It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of a heavy world

Du kan bruke massevis av penger på sminke, og jeg har nok brukt veldig mye mer enn jeg har lyst til å vite selv. Men jeg har innsett at jeg aldri kommer til å være den som bruker en haug med sminke, fordi jeg ikke klarer å være komfortabel med det. Så jeg har egentlig akseptert at mineralsminke er tingen for meg, og øyenskygge holder jeg meg vanligvis langt unna. Unntaket er Halloween. Det betyr at jeg slipper å bruke like mye penger på sminke disse dager. Men hudpleie, det elsker jeg. Nå vil jeg si at det er en sånn beauty-standard å ha ha perfekt hud både i vesten og østen, så jeg tror ikke det er tilfeldig at jeg er såpass opptatt av det. Men så skal det sies at jeg egentlig har vært opptatt av hudpleie siden jeg var kanskje atten? Kanskje før? Det har liksom alltid vært en sånn gøy ting for meg, og jeg har gradvis funnet meg favorittprodukter og ulike rutiner. Det er alltid noe nytt, såklart, det er jo sinnsykt mye penger i denne industrien, så da vil det naturligvis produseres nye ting man er "nødt" til å ha. Forresten vil jeg bare påpeke at en beauty-standard om å ha perfekt hud er like realistisk som at man føler seg lykkelig kontinuerlig. Det går ikke, med andre ord. Jeg er enig i at hud er viktig; det er kroppens største organ og beskytter kroppen. Så det gir mening at man skal beskytte huden. På tirsdagskveld fikk jeg en pakke, og pappa lurte på hva det var. "Koreansk solkrem," svarte jeg. Det var litt mer enn som så, men jeg tror ikke at det hadde hatt noe betydning for han. Men jeg løp for å finne en saks så jeg kunne åpne pakken, for jeg var faktisk så spent. Jeg bestilte meg to solkremer for ansikt, en øyekrem og en øyenbrynspenn. Fikk også med en ansiktsmaske, og alt dette for ca. det min vanlige øyekrem koster. Så ja, noen ganger lønner det seg med koreanske produkter. Selv om jeg har vært glad i hudpleie i mange år nå, har jeg aldri likt solkrem. Har selvfølgelig på meg solkrem når jeg vet at jeg skal bruke mye tid ute i sola, men sånn dag til dag har jeg liksom ikke brukt solkrem i ansiktet. Alle solkremer jeg har prøvd spesifikt til ansikt har ikke vært til min smak, men jeg har jo skjønt viktigheten, så søket etter den perfekte solkremen til ansikt fortsatte. Ifjor fant jeg Etude House Sunprise Airy Finish, og den var bedre enn alle andre jeg har prøvd. Men jeg opplevde at den var litt sånn flaky, så jeg brukte nesten ikke den. Monchita brukte den istedet. Etter å ha lest reviews og sett på Youtube-videoer, bestemte jeg meg for å prøve Etude House Sunprise Must Daily Lotion. Det var liksom betryggende å prøve noe i samme linje som jeg har prøvd før. Også viste det seg å være en gel fremfor en krem, og jeg har en personlig preferanse for gel. Det kan vel ha noe med at jeg har kombinasjonshud, men mer oljete enn tørr. Jeg bestemte meg for å klikke med meg COSRX Aloe Soothing Sun Cream i samme slengen, og det tror jeg skyldes to grunner; 1. Har kun hørt gode ting om COSRX, og har derfor hatt lyst til å prøve merket. 2. Jeg elsker aloe vera for fuktigheten den gir. Jeg klikket også hjem MIZON Snail Repair Eye Cream fordi jeg ikke hadde mer øyekrem, og følte meg klar for å prøve en ny en. Det var litt som jul å åpne pakken med produktene, og jeg prøvde alle på hånden så fort jeg fikk åpnet alle. Jeg var litt bekymret for øyekremen, i og med at jeg var så heldig at jeg reagerte på en øyekrem i desember og har vært redd for å prøve noe nytt siden. Men jeg har lært min lekse, og testet kremen på huden min først, og det virket ut som om det gikk greit. Så i går prøvde jeg alt på. Dekket halve ansiktet i COSRX sin solkrem, og andre halvdel med Etude House sin. Førstnevnte er krem og har litt parfyme i seg, men legger seg på huden relativt raskt og blir relativt matt. Etude House sin har nok mer parfyme i seg, synker inn i huden veldig raskt, men legger igjen mer glød. Utover dagen erfarte jeg at luktene fra begge forsvant, COSRX siden ble litt mer glødende i likhet med Etude House. Men COSRX kunne jeg fortsatt kjenne litt på overflaten på huden, mens Etude House hadde egentlig sunket inn. Og det tror jeg egentlig er helt naturlig, fordi det en krem og en gel. I dag gikk jeg for Etude House på hele ansiktet, og jeg tror det blir min daglige solkrem i ansiktet. Jeg likte veldig godt COSRX sin, men foretrekker den antakeligvis til når jeg faktisk skal sole meg. Når jeg soler meg er jeg faktisk mest glad i noe som jeg kjenner på huden. Det er litt sånn psykisk, for da føler jeg at det er en fysisk barrière. Jeg har hatt på meg sminke over Etude House solkremen, og den la seg faktisk skikkelig bra over. Skulle nesten tro at det var en primer. Jeg er veldig fornøyd, dog det er verdt å kommentere at den er ganske parfymert, og det tar kanskje to timer før lukten begynner å forsvinne. Men jeg ble veldig fort vant til lukten, så det gikk helt fint for meg. I går dusjet jeg og brukte Origins GinZing Refreshing Scrub Cleanser, og deretter en ordentlig skrubb som eksfolierer huden. Og da følte jeg at jeg fikk av alt fra huden. Men jeg innså at jeg ikke kommer til å bruke en eksfolierende cleanser hver dag, for det vil ikke huden min like. Så jeg bestemte meg for å endelig hoppe på double-cleanse trenden, og jeg husket at Kiwi anbefalte The Body Shop sin Camomile Sumptuous Cleansing Butter. Jeg liker ideen om å bruke en sånn butter, for det høres veldig tilfredsstillende ut. Men da jeg stod i butikk, tenkte jeg også at det hørtes litt rotete ut med produktet i den forpakningen den er i. Så jeg gikk for Camomile Silky Cleansing Oil i stedet, fordi den har pumpe. Men jeg har veldig lyst til å prøve cleansing butter, så det blir kanskje den neste gang. Som andre steg i double-cleaningen, valgte jeg å gå for Aloe Gentle Facial Wash. Jeg har prøvd ting fra Aloe-serien fra The Body Shop, og som nevnt tidligere er jeg glad i aloe vera. Så jeg følte meg komfortabel med å prøve ut de. Kjøpte de i dag, og jeg gleder meg til å prøve de. Det er nesten så jeg har lyst til å legge meg nå, bare for å begynne på kveldsrutinen. Men jeg hadde en ganske ekkel/skummel drøm i natt, så jeg har ikke helt lyst til å legge meg. Det omhandlet en kidnapping med et par overnaturlige innspill. Jeg får faktisk gåsehud av å tenke på drømmen, så jeg tror jeg skal unngå å gjøre det.  

