ikke har sett The Office (den amerikanske) så har du gått glipp av noe). Anses som merkelig, skal alltid ha ting riktig, og alle skal følge reglene. Han påpeker alles feiler, og dersom noen gjør noe som går utenfor reglene. Det innebærer også at han påpeker hver gang noen går fem minutter før arbeidstiden er over. Dessverre har han kontorpult nærmest døren, så man må gå forbi Magne når man drar fra kontoret. Plutselig er jeg meg igjen, og jeg er nødt til å dra hjem timer før arbeidstiden er over. Aner ikke hvorfor, men jeg måtte. Verken Helene eller Daniel synes det er noe merkelig at jeg går forbi, men jeg vet at Magne vil si noe. Jeg må ha en slags unnskyldning. I det jeg stopper ved pulten hans, ser jeg en overlege fra lunge komme gående. Han går sakte, og er langt unna. Magne står og tar bilder med polaroidkameraet sitt. Utenfor kontoret, gjennom vinduet, kan vi se en gigantisk hund. Høyere enn noen bygning jeg noengang har sett. Magne snur seg mot meg, sier: "jøss du må virkelig være allergisk mot hunder, du bør dra hjem". Jeg blir overrasket, men han fortsetter: "øynene dine er så røde at det er rart du ikke gråter" og gir meg et speil. Jeg innser at han tror jeg er dårlig, men i realiteten bare har vært dårlig på å "blende" den røde øyenskyggen min. Jeg lar han tro på det, og i det jeg går ut døren, hører jeg Magne si til overlegen: "ikke bekymre deg, jeg diagnostiserte henne for deg". Ja, også ble jeg vekket av ringelyd et par timer før jeg ønsket å stå opp. I går bestemte jeg meg for å lage nye julekort. Hadde ikke tenkt til å gjøre det, fordi jeg har mange til overs fra de siste årene. Men da jeg pakket inn gaver forrige dagen, syntes jeg at julekortene jeg lagde et par år siden var så fine. Så det var det jeg gjorde i går, tegnet motiver på 6x7 cm kort. Også malte jeg de i dag, hvilket virkelig gav meg maleglede. Å omfavne kreativitet er noe jeg alltid forsøker å gjøre. Jeg har ikke tenkt meg ut av døren i dag, men jeg kjenner at jeg gjerne skulle kjøpt meg mer sjokolademelk. Har blitt besatt, virkelig. Har drukket denne som om det er dessert, og den minner meg noe om sjokoladepuddingen som Monchita introduserte meg til. En av mine favoritt ting ved denne tiden, er at det går både langrenn og håndball på tv. Så i går så jeg på 15 km på morgenen, og håndballkamp mellom Norge og Sverige på kvelden. Det gir meg mye glede, men jeg antar også at blodtrykket mitt stiger iherdig. I morgen er det første desember, og jobbdag. Tror at jeg tar meg fri etter neste uken, og virkelig nyter juletiden. Ser for meg at jeg faktisk skal prøve meg på julebakst. Mon tro da, om jeg faktisk tør. 

If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you

"All of us, in this life are improvising. We're all without maps or guidelines. There's no knowing and there will never come a time that you can be positive of the road you've set before yourself. We we will always be lost, but we are lost together. And the one definitive truth I've found is that love is, by far, the strongest compass to the places we are happiest" (1). Dette sitatet kommer fra en fan fiction. Jeg svømmer i et hav av fan fiction, fordi jeg vet at blant talg og maneter, finner du de vakreste ting. Denne er så velskrevet, så terapeutisk, at jeg nærmest kjente en indre ro i meg til alle tider. Den handler om et romantisk forhold mellom to mannlige karakterer fra mitt elskede Teen Wolf. Men i hovedsak handler den vel om personlig vekst, om å gradvis bli en bedre versjon av seg selv. Og det var noe jeg kunne relatere til. Denne uken har vært en fantastisk uke. Har vært fornøyd, tilfreds med meg selv, og med livet. Jeg har utnyttet å ha fri så mye jeg kunne, og selv om det innimellom kan være slitsomt for kroppen, så har min mentale kropp hatt stor glede. Torsdagskveld satt jeg og skrev i notatblokken min før jeg la meg, for jeg følte meg så inspirert, så mye glede. Gårsdagen var en noe slitsom vakt på jobb. Min kollega måtte hjelpe en del til en annen, enn hos meg. Det førte til at jeg til tider ble alene. Men det gikk fint, og kollegaen unnskyldte seg. Jeg børstet det av, sa jeg forstod det. Og det gjør jeg virkelig. Jeg gikk fra jobb noe sliten, men med en god samvittighet og en følelse av mestring. I dag dro jeg på juleshopping alene. Med min liste, forberedte jeg meg for menneskemengden. En lørdag på et shoppingsenter, det er i mine øyne noe en alltid bør unngå dersom en misliker store menneskemengder. Men jeg var bestemt på at jeg skulle få unnagjort noen julegaver. Tror ikke jeg var der mer enn 90 minutter, kanskje mindre. Stod i kø i en klesbutikk, og enten skulle de foran meg kjøpe en haug med ting, ellers var kassamannen treg. Tror det var sistnevnte, for han brukte himla lang tid på å brette den ene tingen jeg skulle ha. Han gjorde visst noe feil da, så han måtte brette den på nytt. Var i ferd med å rope "er du perfeksjonist eller?". Dro hjem med fire nye gaver og nytt gavepapir. Skrudde på julemusikk av Kurt Nilsen, tente lys og pakket inn gavene. Hittil har jeg vegret meg for å høre på julemusikk, for jeg tror jeg visste at det ikke ville gi meg julestemning i år. Og riktignok fikk jeg ikke særlig følelse av jul. Men det er greit. Det kommer vel et tidspunkt i livet der en bare må akseptere at julestemning ikke kommer. Det eneste irriterende ved denne uken, er at jeg fant en veldig spennende bok på en bokhandel, men idiotiske meg valgte å ikke ta bilde av boken i tro at jeg ville huske tittelen. Neida, aner ikke hva den heter, jeg. Kommer sikkert til å plage meg helt inntil jeg drar tilbake til bokhandelen. Eller til jeg glemmer hele greia da, kan jo ikke stole på hukommelsen min. Til tross for en god uke, har søvnen vært noe merkelig. Heldigvis ingen skumle drømmer, men opphold på natta der jeg innimellom har tenkt "ja, det er jo bare en time til klokken er seks, kanskje jeg kan stå opp likevel siden jeg er så lys våken". I morgen åpner jeg forhåpentlig vis en av bøkene jeg har lånt, for det har jeg vært dårlig på å gjøre. 

take your eyes off of me so I can leave, I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me

