Og eg sprang. Gud vet kor eg sprang, men eg så ingenting. For alt eg vet, sprang eg i ring.

Oh sweet lord, what a day. To be perfectly honest I wasn't completely surprised by the T-win. It's not my first rodeo, and I've seen a lot of similar cases. That being said, I'm devastated by what seems like yet another loss in a long line of opportunities lost. There's something that stuck to me on Facebook, someone posted a picture saying something akin: Clinton is qualified, she's worked hard, done all the things right, and yet. The feminist in me is enraged, but also tired-- it's another defeat for women. Do you even realise how much sexism there is? All the opportunities we lose due to our sex? Think of all the things you've decided not to do because you're scared. It just makes me feel so sad. The world is a scary place, and it's only going to become even scarier with the new president. I feel afraid for myself, but moreso the Americans, the ones who'll be shun. The new president is a racist, misogynist, sexist, bigot, discriminator, and the list goes not. That's not to say Clinton is perfect, that's the thing-- no one is perfect, everyone is problematic. Sometimes it's a question of the lesser evil, sometimes there's no right or wrong. And in this case, Clinton was definitely a lesser evil. If history has taught me anything, it is that we never seem to learn. We do the same mistakes over and over. For privileged people, I'm not even sure if they realise that this might mean a death sentence for some people. It'll mean more people living in fear. I've been following the #blacklivesmatter since it first started, and it's devastating to realise they'll have to fight harder. It's a regression, is what it is. I'm just hoping I'll be positively surprised, and I'm crossing my fingers for the people who has to live beneath T's wrath. Funnily enough this whole situation reminds me of Teen Wolf, in that the character Deaton usually says something like "nature is always going to balance things out". Meaning that sometimes a lot of bad things happen, but eventually nature is going to balance it out, and likewise if there's a lot of good things happening at once. I don't know, all I know is that Obama will be missed. Surely he'll always be an icon in my eyes, because he's been the coolest American president I've seen. Also, he has a lot of values I resonate with. I've been trying to not think too much of this, but it's like I got home to all of these changes. Suddenly the snow was here, everyone around me seemed different, the smallest things would irk me, and now this. It's definitely a lot of catastrophic thinking in my brain at the moment. On another note, you can perhaps see a bit of my new coat in the picture as I'm standing in one of the mews and looking to the sky. I would like to think that I'm admiring the structure of the buildings, as they are very charming. Yesterday I slept in, it was supposed to be a day of rest to laze in. Didn't get out of bed until after noon, but then I realised there were no food in the house, unless I wanted to eat instant noodles. I was not that desperate, so I put my clothes on and ventured outside in my heeled boots. As it is, I don't really have any winter boots. I've no idea what I did last year for winter, other than my knee-high boots I don't have anything suitable. So I put my boots on, the ones that had made my feet hurt on Monday (I walked over 22 000 steps in them that very day), and carried on to the post office first. It's Lynx' birthday, so I sent my pre-made card for her. Then I carried on to the first grocery store, where I discovered they didn't have my favourite bread. I was devastated, but carried on. Then I went to another grocery store to buy a few things they don't have in the other store. It felt a bit like doing a big grocery haul, and when I got home, it seemed like so long before anyone was going to get home from work. Almost like everyone had disappeared, and I was left with a sudden thought: what if my family had disappeared, and I was left with a house and bills. Nevertheless, I started on an early dinner, as that would be my first meal of the day. This morning I woke up to an alarm, and I had breakfast normally. And although I'm trying my best not to think of the election, it's not going away. Sometimes you just have to process things properly, or else it won't go away. It seems that I have tears waiting to fall. 

Grab your bag and grab your coat. Tell the ones that need to know we are headed north

