Dark skies never scare me. Fallin', I'll be right behind ya

I går gadd jeg ikke å åpne tilbakemeldingen jeg hadde fått, fordi jeg hadde bestemt meg for å starte på metodekapittelet mitt. Det er liksom vanskelig å gå tilbake til noe, når du liksom har bladd om siden allerede. Og slik har det dessverre vært for alle tilbakemeldingene mine hittil, fordi jeg som regel sender en mail i etterkant av å ha skrevet de ulike delene av prosjektskissen. I går, derimot, reiv jeg meg nesten i håret mens jeg forsøkte å forstå vitenskapsfilosofien. Så jeg sendte avgårde en mail til veilederen, og jeg kunne nok ha ryddet litt i mailen, for den var like rotete som hodet mitt var etter en dag med filosofi. Men forskjellen er at jeg sendte spørsmål midt i prosessen av å skrive dette metodekapittelet mitt, og da var det mye enklere å åpne mailen og lese igjennom tilbakemeldingen for å jobbe videre. Jeg sendte et par spørsmål, og litt om tankegangen min for hva jeg skriver om i metoden. Det var liksom ikke et avsnitt som veilederen min kunne se over, slik jeg har gjort de siste gangene. Så det var utrolig deilig å åpne mailen, og lese at utfra det jeg sendte, kunne veilederen min se meg. Hun så arbeidet jeg la i dette, og anerkjente meg for det. Anerkjennelse er utrolig viktig. Spesielt om du klarer å konkretisere anerkjennelsen, slik at det ikke bare blir "du er så flink". Si hva de er flinke til. Det er også viktig med anerkjennelse fra seg selv, men i denne cocoonen jeg sitter i mens jeg skriver, så er dette noe som skal vurderes fra eksterne personer. Så da er det veldig fint med anerkjennelse fra en ekstern person. I tråd med min nostalgiske følelse den siste uken, har jeg gått fra å høre på spillelister fra 2007-2009, en spilleliste med alle sånne Disney artister (Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, etc), og deretter en spilleliste med mine favoritt 1D-sanger. Og nå fant jeg nylig ut at Nick Grimshaw avslutter sin periode som host for Breakfast Show. Den siste i O.G. produksjonsteamet har sin siste dag i dag. Det er så utrolig merkelig for meg, for jeg har egentlig fulgt radioprogrammet siden starten. Det har vært perioder i livet mitt, hvor jeg har stått opp tidlig og hørt på hele showet, og tider hvor jeg bare har hørt tilbake på ulike show. Det føles litt ut som en ny avslutning på en fase i livet mitt. Akkurat i tide til jeg fyller tjuefem, så jeg vet ikke om det betyr at jeg nå er nødt til å være voksen på fulltid, fremfor deltid. NOPE, tror det skal gå lang tid før jeg blir voksen på fulltid, om det i det hele tatt er mulig. Mine merkelige drømmer har bare fortsatt, og i natt drømte jeg atter en gang om å være på en gruppe-reise, og gruppen var splittet i to. Jeg aner ikke hva vi egentlig holdt på med, men mens vi gikk langs en bred elv, bestemte vi oss for å hoppe uti. Men det var ikke vann vi falt nedi. Istedet var det masse insekter som lagde veldig mye lyd. Jeg tror akkurat den delen av drømmen kommer fra da Ken (guiden fra Indochina-turen) fanget et slikt insekt fra et tre og viste oss det. Men i drømmen klarte vi å svømme oss litt lenger bort fra alle insektene, og da var det plutselig vann. Det var liksom som om populasjonen av insektene var samlet på ett sted i elva. Vi klarte å svømme hele veien tilbake til "starten" av elva, og der satt den andre gruppen. Jeg fikk veldig følelse av at det var skikkelig splittelse mellom oss, og at de følte seg veldig mye bedre enn oss. Så det var liksom ikke en så fult så fin drøm. Nå skal jeg sitte inne i finværet, og skrive videre på prosjektskissen. Målet for dagen er å bli ferdig med metoden, slik at jeg kan begynne (og forhåpentligvis bli ferdig) på etikk i morgen. Nå er det bare èn uke igjen til jeg omsider er ferdig med alt (hvis jeg får ting godkjent, naturligvis). Og det er jo litt sånn kjipt at jeg er ferdig også, for det betyr at det neste steget er å komme meg igang. Og det er ganske mye skummelt enn å skrive en prosjektskisse. 

turn down the voice inside my head, cause heaven only knows why we feel this emptiness

