feels like war, raise your love

I've given up on hoping that the snow will disappear. Because once it does melt away, it's like the weather gods goes: "oh, there's almost no trace of snow anymore" "oh dear, we can't let the humans think it's going to be spring yet" "I agree, let's make some more snow". For some unknown reason, I slept really bad last night. Like, I did fall asleep around 10:00 pm. But then I woke up at 2:00 am, wide awake, and I didn't know why I was awake. So I figured I'd go to the loo, figured maybe that was the reason. But when I got back into bed, I was just lying awake, trying to force myself into sleep. Until it was about 3:00 am, and I gave up a bit. I checked my Twitter and Instagram, before I decided trying to fall asleep again. And I did, I think. But I must have slept very lightly, because I woke up multiple times, with the lingering feeling of close to no sleep at all. I especially felt it, when it was 5:45 am, and it felt like I'd gotten no sleep at all. One of the staff at my "praksis" saw me yawning, asked if I was tired. I said to her I'd had a sleepless night. And she laughed, told me she could barely sleep these days. And it made me realise that I should be happy I can even get sleep these days. The pro's of being young, innit? I can't imagine having to be feeling the way I felt, and feel today, except feel it every day. My eyes really have been burning with residue of sleep today, and whilst I was sat at the bus station, waiting for my bus, I imagined myself at home in bed. And I thought bitterly, that I probably wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway. Though I've been feeling rather tired the past two days, it hasn't effected my mood that much, nothing I could point out anyway. Instead I've been feeling stupidly happy, which made me think that maybe I'm happier when I'm tired. After a bit of pondering, I figured it was probably just me being easily amused by everything due to over tiredness. As I mentioned yesterday, the bus I take is often filled with people with disabilities-- or maybe I didn't mention it. Nevertheless, there are a lot of the same people each day. And today one happened to sit down beside me. I've taken a note to that she seems very unaware to social norms, likes to sing loudly sometimes. She was pretty mesmerised with texting on her phone, and I was in my own world, staring out the window. The only interaction was when she asked me what my bus stop was, before she went back to her phone. And then, when my bus stop came, she poked me with her arm, announcing that it was my bus stop. I was strangely endeared by that, like she felt she had to take care of me. And it made me smile so wide the whole walk to "praksis" from my bus stop. I feel like I'm so happy these days, and it almost feels a bit too strange. Anyway, whilst watching the Burberry Prorsum show the other day, I fell in love with one of the songs played. Raise Your Love by Rhodes. I do actually enjoy it a lot more live. I just think his voice is really nice, and the song is really lovely. Everything's just really lovely and nice and pretty and perfect and awesome and bah. I've been thinking, when I get into these moods, I seem to get blinded, like I can only see positives. And the opposite when I'm unhappy. And it's like my teacher said, when I said I thought I'd been really lucky with all my previous "praksis"-es, "maybe it's the way you see it". Maybe it's my twisted brain that let's in all the sensory impressions which I regard as positive. And I think yes, she was right about that. I know for a fact that whilst I thought my first "praksis" was really good, J.D. thought it was quite shite. We see what we want to see. Anyway, we had a school meeting today, which Allie, Sally and I thought was at 1:30 pm. Allie drove us all, like she did last time too. We arrived at school at 1:50 pm, and we all bought us some hot chocolate. And then we proceeded to walk inside a wrong room, where there were sat two girls watching the sprint finals in cross country skiing. By that time, it was 1:30 pm, and there were no sign of the other people in my "praksis" group, which made me think that we were in the wrong room. And that we was, because a second later I got a text from Kiwi asking where we were. I called her, and she gave me the correct room number, which happens to be a tiny room made for a lot less than we all are. So when Allie, Sally and I arrived, the whole room was cramped. My brain registered the books on the table, the amount of people that had arrived and the time. So it was only natural that I asked what my brain had concluded with: "did we start at 1:00 pm?". My teacher said yes, and Allie looked slightly embarrassed, and Sally looked at me, probably to recognise that I had been right. Because at the counter, whilst buying the hot chocolate, I told Sally that I'd written 1:00 pm in my phone. But she said it was 1:30 pm, and I believed her, because it's been so much back and forth with the times and dates. However, my teacher is so ridiculously relaxed about these kind of things. At least it seems like she is with us, and I think she must like us extra much. I'm sure we're great pupils to have, surely. Haha, no, but I'm going to miss having her as a teacher. I need to have some kind of structure, and I dread the day we have to go back to our old teacher. She's just too vague and has no structure and blah. But have to take the good with the bad, and had I not had a bad teacher, I wouldn't recognise a good one. This is one of the things I do, and I'm sure my friends will recognise it-- I justify things, and when there's complaints about something, I always try to look at the positive sides of the case. And I'm sure my friends sometimes gets very annoyed about this. Today was the first time I think I might have done the same thing with Sally. We were complaining about how we feel like these school meetings maybe feels a bit like a waste. But then I turned it around, and brought out the positives. And she just huffed with a laugh, "alright, alright". Anyway, I'm going to write on my log for this week, and then I'll have to eat, and then I'm going to watch a bit of the #BRITAwards. The arrivals have already started, 1D (or D1 as Marble wrote yesterday) will be arriving soon, according to Niall. I really can't wait, and it's so ridiculous how giddy I am with anticipation. Just to see them all gathered again. Absolutely pathetic, I am. Goodness gracious. Alright then, this has been far too long. Soz for boring content, I literally can't believe it sometimes, how you actually read these things. Have a nice Wednesday evening xx.

