a lifetime of troubles, but how could I not love you

Period is around the corner. Yesterday I was feeling especially emotional. Happy to have time for myself, to finally reenergise myself. But after weeks upon weeks with barely time to relax, I felt lonely. A feeling not one person hasn't felt. It went like that, and then I ordered a trip to Mallorca because I've been thinking about escaping to a warmer place for the past weeks. Felt glorious, happy, happy and happy. Then another swing of emotions hit me. I don't know what to do with my life, haven't got a proper goal in life other than saving money for a house someday. I am walking into this blindly, just as everyone else is. Don't ask me about next year, next month or tomorrow. It'll come, maybe as a surprise. I got ready for bed, feeling a bit vulnerable and thought the best course of action was to pick up Memories by Lang Leav. Did I ever tell you about this author of poetry I discovered when I was travelling? The cover attracted me, pulled me towards the book. Was gonna buy it when I got home, but Kiwi convinced me to just get it when we were in Ubud. My favourite poem is called "The Stranger" and brought comfort to me even yesterday evening when everything felt so uncertain. I think yesterday was mostly an overload of thoughts, as I haven't really had the time to sit down and think about myself as much. I am looking forward to my solo trip. It's in two weeks time, which is pretty soon. I spoke with Ale on the phone a year ago, and I told her I wanted to try travelling alone, stepping outside of my comfort zone. Wanted to travel along the Irish coastline. But then jumped on the opportunity to travel Asia with Kiwi. I'd almost forgotten about the phone conversation with Ale, the topic of a solo trip. I am excited to expand experiences, to push myself further, find comfort in solitude. I'll survive, but there's a difference between surviving and thriving. "The biggest human temptation is to settle for too little," an anonymous quote that I find very very true. I could easily have chosen an easier road, but decided to follow my heart and desires instead. I just hope that one day it'll pay off doing so. Life is certainly interesting and unpredictable. I've been waking up early the past two nights, around 6 am, just for a look around, only to go back to sleep. I think it's the sunlight, and the warmth. But I quickly kick of my duvet and go back to sleep. My plans today is to exercise, do some research for Mallorca, then get ready to celebrate my birth this evening. It's been four weeks since I turned 23, but this is usually how it is when your friends are nurses.