God kveld. Det har foreløpig vært en veldig god uke. Tirsdagen var noe traurig grunnet mye trafikk, og dermed store forsinkelser. Måtte dermed stå ute i det gråe regnværet mye lengre enn jeg hadde planlagt. Heldigvis kom jeg meg til destinasjonen til slutt, bare en time senere enn jeg ønsket. Kilo-gjengen var samlet på vårt stamsted. Vi skulle på juleshopping, men var faktisk ingen av oss som kjøpte en eneste julegave. I går dro jeg til min belieber venn for å spise pølse og sushi. "Hvem skal spise pølse, og hvem skal spise sushi?" spurte Darren. Rar kombinasjon kanskje, men ja, jeg spiste sushi og pølse. Og det var akkurat det jeg trengte. Hadde ønsker om å ta meg en tur på museum denne uken, ettersom det nærmest har vært en friuke. Jeg forsøker jo å ta mulighetene mens de er der. Så i dag tok jeg like godt turen til Kunstindustrimuseet. Hva er det? Nei, det visste jeg ikke da jeg bestemte meg for å dra. Jeg ble gledelig overrasket, da jeg innså at det ikke bare var kunst, men i stor grad interiør. Jeg er veldig glad i stoler fra barokk- og rokokko- tidsperioden, så jeg ble veldig glad da jeg fikk øye på de. Var kanskje den eneste personen utenom ansatte på museet. Det ligger dessverre litt avsides, og det er minimalt med informasjon om museet, så det er kanskje ikke så merkelig. Jeg var der i underkant av tre timer (!!!!), takket for meg etter jeg hadde sett på kongelig mote, hvilket var ennå en overraskelse. Vandret litt rundt i byen, kjøpte to julegaver, og nøt julelyset. Julegaten, som er avbildet på mitt siste bilde, åpnes vel i løpet av uka. Pariserhjulet er definitivt nytt, og det ser ikke ut som det eneste som er nytt. I morgen er det jobb, men for nå er det håndballkamp mellom Russland og Norge. 

don't try to change my mind, I'm being cruel to be kind

I spent today as if it was Sunday. Meaning, I cleaned my bedroom. I prefer cleaning in the mornings when I'm able to see the dust particles, which is why I didn't clean yesterday, the actual Sunday. No cos, Sunday mornin' I was working. Despite getting a bit hectic at the end of my shift, it was a good day at work. The Christmas party on Saturday was ace. Way, way better than what I'd expected. It's the strangest thing, seeing your co-workers in their own clothes, rather than the white uniform we usually don in each others company. "I didn't recognise you," one commented. I said "nah, it's cos I've actually got eye-shadow on, isn't it?". First of all, I hadn't realised there would be more than my co-workers who works with lung patients attending. Nor did I realise doctors usually attended as well. I ended up hiding behind a wall to scare someone, I feed my unsuspecting neighbour, someone put a pine cone on my head, and so on. After our stomachs had been well-fed, we pushed the tables back to make space for a dance floor. And then we danced until we got sweaty and in need for cooling down. As I had work Sunday morning, I sadly left the party at 10.30 pm. Can't say I had the best of sleeps, but come morning I managed. After work yesterday, I went to see Oyster at her house. We basically sat down and had a four hour-long chat. It's not even a joke. I came to realise Oyster and I are more alike than I'd noticed. You learn something new about people all the time, despite how long you've known them. I walked home on the cold winter night. The trek from her house to mine, is actually one of those I thoroughly enjoy, because it usually means I walk through the centre of the place we live, and it's nice to see what people get up to. I've officially started planning Christmas presents, started asking people for their wishes. I always do a list in a notebook I've had for years. Oyster laughed at my problem, but as we've gotten a new sofa this year, it takes up a lot more space than the old ones. It means I've no idea where to put the Christmas tree this year. My second favourite part about Christmas is decorating the tree, which is why it's so important that I find a spot for the tree. I'll probably be thinking about this for the whole of this week. Right now I'm going to put some nail varnish on, then watch Grand Designs. Been a good Monday. 

Made in the A.M

0. If you couldn’t tell already, this is my subjective review of One Direction’s new album, which is more for myself than anyone else. Initially I thought this was something I’ve done as a tradition, but I realised I only did last year. I’ve written many, many words in this post, more than some of the papers I’ve written in my studying years. It’s a warning for you to probably skip this. That is unless you’d like to read 2800 words related to One Direction. 1. Lately, I have admittedly gradually immersed myself back into One Direction, though avoiding the negative aspects of the fandom that I didn't enjoy. I think it's just the thought that this is the last time we'll see them together for awhile. It might be a hiatus for one year, two years, or who knows, maybe even five more years. So I figured, right, I'm going to miss them profusely when they are gone, so I'm just going to soak up all I can get of One Direction as they are now. I was also drawn back in by Zayn's departure, not because it was a joyous moment, but because once you realise something isn't forever, you hold on tighter. 2. Truthfully, I was appalled when I first saw the cover and name of the new One Direction album. After having fallen in love with the FOUR cover, Made In The A.M. was a definite let down in the aesthetics area. (That's why I've chosen to not include a photograph of the actual cover). But to be fair, that's a subjective meaning, and I'm sure a lot of people love it. I just don't. I would really have preferred something a lot simpler, even one of Harry’s black and white pictures would be better. 3. The release of Drag Me Down was a total surprise out of nowhere, and my jaw was ajar throughout listening to the whole song. I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I was listening to One Direction, and not some other artist. It's one of their most commercial songs to this day, I think, and why it got so many positive responses. And well, I was struggling to understand what kind of direction they were heading towards. But in my experience, there’s always a song in the One Direction album that’s an a, and then there’s another song that’s z. Meaning they’ll be completely different. Hence why I didn’t really think of Drag Me Down as a representative for the new material. 4. If I’m not incorrect, the album leaked a week before it's release date. I don’t think anyone was surprised. I wasn’t—in fact I was waiting for the inevitable to happen. However, for once I didn't listen to it, maybe as a treat to myself. Or maybe because I didn’t have access to it due to unfollowing a lot of people in the fandom. For the first time in the past years, I didn't buy the regular book-alike deluxe version. Not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't find it in the store. Instead I bought "ultimate fan edition", and I am now a owner of a 1D bracelet. 5. I read a quote from a review somewhere, and it said something about One Direction's legacy as a "boyband" is being able to change their sound. They've been really smart about it, not changing to much so they won't lose fans, but changing enough to always evolve. It’s very noticeable when you compare Up All Night to Made in The A.M. When I first listened to this album, I couldn't help but think that it was different somehow. I find it hard to pinpoint what exactly. Anyway, here's my honest song-by-song review. Keep in mind that these are my opinions after getting to know the songs for a week. They're bound to change.

1. Hey Angel. This song instantly made me think of Robbie Williams. Admittedly, it's not really my cup of tea. My favourite part of the song is the fast-paced part, which is the bridge, I think. I just don't think I get the song, the meaning behind it. I need someone to explain to me what this is actually about, and then maybe I’ll appreciate it more, but for now it’s just background music. 

2. Drag Me Down. When I first heard this song, I was flabbergasted. Didn't quite know what to think, and what to expect of their new music. I did and truly do like this song, and it's one of the songs I'd really like to see live. I remember when they dropped the song in the midst of the tour, and that same day (or the day after), they surprised everyone by performing it. My favourite line is the simple "I'm not scared of the dark". Although I enjoy it, it’s also a very repetitive song, which means it’s one that I easily tire. 