I was pretty sure I had work today until I got to work and my former nurse supervisor said: "though it's really lovely seeing you again, are you sure you're supposed to be here?". Apparently I wasn't supposed to be there, despite marking it in all my calendars. Somehow communication between Kiwi and I have failed. My co-workers all seemed bummed for me, saying "ah that sucks" or "that means you lost sleep? Well, go home and get back to bed". I also even met Sugar on her way to work and I explained what'd happened. To be honest I truly didn't mind having woken up this early on a day off. Also, I didn't really want to work today coz I knew my back aches would really be at it's worst today. The only thing I regret is running to the bus this morning, and not being able to enjoy the lovely sunrise. I ran in my new leather boots. They've really been tested today, as I decided to walk home from work rather than taking the bus. As I had expected, it took me about half an hour. It's a shame I was too lazy to get my bike out this summer, because it would take me ten minutes (more or less) cycling to work. Obviously I could still get it out now, but I'm not a very big fan of cycling when the cold starts sinking in. I get all sniffly. Maybe I'll start walking some times, like I did today. One of the things I bought yesterday was shoe wax for my leather shoes. I've never given this much care to any pair of shoes of mine before. But after walking home today I gave them a bit of wax. After googling a bit, I realise I'm a complete newbie to taking care of leather shoes. I guess you learn something every day. Recently I heard a very sexist comment, and it's not the first time I've heard it from this guy. The last time I basically told him off. This time I didn't because we were with a patient, and I didn't think it was appropriate. But it was a comment that burned and I was outraged. There's comments like that which are blatantly sexist, and there's all the other things that are less blatant, the things we don't even realise are sexist because they're internalised in us from birth. I just read a thing about women not wearing bras and showing nipples. And comments like "so what you're saying is that I'm allowed to see your boobs?", "it's inappropriate", or "respect yourself and others, and wear a bra" is examples of how ignorant people can be. People forget that a human body is the most natural thing that we possibly are. The main reason for us to wear clothes is to protect our bodies, like another layer of skin. Bra's were made for support. If men doesn't have to wear bra's, then why should women? And if women can wear bra's, why can't men? I think feminism is scary for a lot of men because they think they're being attacked, when it's all really about equality. Free the nipple move, I think is about letting all the sexes do whatever they want with their own nipples. I think it would be really nice to see a social media that didn't censor nipples, regardless of sex, as I think a breast is just another natural part of a body. And then it's the breastfeeding discussion. When pregnant, the mother's breast starts a process of making milk, for the baby to get their nutrients from. Would you think it was alright that it was frowned upon each time you have a meal in public? Like, whenever you feel hungry you need to go into a designated room or your own home, hidden from the public's eye to eat? Sounds ridiculous right? Then why are so many people frowning upon letting babies feed from a their mother's breast, their source of food? I watched this slam poetry about sexism, and it's truly brilliant. It shines a light on things that I didn't even think of were a consequence of sexism. Also, I read this brilliant post about gender identity, which I would really like for you to read. It's not until recent that I've given gender identity much thought, and that's because wonderful people like Laverne Cox and Caitlin Jenner has brought more light upon the theme. It's also because my Tumblr friend asked me once, about my own gender identity. I had to google it then, because I'd no idea what it meant. When I was growing up I never learned anything about gender identity, but imagine if I did. Why is this so important to me? I refuse to be one of the people in my generation to carry on sexism, and to carry on ignorance when it comes to gender identity. One day I might have a kid, and god forbid that they'll grow up unknowing. I will try to educate them the best I can. 

having trouble with the right words, but you tell me with your eyes

The other day a co-worker showed me the trailer for 50 Shades of Grey. I said it looked intense and she agreed. She asked if I had ever read it, and I answered "no, but a lot of my friends have". I'm not a book snob, I don't point out books saying that they are horrible. But I don't think I'll ever read 50 Shades of Grey. Because I've only heard that it's basically a bad fan fiction, and I've read enough of those. What's scary, is the sudden popularity of the trilogy(?). Not only grown ups have read them, but teenagers. And believe it or not, books have influential powers. Yesterday I came across this post on Tumblr about the movie, and I just think it's so true. "Now, we have a film that is expected to be a huge box-office success, and will likely convince countless more young women that it’s okay not to have any autonomy in a relationship, that a man is allowed to control them entirely. It will also show many young men that women are theirs to play with and dominate, thus contributing to antiquated patriarchal values and rape culture" (1). Sorry for this ramble, but I don't think people realise the importance in the influence of books. Good on you if reading these books will make you more open for new things. But for some people who are young, more insecure and unsure of themselves- they might think "oh, so that's how I have to be in order to please". Anyway, I woke up around 8:30 am today, and it's been nice sleeping a bit more than usual. I stayed in bed and read a few fan fictions, before my dad knocked on the door. "C'mon let's go drive," he said. I got out of bed, had my brekkie, and then we went to drive. This time it was the car with manual transmission, and when I got into the car I was a bit unsure if I actually remembered how to drive it at all. Today I practised changing gears and parking. I still can't see how I'm supposed to manage to pass a driver test, like ever. Anyway, once we got home, I very nearly crashed one of the side-mirrors into the garage. But it went well in the end, and I'm happy about today's progress. Throughout the whole day thus far, it's been lighting and thunder. And for a bit there was a lot of rain, in which Monchita and I decided to go run around in the garden. I put on my bikini and ran outside to the grass where Monchita and I did some gymnastics whilst looking at the lightning. My mum was shouting for us to come back inside, and in the end I did because it was getting a bit too chilly for me. I can't wait for Lynx and co to come this Friday. I want to chop off my hair so badly. Once to change your hair regularly, I find that you long for change more often. I've only got four days left of work: tomorrow, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. And then I have just less than two weeks off. I think I might spend some time trying to make plans for Dublin, and then attempt to finish the Bridget Jones book. Oh and I think I might have a face mask tonight, just because "I'm worth it". Lols, have a great Sunday!