You're just a hideaway, you're just a feeling. You let my heart escape

Oslo is gorgeous when the trees and flowers are blooming, and when the sun is out and the sky is blue. It's my favourite time of the year in the city. Because it usually looks so dull and grey with all the buildings and traffic. But when the greenery comes out, it's lovely. Yesterday I got a lot of nice comments on my Ed Sheeran t-shirt by my co-students. It somehow turned into a conversation about "hypothetical me" flashing people on a festival. (Don't ask me why or how). I have actually turned really fond of my group, and we really do look out for each other. Next week we're actually going to celebrate Allie's upcoming birthday with a little lunch, so that'll be nice. There is nothing I love more when I share something I love with someone else. And yesterday I recommended Sleeping At Last to one of my favourite poetry Tumblr's, and she along with some of her followers loved them. It's such a good feeling that-- being able to pass on a gem. Goodness, my bladder is about to explode, so I'll have to run. I'm hopefully going to be done with my part of the paper tonight, so I won't have to fret about it. Have a nice day, and listen to Last Night by The Vamps, Summer by Calvin Harries (I'm really enjoying this??) or Touch by Shift K3Y if you're looking for any tunes.

While collecting the stars, I connected the dots. I don’t know who I am, but now I know who I’m not.

(My brother looked at the gin tonic in my hand, before he looked me in the eyes and told me it was an old man's drink. I shrugged and took a sip anyway). It's hard to get away from expectations in life, it seems like wherever I go there's always some. My teacher tells everyone that they have to improve their papers, before she turns to me and says mine is point on. I look slightly embarrassed, and point out all the things I didn't do right. My sister says to her best friend about me: "she's the good one in the family, the proper one with her head screwed on right". I just smile along because it's easier than to explain. My friend once told me that my parents must be so proud of me, because I'd never done anything wrong. And I wondered to myself if they really are, if it's true. All these kind words turns into expectations that becomes etched into my brain, and I find myself wishing they weren't. I might appear wise for my own age, and I might say things that sounds like I've got my head screwed on right. But some days I'm stuck inside my own head and I cannot pull myself away from deprecating thoughts about life and myself. Remember there's always another side of the story. You see things I don't, and I see things you don't. (I might carry my purse around everywhere like a little old lady, and I might enjoy a gin tonic which my brother says is an old man's drink. But I'm not old in experiences, and I'm certainly not the person you think I am).

When I close my eyes I hear you singing. You're singing me a song that I'll forget. I always forget

It's like I'd almost forgotten the crazy frenzy that comes along with a new tour. Thank goodness I've not got an exam now, because all I've done for the past few days is running around the house in restlessness and shouting "I love One Direction". For once I didn't listen to Grimmy this morning, but I regretted it the second I got on Twitter and saw who was announced to perform at Radio 1 Big Weekend (a festival)-- One Direction is one amongst all the other amazing artists, despite the fact that they've already got a gig that day. But it's not like they've not done two shows in one day before. It really is an amazing line-up for the Big Weekend. Can you believe that the day One Direction is playing, there's also Bastille, Ed Sheeran and Coldplay (and more, but these are amongst my favourites) playing? I think I realised yesterday, that I am actually going to see One Direction again. I've been downplaying it for myself, because I know I'll barely see them with the seats I've got. Nevertheless, it never cease to amaze me, that I get to attend another of their concerts. I do remember watching videos of their first headlining tour-- Up All Night. It's strange that it's only a few years ago. And to think that I'm going to see a concert of theirs with some of my best friends, who I can't wait to spend time with. I was sat at the dinner table, eating with Monchita when I all of a sudden announced: "I am actually going to see One Direction in concert again". She just nodded along, long used to my strange ways. I am really thankful for these kind of things because I see how many that don't get to attend a concert of theirs. Oh god, I am actually watching "Ylvis' Top 20 Comedy Videos" on MTV Live, and now they're playing the music video for Best Song Ever by One Direction. I could swear they're everywhere, and that it's not just in my head. Liam got himself an Instagram yesterday to continue his picture spree that's been occurring for the past few days. I can't deal with this emotional roller coaster he seems to be on. He's so happy these days, and he cried during You & I at the first concert. Precious little babies. One of the neighbours definitely just chopped down a tree. That, or trees must be falling by their selves on this beautiful blue skied day April day. Tomorrow I've (finally) got school, and it'll feel like I'm actually doing something. Because right now it feels like the holidays have already started. On another note, I've been obsessed with the music video for Stay by Lewis Watson. You should watch it and report back if you don't think the ending is incredibly creepy. Because I've watched the videos so many times, I've also gotten the song on my mind. I think it's safe to say that I really enjoy watching dance choreography when I actually don't mind watching a commercial on Youtube because it's Kate Hudson dancing with some men. I just really think it's fascinating. It's also why I enjoy the music video for Hideaway by Kiesza so much as well. I actually have to stop the things I am doing just to watch it. I am so strange. Anyway, I've still got some school work I need to get done, so byeeeeeeee. 