3. Perfect. Initially I didn't like this song very much. I just really dislike the verse, the sound of it. I can't really put my finger on what exactly puts me off, but it does. The chorus is good, catchy. Harry's answer to Taylor Swift, it's been considered as. This song to me, feels like when a person uses humour as their defence mechanism. And they’ll say something in a humorous manner, but also genuinely mean it. So there’s lines like “I might never be your knight in shining armour” which feels a bit less serious, but then there’s my favourite line: "I can be the one you love from time to time" that kind of says “but really, we could actually be great together given the chance”. It’s neither a favourite, nor one I truly dislike. 

4. Infinity. This is either the second, or the third song I heard off this album. It was an instant favourite. Maybe because Niall opens it, but I think it's more the sound of this song. I like everything from the verse, pre-chorus, chorus, instrumental part. The latter is my absolute favourite part. I'm a sucker for good instrumental parts, and I would love for it to be longer, even. Listening to the song, I always imagine them singing the chorus in an open arena, Harry singing passionately towards the night-sky or summat. Dramatic, yes. When I first heard it, it gave me the same feelings as Best Song Ever gave me, which is probably why it instantly became a favourite of mine. Favourite line(s) is "How many nights does it take to count the stars. That's the time it would take to fix my heart". That’s a long time Harry (er, Harry sings this line). It’s in my top favourites. 

5. End of The Day. This song confuses me greatly. It's such a big switch from the verse to the chorus, and then back. Initially I was wary about it, leaning more towards the negative emotion aspects. However, I’ve found that after listening to it, and seeing the lads perform it live, I’ve grown more fond of it. It still confuses me a lot. I have several favourite lines from this song: “just me, her, and the moon”, “you follow your heart even though it will break sometimes”, “you love who you love, there ain’t no other way” and “the priest thinks it’s the devil, my mum thinks it’s the flu, but girl it’s only you”. In other words, I profusely enjoy this lyrically. And well, have learned to enjoy it melodically too.

6. If I Could Fly. My favourite line is the first line: "If I could fly, I'd be coming right back home to you". I love this song a lot, the simplicity allows the seriousness to show through. Kiwi talked to me about a song where everyone sings in the bridge. Yes, it's confusing to hear Louis, then Niall, then Harry, then Liam, then Harry, and then everyone together. To never perform this song live would be devastating. Whenever Louis sings "And pain gets hard," I always hear "A big ass heart," which is definitely different. It’s another one in my top favourites. 

7. Long Way Down. This song always remind me of Kodaline, just because of the title. My favourite line is "built a Cathedral, but we never prayed". The line "I try to forgive you but I struggle cos I don't know how" reminds me of Zayn and the rest of the lads. It’s not a favourite, nor is it background music. But I feel like this is one of the songs I’ll just someday find myself really enjoying. 

8. Never Enough. This strange, strange song is surprisingly my absolute favourite. Before listening to any of the songs, I read this song-by-song review, and the reviewer wrote: "Who’d have thought Niall Horan would be responsible for one of One Direction’s most brilliantly bizarre tracks ever. There are barbershop quartet harmonies, gutsy grunts powerful enough to put the All Blacks’ Haka in its place, flourishes of tropical brass, and Liam doing some truly maniacal ad-libs. It doesn’t sound like it should work on paper, but somehow it all comes together with a crazy-in-love lyric to be an album highlight." By the time I listened through the album, I'd forgotten about which song had warranted this review. But the moment Never Enough started, I knew this was the one. I think it's such an "out there" song that it's one of those you either hate or love. For me it was the latter, because it's like the reviewer said, it shouldn't work with all the different things in the song, but it does. I bloody love everything about this song, which as you might have seen is rare. Favourite line is "lips so good I forget my name". First time I heard this song, I remember hearing the instruments after the first chorus, and thinking of Jonas Brothers back when they introduced so many new instruments to Lines, Vines and Trying Times. I love the crazy chants of "it's never enough", the grunts, and my god, if they don't perform this, it'll be a travesty. It's a crazy song, but in a good way. It makes me want to dance and laugh.

9. Olivia. To me, this is a bit like Act My Age part two. I don't have that much against the verse, but for some reason I really, really dislike the chorus. It’s the one song I always skip because I can’t bring myself to listen to it. It reminds me of a song from the theatre. My favourite part is actually the bridge. Favourite line is "this isn't the stain of a red wine, I'm bleeding love". I hope they don't perform this song, unless it's a completely different renedition. Ugh.

10. What A Feeling. This is one of the surprises on the album, I think. It's got such vibe, and reminds me of Norwegian artist Donkey Boy. Favourite line is "Whatever chains are holding you back, holding you back, don't let them tie you down". It’s not exactly a favourite, nor background music. It’s just there with it’s funky vibe. 

11. Love You Goodbye. Favourite line is “One more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we've been and the nights we've had. Because if this is it, then at least we could end it right”. In other words, my favourite part is the bridge when Louis sings, or pleads let me have you one more time. I love this song because it sounds like a classic One Direction ballad, and because I think it’s so honest, and I’ve got an emotional attachment to Louis and Eleanor. 

12. I Want to Write You A Song. First time I heard this song, I almost cried. And it's all because of the last part that Niall sings. "I wanna write you a song, one to make your heart remember me. So anytime I'm gone you can listen to my voice and sing along". That’s my favourite part. It feels like this is their song saying giving thanks to the fans, and saying "hey, we'll be back, but here's a song for you to listen to when we're gone". It’s a song for the fans, and I think that a lot of these songs were written with the intention to give to the fans. It makes me all emotional, and it’s definitely one of my favourites.

13. History. What a perfect song to end the album with. After their X Factor performance on Sunday 15th of November, they had actually made a commercial, thanking the fans. This was nice, of course. But especially because it felt like an answer to the full-page advert in Billboard magazine that some fans orchestrated a month ago or something. The full-page advert was basically a thank you to the boys, and I remember all of the boys’ surprise and happiness when they saw it. So when I saw the commercial, using History as the background music, I nearly started crying, because this is such a great picture of One Direction and fans. In This Is Us, Simon Cowell says that it was the fans that was the power behind them going from ending up in third place on X Factor to becoming the biggest boyband at the moment. The lads have a habit of always thanking the fans, because I do actually think they realise the importance the fans have made for their success. History was also an instant favourite when I first heard it. It's got such a different vibe from their previous work, and it’s a song for their fans. It’s actually got vocals from a group of fans. My favourite line is "You and me got a whole lot of history, so don't let it go. We can make some more, we can live forever". But my favourite part is when Louis sings rather adamantly “this is not the end”. And well, it doesn’t sound like it.

Bonus Tracks

14. Temporary Fix. It's the most rock-y song on this record. Niall described this as a song with a bit of grit to it. It’s actually a song where the lads are saying “hey I can be your booty call”. Favourite line is “all that I can see’s you waking up in my t-shirt”. Only complaint is this line: “ya body’s saying everything, I don’t have to read your mind”. Body language can often be difficult to understand, and please make sure to ask the partner of their desires. Right, yes. Apart from that, I very much enjoy this rocky tune, and it’s right up my street. 