and on this night and in this light, I think I'm falling, I'm falling for you

This is a reminder, a playlist for me to remember; songs that are important to me at the moment, and that I keep listening to. Falling For You by The 1975. To be honest, all of the lyrics are my favourite, but these lines are maybe the most favourite ones: "According to your heart, my place is not deliberate. Feeling of your arms. I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your neck". Neck kisses, man, are there anyone who doesn't like them? I think they're great anyway. There's also the cover of Can't Help Falling In Love by twenty one pilots. It just gives me a lot of feelings. I think that rushing into love like that would be brave. I also love all of the lyrics in this song, so I don't think I can choose. When We We're Young by Adele is gold. It's my favourite song off the album, I think. It was love at first listen. I love most of the lyrics of this song as well, but my absolute favourite lines are: "Everybody loves the things you do from the way you talk, to the way you move. Everybody here is watching you cause you feel like home". It just gets me each time she sings "cause you feel like home". I like to think of finding homes in people, you know, when you're with a person and it feels like coming home. Whenever I get sick of music, I listen to Tom Rosenthal because I find his music soothing. Favourite song by Tom Rosenthal is called Every Sock Gets a Hole. I don't know why out of all the meaningful ones, this is my favourite, but as I told Sugar the other day: I'm really weird. Favourite line is the title. A lot of love for Adele, because another go-to song is Make You Feel My Love. Favourite lines are "When the rain is blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I could offer you a warm embrace to make you feel my love". It's just so bloody lovely, this cover. She sang it at Royal Albert Hall once, and if I'm not incorrect, I think she dedicated it to Amy Winehouse, and it brought tears to my eyes. The last song I'm going to mention is this version of Out Of The Woods by Taylor Swift. She does this great explanation before, and she's talking about relationships, the one that inspired the song. And she says that though not all relationships are stable "it doesn't mean that it's not special and extraordinary just to have a relationship that's fragile and somehow meaningful in that fragility". When I first watched this video, I was really in awe of what she said, because it reminded me that every relationship is important somehow. This song was one of the first songs I heard when she released her album, and it was my first favourite. Later, I've gotten tired of the studio version, because it is very repeating, but she enchanted me with this acoustic version. Also, she sings the ending of the bridge differently from the studio version, and it's my favourite thing. I've always loved the lines: "you took a Polaroid of us then discovered the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color". I really enjoy the music video as well, especially because it ends with "she lost him, but found herself. And somehow that was everything". It's just a really empowering line. 

