I am feeling so small. It was over my head, I know nothing at all.

I was awaken by an incoming face time call this morning. Thought it was my alarm, and was very confused as to why I had on my camera. A few seconds later, it clicked to me, and I answered it, whilst groggily getting out of bed and getting dressed. Spoke a bit to David, and then he said all of our names, so I had to find each person so he could say hi and give them a wave. Monchita was still in bed, and David flashed his stomach to her, so she did the same to him. This was great amusement to Lynx and Volla, and perhaps Grepper if he was even there. I went to put on a jumper and socks, before Monchita yelled at me to come get my phone, and so I ventured downstairs where my dad was sat and gave him the phone-- and so on. Yesterday Volla sent me a snapchat of David's dump in his little potty trainer, and jeez, I hope you're not eating your brekkie whilst reading this. But it was a lot of poop. I showed my mum the snapchat, and filmed her reaction to it as an answering snap. And then Volla proceeded to send a picture of the incident to me as well as the snap chat. As if that was necessary. Oh well, we'll have it to show David when he gets older. That'll be grand. To my joy, I finished reading "PS, I Love You" yesterday. Thought maybe I wouldn't get it done, as I didn't start reading properly until 5:00 pm. It took me about seven hours or so. I was a bit surprised, because I'd forgotten so much from the book, and I kept thinking "oh, yeah, that's what's going to happen next" before I realised "no, that's from another book". And it was actually a surprise to the end-- honest. But it has been ages since I've read the book, or even watched the film. I was a bit unsure at the beginning, as I kept thinking "why was I so fond of this book, again?" because it felt like every other novel. But I did remember throughout. I actually love this book, and I've not cried and laughed so much in ages. One moment I'd be snorting with laughter, and there was seriously once when I had to put down the book because I was laughing so much. It lasted probably a minute, where I was a bit scared I couldn't stop in the end. But then it was the sudden crying too. Finished reading a page with a fond smile on my face, and then read the first line the next page, and my face just fell and I started wailing. I felt such relief to read a proper book, once again. I also think it was a good time to read it, as I usually get so immersed into the characters lives, and stop thinking about mine. This time, however, I kept stopping up and thinking about my own life, and I felt like I could relate to so many of the things Holly (the protagonist) was facing. Also, there were so many things that were written so beautifully: "Some people go through life searching and never find their soul mates. They never do. You and I did, we just happened to have them for a shorter period of time that we hoped for". I just found that so gorgeous. Everyone should read this book, it's great. And Cecelia Ahern is really talented. I'm no stranger to her books, I'm an owner of a few of them, and they're all great. The picture of the text, is a part of a typewriter series by A.Y. who owns this Tumblr which is gorgeous and full of these kind of things. But this certain piece hit me straight in the chest, and I'm certain it goes for loads of other people too. One of my new years resolutions this year was to be more brave. I'm not going to go so much into detail about that now, I'm not ready to do that. But I will print out this piece by A.Y. to hang above my desk or wherever to remind myself to be brave. Today I'm going to finish quite a few things, and tomorrow I'll start another adventure. And it's going to be okay, because I'll always find a way to make things okay. It's still snow outside, and maybe it's staying this time. But the sun is out, and it's so beautiful. And this is just a reminder of how much the weather has to do with my mood. Isn't that scary? To think that along with the darkness comes the dark? Have a nice Sunday, enjoy the weather, and life. 

I will stumble and fall. I'm still learning to love, just starting to crawl

Hiya, I got this stamp in my stocking, and I've used it a fair amount by now. It's soon gone 26 hours since the exam first started, and so far it's looking okay. I'm not going to kid myself and say that everything will go smoothly, because I know it won't. It never does. Tomorrow I'll be somewhat stressed because I'm still going to have a load to do, but it's also a handball match tomorrow I'm most definitely going to see. Also, Lumba is coming home tomorrow, which will also be a distraction. Then it's Thursday, and I know I'll be freaking out over my work. Last year, an hour before I was going out of the door in order to get it to school and deliver my exam before the deadline, I realised I'd forgotten to write one of the most important parts of the paper, so in like twenty minutes or so, I wrote a new paragraph, and-- well, it wasn't the most pleasant day in consideration of my stress levels. It all worked out in the end, but I really don't want to do that again. I went to deliver the Christmas present to Oyster today, because I was going by the library and the post office anyway. And we spoke for longer than I had estimated. One of the first things she said to me when I closed the door behind me, was "isn't your exam now?". In which, I replied with a yes. The two first days are always really chill, which is why I'm not so freaked out now. Also, everything is always better in the mornings. It's when the evening comes along and I freak out, thinking I've not done anything. Yesterday I did procrastinate a bit, though I did better than I had expected. Also managed to delete a playlist on Youtube with 200 videos related to One Direction. Wasn't quite sure whether I should have laughed or cried. Instead I did neither, and refused to acknowledge it for a few minutes. And then I figured there was nothing to do. And it's like Oyster said to me today "can't you just find them again?"-- and I can. The only video I really want is one of Harry singing Moments in a different note, but it's gone missing. The owner probably deleted it, and it's so sad, because his vocals were soo good. I also watched the handball match last night, and it was a really great game to watch, though the end was a bit disappointing. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed it. It was the highlight of my day yesterday, and it was the one thing I was really looking forward to after reading a bunch of English research articles. Today there will be no game (at least for Norway), so the only thing I have to look forward to is really Vlogmas videos. One of which I'm going to watch now whilst eating my lunch. I'm going to make myself a toast and eat some avocado on the side. You know how I bought the Say Something version without Christina Aguilera? I was listening to it just now and singing along, and then I was like oh, but this is the version with her! I can hear the harmonies. And then I stopped singing along and listened closely, before I mentally face palmed myself because how stupid can you be? Obviously there's going to be harmonies if I sing along? That's enough foolishness for today. Have a good one, and hopefully you'll be really productive. 