15. Walking in The Wind. This is one of those songs that doesn’t really fit into this album, and is probably why it’s one of the bonus tracks. Regardless, I quite enjoy the vibe it gives, and my favourite line is "I know we'll be alright child," sung by Haz, as if he's not a mere child himself. The bridge is just gold. 

16. Wolves. Favourite line is “it’s bringing my demons out”. I’m not so happy with the predator and damsel in distress-theme, but I really do enjoy the song. I love the chorus, and I’ve often found myself singing this song in the shower. Also, I need to add this thread from Tumblr. A person on Tumblr posted this about the song: “HOW!!!??? DO PEOPLE???!!!!? DISLIKE!!!!! WOLVES?????????”, and another person, who didn’t know it was about the song, answered: “Well my best friend had a boyfriend in high school who manipulated her and another friend into joining a cult based on the idea that they were all a part of a wolf pack in a past life. So none of us are the biggest fans of wolves anymore.”. The original person then answered: “this is about a one direction song but sorry about your friend”. It’s probably not polite to laugh at that, but god, I almost pissed my pants when I read it. But yes, it’s one of my faves. 

17. A.M. I'm not sure why this is in the bonus tracks, and only available in the deluxe version of the album, seeing as this song inspired the album title. It's strange, isn't it? But this was also an instant favourite. My favourite line is basically the whole chorus: “all my favourite conversations, always made in the A.M cos we don’t know what we’re saying. We’re just swimming round in our glasses and talking out of our asses”. I also really like the lines “I’m always coming back to this place” and “I’m always gonna look for your face”. It feels like a song for the boys really, when they’re on their hiatus and no longer living in each other pockets. And then maybe they’re in a familiar place some day, somewhere they had a gig, and they’ll look around for the others, only to realise that they’re not there. Agh, that was a bit sad. But yes, deffo a favourite.

A part of me keeps holding on just in case it hasn't gone. I guess I still care, do you still care?

I had an awful dream. Very awful indeed. It woke me up at 4 am, and I couldn't fall asleep for awhile, so I ended up on my phone, reading, in hopes of tiring. That didn't happen, but I decided I'd try falling asleep anyway. Back in dreamland, I slipped right back to that dream. Nightmare, I guess would be more appropriate. I've no idea what prompted the dream, but regardless, I hope it won't reappear. I was slightly awoken around 8 am, because work was calling my phone. In my state, I thought it was my alarm. I always do. At 10 am, when I rose, I saw the calls and text. On another note, I've fallen head-first for When We Were Young by Adele. It's just gorgeous, and I love the theme of it. Thus far it's my favourite. That said, I've only heard Hello and this song. She never disappoints, does she? I am looking forward to collect her new CD to add in my collection of Adele albums. There's been so much new music as of late, that I can't. Meaning, my head and ears cannot, and is not capable of thoroughly loving all the new music at the same time. I've no idea when I am going to start listening to Christmas music now, as I'm definitely going to immerse myself into Adele's voice. I haven't even heard Coldplay's single, or any of the album. It wasn't before two weeks ago that I finally heard the Ed Sheeran and Rudimental collaboration. I could go on, but the point is that I behind on new music, and it's why you can find me falling in love with an album a year after it's release. Work yesterday was good, though hectic at the end. Sugar was also working yesterday, but we barely saw each other because we weren't caring for the same patients. It wasn't exactly unexpected, because I rarely ever get to care about the same patients when working with either Sugar or Kiwi. Tomorrow I'm going to a Christmas dinner with work. Luckily it's quite close to my house, so I don't have to worry that much about getting home too late. I've got the morning shift on Sunday, which means I can't stay out too late. It's started to annoy me, how I cannot find Christmas spirit in the white frost outside, the neighbour houses decorated with lights. It's like I am Cindy Lou Who, and singing "where are you Christmas" (spirit) "why can't I find you?". Oh well, the struggle is real. I'm gonna leave with this link to Justin Bieber performing Sorry on Jimmy Fallon. My favourite kind of Justin is when he sings renditions of his songs in a similar way to this. My belieber friend says she'd like this version in her veins. Yes. Happy weekend. 

let me photograph you in this light in case it is the last time

So yesterday I finally managed to motivate myself to do some exercise, and I was done earlier than expected. I was scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard, when I saw a link saying "learn new languages". Sure, I thought. Why not? Out of languages like German, French, etc, I chose Irish. I can't say I'm overly surprised by myself, but when on earth will I ever need Irish? Never probably, but I didn't care about that. So now I know basic irish gaelic words that'll probably never be used. For some reason I've really been dreading work today, or like this week, because I'd rather not work in all honesty. I think that I'm going to take myself the luxury of not working that much in December. My motto whilst not having a permanent job, has been to take advantage of the things I can do. Meaning, I am able to not work if I don't want or see the necessity of it. I'm not working Christmas or any holidays, because when I get a permanent job, I probably will have to. It's one of the things I've tried to do this year, taking the opportunities when they come, instead of brushing them off, saying "I'll do that later". Because "doing it later" almost always end up doing it never. One Direction did a gig with Apple music, and they've been releasing one episode per day this week. In episode two, Niall wore glasses, and he looks like a pretentious geek, who acts unattainable and better than everyone. Well, that's the vibe I get when I wasn't busy gaping at how pretty he looks. On another note, my current favourite television show ended yesterday. It was hilarious, and I couldn't breathe with how much I was laughing. Here's to hoping for a new season. Also, a new season with Grand Designs started on Monday. It's ridiculous how content I am, with a cup of tea and watching Kevin McCloud explain designs, materials, etc. Before I go, here's a nice cover of Love Yourself by Conor Maynard. It's got a bit more elements to it, than the original. I'm especially fond of the ending. Good mid-week (insert thumbs up emoji). 

Toy Story 3, the greatest all time kids movie. But I forgot, Andy leaves Woody, and now the tears are coming right back over me.