(a blogpost in parentheses) (nothing interesting) (keep walking) (or in this case: keep scrolling) (or just exit this dammed blog)

(you don't know what you just escaped. a big post of commentary to gifs and pictures about one direction) (I was this close to posting it, and then my computer shut down) (I'm going to look at that as a sign) (it contained things like this, this, this, this, and this) (also this, this, this, this, this and this) (also this bc it's hilarious) (probably a lot more too) (oh my god, that's what I'm going to do) (I'll make a neverending post where I just regularly update with new gifs and pictures and whatnot) (I'll have to postpone it to the summer vacation bc I don't have time for it now) (but summer vac is like, in three weeks) (also known as in nothing) (I can finally do what I've postponed to the summer) (I should probs go study now) (you know, cause I've got an exam) (and I feel totally unprepared) (and I have a feeling I'm going to have a breakdown soon) (just don't know if it's before or after) (I'll probs not remember anything from the exam) (tend to shut everything out, I guess) (I never remember what I've written. so when people ask me what I wrote as an answer, I'm like idk) (excuse my horrible abbreviations, but it's my blog) (deal with it) (lou teasdale should be banned from making vines of Harry and Niall) (not really) (can u do one of them cuddled up together?) (pleaseeee) (i've gotten my daily dose of 1D now) (that was my excuse for turning on the computer) (i'm lousy at studying) (champion at procrastinating- I find the best excuses to avoid reading) (like my nephew forgot one of his socks) (looking at a sock is definitely a valid excuse for not reading) (i've gone crayyy) (i never say cray) (alright, i'm off to listen to lewis watson now) (discovered his music via 8tracks) (surprise surprise) (There is a reason (actually more than one) for why I love Grimmy) (this is my exact life) (i hate one direction) (they are all twats) (bastardious bastards) (but not really)

if the sky would fall, I'd survive it all because of you

Morning. It's been two weeks, and by the time my exam is over, it will have been three weeks. And then comes June, and the lads will be off to America. The picture is from when they played Little Things, and it looked so beautiful. I've been avoiding watching my own videos, because it sort of brings back the feeling? Damn One Direction. Bloody manufactured band that shares clothes with each other and sing the Friends theme song and does the chicken dance and play in beautiful venues like the Arena di Verona. You disgust me!!! (not really, I love you, you bastards). You know what's funny? (and completely coincidental) I've been reading a fan fiction about Harry, where he's got a phobia for bacteria and anything unclean. And then hey, an article pops up about how Harry likes to keep everything in their tour bus really clean. And then there are all these photoshopped pictures of the lads (mostly Niall and Harry) with flower crowns. What proceed to happen? Niall wears a flower crown during WMYB in Oslo, Harry wears one at the gig in Milan. It's almost like if we wish hard enough, it'll happen (exception: basically everything). One of these days (I say this a lot, don't I?) I'm going to have a post with only gif's and commentary. Brace yourselves. I'm also upset by Nick Jonas being Demi Lovato's biggest fan. "Nemi" are the best-- they are so disgustingly sweet together, and I hope they stay friends forever. I fell asleep to heavy rain, thunder and lightning last night. It was sort of beautiful. I feel like it's been a while too-- we used to have these warm summer nights years ago, and then in the evening, the sky would almost turn purple, and the thunder and lightning would fight each other. I'm currently listening to You by Robin Stjerberg, who was one of the contestants in this year's Eurovision. And it's my favorite song out of all the songs, and I'm a bit gutted it didn't get a better placement-- but it is what it is. At least I love it (and I'm guessing Norway in general, since we gave the highest point to Sweden). I've decided it's going to be my summer song. I'm currently procrastinating, I think maybe I've given up on the exam to be honest. It's like I can't even feel my nerves anymore, except when I really start thinking of the exam (but I avoid that. Avoidance is apparently my thing-- another unpleasant realization). Anyway (see, another word for avoidance), I'm actually going to study now. My break is over. Wait, you know what? I've got to give thanks to 8tracks. It's the most brilliant thing ever (in my opinion). People make playlists, and you can't actually see the whole playlist until it's played through all the songs. All you can see is the description of the playlist, the name of the song playing (and the ones you have played). So, basically you are forced to listen to the songs. And when the playlist is over, another playlist starts. Obviously you can click on any desired playlist, and you can even click on categories (chill, pop, study, etc). And sometimes you discover the most precious song(s) ever. Best way to discover new stuff when I'm bored with my own music. 