I will swallow my pride, you're the one that I love

It's a windy day outside my bedroom window, and the snow has melted into ice by the heavy rain that was dropping against my window last night. The lack of snow is always a depressing sight these days, and I spend more time than I want worrying about global warming and if my grand children will survive (if I eventually have kids). And I'm so confused by the likes on my new profile picture on Facebook, because a lot of them are people from my past. Like, past. It's some of the people I ran around with at school when I was ten. I'm also very confused about the change of image of One Direction last night-- almost took away my nerves yesterday, when I was hunched over my computer and looking at pictures of punk!direction? Everyone was dressed in black (well, they normally do wear a lot of black these days, but this was almost all black), Harry had a bloody earring, and Niall had a messy fringe instead of a quiff, and Liam was definitely wearing some kind of eye-liner? Louis didn't look that different, just had a bit more beard. But I must admit that sometimes I look at people, and I think of some kind of animal-- and to me, Louis resembles a wolf. They were performing Midnight Memories at the X Factor UK. I guess the song suited a bit more punky look, and I really hope they're performing it on tour because it's such a good song to perform. You know, the other day (when I say 'the other day' it might mean oh, two months ago) I told Monchita that if I was a teenager during the grunge period, I would have definitely turned grunge. And she was like "yeah, you definitely would". So I'm sure that if One Direction changed direction (pun intended), I would've easily followed. And isn't that scary? That I would be so willing to change? I'm having Say Something on repeat, though I realised now that I'd purchased the version without Christina Aguilera. Nevertheless, I really love the song. Though I am afraid I'll grow tired with it in no time, like I do with most songs these days. It's less than two hours to my exam, and I've been jittery all day. Well, since I woke up, which was 9:00 am. I'm sure I'll be blogging far too much these next five days. All I know is that I'm really looking forward to being done with my exam, because on the 20th I'm going to a Christmas concert with my friends, and then a get-together with old pals. And the day after I'm going on a "julebord" with other friends. And then it's Christmas, and I told Lynx over Facetime (that was the first time I've actually used it) yesterday that mum was planning to throw one of those family get-together's we have once or twice a year. I just wanted her to warn Grepper on beforehand. Oh and then we spoke with David who was achingly cute. He sang a few songs to us, and he's at that age where he understands most of what you're saying, and he can have some conversations. So I was talking to him about decorating the Christmas tree. And then at the end of the conversations we were saying our goodbyes, and he was like "come! come now!". He's old enough to have basic conversations, but still young enough to not understand that we can't just come over like that. But it was adorable, and it's made me look forward to see him even more. I've only had a cuppa thus far this morning, and my stomach is grumbling for some food, so I think I'm going to eat some breakfast now. Also, I spent a bit of time rereading some letters and cards I've gotten, and it made me unbearably happy last night. I think it's important to do things like that-- do things that make you happy, even if it's just rereading letters. Anyway, have a nice day. And to my peers that also have exams this week, best of luck to you! 

anywhere, I would have followed you

The tree and I are best friends today (had my dad to fix the problem), and I've managed to decorate it to my liking. I'm just a tiny bit unsure whether I should put some more decorations on it. I usually don't decorate my own bedroom that much, but I couldn't help myself this time. Made myself a tiny Christmas tree. Had I had more space in my bedroom, I would've liked to use some branches, put them in a vase and made them into a little tree. Maybe in the future. My Christmas heart is saddened each time I see a drop of snow melting. It's ridiculous-- this weather. It's cold, and then it's hot, and so it goes on. And when it's cold, it isn't even properly cold? Like, how can you possibly call this winter? I want a meter of snow for Christmas. But I have a feeling the snow will be melting until then. Oh well, it won't be the first Christmas without snow. I fell asleep far too late and hungry last night, but I couldn't be bothered to go downstairs and grab something to eat, only to brush my teeth again. Lazy. I was supposed to wake up early today, and I'm pretty sure I put on an alarm. But somehow I managed to shut it off without being properly awake, because I have no recollection of it. Woke up with an achy back and a bit sore head. I'm not quite sure why, but it's not like I'm not going to survive. Or, well, I hope so. Oh goodness, I just called to get refunds for the Kodaline tickets, and it was highly amusing. So, the thing is, I sort of have a bit of anxiety to call to everyone else than my family and friends. But yesterday I wrote it down on my list of things to do today, so I just dialled the number-- and seriously, just dialling the number made my heart pump faster. It feels so ridiculous, but it's just how I am. Anyway, so there was a lot of commotion on the line, so I had to wait for my turn. And you know when you have to wait in a line on the phone and they'll put on some typical "elevator music"? Well, it shouldn't have surprised me, but there were like proper music. Like, the Lumineers, so I was properly enjoying myself listening to nice music. It all went down nicely, and I could breathe out. I'm going to try going to the mall today-- try to get all the Christmas presents done. But crowds of people doesn't feel too enticing today. Also, there's my precious handball today. I can't wait, and hopefully the opponent doesn't suck. I mean, the first game was sooo intense and exciting, whereas the other two games after was sort of a flop? The opponents were some of the worst in this championship, so Norway was free to try out the juniors that have made the team this year. And I do like some of them, I do. But it doesn't surprise me how bad a game can be when there's only "noobs" as I like to call it. Also, a lot of my favourites are out of the game due to pregnancies and injuries. Oh well, it's not the olympics. And to be fair, the last game was a bit exciting, because they had a whole different game plan than what they usually do. If you've not listened to Say Something yet, then you should. It's really nice. Is it Friday yet? No? Okay.