ready for your love

Toasted bread with avocado and caviar. Looks vile, perhaps, but tastes divine in my personal opinion. But then again, I love avocado. And bread, love a good bread. Standing in the grocery store the other day, I was trying to decide between getting chocolate crackers or a good bread for a snack. I think that tells a lot about me, ha. Should probably try to not eat that much bread, but it's so lovely. I had almost forgotten it was Sunday today. Realised it when I saw little signs of dust in my window, and remembered it was cleaning day. I woke up at 8:00 am (fell asleep at half one last night!!) to an e-mail alerting me about John Mayer, who happens to have a gig in Norway June 14th. Just my luck eh? I'm still waiting for the Ed Sheeran tour dates to also be in the midst of the June time. Except the worst, hope for the best. stumbled out of bed two hours later because I read a fan fiction, had breakfast, actually opened and read through "Sykepleien" magazine, and then I read through the news online. So I'm a bit more updated on the things going on in the world. I've been proper lazy, procrastinating when I know I should have been writing on my log, and doing school work in general. It's been hard trying to get myself to even do anything today, seeing as I had the two previous days off. Oh well, if I can't get anything done tonight, I'll have to stress about tomorrow because I have the day off. Well, it's a bit wrong to say it's a day off. It's a day dedicated for school work, basically. I did exercise today, though, so that's good. Oh and Monsters Inc was on the telly when I was having dinner. Mum complained about it being kids telly, and I retorted with "but it's a classic!". Which reminds me I'll have to buy the movie for David when he gets older. Can't let the new generations not be familiar with Monsters Inc. Anyway, it's been raining today, rather than snowing. It's a nice change. Er, anyway, I'm going to change background pictures on my phone, then brush my teeth and go to bed. Have a nice night then xx. 

sometimes I can't bear the thought that you're not here to see

Hi! I ended up going to bed at 11:00 pm yesterday, and woke up at 7:00 am today. Didn't get out of bed before 8:00 am. That's the luxury with the weekend, being able to lie around in bed for as long as you want. I started reading Veronica Decides To Die by Paulo Coelho. Well, I did start a week ago, but I read a few pages in before I thought it became a bit too boring. But today, after reading the first part-- the introduction, the real story began, which was much more interesting. I quite dislike it when authors write themselves into a character in their books? Feels a bit tacky, almost. But yes, it was really good and rather philosophical. Made me stop and think several times, actually. I sat down by the dining table in the living room when it was still dark outside, and the house was still silent. And I sat there for hours. Eating my breakfast, and then reading the book, which took me about three hours (more or less). During those three hours, it turned brighter, and the living room was invaded by my family, and the noise level was higher than it was at 8:00 am. I was in midst of a dark thought, when my dad came from the kitchen and put down some crackers and chocolate next to me. And I just felt this swell of fondness. It's odd how a little action like that can pull me out of morose thoughts and make my heart burst with affection. Oh, the body butter I was talking about yesterday is the Righteous Butter by Soap & Glory. I've been using another body butter for the past few months, but when I smelled this by Soap & Glory, it took me straight back to summer. When I first started using the product back in July, I was a bit sceptical to the scent, because I thought it was almost a bit male? But I learned to love it, and I'm going to slash some on now. I spent over five hours at the mall today, with Kiwi and Marble. Kiwi was getting a hair cut, and had some things she wanted to buy. She had a list, actually. In the end she only managed to buy one of those things on her list, ha. I'm pretty sure she bought a lot of different things though. Same with Marble. I only bought one top. And it was almost bloody free. I did try on quite a few things, but I just didn't fall in love with anything, really. In the midst of looking through clothes in H&M, Kiwi and I gasped. Marble looked at us like we were crazy, which she was right to do. Because seconds later, we started to dance along to the music. The song was Move by Little Mix, and I was even singing along, before I realised I was in a public space. Didn't stop me later on, when the mall was closing, and Say Something by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera was playing in the speakers. We actually rushed to the different shops to the actual closing time. Well, actually, Marble bought something after the mall technically had closed. Anyway, I had a really nice time with the girls, even though my feet hurts a bit now. Walked home in the pouring snow, which made it really hard to see. But eventually, I got used to it, and it was even a bit nice. Next week, Kiwi and I are planning on attending at a Jonas Alaska concert. Kiwi introduced me to this artist, like she has done with several others. Which reminds me, she told me she'd found a new artist. Send me the name, Kiwi. Anyway, we happen to have bought the same top today, so we're planning on wearing the exact same things. Joke, course. Reminds me of the olden days (in my life), when my old best friend and I used to dress in the same things. Thought we were proper "cool" back then. I'm a bit afraid it's going to be cancelled though. I will probably always fear cancellations of shows now, after Kodaline. Oh well, if I do go to the concert next week, I hope it's going to be good. Have a nice Saturday evening, people. 