right now I wish you were here with me

My mum has green fingers. From where, I don't know. Maybe she learnt how to deal with plants when she was younger and harvested sugar canes for a living. Or maybe it was when she was a stay at home mum and had some time over for herself to do whatever she wanted to do. Nevertheless, she has green fingers, and each spring our garden turns into a little oasis of colours. In that sense I am not my mothers daughter-- I don't know what kind of flower needs more water than the others, and I don't know the signs of them wilting, and I don't know what's best soil to plant them in. Today I've gone through the house and winced each time I pour water into another plant, guessing if it needs more than the one I watered in prior of this one. I've also cleaned my bedroom, cleaned the tables in the living room, and dusted. It does feel a bit like I am one of those housewives. Except this is not my house, nor am I a wife. I am wearing stripes on stripes, blue on green. Beneath is my favourite bikini I wore when I was outside trying to enjoy the sun. I've come to realisation that I cannot hide in my bed when the weather is as nice as it's been for the past week. So I spent some time outside reading, before I was too bored. I've applied nail varnish, which has been a pain in the arse because I hate opaque and slow drying varnishes, which is what I've dealt with today. I also spent my morning going through my Tumblr dashboard, because once a tour starts, the updates are never ending. So I watched a few videos from the first concert, and I grinned unconsciously until I felt the ache in my cheeks. And I nearly started crying a few times because Zayn's riffs are amazing. And sometimes I catch myself in holding my breath when I watch videos of them, and I don't know why I do it. I actually spent last night watching the This Is Us DVD, sort of like a preparation and a reminder of what their tours are like. I am glad that they don't have as many dates this time around, and that they don't necessarily have a gig each day, or multiple times a day like they did last tour. Hopefully they'll get to explore the world this time, not just travelling from place to place. I really really have to do school work today. I simply cannot procrastinate any more. I hope you've had a great day. 

Just tell me you love me. I'll give you what I need. I'll give you all of me, even though you don't love me

Yesterday I did a quiz about football, and I never watch football. It's a bit disconcerting, the things I do know about football. Strange. It's that time of the month, so yesterday my lower back was aching like hell. For a moment I thought I'd have to cancel my plans because the ache was more intense and more constant than it usually is. But after watching a clip from Glee and crying my eyes out (after Finn dies-- it's just so obvious that their sadness and heartbreak stems from the real loss), it sort of evaporated? It was a bit like magic. I spent yesterday at Oyster's, whom I've not seen in ages. We had a little catch up and I told them a bit about the wedding and whatnot. And now it seems like every time I'm there, we spend a little time reminiscing about the olden days-- like, Oyster, Mars, their mum and I will be sat at the dinner table and just chat about how things used to be. Oyster and I watched We're The Millers, and it was hilarious. I can only say one thing about it, and that's: you know what I'm saying? I didn't end up staying over at Oyster's because I didn't bring anything with me, and now I've also forgotten my travel toothbrush at Lynx and Grepper's so I've got to get myself a new one. I spent this morning going through all the Tumblr updates, and it's safe to say that I am really looking forward to the Where We Are tour right now. I'm just very excited, and I can't wait to see how the tour will evolve through the next months. I like attending a concert when I know the artist(s) have performed the songs a certain amount of times, because then I'll know they've gotten used to perform the songs. It looks like One Direction already looks a bit dishevelled, because I remember them starting the last tour with freshly cut hair and perfectly matching clothes and whatnot. And then it ended in tank tops and grown out hair and facial hair. I am a bit surprised by the song choices for the tour, and I'm not quite sure what I think yet. And I am still waiting to see high quality videos of the performances, so I can't really put a judgement on it so far. Today I plan on spending my day out in the nice weather. Hopefully I'll get some sun on my body that's not necessarily my forehead, which is where I naturally tan the most. But before I go outside, I need to be good and do some school work. I'm not awfully behind on school work, but I'd be happier if I'd done it already. Have a super nice day xx. 

Don't get too close, it's dark inside. It's where my demons hide

The music video for Demons by Imagine Dragons always make me cry. And thank goodness for music videos that actually relates to the song. It just multiplies the meaning behind the song, I find. I spent my morning in bed listening to Grimmy and the team getting excited for Zac Efron's arrival at BBC Radio 1. It was hilarious. It feels like I've done nothing today, other than lying in my bed and in the sofa. I don't know why my brain thinks that, when I've actually spent most of the day cleaning the living room. When I clean, I clean properly. I've scrubbed the tables, and I've dusted and vacuumed and rearranged. I also happen to be very peculiar about how I want things to be. I've only been outside the house once today, and that was to throw the rubbish away. I think the reason for why I felt like I'd done nothing today, is because I've nearly not done any of the tasks I've written down in my "to do" list in the notebook. But that's what I am going to do now, after I've written this. The day I left Lynx, Grepper and David-- I dragged Monchita with me down to the beach because it was such a lovely day. And honest, when it's nice and sunny, my home place turns idyllic. Sadly there were only two (almost three) sun days of the 10 days I was visiting my sister and co. And that's how it usually is throughout the year, ha. Last time I was at the same beach was last August, also right before I was going home. Ocean is just really soothing to me, and I can spend a load of time just relaxing to the sounds of the ocean. It's been strange not having my mum at home, and I keep waiting for her to show up at the door. Anyway, I've unbuttoned my jeans (new jeans that was gifted to me from Volla. I also bought a pair of light jeans the other day. And both of the jeans are honestly in colours I don't already have. For some reason I've only got dark navy and black jeans), and I'm sitting at the table watching Adele in Royal Albert Hall again because I'll never tire of her amazing vocals. I was originally going to put on One Direction This Is Us on the telly, but I've no idea how to connect the DVD player to the telly (insert sad smiley face). But hey, tomorrow is the start of the Where We Are tour, and I am excited to finally have the set list revealed. And to see the lads gathered again. The other day, I confessed to Kiwi that I felt like my obsession with the lads was slowly slipping away. But I think the start of the tour will just have me sucked right back in. As per usual. Thankfully I've not got any exams now, so that's good. I want to recommend a movie I saw when I was at Lynx and Grepper's. It's basically the only place I watch movies, when I think of it. Anyway, Monchita had just put on Cloud Atlas when Grepper came to sit down in the living room with Monchita, Lumba and I. Everyone was sat in the sofa whilst I was sat in a chair by the dinner table, and Grepper took one look at the screen before he turned to me: "are you going to watch the same movie again?". I told him: "hey, it wasn't me who put it on, alright?". I always consult Grepper when it comes to movies because he watches a lot of movies, and when I had asked him about Cloud Atlas earlier that week, he just shrugged. Said he found it a bit boring, which made me gasp and start ranting to him about the excellence of the movie. In the end I never found time to watch the whole movie, so I still have an itch to rewatch it and fall in love with the tales of Sixsmith and Frobisher. Oh, back to the point-- Monchita had put on Cloud Atlas because she knew I enjoyed it very much, but we decided on switching to another movie called The Lone Survivor. It's about soldiers in Afghanistan, and it's honestly really brutal. And I would have never chosen the movie myself, but it was really good, and I started crying. Oh wow, the MTV Movie Awards just started on the telly, and I think I remember Grimmy talking about a shirtless Zac Efron on the show? I'm just not going to change the channel. Anyway, I really do have to go now. 