I was just a young child

Hiyaaaaaa! The Burberry show was actually quite amazing in my opinion. I'm happy they've chosen to do live music once again. I loved the summery feel of the collection, and I thought there were so many nice prints, albeit a bit confusing. Some pieces of clothing were in flower and/or leaf prints, but the colour combination made them look a bit more tribal. And the coats are always to die for, really. Cara Delevingne looked stunning, and she's got this attitude that I think all the other models were lacking. The sight of Harry Styles didn't surprise me too much, I mean, he's been a regular attender at the Burberry Prorsum show's the past few years. He looked good as always, and very Harry-esque. What I am most excited about is the colour of his coat, because it reminded me of these chairs I saw the other week, which made me dream about a plush wooden green coloured sofa. My allusions, ha. Harry was later on spotted with Grimmy, which made me really happy, because I love their friendship. I did hope that they would both attend the Burberry show, but I'm not sure if Harry has ever been on a Burberry Prorsum show for men? My knowledge doesn't stretch that far. Anyway, today has been a bit tiring. I don't know why, because I slept for a decent amount of time. However, my eyes were burning in the morning, and I've been sleepy throughout the whole day. It was an exciting day at "praksis", and I got to come along to a lot of things. Also had a chat with my nurse supervisor, who I think is far too good at praising me. She's going to give me a big ego, probably. On the way to the bus station today, the colours in the sky were beautiful, and it just made me grin. Manically, probably. And on my way back home, I sat down beside a man with downs syndrome, and he was so lovely. Asked if I could sit beside him, and he answered: "yes, that would be cozy", before he started talking to me. Just added to the positives of my day. I strangely enough met Monchita when I got off the bus, because she was on her way to the mall. She informed me that we were having pizza today, which made me even happier, because it's been a crave I've been wanting for a long time. And it seems like it's done now, so I'll have to go and eat. Have a nice Tuesday! 

picture my surprise when I had tried to lean in for a kiss and she just smiled and turned her head down. I asked her, "Why?" and she replied it was nothing I was doing wrong, it's just what it is. No, classy girls don't kiss in bars like this