There is something about chia seeds that reminds me of frog eggs, which isn't the best thing to picture when you're about to eat chia pudding. Oh well. Months ago, I bought chia seeds in hope that the healthy version of myself would decide to come back. It's only a few days ago that I actually went ahead to use the seeds. It's still early days, so I'm trying to find what I prefer in a pudding. Years ago, when I was at praksis at a sort of emergency room, someone told me that they'd mostly see hand wounds due to people cutting avocados. For breakfast today I decided to have avo on toast, and I nearly speared my finger off. It's a good thing I didn't actually use a sharp knife. Lesson learned. I started the day with a pretty sour mood, was almost crying whilst changing my bed sheets, listening to Sleeping At Last. I've come to learn that one of my biggest symptoms during PMS is that my emotions are very much like a rollercoaster. Ugh, this must mean my period will be around during the wedding along with my zits. I've done my normal Sunday routine, consisting of cleaning the bedroom and have an exercise-session. The latter must have been good, because the sweat was dripping. I try to take selfies whenever I think I've outdone myself during exercise with the amount of sweat as a measure. I sat outside in the sun today, which was lovely. Thank goodness that the sun is finally here. Thought I was going to go crazy with the overcast and rain-- it was really affecting my mood. It looks like the weather won't be as great where Volla and Mog lives, but it's held inside, so it doesn't matter that much. On Friday I listened to Liam on the Breakfastshow with Grim. It was so strange, because I could barely recognise his voice. It's been a long time since I've heard him, yes, but his accent has definitely changed a bit. His new tune is not really my taste, which I wasn't expecting either. He said himself that it's pretty amusing to see how different music they've produced. It's hard to see how they could ever mix that into one band. I read a comment where the person suggested we'd just do a remix of all the first singles, and tada, new One Direction song. I need to run a few errands tomorrow, and hopefully the weather stays this nice for the next few days. 

I already know that there ain't no stopping your plans and those slow hands

My hunt for another tracksuit is not going so well. I waited to buy a new pair until I could see how they do in the wash. They do pretty good actually, so I went ahead to find another pair today. However, I couldn't find the pants in my size, and it's sold out online too. Just my luck, truly. Oh well, instead of the tracksuit, I went home with ice lolly's and a new bikini! I had to throw out a few bikinis last year, some from the Indochina-trip, and some that just got ruined. I've been eyeing a bikini-top for months now, but it's been sold out in my size (damnit). And when I say months, I do really mean months. Despite the many times I've been checking to see if they've restocked, they haven't. So I finally gave in and bought another bikini. It's green, which is something I don't have in a bikini. Also, I actually bought a set. I very rarely buy a whole bikini-set, because I like to mix it up. I woke up early this morning in order to listen to Niall on the Breakfast Show with Grimmy. It's basically the only promo I'll listen to nowadays. Grimmy mostly always have good banter with artists, and especially the boys. Niall put out his new single Slow Hands yesterday, and it was both surprising and unsurprising. I recognise the vibe, the cheekiness of the song in other songs Niall has written for One Direction. But I barely recognised his voice for the first verse. His voice will always surprise me, I think. It's a whole different sound and vibe from This Town, which makes me curious as to how the album will be, if it's cohesive. There's a line in the song where he sings "sweat drips down our dirty laundry" and I always keep thinking he'll sing "sweat dripping down my balls" (allusion to Get Low by Lil Jon). It makes me giggle. He also sings "take me home, take me home" which gives all the feels, because it reminds me of One Direction. An important thing to me is the lyrics, especially when an artist chooses to sing about sexual content. If the lyrics are really derogatory, and/or misogynistic (here's an overview of everyday misogyny if you'd like to be more aware), I am automatically put off a song. Sometimes I'll listen to the song anyway, but I always feel a bit awful. Music videos are also very good at putting me off, when I see women treated as objects, props, it makes me furious. Slow Hands is good at not being offensive, and it even seems like the person Niall is singing about is the dominant one. It made my heart warm this morning, as I was listening to the Breakfast Show, and Grimmy asked Niall what he'd like to listen to. And he answered Harry's song. It's nice to see him being so bloody supportive. Although I really enjoy Slow Hands, I do actually prefer This Town. That's just a personal preference, because I like the slow acoustic songs. It's the same with Harry. I'm pretty sure I prefer Sweet Creature to Sign of The Times. And the only song I can see myself enjoying for a long time on the new Ed Sheeran album, is Happier. I just really like slow, acoustic songs. I like the voice to be the focus, and I like to feel the emotion. Regardless, I am thoroughly enjoying all the new music at the moment. The sun is shining, I've worn a dress out today. I am going to enjoy the sun for the rest of the day, wear my new bikini and have some ice lolly's. 