your lipstick stain is a work of art

Hiya earthlings! I woke up a bit groggy and miserable today, which lead me to have a proper writing session when I arrived at school. That's until Sally interrupted my calm with her appearance. We had a "praksis" group meeting today, and I think we were all a bit tired, because we were all quite giggly. Somehow Sally managed to bang her head into someone's computer, and it was absolutely hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing for one minute-- the kind of where it's completely silent because you're just gasping. Then one started giggling of herself, which caused Sally to laugh, which caused the rest to laugh. At noon, Sally and I finished writing our pieces together for the paper, so we both left. I could have sat there for longer to work on other things, but I was just so bloody tired. And the air was thick, and I figured I wouldn't get anything done if I'd sit in that room. It seems like everyone's going away now; Sally, Kiwi and my mum. My mum is going to California due to an ill family member, and she'll be gone for nearly two weeks. I'm quite excited to see if I'll survive without my mums cooking, ha. When I got home today, I actually decided to enjoy the weather, unlike the past few days. I nearly fell asleep in the sun before my mum came to alert me that dinner was ready. And I'd just read about mermaids and folklore, so I had a few weird images in my head, before I startled back to reality at my mums words. Before I even went outside, I gave Monchita three boxes of beans for her birthday. She's 17 today, which I told her is a really nice age. For some reason I loved being 17, but she just shrugged. And when I asked her yesterday what she wanted for her birthday, she answered "beans". So that's that. I didn't exercise once for the whole time I was at Lynx's, and we ate at restaurants and cafes on a regular basis (a lot of cake, yum). So I'm trying to get back into my regular routines, and hopefully I've filled up my need of cake for a while. People around me might recognise my habit of gasping now and then. I did so too, when I was sat in the sofa at Lynx and Grepper's. And everyone was like "what?". I just grinned down at my Twitter app on my phone, and said "nothing" to the others. It appears that Kodaline and Ed Sheeran have tracks on the movie for The Fault In Our Stars. That makes me beyond happy, because they're both two of my favourites. And it's one of my favourite books as well. Also, another thing that happened when I was at my sisters: I had the feeling of being an unappreciated hard-working stay-at-home-mum when I was babysitting David. And it happened after we watched the revue. Because everyone suddenly decided they wanted to go out clubbing/with their friends and leave me alone with a two year old who was stuffed with sweets and didn't want to go to bed. I let him stay up for a bit and get the extra energy out of his system until I saw he was about to fall asleep. I spent 45 minutes on putting him to bed; reading him two books, stroking his cheek, pretending to sleep beside him, etc. But he wouldn't fall asleep before I'd changed his diaper and put him to bed again. This time however, I just said night to him and closed the door. And he cried for two minutes before he went silent and fell asleep. Oh the relief! Then I watched Gravity, before I started on Cloud Atlas as well. But I only watched an hour of it, because it was suddenly 1:00 am, and I wanted to go to bed. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, before I sent off a text to Lynx, updating her about David. And the last thing I wrote was: "I'm going to bed now, hope you have keys". She obviously didn't see this text, because she managed to forget her phone somewhere. After dropping off to sleep, I was awoken by the door bell at 3:00 am. My phone was buzzing from where it was placed between the sofa cushions. And I could hear their voices outside the door. This is when the feeling of being an unappreciated hard-working stay-at-home-mum appeared. I was too tired to be bothered with throwing anything on, so I sleepily went to the door in my white T-shirt which was probably a bit see through and half my bum on show-- to let the people inside. Idiots, I grumbled to myself. I could hear it the moment they spotted me and stopped ringing the door bell. "Oh, look there she is! Grepper you can come back, she's awake!". I was told later on that Grepper had planned to go knock on my window to wake me up. Anyway, I let the drunken people inside and went off to sleep again. It was a completely exaggerated feeling on my side, that I felt like an unappreciated stay at home mum, but it gave me a little glimpse of things I'd not like to experience much of in the future. I'm going to bed now, because I want to wake up and listen to Grimmy, yay! Night xx. 