When I was going to bed yesterday, I thought it was so bloody bright in my bedroom. I realised it was the full moon, which I've not seen in quite a bit. And I brought out my camera to take some pictures, and then-- four years(???) after having this camera, I figured out that you could have a slower shutter speed on my camera. So yes, basically played around for a bit. Hence the strange pictures. It's really sunny outside, and I should probably get my gear on and head to town, but I really don't want to leave the house. I've an ache in my back thanks to mother nature, and I would love for the week to pass by, actually. Bah, life's ups and downs. Before bed yesterday, I was browsing through my Twitter, and curiously clicked on the hashtag #Scandimania to discover it's been a TV show on Channel 4 about Scandinavian countries basically. And I think the last episode was about Norway, and it was hilarious to look at the comments about the episode. Also clicked on a link that led me to a web shop that sold Norwegian groceries, basically. But I get it, I guess. If I'm so bloody interested in other countries and their groceries, it must be natural that there's someone who would think Norway is interesting too. Just looked at a few pictures from the BAFTAs yesterday, and Angelina Jolie looked so bloody good. Also, thumbs up to all the men with blue tailored suits. I was a bit baffled to see pictures of Niall hanging out with Selena Gomez yesterday-- I'm sure everyone was a bit baffled. But then again, I might've been more baffled if it were one of the other boys in One Direction hanging out with Selena. I mean, Niall does hang out with basically everyone? Also, why is everyone in London at the moment? It's throwing me off. I told Oyster that I can't wait for Wednesday, because that's when the BRITs are happening. And I wouldn't even care if One Direction didn't win a thing, but I'm so excited to see them assembled again. That's how soppy I am, I just like seeing One Direction together. Today, though, I'm going to watch the livestream of the Burberry show. Can't wait. It's currently London Fashion Week, well it's finished tomorrow, if I'm not wrong. But that might be the reason for the assembling of everyone in London, ha. I watched In Her Shoes yesterday, and I was surprised to realise how great importance mental illness has in the movie. I've seen the movies loads of times before, but that's what happens when you gain knowledge about something-- you become more aware of it. It's a very interesting thing, that. Anyway, it's starting to freak me out that it's soon March. Lynx snapped me a photo of her closet where my dress and David's suit was hanging for the wedding. And it's been dawning on me, how soon it is. April is basically next month. Albeit I'm looking forward to be finished with "praksis", I do also distinctly remember back in October, when it suddenly felt like I had nothing to do. And I'm sure I'll have the same feeling after this. I'll just have to make sure I write down all the things I want to do now, when I've got so little time, so that I can do it once I have time. I think I must have had a really strange dream, because I've been feeling a bit confused ever since I awoke. I did have a bit of a tumultuous night, woke up at 2:00 am with a dull pain in my back and something that resembled like hunger, and I had a hard time going to bed again. Was actually considering to read something, but in midst of it all, I must have fallen asleep again. Thank goodness for that, as I woke up at 7:00 am this morning. Oh well, this day is meant for school work, and I plan to be efficient today, because if I'm not wrong, I've got about 14 days to finish my paper, in which there's actually only six days I have the whole day dedicated to it. The rest of the days are weekdays where I've basically only got 2-3 hours. I would like my own Tim Gunn to pop his head inside my bedroom and remind me: "one hour left, now" "work it", etcetera. Oh well, happy Monday, and what a brilliant song by the Lumineers-- Classy Girls. Brilliant lyrics, as shown in the title of this blogpost.

come and rest your bones with me

Morning, I've just finished watching the men's relay race in cross country skiing. And although it didn't go very well with Norway, it was still nice to see Petter Northug, and I think he did a good run, placing fourth. But the congratulations go to Sweden, which have been ace in cross country skiing this year's Olympics. And anyway, I've got a soft spot for Marcus Hellner, so I'm just glad. It's funny, because as we were watching the relay race for the women yesterday (at Oyster's), I was commenting along. And Oyster told me I should maybe become a commentator instead. But it's not so hard when you've been watching cross country skiing for quite a bit, and get to know the skiers and their signs of weakness and opposite. Anyway, I slept for ten hours. Two hours more than I was planning to. Must have shut off my alarm again, without noticing. I suppose it's okay, since I had so little sleep the previous night. I found a bag of chocolate yesterday, one that I'd forgotten about. But I found it when I was looking for my "shoot for the stars" bath bomb by Lush. I had a proper foot bath yesterday, as I'd been lusting for one. I ought to clean my bedroom now, and then get some food apart from that toast I had for brekkie. I should also organise my closet better, really, but I'm far too lazy. Maybe sometime after my "praksis" is done. I've got the schedule of my "praksis" above my desk, and I was just looking at it, which made me realise that time is running out. My paper is so far from done, and it feels like I've not got any time on the days I have "praksis". Oh well, time will tell how it goes. 