One Direction, Take Me Home Tour 2013, 7th of May, Oslo

I want to say my life is complete. And fuck the exam, you can go to hell. Actually, school in general can go away. Yesterday started out with the last pathology lecture (thank god), and I didn’t really listen to anything. I was too preoccupied with thoughts about the concert. Thing is, I didn’t feel as giddy as I did on Monday. Instead I was sort of calm—almost as if the concert already had been. And it continued like that throughout the rest of the day. Sugar, Kiwi, my belieber friend and I sat at the stairs to the royal palace in Oslo. Waiting for Sugar’s younger sister. And bloody hell, that was incredibly warm. I could probably lie there in a bikini, but, well, who lies on the stairs to the royal palace in a bikini? Anyway, when she came, we went down to the pier in order to eat some McDonald’s because according to Sugar, it’s a concert tradition. Also, I’ve just realised that Sugar basically decides all of our destinations to eat (er ganske sant). We sat at yet another pair of stairs, but this time our view was the water and a boat. It all reminded me of last year—fond memories. When we finished up eating, a few of us decided to go for some ice cream. Whereas I didn’t want one (surprisingly), and stayed put in my place.

I’m very fond of taking pictures, and I’m trying to slowly coax my friends into being comfortable with me taking pictures 24/7. Especially now as summer is coming along- I always drag out my camera in the summer. I’m looking at the pictures I took yesterday, and it makes me so happy. It’s always lovely to capture memories to look back on. Christ, when did I become so mushy? Anyway, after finishing the ice cream, we headed for the bus to take us to Telenor Arena. And since I sometimes (very often because I like to observe the environment outside) prefer standing, I stood the whole ride. And it made me really happy, because summer weather and architecture tends to do that to me. When we were driving to the bus stop I realised just how many people there were, and the fact that yep, we had to stand in line too. Except, this was nothing against the Justin Bieber concert. It felt like it took 10 minutes from the moment we walked off the bus till’ my seat.

And oh, my dear friend Kiwi switched tickets with me, basically giving me a great seat. I didn’t realize just how good seats they were, until it all started and all I could think was that I had to give Kiwi a hug afterwards. Initially I sat down in the wrong seat, making me believe I had amazing seats. But I actually think the seat I had was better, because there was an empty place beside me (a stupid woman had bought extra tickets and tried to sell them inside the concert) and I had more space to move around on.  Before the concert there’s always a bit of time where there’s random (not really random at all—5SOS and Little Mix for example) music playing, and of course I get a call from this delivery company telling me that “hey, we tried to deliver a package today, but you weren’t home”. And they told me this just when the whole audience decided to scream. Basically the conversation was something like this: “Hello?” “Hiiii! Who’s this?” “We’re a delivering company (shouting in the background which didn’t allow me to hear the rest of the sentence, but I pieced the bits together anyway)..” “Oh, yes, alright! ARE YOU OUTSIDE MY HOUSE NOW?” “Oh, no, not now” “I’M SORRY BUT I CAN’T HEAR YOU, I’M AT A CONCERT” “Oh, haha, that explains a lot” “WHAT?”. I ended up asking him to send a sms with the information—the shouting didn’t work that well.