you're the reason I come home, my love

Bleh, I got up early this morning because I wanted to listen to Grimmy, but he's got the day off due to personal reasons. So, better luck tomorrow. Hope he's alright. I've missed listening to him, because he's had the Easter off, so it's been ages since I last heard his little scratchy morning voice. Yesterday I stayed in bed almost all day, watching Youtube videos that had accumulated in my subscription box. (I'm still not done with that, and I even skipped a ton of videos to get through). It was really sunny outside, and most times I would have gone out and tried to soak up some sun. But instead I was in my bed. Because we live in a brick house, the temperature stays cold. It's a strange thing, because it sort of keeps the same temperature all year around, so it's obviously warmer inside when it's winter. But it's colder inside when it's summer. So, albeit the sun, I thought it was a bit chilly. And I thought to myself "why on earth would they be wearing shorts outside?" when I looked out the window and spotted a few people. I got that answer at 7 pm, when I finally bared myself and went out in the garden. It appeared that the temperature was something akin summer. I went to school today, met up with Kiwi to have a little catch up before she's going to London. And then I met up with my "praksis" group and my teacher. And it's a bit like being thrown back to reality, like all my worries are back. When I was at my sister's I was worrying about the wedding, and now I'm back home and worrying about my life and stuff. I overheard my mum talking with David over the phone a few hours ago, and it's always like a punch to the stomach-- the feeling of not being there when he's growing up. And this time when we left, I think he actually understood the meaning of us saying goodbye. Because he became sulky and clung to me. With his arms around my neck and his legs around my sides, he said "bye aunt ****". And it nearly broke my heart. Lynx keeps asking me if I'd move back one day, and I keep saying "no probably not". But I would like to be there when he grows up, I would like for myself to be someone he's familiar with, not one of the aunts he never meets. But it feels like the latter is my destiny-- like he'll look up at me from behind his dads legs, and look at me curiously. And he'll think I look a lot like his mum, but that I am a stranger who his mum keeps telling him is his aunt. Bah, I'm going to make myself sad if I keep going, but this has been on my mind ever since he was born. I have a lot to do now that I'm home, but all I really want to do is to crawl under my duvet and hide. But that's today, and tomorrow will hopefully be different. 

Ask me anything you want to, cause the answer is yes. I'll spend my whole life just being caught up in your eyes. Dont you know you stop the room and all that I can see is you

I can pretty much measure how busy I've been by the amount of the pictures I've taken with my camera. There are barely anyone of my everyday life from the past ten days, which must mean I've been occupied doing other things. And I have, I have been far more busy than I thought I would in prior of this little Easter holiday. I've spent more nights making bunting than not, and I have put David to bed nearly every night I spent over at my sisters in preparation for the wedding day. Because along with all the other responsibilities, Lynx decided that I should put David to bed, and then the neighbour would watch him. So I've been good friends with the baby call, and read stories before bed, cursed everyone that's made a sound that could possibly wake him. I remember specifically the other day when Lynx and Grepper went off to the wedding local, and I was in charge of putting David to bed. And so I did, and he cried for two minutes before he fell asleep. I wanted to take a shower, so I asked my family who were sat on the sofa: "Is it alright if I go take a shower?" And they all nodded, some replied "of course". But before I could go and have that shower, I had to reassure myself. "If he makes any sound, one of you must play the song via the baby call, alright? And no one must make a sound, and please shut the door so it won't be so loud, and just call my name if there's something". Everyone just nodded along with my babbles, and it made me realise that I sounded like a nerve wreck. Anyway, on the actual wedding day, I could feel my heart pounding, and I thought it was ridiculous how nervous I was. Mostly it was because I had a lot of responsibilities, and so little time to fix everything. In the last fifteen minutes I was fixing my own make up, trying to make Monchita's difficult hair to look presentable, boiling pacifiers, getting dressed, running to the neighbours with David's stuff for the sleep over, and trying to find some time to brush my own teeth. I was a bit stressed, and a bit paranoid that I would forget anything. And I did, of course forget to bring a pacifier. Despite that, the wedding went excellent. I thought it was perfect for Lynx and Grepper. It didn't go completely smoothly, and David kept talking during the ceremony, and when Lynx and Grepper was having their first dance as wedded people, they had troubles with Lynx's dress, so Volla swept in and tried to hold it away. But it was things like these that made it especially perfect for them, and I know I wouldn't have had it any other way. The party was filled with great toasts, and I had already had a sneak peak of what the toastmasters had come up with, so I was really looking forward to it. Volla gave a speech that I think made a lot of people weepy. At least I did. And despite forgetting his cheat sheet at home, Grepper made a wonderful speech which caused a lot of laughter. The food that was served was magnificent, and I would quite like to relive the meals. I had far too much cake, and a bit more gin than I probably should have. But it was all well, I mean, what better excuse is there to have a drink when your sister has gotten married? I got to see my sister being a bit drunk. A bit on alcohol and a bit on happiness. And at the end of the evening, after we'd eaten hot dogs as night food, Grepper and I stood by the entrance looking at Lynx who was being her chatty self and mingling with the guests. Grepper had his arm over mine and some drink in the other hand. I can't remember directly what was said (not because I was drunk), but I think it was something along the line of: "have you had a good evening?" "yes," he answered with a smile. I think it's something I am going to remember when I get older, because it reminded me of a scene right out of a movie. I am very happy, and even the long eight-nine hour drive home yesterday (two hours+++ stuck in bad traffic) isn't going to waver my happiness. The only thing that is wavering my happiness is that I am back home where reality never escapes me. Because I've been so busy with the wedding, I've not thought about school whatsoever. So now I need to get back to school mode. Just, after I've caught up with everything else. Then I'll be a proper good student. 