you were a god in my eyes above the clouds, above the skies

Var en tur innom Boots apotek i dag, og fant ut at jeg jammen meg skulle bli medlem siden det var så mange medlemstilbud. Gikk rundt hjørnet fra der jeg hadde valgt ut en "bodybutter", og gikk mot kassen der jeg overhørte en svært hyggelig kassadame. I det jeg nådde kassen, stod hun og gravde i et par esker, men det tok ikke lenge før hun fikk øye på meg. "Hvordan blir man medlem?" spurte jeg, med en øreplugg i øret og en jakke som stinker kinesisk "nyttårs kake". Hun svarte at det visste hun ikke, men skulle sjekke det på Internett. Hva skulle man ha gjort uten Internett? Ikke vet jeg, 90-talls barnet. Hun fant fort ut at hun bare trengte å registrere meg på hjemmesiden til Boots apotek, og spurte etter navnet mitt. Jeg stod jo med bankkortet i hånda, klar for å betale for "bodybutteren" min, så jeg fant ut at det enkleste var å gi bankkortet mitt til henne, i stedet for å stave mitt eget navn. Også spurte hun selvfølgelig om e-post adressen min. For de som kjenner til min e-post adresse, så vet de at jeg har en nokså pinlig adresse. Så jeg stod der, i kassa på Boots apotek, med damer bak meg i køen, og skulle overlevere min pinlige e-post adresse. Sa det til henne uten å se bort på damen stående ved den andre kassa. "Hæ?" sa hun, og jeg gjentok det. Også måtte jeg stave det ut, for hun ante ikke hvordan hun skulle skrive det. Lærepengen er at man ikke burde lage e-post adresser når man er tretten. Før jeg i det hele tatt hadde gått inn på Boots apotek, og var ute i snøværet, spurte en gammel dame meg om veien. Jeg forklarte henne hvor hun skulle gå, og sa "bare hyggelig", da hun takket meg for hjelpen. Disse eldre damer altså, noen av de er så innmari hyggelige og gode. Jeg snudde meg en gang til, for å se til at det gikk bra med denne gamle og skrøpelige damen. "Du får gå forsiktig," sa jeg, ute av stand til å dy meg selv. Hun lo, "jada, det skal jeg" svarte hun, på vei mot Rema 1000. Da jeg var ferdig inne på Boots apotek, på vei til mitt neste stopp (Kiwi), så jeg denne damen igjen. På den tiden jeg hadde brukt inne på Boots apotek, hadde hun gått tretti meter. Mer eller mindre. Gammel var hun, skrøpelig også, og hun gikk jammen meg ikke fort. Men hun hadde smilet om munnen, og en takknemlighet for all hjelp hun ble tilbudt. En inspirasjon for fremtiden, om jeg får leve så lenge i dette uforutsigbare livet. "Det eneste vi kan være sikker på her i livet, er jo at alt er uforutsigbart," sa hun ene på praksisen min i går. Ja, sa vi. I går kveld, kvart på ti, fikk jeg beskjed om at jeg måtte måke snø av min mor. Javel, tenkte jeg, nydusjet og vått hår som jeg hadde planlagt å føne tørt på de femten minuttene før klokken slo ti. Jeg dro på meg vinterjakka, dyttet fugle-pysjbuksa nedi Hunter støvlene, og gikk ut med de tre søppel posene min mor gav til meg. Så stod jeg der ute og måkte snø, etter en lang dag jeg hadde tilbrakt på praksis, før jeg hadde kommet hjem og spist i en fei. For jeg hadde søren meg et e-læringskurs jeg måtte ta. Og det tok meg selvfølgelig to timer. Også var det denne timen med en treningsøkt som jeg har pålagt meg selv. Helse først, er slagordet inne i hodet mitt Tror jeg skal dø enhver gang jeg gjennomfører det, men neida, jeg lever ennå. Så var det dusj også kveldsmat, før det var ut i snøen. Klokken var ti over ti da jeg lå i senga, klar for å sovne. Men så kom min mor brasende inn for å spørre meg om noe relatert til denne iPhonen som hun aldri forstår. "Å, har du lagt deg allerede?" "Hva ser det ut som?". Hun lukket døren, og gikk til søsteren min som eier soverommet rett ovenfor meg. Helvete, tenkte jeg, idet jeg hørte mamma ha en diskusjon om iPhonen med søsteren min. Presset puta mi over øret mitt, halvveis i forsøk på å døve ut lyden. Andre halvdel var for å unngå å skrike "hold kjeft, jeg prøver å sove". Et eller annet sted i tankene om at jeg måtte sove, sovnet jeg. Sov som en stein til kvart på seks på morgenen. Rullet ut av senga som vanlig, og gjorde meg klar for dagen. Praksis var slitsomt, men jeg fikk gjort litt av hvert. Blant annet fikk jeg spise et stykke sjokoladekake. "Skal du gjøre noe spennende i helgen?" spurte en pasient meg. "Nei, skolearbeid," sa jeg. Og nå er jeg her, glad for helg, og glad for at jeg har bestemt meg for å ta ordentlig helg. Tja, halvveis i hvert fall. Kvelden skal brukes til å lese og ligge i sengen. Sa entusiastisk til min søster ved middagsbordet: "jeg skal legge meg tolv i dag, jeg". Men kanskje ikke. Kanskje den siste dagen i januar skal tilbringes i sengen med lukkede øyne og en god drøm. Spennende liv, det kan du godt si. 

