I lose control, when I'm with you. I hope I haven't said too much

Dette er et gammelt bilde, men et perfekt bilde på et bra kjøp og et bomkjøp. Buksene brukte jeg vel aldri, mens jeansene ble mine favoritter inntil de rett og slett ikke passet lenger. Jeg har enda ikke returnert de jeansene jeg kjøpte forrige uke, for de er virkelig perfekte. Prøvde de på igjen i dag, og jeg ble egentlig bare mer usikker på hvorvidt jeg skal beholde de eller ei. De passer jo, men jeg innså at jeg kun eier bukser som har stretch i seg (og ett par som bare er oversized). Det er kanskje det som gjør at de nye jeansene føles så annerledes ut. Har bestemt meg for at de skal få henge i skapet i litt lenger tid før jeg tar en avgjørelse. I går hadde jeg egentlig en veldig fin vakt, jeg ble forskjøvet til kvelden sånn profylaktisk egentlig. Det var for å ta til høyde for mulig sykdom, men så ble det ikke sykdom. Så da var vi langt flere enn vi pleier å være på en kveldsvakt. Vi hadde det med andre ord veldig rolig. Jeg har egentlig klart å legge meg tidlig til tross for å ha en litt rar arbeidsuke med nattevakt til dagvakt til kveldsvakt. Men i går sovnet jeg ikke før halv to, og det kjenner jeg på nå. Hadde jo egentlig planer om å returnere jeans i dag, men siden jeg har bestemt meg for å vente, så tror jeg dagen går til self care. I dag er self care en treningsøkt og et fotbad. Det høres perfekt ut. Ja, også strikking da. Det må vel også være en del av min nærmest daglige self care. Gir mestringsfølelse og ro i sjela. Skjønner at det blir brukt som en form for terapi. 

