Every morning I feel like something in me wants to die. And if I'm right I'll be with you

Hi, hello! This morning I was strangely productive. Managed to fight off the urge to start my day with an episode of Teen Wolf, which probably would have continued onto the next episode, then the next. It's all or nothing. Anyway, I finished writing this thing that's due on Monday. Sent it off to my teacher, so now I don't have to think about that. The next thing on my list to do today is preparing for my evaluation on Wednesday. It's always a bit nerve-wrecking for me, because I don't actually know what the teacher wants from me until I've gone through an evaluation. The last like I had an evaluation, I had a fierce nurse supervisor who only seemed to have good things to say about me. Looking back at it, it's a bit funny. "I think I should work more on this, because I feel like I'm not good enough at it," I'd say. Then she'd say something like: "You have to remember that you're not supposed perfect it at this stage, seeing as you're still a student. It's something that'll come with experience". Felt a bit like we were bickering, and like my teacher was just observing with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. I've got a quite different nurse supervisor this time around, not to mention teacher. So I'm curious to how it's going to go. This morning I was furious when I got a sms saying there were no free appointments at the doctor's today, and if they had an e-mail, I'm sure I would have written an angry letter. Luckily for them they don't have one. I was especially annoyed today because with how my schedule looks, I might not be able to try again until late February. Ah February is actually right around the corner, which is both surprising and also not very. I had a really strange dream that I don't think I even want to elaborate. It was just weird. Due to a video by Quick, I fell in love with a song called Thought I Knew by Nico & Vinz this morning. Listened to it on repeat so many times, like I always do once I find a song I enjoy. I am crossing my fingers that I manage to finish school work early tonight, so I can watch an episode of Teen Wolf. I think I deserve that. 

I can't get over you. You left your mark on me

I've been quite emotional today, I think. For some reason I felt really morose once I got home, and I felt a lot like crying. I am guessing it's the lack of sleep from last night. I got a ride from Sally yesterday as well. It's funny because we were walking towards the parking lot: Sally, Manja and I. Then out of nowhere, my nurse supervisor appeared: "you haven't gotten any further than this?" she asked. I was allowed to leave "praksis" around 10:00 pm, when I usually leave at 10:30 pm. But I had already agreed to get a ride from Sally, so I decided to just wait for her. Hence my supervisor's question. She's actually Sally's old nurse supervisor, so I kind of expected for them to chat. But instead Sally and Manja were chatting, and I had a chat with my supervisor. It's almost a bit strange having a supervisor so close my own age, because it doesn't really feel like she's a supervisor. Anyway, it appeared that Sally had parked her car in another spot, than my supervisor and Manja. I didn't know this, as I was still chatting with my supervisor, as Sally shouted "we're going this way!" at me. As always, I enjoyed the company of Sally during the drive to my house. She kindly offered to drive me home each time we both have an evening shift. Once I got home and in bed, I fell asleep a bit too late for my liking. Ended up yawning my way through my "praksis" meeting today. And each time I yawned, I also teared up. So in the end it probably looked like I was crying. Aggy and I did not have our presentation today due to lack of time. It was a bit of a relief because I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the table. But it's also a bit annoying because it means I'll have to think about it for longer than I intended. When I got home from "praksis" today, I had some food before I rang Ale for a chat. It seems that I am going to see her in not so long, which is always good. If I'm productive, I'm going to finish some school work today, then go to bed because I'm knackered. Tomorrow I might just watch Teen Wolf. Or I might be doing school work. It depends on whether I get a doctors appointment tomorrow. The place I usually go have started a new thing where you have to send a text asking about an appointment. If there's a spot free, then you get it. If not, you'll have to try the next day. It's really annoying, but I could just switch to another doctor. I just can't be bothered. 

Tie your hands behind your back, feel my fingertips above your shoulders

Good morning! Yesterday I woke up at 6:00 am under the pretense that I'd do school work. Instead I ended up watching Teen Wolf until I had to get ready fro "praksis". I can't remember the last time I've watched episode after episode from a television show (well, apart from Skins, which ended a while ago). It's just those bloody endings of each episode which makes me itch to watch another episode. And Netflix automatically switches over to the next episode, so it's almost like you can't say no. I even almost succumbed to the urge to not exercise and have a shower yesterday, just so I could watch another episode. Luckily my will to stay sane and not show up at "praksis" without showering overpowered the will to not. After my shower I put on my clothes (as you do), and I didn't pull my hair out from where my jumper covered it (I'm sorry, I suck at explaining), and it looked like I had really short hair. And my goodness, I loved it. I can't wait to chop my hair off. It's going to be so good. "Praksis" yesterday was good I thought. A bit short on staff, which made things a bit busier for me, as I picked up some slack. Had to go help a patient in the midst of my lunch, and I never went back to my lunch-- or, well, dinner because I had an evening shift -- because there were just so many other patients who needed help. I overheard two patients discussing the difference in the employees, and was really happy to hear her say that my nurse supervisor and I were one of the good ones. Later, one of the patients told it to me directly. I've been getting a lot of hand shakes, hugs and "thank you's" as of late, and it's nice. It's just one of those small things that makes my day a lot better. I met Sally and Faye in the wardrobe after "praksis". I always meet someone in the wardrobe because it seems like all of the students share the same wardrobe. On my way to the shift I met Allie, whom I had a chat with until I realised I had to get changed. Anyway, after "praksis" I met Sally and Faye, though Faye had to run to her bus. Sally and I had a little chat, in which she asked me whether I'd want a ride home. "Really?" I asked, hopeful because my bus had just gone. I got changed and we walked to the parking lot. The last time she drove me home must have been a year ago, but she remembered most of the way. I forget sometimes how much I enjoy the company of Sally; we got to talk a lot during the ride home, and I went home with an even broader smile. I woke up at 7:15 am today, not in the pretense of doing school work, but to watch the two last episodes of the first season of Teen Wolf. And only because the sensible person in me overpowered the other one who really wants to start the second season, I am not watching Teen Wolf right now. It's a bit strange for me seeing as I started out reading fan fiction. A lot of the fan fiction stems from the actual show, but then there are also a lot of other things that doesn't belong to the show, hence fan fiction. But it does mean I already know quite a few bits, and it's fun trying to guess what's true or not. For example the alpha in the first season-- I genuinely didn't manage to guess who it was. Anyway, I've decided that I'm either going to spend the whole of Friday or Saturday to watch Teen Wolf. Yes, that's how attached I am right now. But right now I have to spend some time to go through my presentation for tomorrow, because I have an evening shift today as well, then morning shift tomorrow, which is the day of my presentation. It means the only time I have to rehearse is now. Have a good day, and may your willpower be strong. 