miss the space between your eyelids, where I'd stare through awkward sentences and avoid through awkward silence

Hiya. It's Chinese New Years (eve?) today. So when I got home, I could smell the Chinese "new years cake", though it's not actually a cake. It's not done yet, still have to boil for a few hours, I reckon. Today I was close to getting hit by a snow shovel tractor. Probably going to have nightmares about them, now. Anyway, just wanted to wish you a happy Chinese new year! Ha, maybe I should make two new years speeches each year? No thanks. 

I can't move the mountains for you

We don't get to have everything we want in life. This thought popped up in my head, sitting on the train back home. We simply can't have everything. But that's alright, if you just appreciate the good things you do have. And if there's something you're not happy with, then you should do something about it if it's possible. Instead of complaining about it. This isn't a scolding, it's more like a tip. Because I think it's important to acknowledge all the thing you have, the things that do make you happy. It makes you more grateful, I think. And by being more grateful, you'll become happier. If you have seven minutes, you should watch this video about happiness. I'm not sure if I've shared it here before, but it always makes me happier to watch. Anyway, I was at school today. Dropped "praksis", because we had to go to school in a very ill-fitting time. We were advised to not attend "praksis", by the way. We didn't like, just skip it because we wanted to. The school meeting was a bit overwhelming, because I'd not realised that the paper would be so huge and engrossing. Sally, Allie and I all agreed on that. We spent yesterday writing, and feeling like we'd been really productive. But I think today was a really big set-back, like we just realised how much we actually have to do. And I think sometimes it's underestimated how much "praksis" takes out of you. Obviously, we'll survive. And in the end, it's going to be alright. But it's draining, feeling like there's always something you're supposed to do. And I'm so bloody good at procrastinating, which means I always feel a bit disappointed in myself for not getting things done. And even if I do feel productive, there's always the lingering feeling of it not being enough. Like there's something else I'm supposed to do. It's usually okay after a bit of rationalising. Like I've just written myself-- when I stop and think about the thing I am able to manage, it's better. And usually after a good cry. I woke up at 6:00 am today, despite the fact that I didn't have to be at school before 10:30 am. Decided I'd like to have some hours for myself. Finished re-reading a fan fiction and did some stretching, before I started getting ready for school. I feel it now, feel the tiredness in my bones and how my head feels a bit achy. I've grown tired of my playlists, so I've just been listening to different albums and sometimes I just shuffle, because it's always exciting to hear the diversity in music. My phone shuffled onto Timshel by Mumford & Sons, and I just remembered how much I love that song. It's nice rediscovering old favourites. But I'm on search for something new, something I've not heard before. I ought to go now, be productive. Do the things I've written on my list (sigh).