Søndag var en bra dag, en bra søndag. Jeg var produktiv, og i stedet for å si "ah gidder ikke å rydde i dag," så ryddet jeg. Jeg hadde en sånn generell følelse om at jeg var fornøyd. Dette til tross for en mer travel arbeidsdag. Jobb var liksom noe rotete, og jeg satt sjelden. "Du vet jo aldri når ting skal skje," sa en pasient til meg. "Ja, det er ganske uforutsigbart," sa jeg. Like etter var det en lekkasje i et urinkateter, og hele pasientsengen var våt. Dette var ca. et kvarter før jeg skulle ta en blodprøve kl. 22. Etter jeg hadde gjort det, fikk jeg beskjed om at den ene kollegaen min som hadde ansvar hadde glemt at det skulle tas en blodprøve kl. 18. Sugar, som skulle jobbe natt fant at det var glemt å enkelte blodprøver på dagen. Så da var vi i gang med blodprøver. Etter dette var gjort, sendte jeg hjem kollegaen min som hadde en ganske stressende vakt. Han hadde drukket for lite, i tillegg til at det skjedde litt av hvert. Det førte til en hodepine, og jeg hentet vann til han. Det er som jeg sier, sykepleiere er ganske mye flinkere til å ta vare på andre enn seg selv. Jeg pratet med Sugar før jeg dro, snakket blant annet om skattekort. Etter den siste lønnslippen min, har jeg innsett at jeg sikkert får tilbakesmell på skatten. Hadde ikke tenkt at jeg skulle tjene så mye i år, men noe av det første jeg gjorde i går var å endre på skattekort slik at den tilbakesmellen kanskje blir redusert. Årets første snø i dette området la seg tynt på bakken i går, før det smeltet et par timer senere. Jeg følte meg som et barn da jeg så ut av vinduet. Det er merkelig, men hittil har jeg ikke hatt noe følelse av at julen nærmer seg. Ikke hørt på julesanger eller tenkt særlig på jul, annet enn de julegavene jeg pakket inn forrige uke(?). Ettersom jeg har mye fri neste uke, har jeg bestemt meg for å forsøke å gjøre ferdig en del julegaver. Tja, skal gi det et forsøk i hvertfall. Herregud, lastet ned Spotify, og logget inn på min bruker for første gang på flere år. Faktisk tre år, ser jeg. Jøss. Veldig interessant å se på mine gamle spillelister, herregud. Rart hvordan musikk åpner så mange minner. Nei nå må jeg finne meg noe mat. Har alle intensjoner om å virkelig utnytte denne fridagen min. 

I just sit in silence, let the pictures soak out of televisions

I woke up this morning feeling a bit groggy because I'd woken up around 1.30 am and not fallen asleep again for awhile. The first thing I did, was to check my Instagram, which was filled with: "praying for Paris". After awhile, I got the gist of what had happened, and checked the news. It was a shock of course, but I also realised that I needed to get ready for work. So I got dressed, went to the bathroom. Which was when I realised I'd put on my Paris jumper. I saw myself in the mirror, and just like that I was on the brink of crying. My emotional state has been questionable throughout the whole day, I'd say. And no matter what I occupy myself with, it's always in the back of my mind. Today I'm mourning the losses around the world. I'm also reminding myself to be kind, not jump to conclusions and shun people. "It's in these moments we need to be more kind, show more kindness," a patient told me. And I wholeheartedly agree. Naivety some would say, but I don't get how spreading fear is a better solution. I'd say it's worse. Work today was good, but I'm ready to have some days off. I've only got a shift tomorrow, then I have Monday and Tuesday off. I watched a handball match today, and though the team I was rooting for lost, I thought it was a really good match. I also got the new One Direction album yesterday, which was a big surprise. I'll write more about it, someday when I'm not feeling so empty. 

what if I've lured you here with a siren song

It's rare that I'm ill, really. And whenever I am slightly ill, it's just a little cold. This cold, however, has really been harsh to my body. I've had the past days off, and still, work today was almost too much. I was even considering to tell the boss that I couldn't work tomorrow. I admit that I had little sleep, which was my fault only, but I'm usually fine with a bit less sleep if I've been well rested for a couple of days. I was walking around half-asleep, it felt like. My own boss, who was just passing through, said "you look a bit gone, a bit confused". In my current nasally voice I said "I'm still not a 100% so my concentration and everything is a bit off kilter". To be fair, I was almost spinning around in a circle, because I'd forgotten about the things I was going to do. So I'm sure other people than my boss thought I was acting strange. It was even a really nice shift, nothing too strenuous. Realising the latter, also made me realise that for the first time in forever, I've gotten a cold that actually has knocked me off my feet, a bit. I'm very grateful that thus far in my life, my health has been good. For all I know, it can change tomorrow. It's a nice thing that I was coerced into a group picture that'll find it's way to the internet somehow, when I looked akin a zombie. My poor nose is red and scratchy and awful after days of tissue paper. Looking at my pay check today, I was pretty surprised. I kind of hadn't expected to earn that much, which probably means I'll have to pay extra taxes. Great. Ah luxury problems. I am sooooo tempted to buy myself a new coat. But I won't. Willpower. (What would Spock say? It's highly illogical to purchase more coats when you have enough for you to survive). I was so busy looking through my pay check, that I forgot about One Direction doing the live lounge. Luckily I remembered just when the live lounge was about to start, just missed the interview beforehand. They did six songs, two of which were covers. I was pleasantly surprised by their cover of Four Five Seconds. I would never have guessed they'd choose that one, but they were really good. The second cover, the last song, was Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. Niall introduced it, and just before they were about to sing, he said "I've got goosebumps". It was an emotional one, because they ended their first live lounge with the first song they actually performed together. They ended it with the song that started it all, I think was what Greg James (radio DJ) said a fan had tweeted in response to the performance today. I personally thought it was the perfect choice. I am going to go get ready for bed now, because I'm hoping to fall asleep earlier, and therefore have a better day tomorrow. It might be better, worse, or the same. Regardless, it'll be one day closer to my days off. 

One more taste of your lips just to bring me back to the places we've been and the nights we've had. Because if this is it, then at least we could end it right

For the past week, there's been a new One Direction song released each day. Yesterday it was Love You Goodbye. It's Louis' song, and it's obvious. I am 97% sure this is about Louis and Eleanor. I don't want to pretend like I know any of the One Direction boys. Unless you're actually a friend of a well-known person, you'll never actually know the person despite how many years you've "followed" them. However, I think that when Zayn split from One Direction, Louis took it the hardest. (For oh so many reasons I really cannot be bothered to list). He split with Eleanor around the same time, I think. And I remember feeling really sad about it, about a relationship I knew nothing of because they were always private about it. Although I thought Zayn departing was sad, I was almost sadder about this break up, because somehow I'd just decided that they were forever. That they were "it" for each other. It's like the one thing I didn't think would change, suddenly did. So, listening to Love You Goodbye proved to be really heartbreaking. It's not my favourite song off the album thus far, but lyrically, it's maybe the best. And then Louis goes ahead and sings the bridge of the song, which a lot of the time is the most honest and vulnerable parts of a song. Listening to it just really makes me want to give him a hug. Also, I just heard a snippet of the Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran collaboration. I was just browsing my Facebook in the midst of the commercials when I was watching television yesterday. And I stumbled across the snippet, which sounds amazing. I think it's funny, and pretty amazing how Sheeran seems to always put himself into the songs he collaborates on with other artists. I'm really looking forward to listening to the whole song. I watched a slideshow of pictures I've posted on this blog yesterday, and you know what? Take pictures, document your life. I'm not saying to take pictures of everything, and stop living in the moment. But the truth is that a lot of the moments in your life will be forgotten. It doesn't even have to be big things, just small moments. And by taking pictures, you can capture some of them. Watching that slideshow yesterday gave me a rush of emotions, reminded me of a lot of great moments and how my life has evolved. In the midst of the slideshow was a video, of myself and my friends, and it actually almost made me tear up. It's one of the greatest unintentional gifts I've made myself. My pictures and this blog, I guess. Tomorrow is the start of my work-week. Here's to hoping it goes well. Also, here's to hoping that my nose goes back to it's normal condition and stops being a waterfall. 