running after you is like chasing the clouds

Before you go on reading, I had not had an ounce of alcohol at the moment I am going to describe furthermore. So, a few days ago, I went to a revue with Lynx. This was an hour after we had been at the mall (buying wedding related things) for six hours. So we were exhausted. My sister and her friend (who also was at the mall with us) wanted coffee, and I went for a cider. My sister ended up going for a cider in addition to her coffee. Nor my sister or her friend had brought cash, so I was the one to splash out. The alcoholic beverages were sold at a separate table to the other beverages. Lynx and I first went for the ciders, and this guy told me he'd like to see my I.D., which I of course allowed him to do. And it was all fine. But for some strange reason, they opened the ciders for us. It's strange to me, because I've never experienced that before. It was a nice act though, just not so good for me in hindsight. When we got to the other table, I was holding my cider in the crook of my elbow, whilst digging out some cash for the coffee and simultaneously trying to put my I.D. back. What happened is that I was so focused on my wallet, that I didn't notice my cider going a bit askew, and starting to spill. The guy behind the table (who conveniently happens to be a childhood friend) tried to warn me before the spill happened. Simultaneously the guy from the alcholic-beverages-table came running towards me to prevent the spill. Luckily I reacted quite quick, so there was little spillage. Plus I was wearing my raincoat, so it didn't matter that much. However the alcoholic-beverage-table-guy ran into the kitchen and grabbed some paper towel and ran back. I reached out my hand to grab the paper towel, but instead of giving me the paper towel, he took my arm and wiped it for me. In which I found highly amusing. "Wow, great service," I commented. Story of my life. Anyway, I realise I've been absent from this blog. But there's a lot of things going on seeing as my sister is getting married, and this is the first time my computer has been on since the last time I posted here. I'll probably stay absent for the rest of the holiday. But here's a few pictures of the past days. Have a happy easter! 

if you're broken, I will mend you and I'll keep you

Do you see what I see? When I going to the shops this morning, I walked through H&M, and this caught my eye. Well, this and the whole section of Baby Lips by Maybelline. I've loved Baby Lips ever since Oyster gifted me one, so I decided to go for this yellow one today. It's been a long day: I woke up at 7:00 am, had an early work out at 8:00 am, had brekkie (toasted bread with eggs and avocado, yum), then jumped in the shower. Did some repacking, and then I went to the shops, before I got home and had some lunch. And before I knew it, it was 1:20 pm, and I had to get dressed. I was at the airport at 2:00 pm, and my plane left at 3:05 pm. And there were no delays, which was really nice. I wasn't home at my sister's until 5:00 pm, and then I had some pasta that Grepper had made. David was acting very shy, because he's not seen me since Christmas. But then he was left with me because the Grepper and Lynx had some errands they had to do. And I got to play with David and have hugs and kisses, which was very nice. Then Grepper got home and got David to bed. I had yet to realise that it was his bed time, because it's still so bloody light outside. Lynx got home a bit later, and then Grepper's sister came by to get some keys or something. So I said hi and had a chat with her. And then I've been watching a lot more telly than I usually do. Grepper went to the fridge and asked me if there was anything I wanted. And I jokingly said I'd like an ice lolly. He actually went to see if they had any, which they didn't. So later on when Lynx was at the grocery store and called to ask him for what to buy, he said ice lolly's. And apples, because I demanded apples too. So basically, I've just been dined and chilled out with my sisters dog, who has been sleeping in my arms. Bless him. It's still odd when it's just him, and I can't help feeling that something is missing. 

This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where the story line ends. My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again

I had almost forgotten about my love for Enchanted by Taylor Swift, until I heard Ed Sheeran talking about the song. It's how he first heard about Taylor, and he said something akin that he was impressed with the writing. And it is such a well-written song. I got home quite early because none of us was very keen on staying at school for longer than needed. After saying goodbye to the others and wishing them a good Easter, I went to the school library. And then I was stalling a bit, wondering if Kiwi was up for a chat, who I met in the loo's earlier. I was just getting out of one of the loo's to wash my hands, and then Kiwi was stood by the sink right next to me. It was Kiwi who noticed me before I noticed her, to be fair. We had a little chat, but then my teacher walked past me, and I had to go for our meeting. Anyway, I saw Kiwi with her group, probably doing school things. So I decided to focus on getting the train home. And before I knew it, I started running to reach the train I thought I'd miss. But I did it (fistpump)! And it was actually a really nice run, didn't feel any twitches in my knee, nor did I fall into a heap at the end of the run either. So it was a win-win situation. When I got off my train, I grinned, because I spotted Sally. And then she spotted me, and said she had suspicions of me being on the same train. She usually takes the tram and then the train. I just like to walk through the park and directly to the train. Last time we took the train home together, it was sunny, and we both had an ice lolly. Today it was pretty grey outside, and I was yet again wearing (nearly) black. I wished her a good holiday again, and we parted our ways. I got home and started packing. I'm sort of half done, because my mum has decided to stuff a few of her things in my suitcase. When Lynx called me the other day, she said to me: "I heard you've refused to bring along mum's dress for the wedding?". What a ratter, my mum is. It's mostly just because I think she should be responsible for her own things, but I said to my sister that I'd bring her dress. But then my mum took the liberty of stuffing a few of her other things in my suitcase. It's alright though, because I had enough space. I'm not a heavy packer. It's three months until I turn 21, and I just realised after finishing another fan fiction, that I've done a lot of growing up the past year. I always have, probably, but this is the first time I can pin-point things that were different last year. And it's strange to think that in a few years, I might become another person -- someone I won't recognise. Yesterday when I was talking with Allie and Sally, I said "you know, when I was fifteen, I was unsure of what do next. I talked to my advisor, and he told me to choose general studies, and said I would have three years to decide. So I went with that, expecting that I would wake up one day within those three years and realise what I wanted to do in life. But it never happened, instead my nephew happened, and it made me choose to become a nurse. And now I'm here, and it's been two years. And it's like I just blinked once, and all this time has passed. I don't understand how it's happened". Time just keeps escaping me. Today I hope to do a bit writing on the paper. Also, I need to make a few cards. Well, if I have time for all of it, then it'll be good. I won't be finished with my packing today anyway, because a lot of the things, I use on a regular basis. Which means it would be silly to pack something just to unpack it so I could use it tonight, or tomorrow. But yes, I'm going to go now, probably to vacuum my bedroom. Have a nice Wednesday evening, must you have a great day despite the gloomy weather (well, except if you're in a place where it's not that gloomy). 