I feel so close to you right now, it's a force field

I ended up watching two episodes of Teen Wolf yesterday, after making a Netflix account. It definitely made me cringe, but I have big hopes for the show, and my mind seems set upon the decision to like it. I can only hope that the newer seasons will be better. But for now, I'll continue watching the show (I sound like it takes such an effort, lols). One of the things I've learnt during stressful times where I have to think of multiple things at once, is that sometimes I'll have to "cross that bridge when we come to it". It's very suiting that I'm currently listening to a playlist called "one day at a time", ha. At "praksis" we have a check-list of the things we have to do, and I'm getting into the habit of making my own check-lists. Some are easier to check off the list than others. It's only been four weeks since Christmas holidays were over, but it feels like months ago. At that point it felt like I had loads of time to think of my bachelor, but now I can feel it creeping up on me. Due to watching Teen Wolf yesterday, I didn't read through any research articles, so I'll have to do that today. It is very important that I do it. I also have to try finishing my presentation today, so I can do other school work tomorrow. I just have to do a lot of things most of the time. But instead of doing those things, I am reading a fan fiction or something else. It is one of the most annoying habits of mine, if I can call it habits. I have done quite a few things today, like responding to important e-mails and other grown up things. But they're not big enough for my brain to think: "I've done loads today!". Crossing my fingers that I'll be productive today (and not watch too much Teen Wolf though it's so tempting).

think I'm gonna win this time, riding on the wind and I won't give up

The snow is never ending. I keep thinking it'll melt, but then another layer falls to the ground whilst I'm fast asleep in my bed. Sugar asked me whether I thought it would be milder in March, and I honestly don't know. The weather is more unpredictable than I can ever remember. Friday's celebrations were really good. I got a bit tipsy on one beer, which I think indicates how much alcohol I usually consume. We were at a quite posh restaurant which was new for all of us. I suppose the location should have tipped us off at the posh-ness. Nevertheless, we had a good time, and we even got a round table. It wasn't until later that I realised that Kiwi had not specifically asked for a round table when reserving a table. "It's faith," she told me when I asked her about it. I also think it was faith that later on, we were asked to switch table in exchange of a free cava on the house. I realised that it was due to good manners that Marble and Kiwi agreed to it, rather than the free cava, which Kiwi barely touched. I spent yesterday doing quite grown up things, which included summer jobs. I told my belieber friend that I don't enjoy planning so far into the future. Well mostly when it comes to things I don't like. I also did some work for my bachelor, which is actually the first time. Though I've barely done anything, it made me feel ten times better because it's the getting started part that I am so good at avoiding. Sadly I decided enough was enough around 6-7 pm, and decided to read The Rosie Effect. It was really good, and I really love Don. I don't know yet if I'll write my opinion on the book, but if I don't, I recommend it. Today I have thoroughly cleaned my bedroom, because it's been ages since I've dusted properly. Right now I am reading through insurance papers, because apparently that's something you should do when you grow up. I am also looking through HTL Hotels website, because my belieber friend told me they opened a new hotel in Oslo not long ago. I am really happy about it, because I remember loving the hotel when we went to stay in Stockholm. I am really tempted to book a room for the One Direction concert, but there are not any rooms available for three people, which sucks. Bah. Today I am mostly doing school work. I am going to try finish my new presentation for the next week. And if I have the motivation I'd like to read through a research article before the day is over. I also really want to reward myself by watching an episode of Teen Wolf for all the work I've done this weekend. I didn't really have much time to do much school work and other important things I had to do. So that had to be postponed to this weekend. I am just not how sure I'll enjoy Teen Wolf, and which episode I should watch either. I am also really nervous I'll enjoy it much more than I initially intend to. Who knows? I have been having a break from One Direction as of late, mostly because there's not much to report from them at the moment. Though I must admit that I am absolutely shocked by the amount of tweets from Zayn and Louis. The tweets from Liam I expected, but not the stream from Zayn and Louis. I am also surprised that Niall is the one who have tweeted the least during their break. It's made me all flabbergasted. I have barely read any One Direction fan fiction. The only ones I read these days is if they include Niall. And knowing myself, that says a lot. I am excited for the new tour to start and see which songs they'll be performing. But I am also not that excited to be sucked into the fandom again. The reason for why I was really thinking of One Direction today, was because I was listening to Four whilst cleaning this morning. I've not properly listened to the album since before Christmas. The sound of Fireproof made me reminiscent of the autumn. But it also made me really content with life as it is. Even though I am going through a really stressful phase of my life, where I am making (direct) life-changing decisions, it made me think of how nice it is being in this position as well. Whatever happens, it feels like this year is going to be so fucking good. Despite all the downs I keep having. Also, I can't wait for the summer to come so I can sit at the edge of Tjuvholmen and enjoy the sea.