we dance along and sing along in high grass and daisies

I went to bed yesterday, looking out of my window where the stars were so prominent on the clear night sky. It's such a lovely sight. My nose is a waterfall, has been the last few days. I didn't recognise the ache in my bones to be different to a regular muscle soreness after exercising. You'd think that being a nurse would have made it more obvious to me that I'm probably having the flu. But if there's one thing I've learned, it is that nurses are good at taking care of others, and forget themselves. That is my experience. Yesterday was good. I had a phonecall from Ale, and we had a brief catch up over the phone. I told her about my current turmoil, and she told me about her new beau. Her voice accompanied me to the train station, where we said our goodbyes. After a ten minute train ride, I was in the city, staring at tall and architectonic buildings. A short walk, that almost had me crashing into multiple other people, led me to Sugar and my belieber friend, who were sat waiting for the gang to arrive at our regular spot. Shortly after my arrival, Kiwi arrived with her suitcase. We all ordered salads, I joined in on Kiwi with her vegan ways. Instead of a regular no-meat day, I had a vegan day yesterday. I figured since a lot of the time, I eat vegan meals on those days anyway, why not just go vegan for the day? Only logical, I found. (I've spent too much time reading about Spock's logical ways. How suiting that he is a vulcan, and therefore vegetarian). We caught up, we've not been gathered together all of us in months. But it never really feels like it. Not for me, maybe. I forget sometimes that I see all of them pretty regularly, but they don't see each other as regularly as I do. We spoke of lighter things, and then some more serious things. We almost always do, really. Has thanksgiving passed by? I'd like to say I'm grateful for my friends anyway. I sometimes think of the person I'd be without the amazing people around me. I'm sure I'd be in despair, in an alternative universe somewhere. We spent a few hours chatting, until we all were about to pee ourself, and parted our ways. I walked slowly towards the train I knew would leave any second, trying to decide whether I'd want to stand in a crammed train. In the end, I did, it felt like standing in a three-person hug. I've always thought that if you want physical touch, just use public transport in the midst of rush hour. I was home in what felt like record time, watched Kevin McCloud and "oohed" and "aweed" at the amazing houses. Today I've been reading on my old curriculum, yes, because I do that sometimes. Because with the amount of curriculum we actually had, I don't think you can get through it and understand it within the three years a bachelor is done. I was going to brace the cold and go grocery shopping today, but with my runny nose and sore body, I decided to stay inside and chug down several mugs with lemon tea. I was asked to work a night shift as well, but I've already said yes to work four shifts this week, as I also did last week. Don't know what's gotten into me, seeing as I've been enjoying working as little as possible. I looked through my pictures yesterday, pictures throughout the years, and I was surprised to feel envious of my former self. It feels like the little I had of photography prowess has dimmed. I think, next year I'll finally buy myself a new camera. I've had my trusty one since 2010, I think, and it's brilliant. Love it to death, and it's one of my most precious belongings. But I've wanted a new camera for ages, years, and I've not indulged, because there's always been other things to buy first. At least I have my writing. Just got a snapchat from Lynx thanking me for her birthday card. When Volla was opening her gifts on her surprise birthday, she read my card out loud. Warning her friends first: "my sister always have a tendency to write special cards". Then she read my 95 words, and it's like the content of my card suddenly made a more serious moment. My tumblr-friend says I choose my words carefully, and I do sometimes. Because if you tread carefully, words can be really powerful. It's why poetry can be so piercing. Anyway, I ought to eat now. If you want a little cheer-up, or feeling especially lovey, I'd suggest you see this video. It's a strange and charming music video. 

All my favourite conversations always made in the am, cause we don't know what we're saying. We're just swimming round in our glasses, talking out of our asses

Hei. I går var det sol for første gang på kanskje en uke. Kanskje jeg overdriver, men alt jeg husker fra de siste dagene er at det har vært en fæl tåke konstant. Det gjorde at alt støvet som hopet seg opp, ble veldig synlig, så jeg ryddet endelig rommet mitt. La det på vent forrige søndag da jeg var overtrøtt og sliten. I stedet for å se på The Proposal på fredag, endte jeg opp med å se på Star Trek. Jeg har alltid visst litt om Star Trek, akkurat som Star Wars, da begge er en del av popkulturen. Inntil fredagskvelden hadde jeg verken sett på Star Trek eller Star Wars, men må innrømme at jeg kunne mer om sistnevnte enn førstnevnte. Usikker på hvorfor, kanskje fordi Star Wars er mer populært i min omgangskrets. I det siste (kanskje siste måneden ellerno) har jeg lest en del Star Trek fan-fiction. Jepp. Og da jeg satte meg ned for å se på The Proposal, så jeg at Star Trek gikk på tv'n. "Så beleilig," tenkte jeg. Dette var filmen som hadde premiere i 2009. I går gikk etterfølgeren, og jeg satte meg ned i sofaen atter en gang. Jeg må innrømme at jeg er overrasket over hvor mye jeg likte Star Trek. Og nå gleder jeg meg til neste film kommer ut. Kjente jeg faktisk skulle ønske Halloween var tilbake, slik at jeg kunne kle meg ut som en fra Star Trek. I dag har jeg pakket mine første julegaver dette året. De fleste var riktignok ikke mine egne, men heller min søsters, som jeg har brakt med meg hjem og deretter pakket for henne. Det er veldig rart for meg å tenke at vi snart er halvveis inn denne måneden, hvilket betyr at desember er rundt hjørnet. Desember betyr jul for meg, og vanligvis ville dette betydd at jeg alt hadde litt julestemning. Men den er fraværende ennå. Det hadde vært veldig deilig å ha julestemning til riktig tid. I dag fikk jeg endelig motivert meg selv til å trene litt. Kroppen har egentlig vært litt merkelig i dag, sliten kanskje. Blitt litt forkjølet, nå som jeg endelig hadde fri. Naturligvis. Herregud, leste nettopp at 1D skal gjøre en live lounge! En live lounge betyr at en artist spiller et cover og en live versjon av deres egen sang, vanligvis sin nyeste singel. Dette skjer på BBC Radio 1. Det er verdt å sjekke ut via Youtube, for det er alltid noen som virkelig lager gode cover. Årsaken til at jeg er spent på dette, er at One Direction aldri har gjort dette før. De skal imidlertid gjøre en spesiell versjon, der de skal spille flere sanger, har jeg lest. Jeg har ingen klager, ha. I morgen skal jeg møte kilo-gjengen, hvilket er et gjensyn jeg ser frem til. Ser vanligvis frem til alle gjensyn. Vi har ikke vært samlet hele gjengen siden juni kanskje, så det blir nok bra. 

you and me got a whole lot of history, we could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen

