it's I who waits, it's you who's late again

"Det hadde ikke overrasket meg om det var jeg som havna her om noen år," sa jeg i respons om hvordan psykiatripraksis hadde påvirket mitt syn på psykiatri. Vi lever i et samfunn som krever ufattelig mye av oss som mennesker. Allie sa faktisk til meg i dag at vi blir regnet som generasjonen som fikk alt i fanget. Og med det fikk vi uttallige muligheter. Og da sier de andre generasjonene, våre foreldre og besteforeldre: "vær takknemlig, du har vært heldig". Ja, vi har vært heldig, men så sitter vi igjen med så mange muligheter, at de sikkert kunne ha fylt en hel telefonkatalog. Og samfunnet sier jo at vi skal utdanne oss. Vi skal bli suksessfulle, og vi skal reise. Vi skal bli mammer og pappaer, men samtidig skal vi være i jobb og være suksessfull på den fronten. Vi skal være flinke foreldre, barn, søsken, studenter, ansatte, etcetera. Jeg har undret meg over dette, for jeg er jo en pliktoppfyllende pike. Jeg har lært å følge normene, jeg ønsker å oppfylle de kravene og forventningene som stilles til meg av samfunnet. Men sannheten er at samfunnets krav er våre egne krav-- det er vi som har bestemt de. Og det innebærer jo at du og jeg, vi kan stoppe opp og si "hei, jeg vil ikke gjøre det jeg". Så når du føler at samfunnet sier at du skal være ditt og datt, men du ønsker noe annet-- ja, da får du gjøre det du ønsker. Vi er ikke alle sammen et A4 ark. Læreren min og veilederen min skrattlo da jeg innrømte at jeg kunne tenkt meg at jeg har en fremtid i psykiatrien som pasient. Gode refleksjoner sa de, en liten stund etterpå da de fikk tilbake pusten. Også sa læreren min: "men da må du også tenke på hva det er som gjør at du ikke er pasient i psykiatrien nå". Kanskje det er nettopp dette, mine refleksjoner over livet. Betydningen av bevisstgjøring er ikke tull.  

was it easier to pack your bags and book that flight to Paris

It's May 1st! One day closer to the One Direction concert, one day closer to my exam, and one day closer to my death. When I awoke today, I went on Tumblr. And no, no, no, nope, no, nooooo. (There are links in every no, in which I do not approve of. And every single one is One Direction-related. Do not click). After a bloody long lecture yesterday (in which my belieber friend and I had a music quiz where we guessed song titles from lyrics), I went home and had a shower and a meal before I headed over to Oyster's. I had my usual hangout with her younger brother and younger sister (watched Toy Story 2 with her broseph, and refreshed my memory of Twenty Eight by The Weeknd on the piano with her sister (we also did a few duets where she played and I sang along; My Heart Will Go On, If I Was Your Man, A Thousand Years, etc). And then I ate a piece of pizza while we watched Power Puff Girls. Oh, and That's So Raven. I now want to learn the PPG-theme song, and I want a PPG t-shirt. After this we headed upstairs for "bed", which basically means we spent an hour or two? Or three (don't really know) - chatting. About everything really. And it was nice, because we continued chatting when we woke up (when Oyster came back to her room after having woken up before me). We we're reminiscing about our childhood, and apparently I was a really drama queen and a huge cry baby? Thank god I've changed (or have I?). Sometimes I feel like I've got to have a serious talk with my friends. See how they're doing. Maybe it's ridiculous and unnecessary. And you can ask "how are you?", and get a "fine" back. And you can move on just like that. But sometimes the person isn't fine. And it just takes a bit of time for the person to let it out. So you wait a bit, let there be a silence. And if the other person wants to - they can fill that silence. Hah, this sound like a "how to" tutorial. It almost feels like it's been a weekend, although we only have one day off. And what am I going to use that day on? Reading. I can actually see the end of my book now, and it's such a great feeling. Also, I've got my last paper to finish. It's due in two weeks, so I might as well get it done now. I'm going to leave you with my current playlist "luv" (I'm really creative with the titles of my playlists', I know). The first song is where I've got the lyrics from the title of this blogpost, and also the lyrics in the first picture.

"luv"
1. Morning Song by The Lumineers
2. Stubborn Love by The Lumineers
3. Beside You by 5 Seconds of Summer
4. Toothpaste Kisses by The Maccabees
5. Cold Coffee by Ed Sheeran