I'm coming from a different phase when I'm with you

For en uke det har vært. Torsdag kom Lynx og co. Jeg jobbet overtid i 1 og 1/5 time og de tilbød seg å hente meg etter jobb. Jeg ble stående en stund å vente på de, så jeg begynte å bli bekymret for at de hadde kjørt til feil sykehus. Heldigvis tok de bare sin tid. Fredag kom Monchita, og jeg gikk igjen litt over tiden på jobb. Det har vært ganske travelt på jobb. Atter en gang ble jeg hentet av Lynx og co. Jeg kom hjem til at det var grillings på gang. Lumba og kjæresten hans kom, og vi ble en gjeng på elleve personer. Manglet bare Volla og co for å få samlet hele gjengen. Kidsa hadde vannballongfight i hagen, og jeg ble med en liten stund, men angret på det da jeg ble klissvåt. Kjæresten til Lumba hadde bakt dessert, og mamma ble helt henrykt fordi hun absolutt ikke kan å bake. Det er vel egentlig bare Volla som har bakeskillz i familien. Resten av oss klarer å bake såkalte "posekaker". Lørdag startet med en gåtur i sentrum, vi gikk innom senteret for å gjøre et par ærender. Kjøpte med oss litt å spise og snacks, før vi gikk til en lekepark i nærheten av der Lumba bor. Jeg var trolig den eneste som hadde kledd seg for været i linshorts og linskjorte. Men jeg ble likevel veldig varm jeg også. Det var trolig ikke den beste ideen å være med på turen, for da jeg kom hjem var jeg ganske utslitt. Satt og duppet av etter at jeg hadde dusjet, hvilket er kjipt når du skal i et bryllup. Heldigvis fikk jeg litt energi igjen av at jeg begynte å få ganske dårlig tid til å gjøre meg klar. Heldigvis ordnet frisøren Lynx meg på håret mens jeg raskt tok på meg sminke. Har ikke gått med høye hæler på ett år. Sist var forlovelsesfesten til Oyster, så jeg forventet at jeg skulle få noen vonde føtter. Spesielt fordi det er så mye dansing som foregår. Til tross for at jeg hadde hastverk, kom jeg og Monchita akkurat på tiden. Vi la fra oss gaver og så oss litt rundt i lokalet som var veldig vakkert dekorert med blomster i taket. Da Oyster og mannen hennes omsider kom gående inn, fikk jeg som vanlig frysninger. Uansett om jeg har sett kjolen før, så ble det litt som å se den for første gang igjen. De utgjorde et veldig vakkert par, og endelig var dagen kommet. Det er ikke bare bare å planlegge et bryllup når du har en svært travel jobb og det plutselig blir en pandemi i verdenen. Jeg ble veldig rørt av å se Oyster danse med faren hennes. Ed Sheeran spilte i bakgrunnen, og teksten var så passende i det øyeblikket at det var vanskelig å ikke felle et par tårer. Monchita og jeg tok oss to porsjoner med mat. Det var både det riktige og ikke riktige valget. Jeg ble stappmett, men de serverte en sånn spinatrett som ligner på retten jeg spiste før skolen i barndommen da jeg bodde på Sunnmøre. Det føles litt ut som om meningen med livet mitt er å finne tilbake til den retten. Vi avsluttet kvelden ved midnatt. Søndagen ble brukt til å leke ute i hagen inntil det begynte å regne. Jeg fikk et myggestikk, men det var verdt det fordi leken jeg fant opp var ganske artig. Etter vi hadde inhalert et par vårruller, dro vi på bowling. Lumba møtte oss der, og vi endte opp med å spille to runder. Jeg spilte halve spillet med feil fingre. Tror ikke jeg ble noe bedre på å endre på hvilke fingre jeg brukte, men jeg er uansett relativt god på bowling. Da mener jeg ikke å skryte, for jeg aner ikke hvorfor. Liker egentlig ikke bowling, men jeg samler meg som regel alltid opp nok poeng til at jeg vinner, og det gjorde jeg denne gangen også. Kvelden brukte vi til å spille Power Grid. Det tar ganske lang tid, men det er et ganske artig taktisk spill. Alle var faktisk ganske into it. Jeg kom dessverre nest sist fordi jeg brukte opp pengene mine på et kraftverk og dermed ikke hadde nok byer tilslutt. Monchita, Lynx og co reiste på mandagen. Jeg har vært på jobb, og i dag har jeg fri. Merker at det skal gjøre godt med ferie når min tålmodighetsgrense nå ligger på null. Har brukt dagen til å rydde og rengjøre, skrevet ukentlige mål og bare slappet av. Det føles ut som om det er måneder siden jeg sist strikket, for jeg har ikke rørt strikketøyet mitt på evigheter. Jakken som jeg hadde tenkt til å sy ferdig blir nok ikke klar før neste vår slik livet går nå. Jeg gikk forbi en jakke på kjøpesenteret da vi var innom på lørdagen, og jeg tror jeg har forelsket meg. Kanskje jeg orker å gå innom senteret på fredag etter jobb for å se på den. Hvem vet. Jeg har arbeidshelg, men jeg har blitt forskjøvet en vakt, så jeg skal på jobb i morgen. Lynx og co kommer tilbake for å overnatte i ett døgn tror jeg. Det er nemlig for langt for de å kjøre fra der de er nå og helt hjem. Det kan hende at jeg faktisk ikke får sett de i det hele tatt, siden jeg jobber kveldsvakt i morgen og dagvakt på fredag. Isåfall er det bare litt over tre uker til jeg drar på besøk til de. Og da får jeg endelig klipt håret mitt kortere. Jeg GLEDER meg. 

we be drunk all summer, drinking and flowing and rolling

I sunbathed topless today. The nipples were out and about for everyone who can see through the balcony fences, which means my neighbours. Sunbathing is essentially a way to push myself to read my books. I don't read unless it's the "only" option. I don't bring my phone out in the blazing sun, because I take care of my things. So good news, I read quite a bit today. Bad news, sunbathing on my balcony isn't anything like sunbathing on an island in Thailand (not much is, to be honest). Can't say I've tanned, but I'm sure I got some D-vitamins. Plus, my mood is very much affected by the weather, so if you imagine me as a sims character, my mood turns green. I did a bit of exercise today as well. I told my belieber friend that I was contemplating aiming for a sixpack maybe, but then I read something about how you need to quit bread. And I was like okay, so I'm gonna give up on the sixpack. Because there's no way I'm giving up bread for a sixpack. To be fair, it was more of a silly thought than anything. I don't actually want a sixpack. What I want, however, is to be in the best shape I can and want. So today I focused on my thighs, which is something I forget. I am also horrible at back and arms. I don't expect myself to suddenly become a bikini model, but I want to take advantage of my good health in my younger years and try to set an example for the rest of my life. Does that make sense? I find that I don't really make sense a lot of the time. I'm enjoying this motivation for as long as it lasts. You know how it is, in two weeks (less or more) I'll probably never want to work out again. Is this when you're supposed to buy loads of workout clothes? Problem is that I prefer no clothes. By the sound of this post, it sounds like I'm on the way to becoming a nudist. I'm not really, it's far too cold in Norway. But what I mean is that I don't like restrictions, and I heat up easily, so I tend to work out in my sports-bra and knickers. Each to their own, I say. Kiwi skyped me, and we spoke for 2hrs and 39min. It's a long time, but I think it probably felt like less, just because I became so accustomed to speaking with Kiwi and spending most of my time with her whilst travelling. It was initially for her to get a few things off her chest regarding important choices in life, and it turned out to be more. I think even I feel a bit more at peace with myself. Subjects today included "generation perfect". We're so good at comparing ourselves with each other-- it's almost as if we're all starring in some beauty pageant. Like life is a big competition, whose got the best lives, right? But what kind of life is that?  I am trying my best to stop giving a fuck, closing my eyes to judgemental stares. One step today was ridding of my bikini top, freeing the nipples. I might change my mind tomorrow, but for now, this second, I want to stop thinking about what everyone else is doing, what is acceptable and not acceptable, the word "normal". Imagine how much more joy there will be in a life of a person who doesn't give a fuck. 