Plutselig får man en sånn mail som sier "History av One Direction er tilgjengelig for nedlasting nå", også føler man seg så "out of the loop". Gikk til iTunes appen min på mobilen, og der var en ny sang i spillelisten min. Må innrømme at jeg har vært litt i tvil om det nye albumet, og fortsatt er det. Skjønner ikke helt hvilken retning de forsøker å gå i, og det forferdelige utseende til albumet trekker alt ned. Men innen Harry begynte å synge i History, hvilket skjer 5-6 sekunder inn i sangen, så falt jeg pladask for sangen. Det er definitivt en sånn overaskelsesang, og sikkert en av de som står ut i albumet. I dag fant jeg endelig tid til å se på Cowspiracy. En dokumentar som Kiwi har forsøkt å få meg til å se på. Visste riktignok om den før hun nevnte den, for får virkelig oppmerksomhet rundt kloden. Bare ikke like mye som den egentlig burde. Den var virkelig bra, en sånn uventet perle som fikk meg til å gå igjennom omtrent hele følelsesregisteret mitt. Jadda, var ganske nær gråten faktisk. I dag er min kjøttfrie dag denne uken, så det passet egentlig veldig greit å se den i dag. Kommer ikke til å skrive så mye om den nå, for jeg har en følelse om at jeg gjør det en gang i fremtiden i stedet. Men det er en absolutt anbefaling. Dro på butikken et par timer etter jeg så dokumentaren, og du skulle sett handlekurven min. Folk sperret hvertfall opp øynene da de så mine varer i kassen. Økologiske bønner, mandelmelk, poteter, sopp, osv. Til min store glede fant jeg vegansk smør, da jeg trodde jeg måtte gi opp. Dessverre har jeg funnet ut at mandelsmør er svindyrt. Kjøpte mulig litt mye, da jeg endte opp med å bruke en formue. Var hvertfall tunge poser jeg gikk og bar på. Den ene skoen gnaget, og hendene mine føltes ut som om de skulle klemmes av. I stedet for å stoppe å ta en pause, så jeg på det som en smertetest. Da jeg endelig fikk lagt fra meg posene og dra av meg skoene, hadde jeg omtrent ikke følelser i hendene, og har nå ett rødt gnagsår på foten. "Var det verdt det?" spurte Monchita da jeg fortalte henne hva jeg hadde gjort. Godt spørsmål. Disse bildene er tatt for en uke siden, fredagsmorgen. Utrolig at det allerede har gått en uke siden jeg fikk sett den utsikten og nyte et par stille øyeblikk med naturen. Det var veldig deilig å endelig ha en fridag der jeg slapp å tenke på ting som måtte gjøres. Utenom å dra på butikken og poste bursdagskort til søsteren, hadde jeg ingenting på agendaen. Nå skal jeg straks spise vegetar pizza. Den er kanskje vegansk når jeg tenker meg om. Også skal jeg sette meg i sofaen og se på The Proposal. Ah, den er aldri feil å se på. 

du lever på lånt og kostbar tid, mens et hjerte slår, og dagan går og går

Heiheiheiheiheiheihei. Satt ved pulten min da med øyene lukket seg, og jeg skvatt til av at hodet falt mot brystet. Tror kanskje at jeg er noe trøtt. Gårsdagens arbeidsdag var veldig rolig, hvilket var veldig deilig. Det hender ofte at jeg blir rastløs ved sånne vakter, og jeg synes det er litt ekkelt å ikke ha noe å gjøre. Men inniblant må en la seg nyte en slik vakt. Trodde i utgangspunktet at jeg hadde en kveldsvakt i dag også, inntil Sugar spurte meg, for hun hadde visst fått for seg at jeg hadde dagvakt. Om det ikke hadde vært for henne, hadde jeg kommet sent til jobb i dag, for det stemte nemlig. I dag jobbet jeg med Sugar på hennes avdeling, hvilket var veldig morsomt. Mitt mål er definitivt å jobbe med alle venninnene mine, ha. Verken av oss hadde hovedansvar, så vi fikk litt tid til å skravle. Og skravle har jeg gjort mer av i dag enn på en stund. Det var rett og slett veldig hyggelig å jobbe sammen med Sugar, selv om vi ikke hadde all verdens tid til å henge sammen. Det er jo tross alt jobb. Må innrømme at det var en veldig mye tyngre dag i dag, og da jeg ble spurt om å jobbe i morgen svarte jeg panisk "nei, nei, nei!". Tror hun skjønte at jeg ikke ønsket å jobbe. Nå skal jeg ha fri et par dager, ta igjen tapt søvn. Gleder meg til å ikke gjøre noe. Siste konserten jeg var på, var tilbake i juni. Kan ikke huske å ha dratt på noe annet senere? Dette betyr at det har gått fem måneder siden siste konsert, og jeg hadde aldri trodd at jeg skulle føle meg slik. Jeg lengter etter å dra på en konsert, og jeg var bare hakket fra å kjøpe billetter forrige dagen. Men mantraen "må spare penger" i hodet mitt roper høyere enn pengebrukeren i hodet mitt (akkurat nå, i hvertfall). Det er nærmest tortur å få mailer om fremtidige konserter. "Å spare penger er noe av det vanskeligste jeg vet," klaget jeg til en kollega. Huff og nei, pengene mine skal brukes til busskort, regninger, mat -- og vel, julegaver. Tja, spørs da, om jeg er like fornuftig når lønningen kommer. Bildet er av to ting jeg kjøpte med meg fra Ålesund. Ja, jeg sprakk tilslutt. Heldigvis var det salg på hele butikken, og disse to stjerneformede lysestakene i marmor ble med meg hjem. Det er av merket House Doctor, hvilket er og har vært en av mine favoritt interiør-merker i et par år nå. Dessverre er det sjeldent jeg finner noen butikker som fører merket, så jeg er alltid glad i å titte i butikken jeg fant disse i. For jeg vet at de fører House Doctor. Jeg lagde en spilleliste for en stund tilbake, og jeg innså at den inneholdt en rekke nostalgiske sanger. Satt på bussen da jeg plutselig var tilbake på Volcano Choir konsert, og deretter på barneskolen da jeg hørte Har en drøm av Jørn Hoel. Sistnevnte ble forvandlet fra en sang mine medstudenter fremførte på barneskolen, til en sang om livet og å finne en sti da jeg virkelig hørte på teksten. Fikk litt sjokk. I dag, i garderoben etter jobb skiftet jeg mens jeg hørte på en annen prate med en medstudent. "Kan vi ikke møtes på Espresso House i stedet for Wayne's? Du vet jeg ikke liker Wayne's. Åh, eller, vi kan møtes på Yaya's, stamstedet vårt!". De pratet om studieoppgaver, og andre ting, og jeg kjente virkelig en pang av nostalgi og tristhet da jeg innså at det er ikke lengre mitt liv. Hvordan får en tilbake treningsmotivasjon? Min er i hvertfall forsvunnet i løse luften. Det er rart å tenke tilbake på dager jeg stod opp tidlig for å skvise inn en liten treningsøkt før dagen skulle starte. For tiden driver jeg og sparer opp litt magefett for vinteren, jadda, det er unnskyldningen. Nei nå må jeg hoppe i dusjen! 

I find myself at your door, just like all those times before. I'm not sure how I got there, all roads—they lead me here.