you look pretty good down here, but you ain't really good

I was truly knackered when I last wrote, and in reward I got to sleep through the night. It's been the only night this week though, and like clockwork, I wake up around 5.30 am. Sometimes it is my bladder, but quite a few times it's just like "ah, right, I'm still alive". Sometimes I get to fall asleep relatively quickly again. Other times I have to wait for a few hours for sleep to find me again. Monchita is coming home for Easter, and my mother wanted to make spring rolls for the occasion, so I went to do a big shop. Lynx also asked for me to buy her coffee. So I got dressed in my work out gear, because sometimes I just don't want to wear proper clothes. I went into the posh Nespresso shop, which I've never considered walking into before. Firstly because I don't drink coffee, secondly because it's always seemed too posh for me. It's the kind of store where you take three steps inside, and there's already someone to offer help. Instead of just giving you the bag of coffee you've just purchased over the counter, they walk around the corner to deliver it to you personally-- almost as if to spare you from reaching your arm out. "Can I help you?" the lady asked, and I showed her a picture that Lynx had sent me. I bought a hundred capsules, and when I received the bag, the lady asked if I didn't want a cup of coffee. "Erm, I don't drink coffee," I answered. Yesterday I was reminded by an Instagram-post that Harry (Styles) was releasing his single. I listened to Harry co-hosting the Breakfast show with Grimmy, and it truly brought back a lot of fond memories. I can't say the song is my style, but it seems so distinctively Harry's, and that's all it needs. After spending so many years in a group where everyone tries to infuse something of themselves, it's nice to hear all of the boys' personal taste. Sign of the times is a grower on me, I think the lyrics are great. To me they seem slightly political, about the world today. I especially resonate with this part: "We never learn, we been here before. Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets, the bullets?". I might be projecting, really, but that's the beauty in individuals trying to interpret things. I've almost done all of my Sunday-duties before Sunday. I just felt a lot like my bedroom was a dirty mess, and like it was uninhabitable. It was more of a psychological thing, than the truth, but the psyche can be far itchier than the physical. The family is perhaps driving to Lynx and co. next week. I've opted out, seeing as I'm already going to be there the week after (I think). We're taking shifts of visiting, it feels like. Volla and Mog are there now. Speaking of that couple-- they've got the funniest wedding gift list I've ever seen. That being said, their invite was pretty humorous too, so maybe I shouldn't have been surprised.

some answers are better left unspoken when you know you ain't getting any younger

I just read a how-to wear pants when you have a penis. It is the most hilarious thing I've read today, so I suggest you go read it too regardless if you have a penis or not. Someone commented on the post, and wrote: what I take away from this is that men can have “bad penis days”. HILARIOUS. On a less hilarious note, what the hell is up with 2015 and people leaving/splitting up? I've had it up to here already, and it's only mid-April. I just found out that Finchy is leaving the Breakfast Show. Ian left earlier this year, and now it's only Fifi left with Grimmy? Who else will openly fangirl about Niall when Finchy leaves? I am genuinely upset about this development. Fearne Cotton is leaving her show after a decade of being a radio host, and Zane Lowe left a month ago or summat. Anyway, I had a somewhat good exercise-session today. I tried doing cardio on Sunday, but I hadn't done any serious exercise (apart from walks and hikes during Easter) for weeks, so my body was not happy with me. I suspect that I was a bit peckish too, which made me have to stop halfway. But you know, you should do the best you can, and if the best you can do is worse than the other day, it's still the best you can. Wow, is that comprehensible? I decided to do cardio today too, and it went loads better, though I still hate burpees. Today was a better day than yesterday when it comes to productivity, and like almost all days, we sat for seven hours. In the early hours, I started my day by watching the Maze Runner cast on a "panel" called NerdHQ. It's a really great panel too. I think comic-con and such are a bit stilted, whereas NerdHQ was really good. It's actually made by Zachary Levi, also known as Chuck Bartowski (no? not ringing any bells? well, here's his IMBd), which I thought was brilliant. If you didn't realise, Maze Runner is my current obsession and what I procrastinate with to avoid writing on my thesis. The past few years it's been One Direction, but they're currently on a break and writing on their new album, so there's not much action on that front. The talk on the panel made me realise how great Kaya Scodelario is, and how nice Will Poulter is. I'm just really in love with the cast of Maze Runner, and I'm actually tempted to read the books. I am going to head to bed now, because it's a new day of working on my thesis tomorrow.