feel it rushing through you from your head to toe

Bless my mum. Yesterday I stormed off from the living room, after realising that there was no warm water left in the thermos. I'm not usually very dramatic, but that really pissed me off. Because it's the 100th time it's happened, and it seems like it's always me who has to put the kettle on. Imagine that, I put the kettle on and boil the water, and then I put the boiled water in the thermos. I have one cup of tea, bring it upstairs with me. And then when I want to have some more, I stumble downstairs to grab the thermos, only to realise it's empty. The exact thing happened tonight, except that my mum said it was empty just after I'd picked it up. And I just aggressively put my mug down (as aggressive possible without breaking it), and just huffed. Might have muttered some words to myself, but that was that. And then I came upstairs and puttered around my room slightly annoyed. Half an hour after, my mum came knocking on my door, saying "you're a lazy git", whilst handing me a cuppa. So yes, bless my mum even though she thinks I'm lazy. And even though I didn't want a cuppa anymore. I did protest, and tried explaining why I was so annoyed. But she left, mumbling, when I exclaimed "it's annoying!". Today I went to school all dressed up to protect myself from the rain. Also happened to be dressed completely black, which seems to be a thing I do quite regularly these days. Although it wasn't exactly pouring down when I walked outside, I was happy that I'd chosen to prepare for the weather, because when I got off the train, it was pouring down. And I spent a little time sympathising with all the people who had not dressed for the weather. I was at school from 8:30 am to 2:00 pm. My whole "praksis" group were supposed to meet up, but due to illness and travels and appointments, we were quite few. At first it was just Sally, Allie and I-- which was quite nice, because I've spent so much time with them the past months. Allie and I had a chat about ageing and growing up. And it was nice to have someone confirm my own thoughts and opinion on the matter. It felt very reassuring, and then Sally came back and also agreed. Allie also said something that made me realise a lot of things, and this week has actually been like a week of realisations for myself. Or, well, like Kiwi's "revelations". Anyway, it just seems like there's a load of bad news right now. News that has probably nothing to do with myself, but I can't help feeling really sad. It's also things I can't do anything about, and I try to look at it in a bigger perspective, I do. But it doesn't help, and I just feel a lot like crying. I might just be overemotional. They do say it's a lot of highs and downs when you're young, not so much in between. Anyway, I listened to Sing by Ed Sheeran for the first time yesterday, and it was definitely not a love at first listen. But it's a grower, and it's already been growing on me. I read somewhere that he'd said that there would be some classic Ed Sheeran songs on the new album too, which I am very relieved about. Tomorrow I'm going to school, and when I get home, I plan to pack my suitcase. What seemed like ages just a few weeks ago, is coming up in two days. I'm finally leaving to see my sister and her little family. On Friday I'm babysitting, so that'll be good. No, actually, I think that'll be great for me right now-- to spend time with my family and have a break from school and myself. 

goodbye love, you flew right by love

Because my usual train was a bit late today, I decided to take another train. It wasn't until the train was nearly emptied out that I realised we'd reached the train’s end station. It made me realize why the woman was looking at me in confusion; she must have wondered why I wasn't getting off. Because it was so far from my school, and because my backpack weighed a ton (not really, but it was heavy), I took the tram. And I try my best to avoid taking the tram whenever, especially to school. Because the thing is that it is absolutely stuffed with people. It’s something akin being in a mosh-pit, people weaseling their way through the crowd and bumping into you. And it's just very uncomfortable. And that was what I did this morning; I woke up at 5:45 am, took the bus with a man who nicely greeted me at 7:11 am, took the full train (this train is smaller than my usual train) at 7:35 am, and then the tram at 7:54 am. And then I walked the few meters to school. I decided to go to school today, despite no obligations, because I knew I wouldn't get much done at home. Not that I was extremely productive at school either. I did spend more time than planned to ogle at pictures of Niall Horan. It's so hard being a One Direction fan sometimes because they change all the time. I mean, look at Niall these pictures of him. He's actually wearing proper skinny jeans. I think he's been hanging out with 5SOS too much probably, but ahh. I was in the midst of a tiny breakdown when this girl opened the door to this room. And she was like: "erm, sorry, I was just going to check a cable". I have this thing where I sometimes say "ugh, pretty boys" in annoyance either out loud or inside my head. This is one of those moments. I got home at 6:00 pm, and then I walked to the library and to the shops. And I've managed to cross off a lot of things I had to do today, so I'm rather satisfied. Lynx called me whilst I was at school, and we had a chat. I'm watching David on Friday morning at least, so that'll be nice. And then I spoke with Volla too, just after I got home from my little trip. Which was coincidentally the same time Monchita got home. So, yes, I've had a little catch up with all my sisters. Oh my god, I am just about to burst into tears, and it looks like the grey-looking sky is going to do the same. I've just heard the news about Peaches Geldof, and it's so shocking. Her last tweet was an Instagram picture of her and her mum, who also died young. I want this to be a joke, because she's leaving behind a husband and two boys under the age of 2. Not to mention everyone else that's affected. It's a reminder that life can be short, and that I'll have to appreciate everyone around me. Losing someone close to me is my biggest nightmare, actually. So, all my thoughts with her family and friends. 