Hvem sovner med hodet inni en tøffel? Jo, denne karen her. Jeg og Lynx hadde omtrent latterkrampe da vi oppdaget han. Definitivt en av de rareste hundene jeg har møtt. Mandag var en hard dag. Kjente jeg gjerne skulle hatt litt mer søvn, og at bena var i redusert tilstand. Jobb var greit, men endte opp på sofaen i flere timer etter jobb. Kjente virkelig på hvor mye jeg står i løpet av arbeidsdagen. Så på Grand Designs og forsøkte å forklare min bror hvorfor Kevin McCloud er så populær. Kevin McCloud-koppen til Volla var en suksess heldigvis, og vi fikk oss en god latter. Gårsdagen liknet mandagen, men var hakket mer hektisk på jobb. Samtidig jobbet jeg med en kollega som jeg samarbeider veldig godt med, så det gikk egentlig veldig greit likevel. La meg tidlig i går, da kroppen var ganske utslitt. Sov veldig lenge, hvilket jeg trengte. Gleder meg til en restitusjonsdag der jeg ikke har noe på agendaen, kjenner jeg. Om ikke så lenge må jeg gjøre meg klar for en ny arbeidsdag. I går satt jeg og tenkte på at det allerede er november. Tiden flyr, og om ikke så lenge er det allerede desember, hvilket betyr at slutten på dette året nærmer seg. Det er plutselig ikke så lenge til jeg reiser likevel, og jeg som har satt all research på vent. Vaksiner, og visum og pakking. Det blir et kaos inni hodet mitt, inntil jeg sier "i dag er det 4 november, og det er fortsatt lenge igjen. Har ikke behov for å tenke så langt i forveien," også slapper jeg av. Inntil neste freakout. God onsdag! 

please take my hand and please take me dancing

Både mamma og pappa kommenterte på at jeg hadde vært borte så lenge. "Ja," svarte jeg, usikker på om jeg faktisk hadde sagt ifra hvor lenge jeg skulle være borte. Det har vært en hektisk tur. Sa til Lynx at jeg aldri kunne levd hennes liv, da jeg synes det er altfor travelt. Hun lo, og sa at hun pleier å kjede seg når hun besøker oss. Sammenlignet med henne gjør vi ingenting. Første dagen hadde jeg stått opp halv fem for å rekke toget til flyplassen. Kan med andre ord si jeg var sliten da jeg ankom havnen i pøsregnet og ventet på at min søster "snart" skulle komme å hente meg. Snart er et relativt ord, og spesielt dersom du har to småbarn. Valgte å gå inn mot sentrum for å søke ly under et tak mens jeg ventet. Ble tilslutt hentet, og vi dro til huset så jeg kunne legge fra meg kofferten, før vi dro til helsestasjonen, og deretter tilbake til huset for å spise. Etter dette dro vi videre til et kjøpesenter for å kjøpe inn varer til tre separate selskap. Forrige helg bestod av et selskap hver dag, hvilket var veldig slitsomt. Å glede seg til at helgen er over er et nokså fremmed konsept for meg. Skal sies at jeg koste meg mye likevel- med hjemmebrygget øl, kaker, god mat og godt selskap er det kanskje ikke så merkelig. Jeg har bygget flere legoklosser denne turen enn jeg noengang har gjort. Nesten like komplisert som å bygge Ikea-møbler. Lynx er en maskin, og i tillegg til å være tobarnsmor og hustru, er hun treningsinstruktør to ganger i uka. Hun har også nylig laget en trillegruppe, som jeg var med på. En gruppe mødre trillet vogner opp fjellet, og jeg var assistent dersom noen trengte hjelp. Fjellet har flere bratte stigninger og til tider ugreit terreng å trille på, så det var kudos til alle mødrene. Grepper spurte meg i etterkant om jeg syntes det var greit å være med. "Joda, var definitivt i mitt rette element," sa jeg sarkastisk. Var fristet til å gå lenger opp fjellet, men var fornøyd med å ta bilder av den vakre utsikten. Jeg fikk dyttet inn tre fjellturer i løpet av turen, derav den siste var dagen jeg dro hjem. Jogget ned fjellet uten pause, hvilket jeg var veldig fornøyd med. Å gå i fjell er en av mine favoritt aktiviteter. Det slår omtrent alt når du får en vakker utsikt. Mens søsteren strikket genser på kveldene, valgte jeg tv-program, og det ble enten mat/baking eller sport/trening -relatert. "Det er rart du er så glad i så mange sporter, men ikke deltar i de selv," kommenterte hun. Jeg lo, for det er jo sant. Merkelig. Min eldste nevø har en tendens til å vekke de fleste i huset. Sier "det e ikkje natta lenger," mens han kravler opp i sengen og stirrer på deg. Han har lovet meg å kjøpe meg en bil, da jeg sa jeg ikke eide en bil. Jeg spurte hvor han skulle få alle pengene fra, og han sa "mamma". Forhåpentligvis husker jeg denne samtalen når han fyller 18, og jeg kan prøve å kreve en bil fra han. Neida. Yngste nevøen vokser raskere enn lynet, og jeg er sikker på at han begynner å krabbe i nærmeste tid. Han har energien til moren sin. Jeg som hadde ønsket meg en stille baby som sovner i armene mine. Det har skjedd akkurat èn gang. Som oftest hopper han når du holder han. God armtrening, sier jeg, og de fleste andre. Tok flyet hjem på fredag. Akkurat denne strekningen har jeg tatt så mange ganger at jeg nærmest kan gjøre det i søvne. I går var det Halloween, og jeg feiret med Marble. Vi spiste kake og drakk alkohol mens vi så på finalen til Stjernekamp. Marble var et halv-skjelett. Jeg var en zombie-rødhette. Hadde egentlig lyst til å være en glamorøs heks. Men innså at jeg ikke eier noe glamorøst, så jeg slo meg ned med å være rødhette. Og siden det var Halloween, tok jeg muligheten til å se ekkel ut. Har aldri kost meg så mye med sminke enn i går, og hadde det ikke skremt vettet til folk, hadde jeg likt å gå rundt slik i hverdagen. "Du ser ut som om du er blitt skikkelig mishandlet," kommenterte en. Mens en annen sa "du var en pen rødhette". Jeg nøt å sitte inne på uteklubben og stirre stygt på andre (og innimellom stirre på den pene bartenderen) for å virke skremmende. Det kan definitivt anbefales! Jeg drifter alltid bort mot mennesker som faktisk kan danse på et dansegulv. Det er en automatisk ting, og gårsdagen var ikke et unntak. Var veldig morsomt, med flere klassiske sanger på slutten. Vi var tilbake hos Marble rundt 5-tiden, og fikk i oss litt væske og næring mens vi pratet om forskjellige ting. Endte opp med å gå til sengs klokken 6, og stod opp 11.30. Skulle nemlig møte Kiwi og min belieber friend i byen for en felles lunsj. Vi pratet, diskuterte, og spiste. Gikk hver våre veier, og jeg var hjemme klokken klokken fem. Nå er det straks leggetid, da jeg jobber i morgen tidlig. Gah, det føles ut som århundre siden jeg sist jobbet, og at jeg dermed har glemt hvordan det forgår. Forhåpentligvis går det greit denne uken. God natt, og hei november.