run away now like we're supposed to do

My belieber friend told me I'm hooked on jeans. Not exactly, but I did buy the slightly eccentric-looking jacket in Kuala Lumpur (second picture). And then I bought a pair of mom jeans today from Zara. I was initially looking to try another pair with embroideries on, but I spotted these and thought "why not try them on?" I did say the other day that I was craving a pair of well-fitting mom jeans. Admittedly these are not exactly that well-fitting, but as I was trying them on, I thought well, if you go for something that sits like skin, it's just a pair of high-waisted jeans. I wouldn't say mom jeans are the most flattering types of jeans for myself, but I don't see how that's supposed to have a say. I also got a pair of sandals which I saw in Singapore but decided to not buy. So I'm pretty pleased with the shopping I did today. I met up with my belieber friend to give a certain burger restaurant a go. According to Sugar it's better than my favourite place, so I figured I had to try it out. First of all, it was nearly empty but all the tables seemed to have been booked. So we sat on a tiny table in front of the bar. Interior is cool, the music is "in". It seems like one of those "it"-places. We were brought to our table by one person, then another one came to take our drinking orders. But the first guy came back to ask us for the same thing. Then after our food had arrived, we had a new waiter. The latter was very nice, always filling our glasses and available if we needed anything. For some reason it was almost a bit strange to me, but I'm not going to say no to good service. This place doesn't have sweet potato fries, which is disappointing. It's almost a bit unbelievable how people haven't figured out the greatness that is the sweet potato. My burger was good. Bun was standard, nothing special, nor was the actual burger. Admittedly I chose a rather simple burger, but I would still expect something. And there wasn't anything special about the burger at all. So I guess my hunt for burgers shall continue. My belieber friend and I wandered around town for hours, walked everywhere. So by the time we were parting ways, we were ready to drop. I still am now to be honest. I am getting my disposables tomorrow. I called the shop, because I thought it was strange to wait this long when the lady told be the standard wait would be two days. Apparently that's true, and I could've picked them up what feels like ages ago. I just assumed I would get a text with a confirmation about them, like I've done with all other photo-shops I've used. I mean, I gave my number. I guess it really is local and old-fashioned then. Good news, Gemma, one of the Brits from the Indochina-trip is coming to Norway this summer. I'm really excited, even if I'm working. She's one of those people you just feel like you've known forever even if you've just met. 