I’ve been avoiding commitment, that’s why I’m in this position. I’m scared to let somebody in on this

Hiya. I'm listening to an instrumental song on one of the playlists Kiwi has gifted to me. It's so nice and soothing for my head. Yesterday was spent over at Oyster's house. Got to her house just as she was making lasagne. Which my brain registered as odd, a few seconds after I'd registered what she was making. "But, isn't it you who doesn't like lasagne?" "Yeah, I puked the last time I ate it". She's an odd one, really. I've not been at Oyster's for just over a month, but then it usually goes that much of time between each time we see each other. And as we spoke yesterday, we realised I'd not slept over for months upon months. It was very nice as we were sat at the dining table, eating lasagne, and having banter between each other. Her mum always tries to make me her ally against Oyster and Mars, ha. Just, without getting all soppy, they're sort of my second family. Her mum said I was in a lot of their videos from years ago, which, oh god, hope I'll never have to watch them. But it was just very nice, sitting there, having discussions and having banter. Oyster and I then proceeded to go upstairs to her bedroom, where we caught up a bit, I guess. And her younger brother who just turned six (bloody hell), was playing on his Nintendo 3DS whilst lying on bed. Before it got too late, Oyster asked me if I wanted to make brownies, so that we did. And as you can see in the picture, we at ice cream along with that. Delicious, I tell you. Though it's been a lot of cake as of late. Actually feels like I've been eating cake since Christmas. It's a slight exaggeration, but not too far from the truth. There's actually a marzipan cake in the refrigerator as we speak. We ate it whilst watching Crazy, Stupid, Love. Which, really is one of my top ten movies to watch at all times. I really do love that movie. Halfway through the movie, we paused the movie and went to get a second helping of brownies and ice cream. And I said to Oyster that it was way past my bedtime, and that I felt slightly delirious. It was 11:35 pm. My eyes started burning at the end of the movie, with tiredness this time, not tears. I removed my make-up and got ready for bed, and once we were in bed it was probably past 1:00 am or something. And I thought we were going to pass out rather quickly after that, but instead we didn't end up going to bed before 4:30 am. Which, holy shit. I really haven't been up that late since Kiwi and Marble's birthday. We had a little bit of a walk down memory lane, and it's shocking how much Oyster remembers of all the things I've said to her in the past. I don't think I'll repeat any of those things here, it's far too embarrassing. Anyway, I woke up at 9:30 am, a bit peeved to have woken up, so I tried to shut my eyes and fall asleep again. But it was too late, I was already awake. So I've had five hours of sleep, which now feels like what I used to feel like with three hours of sleep. I guess you can say I was a bit peeved, sitting at the bus when there were a bunch of teenage boys with squeaky voices talking loudly about wanking of all things. Even my music couldn't shut them out. And then I had to laugh a bit of myself, because is that a sign that I've become older and think things like that are a bit rude to talk about in a bus? But surely you must agree that you don't speak about wanking in a public bus? Anyway, I'm home now, have been for hours. Yet I've not done any school work. Because I feel like I'm going to drop any second now. Ah, just yawned too. Have a nice Saturday, and I hope you had a nice Valentines day yesterday regardless of whether you celebrated it or not. It definitely seemed like Zayn and Perrie had an alright time yesterday. Goodness gracious, they're so cute, makes my heart melt a bit.