hiding every cloud under a smile when there’s cameras

I think I dreamt of you, because I can still feel the lingering touch of your hand on my arm after we hugged. I can still remember the look in your eyes and all the things you didn't say. Is it my subconscious trying to tell me I miss you? Good morning earthlings. When Marble found me in the interior shop yesterday, I had picked up a few things from MUJI, which is probably one of my favourite stores ever. It's where my favourite pens are from, the ones Sally usually nicks from my pencil case. I have an obsession with stationary, so I bought myself a new notebook. And this sheer zip pocket case which I intend to use as a pencil case. I've done it before, actually. In the end it got so worn out, so I decided to throw it away. I just think there’s something satisfying with seeing my pencils and nicks and knacks through the see-through case. I might go back to buy a bigger for my travel essentials. It's funny because Kiwi jokingly pointed out a backpack that was see through yesterday. And I think maybe I'd enjoy having one, actually. I woke up at 8:00 am this morning, despite my alarm was set at 9:00 am. I had an immense urge for toasted bread with avocado, eggs, and caviar (not actual roe, but the ones you get in a tube??). So I went downstairs, a bit miffed that it was so silent. At this time it was 10:00 am, so I’d been reading a bit (when do I not) before getting out of bed. My mum was awake though. I made myself breakfast, exactly what I had been yearning for. And it was so good. Because I am a bit knackered after wandering around yesterday, I've decided to have a little resting day. Or well, just avoid going outside. But that's mostly because I need to finish my part of the paper too. I think I'm quite enjoying Forgive Me by Joel Compass and Paper Hearts by Tori Kelly at the moment. They're both great tunes. Oh dear, I just remembered that I need to clean my bedroom. Bahh. I just keep forgetting that it's Sunday. Oh well, have a nice day then. 

you might think I do, but I don't need your love

Goodness, I've sounded really maudlin the past two posts. Well, hello, and hi April by the way. Yesterday I had dinner with Marble, Kiwi and Sugar. And it was very nice. We were sat at a round table, which is the best kind of table if you're more than three people. That way it's easier to include everyone in a conversation. As it was a very nice and sunny day yesterday, we all wore kind of spring-y clothing, which was a very nice feeling. It even made me feel like summer was around the corner (maybe not, seeing as it snowed a bit today). I had a lovely time with the girls, and it was nice to be gathered again, though my belieber friend was absent. It's strange because sometimes when I'm gathered with my friends I get very giddy, and it's like being drunk. Just, except alcohol isn't in the picture. I'm just drunk on happiness, maybe. Anyway, we had quite a few laughs. It was a good night, in other words. My alarm went off at 8:00 am this morning, but I was having a lie in, reading sad fan fictions and had a bit of a weep. Until Marble messaged me, asking if I was awake yet. Yesterday we planned to go shopping today. So, four seconds after I'd gone on the bus, Marble called me, saying she wouldn't be in town before an hour later than planned. I decided on just going anyway, and I spent an hour walking around the outskirts of the most central places in Oslo. And though the weather could have been better (sunnier and warmer), I had a really nice walk. And it was sort of through my kind of places-- architecture and galleries. Anyway, when Marble came into town an hour later, she found me in an interior store. To which she said "what a surprise to see you here" ironically. We spent the next hour shopping. Or, well, Marble did. I briefly told her about how I'd been walking through town and how I'd walked past the museum. So she said we should go. And well, so we did. Sadly they only had one exhibition on show, so it was a bit of a short trip. However, we did sit through a short film, which I surprisingly became quite engrossed in. I think Marble did too, actually. After our trip to the museum, we went towards the shops, and as per usual, I trailed behind Marble on her adventures on finding clothing. I've just come to realise and sort of accepted that I've lost a bit of the excitement around clothing and fashion. We met up with Kiwi at a cafe, and we all chose cinnamon buns. Except, all of our drinks were different. I got home at 7:00 pm, which means I had been gone for seven hours. Ed Sheeran is releasing a new single called Sing pretty soon? At least we'll get to hear the whole song on Monday. And we just got a snippet of the acoustic version now, and I'm not so sure. The thing is that he made his previous album a long time ago. Which means he's probably changed a bit, and I'm a bit concerned he's changed to the point where I don't quite like his new stuff as much as the old. However, I highly doubt it. Or well, I really hope it isn't the case. I leave for Aalesund in five days, which quite frankly stresses me out. Because I have a lot to do before then. And when I get home, I think I might actually start reading curriculum to get a head start. I mean, I might as well try to make good use of the spare time. Oh well, I'm going to relax now, so have a nice evening! 