I lose control, when I'm with you. I hope I haven't said too much

I picked up my new phone yesterday. Although the thing I'm most excited about is my new pink cotton-bra. Is it not pretty? I find beauty in simple things like this pink thing. I don't really own many pink things, though it seems like most of my toiletries are pink. I brought one proper bra on my Indochina-trip, and I can count on one hand how many times I used it. In other words, I've been enjoying soft cotton-bras, obviously. The only problem is, it's a bit chilly in Norway (surprise), so the nipple game is strong. Oh well, there's nipple covers. After picking up my phone, I had to find a phone case to go with it. So I was looking at different ones, and I decided to ask one of the staff just to be sure that it'll fit my phone. They were blasting the new Justin Timberlake song on the speakers, and to my surprise, the guy who works there, starts dancing along to the song. Not, like, as if he started dancing a choreography. But as he was standing there and looking at the phone case, he was bogeying. I was amused but also really happy. It's just so nice to see people not giving a shit. Eventually he conceded that "yes, this will fit your phone". I went to get my disposables evoked, and now I'm really looking forward to how they'll turn out. Disposables are always a nice surprise. It's strange, how after the trip, I feel like I've gotten more into fashion and style again. It's like I rediscovered the art of expressing one self via what you wear. Kiwi said something to me on the trip regarding my style, that I found was spot on. If I'm not incorrect, she told me I enjoy a classic style, but I'm also a bit something else. The something else I can't remember what she said, but I can remember feeling a bit shell shocked. Sometimes you don't notice things that others notice about you. I really do enjoy a slick, classic look, which sometimes to me can translate to a minimalistic way of dressing. So sometimes I enjoy just wearing a pair of jeans and something simple on top. I love a good structured top. It's a bit like wearing a piece of art. However, don't confuse classic to dressed up. I don't like that, being too dressed up, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Goodness, imagine walking a red carpet, having to be "perfect". But the "something else" part of my style isn't all that classic. I am fond of strange pieces, like the jeans-jacket I picked up in a store targeted towards women with hijabs in Kuala Lumpur. I've been a big fan of slightly quirky shoes as of late, fell in love with a pair from Bershka, but didn't buy them as the heel was a bit too much for me. I am really craving a great fitting pair of mom jeans. I think this style thing, it's from walking around in the big cities, seeing all these people with great style. On 17th of May, I saw a group of hipsters dressed up, and I thought they were so cool. I was about to tell them, but we were walking so fast, and in different directions. Just like with the dancing, I admire when people don't give a fuck. I thought my mother was bad with technology, but yesterday I could beat her in the competition. I was trying to set up my phone, when I just didn't remember how to do things. Like, do you turn the phone on first, or do you charge it first, when do you put the sim-card in, etc. Eventually I managed, and now I've got a brand new phone. The thing is, I've gone a month without one, and I've somehow weaned myself off fan fiction (been reading so many books, haven't I?), so the only thing I really use it for is to browse through Instagram and answering the few snaps I get. And then it's just there. It's simple things, like how I used to always be reading whilst eating. Now, when I eat, I don't even need a form of entertainment. I just sit there and eat. And when I thought of going out to go to the shops, I thought "I don't really need to bring the phone with me". I am enjoying it as long as it lasts, this feeling. Instead of being occupied by my phone, I've borrowed two books in the Lorien Legacies series. I found the sixth book in the series when I was in a bookshop in Ubud, Bali. And I was surprised, because last time I heard of the series, I finished reading a disappointing book number three. Kiwi told me she was surprised I liked the series, considering how much aversion I've shown fantasy. The genre just doesn't appeal to me in book form, it's not my first choice. I was surprised myself, because I couldn't remember why on earth I started reading it myself. Browsing through the blog, I realise it's because I fell in love with the movie. I watched the movie in the cinema back in 2011, then I read the book a year later. One of the reasons why I am averse to fantasy books is because of their horrible covers. They're awful. My copy of I Am Number Four (first book in these series) is really nice in my opinion, which might be one of the reasons why I didn't discard it. The ones I've borrowed now are of the horrible type. I wouldn't even given them a proper look, had it been the first time I'd heard of the name "Pittacus Lore". Admittedly the books are targeted towards young adults, maybe that's why they look so bloody awful. As it is, I had a sudden urge to continue reading the series when I found the sixth book in Ubud. Other obsessions at the moment includes Nick Jonas, whom I've re-fallen in love with. Albeit, not like a giggly mess. I've just been enjoying his new songs. His newest song is called Chainsaw, and I am really enjoying it. I've also finally gotten around to listening to Zayn's new album. I was a bit disappointed after hearing It's You as the second single, if I'm not incorrect. I just thought "how boring" when I had really great expectations of Zayn. That was my first mistake. Anyway, I've given the album a listen, and I can't really hear a distinctive Zayn-sound, like he's still evolving. The album sounds a bit like a bunch of different people who he's inspired by. I was especially hit with a feeling of a Frank Ocean vibe. Other than that, my favourite song is probably Drunk. Whoever decided to write the songtitles in upper-case- and lower-case letters should get a spank. It makes it look really childish, which, looking at the album cover might be on purpose, but it really ruins the aesthetic. Yes, the aesthetic. Speaking of music, I've been using my Spotify, and I feel very in touch with the teens when I'm listening to current hits. Oh god, I do genuinely sound like a grandmother.