I am drawing pictures I'm evading. I will not use them

Jeg hadde mitt siste møte med veilederen min i dag. "Jeg husker det så godt, første gang jeg satt her," sa jeg. En del av tiden ble merkelig nok brukt til å bare prate, samtale. Hun pratet om filosofi og ex phil, og jeg pratet om at framgangsmåten i å skrive en bachelor for første gang er en metafor for livet. Ved slutten av veiledningstimen spurte hun "hva er det du ønsker å bli?". Jeg syntes det var et så merkelig spørsmål ettersom jeg straks er ferdig med bacheloren min-- jeg skal jo bli sykepleier. Men så tenkte jeg litt på det, jeg fyller 22 i sommer, og jeg har nettopp tatt min første bachelor. Jeg har alltid visst at jeg ønsker å utdanne meg til litt forskjellig. Så hva jeg ender opp med å bli, det vet jeg virkelig ikke. Jeg gikk ut fra kontoret hennes lettet, jeg ser slutten og mitt harde arbeid ser ut til å ha "paid off" som man sier. Jeg vet riktignok ikke det sikkert før jeg får en karakter på oppgaven, men følelsen jeg fikk i dag, gående fra kontoret til veilederen min handlet mer om å ha mestret en slik periode. Det er ikke bare å bruke flere uker på å skrive en oppgave. Jeg gleder meg til å ikke være nødt til å se på oppgaven igjen, men jeg er nødt til å holde ut i noen dager til. Før jeg tar kvelden blir jeg nødt til å skrive ferdig et avsnitt. I det siste har jeg sett at arbeidsmoralen har vært litt sporadisk. Jeg er ikke konsistent i produktiviteten min, og dermed ender jeg opp med å skrive ivrig klokken 9 på morgen, og likeså på kvelden. God kveld! 

all I really want is you to understand that I'm a mess

Tired of my glitter pens? I'm not, look at it! So pretty. Someone on Tumblr has been consistently reblogging pictures of Colin Firth for months now. Obviously it's led me to fancy him. There's a movie with him I've been wanting to watch for ages too, I nagged Grepper about it when I was visiting back in April. For the past 24 hours I've worked on my thesis nearly non-stop, and I'm pretty proud of myself for it, because it's not often things like that happens. I went to school today because Allie asked for my help. Initially I thought I'd sit by myself all day, except for when Allie came. However, I was wrong. There were more people than usual, we were five people crammed together. It was a bit of a reunion for my last "praksis" group, because they were suddenly all there, well, mostly everyone -- at my table and the neighbour-table. It was a bit amusing, and also a lot of fun. Allie even brought me cake, which was very nice of her! We struggled trying to understand Microsoft Word as you do, and in the end we were defeated. I went home at 3 pm as per usual, and I'm going to school tomorrow as well, because it'll be my last meeting with my teacher. My dad genuinely just Facetimed me to check up on us, asked if we had eaten and that we had to go to bed early. I'm laughing because the youngest person in the house is eighteen. I think that my parents will always treat us like we're kids. I mean, when my sister comes visiting she suddenly gets a curfew despite being thirty. Ah, family, eh? I might take up my dad on his advice on going to bed. Because although my body isn't tired, my mind is. 

Throw your heart to me. Let it fall and hit the ground

It's been a weird day. I woke up two hours later than I had planned, went downstairs to make myself some brekkie. My mum was stood in the kitchen, preparing something, and I realised she used one of the vital ingredients I needed to make dinner. She did the same thing yesterday, so that was great. We had a bit of a discussion, mostly me sighing because she keeps doing it all the time. Around 11 am, Lynx sent me a message about mum travelling to her, and about a person dying. In my head it was the afternoon, but it was really only 11 am. This person who died, she hasn't been a big part of my life, only a minor puzzle piece. But I couldn't help but feel really sad, sad for the family that's mourning her now, sad for all the people who are affected. I've got a picture of her in one of my albums, actually. I was dragged with to the airport today, and my dad tried to lure me into driving. We're both stubborn-- he won't give up, and I won't drive. I didn't drive, luckily, because I've not driven a car since last year. At least I think so. But we had a big discussion, talked more with him than I've done in ages. He cracked a smile, and I looked at him, amused. I'm currently working on my thesis. Forever doing that, it seems. I feel a bit like I'm working myself into an overdrive, like I'm about to explode sometime soon. I think maybe I'm doing it on purpose too, one last hurrah. It's like I'm channelling all my insecurities and nerves and thoughts into it, and well, I'll see how I survive. I am glad though, because my creative side has seemed to want to step into the light again, and I get the urge to draw small insignificant doodles. But it's good, better, I can focus on something and not think about all the other things that awaits me. One week left now, then I don't have to worry about my thesis any more. There will be other things to worry about, because that is apparently how life works. But I'm trying to find a balance of thinking about things and not thinking about things. If anyone has the answer, I'd like to know. 

nothing's gonna hurt me with my eyes shut

I forgot that my mum's supposed to leave tomorrow. My dad mentioned it yesterday, and I was like "what the hell, already?". I remember purchasing the tickets, thinking it was so far away, when my thesis was due. It's a bit funny because my mum is going away for a week, my brother is travelling the upcoming weekend, then my sister is travelling when my mum comes home, then I'm travelling when my sister comes home. We're totally trying to avoid each other. Eurovision yesterday was a bit disappointing. Monchita and I made charts and started giving points to the different countries, but seven songs in we stopped trying. I don't know exactly what was disappointing, but I was expecting more. Due to the many contestants, I think they didn't get enough time to show off Austria and all the strange things the host-country always do. And did Conchita even sing the winning song of last year? I also think a lot of the contestants this year were good, which is strange, because they were songs I'd listen to in my spare time. Not the kind of crazy Eurovision-songs we're so used to. At least the voting was exciting, they sort of mixed it up so it was hard to understand who'd win the thing. That and the fact that Australia was a contestant this year, was probably the highlights in my opinion. I did also really enjoy Belgium, because he reminded me of a genius child who is a serial killer and no one can frame him for his murders because there's no evidence. I told Monchita this, and she said "so you like him because he reminds you of a serial killer?". Yes, apparently. I'm a bit sad that the weather doesn't seem like it's supposed to reach a peak this summer. It's like I've gotten used to ridiculous warm weather, but I'm going to work most of the summer anyway, like I always do. It's Sunday, and I need to clean my bedroom, exercise and stuff. Boring mundane things. Oh well.