leave me in the cold, wait until the snow covers me up so I cannot move, so I'm just embedded in the frost

Sometimes I'll write pieces in my head. Like when you're sat across me, and you're typing something on your phone-- and I'm looking out the window, at all the people walking through the street. It's like a typewriter trying to put down sentences in my head. Like when we're sat together chatting, all of us, and I'm silent. It's not always so silent in my head, when I am writing about smiles and laughter and cries in my head. Or when they're sat chatting for themselves, and I'm eavesdropping. It's my way to memorise all the things I love, and all the things I don't love. Like when you said that thing with a careless shrug that made me want to cry. Or when she looked at me with aghast, spitting out the words she'd held in for so long. Or when she turned angry and we had a proper fight for the first time. It's like an endless writing machine in my head, and I don't know how to stop it. 

but you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

30.03.14: Once, I looked at the both of you, and it hurt to see you together. And the flare of jealously felt like an actual physical pain in my chest. Sometimes I’ll think back of it, and laugh a little. Laugh at myself, because I should have known back then that I’d never have you. More importantly, I should have known that it wasn’t really you I wanted. No, it was the company, and sharing secrets, laughs and smiles. I craved someone who understood me, and someone to be there when I wasn’t alright. Someone to ask me if I was okay once in a while. 

tell me that you need me, tell me that you want me

I must really love Stay With Me by Sam Smith when I used the same lyrics as a title for my past two entries on this blog. I must admit I was a bit puzzled when I realised, but who cares. I had to interrupt myself when I was ogling a picture of Nick Grimshaw (and counting his eye lashes, swoon), because, well, he's probably the most unattainable person to fancy (along with Neil Patrick Harris). I keep giving heart-eyes to dogs and babies. The latter I had a bit of interaction with at the train back home. Sally and I were sat behind a little girl, and she way playing a bit of peek-a-boo with us. And she had such a delightful laughter. She was absolutely adorable. I'm finally done with my research article, and in the end I chose one that I didn't exactly like too much. But once you've gone through a bunch of research articles, your standards sort of drops a level (or two). Anyway, my teacher ended up liking it a lot though, and she commented: "you're quite good in English" like a question. And I awkwardly said "er, maybe?". It's a bit strange after having a "praksis", because you get used to a routine of waking up on a regular time. And you get used to a routine, basically. After a "praksis" you've got so much more spare time, it's a bit strange. I remember this kind of strange feeling from just before Christmas too, when I felt like I had nothing to do. I'm currently sat in my living room where my mum is watching Toddlers & Tiaras. And it sort of disgusts me, the idea of putting your children in beauty competitions. And I'm not saying that because of the beauty bit, but because you're putting your three year old daughter in a competition with a lot of pressure. I just-- jeez, I get so provoked by these kind of things, which is why I never watch these kind of things either. Anyway, I'm going to grab some food now, and then I'm going to do some school work. Be productive, and maybe read a book. 

I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?

I had a wonderful evening last night, free from my computer. I was sat at my desk writing with a pen on paper. And I must have been quite worked up, if that act felt liberating. Nonetheless, I continued my relaxed evening with a stretching-routine before bed. And I don’t know how to explain it, but once I hear re:stacks by Bon Iver, it’s like my shoulders just slouch. And it’s not just when I’m stretching. It happened when I was sat at the train, once. And I could just feel my body turn into jelly. I did the breathing exercise I learned at my old “praksis”, and went into a deep slumber. When I woke up today, I was a bit groggy, and would love to have an hour more sleep. But instead, I went to listen to a playlist that would wake me up properly. Except, I didn’t have any internet. And I remembered then, that we were changing our internet. So I went downstairs, and tried to change all the boxes and plugs and whatnot. It was in vain though—I’ve never done any of that kind, so I gave up and waited for my dad to wake up. And, the short story is that: we called services about four times, and they were four different people, so I had to retell our progress a lot more than I wanted to. And in the end, we ended up with no wireless Internet. So, we started at the bottom, and we’re still there. The only reason I can post this, is because I have a cable directly to the internet box thing-y. I’ve never seen my dad this pissed off though, so that was slightly amusing. When I said we had to wait another 24 hours, and that we’d have to give up for today, he got up (we we’re sat on the floor), seemingly calm. Until he kicked the box that all the equipment came in. And he grumbled something; I’m not so sure I should write here. At least it’s meant that my access to Internet has been limited for the day, and that’s been good for my soul, I think. Although the new One Direction advert for their special edition of their perfume has been released, so I would like to sit and watch it over and over again. (The “new” perfume has still got a horrid packaging, and horrid pictures. Only difference is probably the smell and the fact that it’s now named “That Moment” and not “Our Moment”). The advert is sort of really hilarious. But then they’ve never been a regular bunch of lads, so why should we ever expect a serious advert from One Direction? I’ll link to it, and if you want to spend 6 minutes of your life looking at an advert, then, it’s up to you. The problem about not being able to fix the wireless internet, is that now I’m a bit peeved, and it’s really hard being nice and helping others with their own problems, when you’ve got loads on your mind yourself. I mean, it’s really hard trying to motivate others when you’re not very motivated yourself. Oh well, I do try my best. Have a nice day xx.