During the await for them to start, the block across my seat started to do a wave. And first it was only them, but then it started spreading, and spreading. And in the end we managed to do one across the whole arena (not the ones at the floor). And it was so funny, because we were applauding ourselves afterwards. And then we just decided to do it loads. So every three minutes I stood up with my hands in the air to be a part of the wave. It was one of the coolest things I’ve been a part of, because this is approximately 10,000 people (more or less). (here's a video of what I guess is one of the first waves. The video isn't that good, and it's a lot of screaming, but still). 

After a bit waiting and the opening act and then waiting again, it finally started. Although, I thought it started quite quickly, like time just flew by so fast? And wow, I actually almost started crying when I saw Liam when Up All Night started (also almost started crying when I got to my seat??). Basically, my whole experience with the whole “going to a One Direction concert and seeing them in person” has been the exact opposite of what I’d expected. I didn’t stand still, like at the Bieber concert. Nope, I stood throughout the whole thing and jumped and danced about 95% of the whole thing. In my head I was calculating how long my body could continue without nutrition and liquid. Not long, I thought. But I did manage the whole thing. Whilst I was dressed in jeans and in a jacket and a jumper beneath at the Bieber concert, I wore shorts and a tank-top at the One Direction concert. And it’s so funny to me, because I was literally dripping in sweat (oh, great mental image) last night. Whereas at the Bieber concert, where we were practically all pressed against each other (actually we were), I felt warm, but alright with the jacket on. But I guess it was because of all the jumping I did last night- I didn’t do too much of it at the Justin Bieber concert.

I genuinely don’t think I should attend concerts with great dancers too, because I can’t seem to focus on one thing? I’ve got a really dumb brain that has a hard time on focusing on more things at one time. Because One Direction are .. slightly less good in the dancing area, I didn’t have to worry about what to focus on. And wow, I just seem to find it so incredibly fascinating to see someone so big (as in popular) in person. Like—they’re actually real. I’ve basically been watching videos of One Direction concerts for a whole year now (more, actually), and it was just so surreal to actually see them. Not a screen. And I had to stop thinking about it, because then it would freak me out, and then I’d probably start crying. Because, whilst thinking of this, I got in my “stand still with my hands on my heart”-position. The same as I did at the Bieber-concert. And if I’m releasing emotions, I’ll either cry or jump around in excitement. I chose the latter. Niall and Harry were actually quite frequently at my side of the stage, waving to us. And, holy shit. I guess this is something everyone around me thought too, but it actually looked like they were looking right at me. Especially Niall, because he waved so many times. I’m just going to believe he was looking at me, and not the thousands of other people who were also waving. Basically, my dream is complete (except I really want a Horan-hug please).

I think maybe Harry did a bit of too much partying the night before. Which, oh my god, is awesome. He joined a “russebuss”, even wore a “russebukse”. And I know that’s the reason why he said “Norway is sick!” last night. I’m so glad he got to experience it—it was actually something I wished for them to experience. Like, I wished they’d come a bit closer to 17th of May, Norway’s national day. And then they could’ve seen the crazy “russ” roaming around the city. I went through Harry’s Instagram, and basically, he’s instagrammed a picture of every European gig. And it’s only in the one from Norway, where he basically said: “One of my favorite places in the world”. The rest, he usually just says “thanks for having us” (and his kisses at the end of course). Basically, I’m pretty sure Norway had a great impact on young Harry Styles. And it makes me very very proud. Liam too, confessed that he thought tonight was the best gig thus far (here's a video-- it's loud though). He was driving around in a boat shirtless yesterday. With Andy who arrived in Norway yesterday. And I’m pretty sure Andy loved it too.

Anyway, the concert was amazing. And I was jumping around all the time. And though I knew what would happen next, I was always surprised I guess? And wow, there were so much bromance, I didn’t register all of the things happening. One Direction aren’t amazing dancers, but they are five members, so I guess it’s a bit hard to choose what to focus on too. Little Things was amazing as usual, seeing as the whole arena brought out their lights and glittering hearts. And I really love the beat box-version of Little Things (here's a video of the "bring a heart" arrangement and the beat boxing). Liam is one very talented person who deserves to get more screams (positive stimulus), as my belieber friend also pointed out. I think also Zayn should get more kudos for his riffs sometimes. But his solos are just before choruses, which makes it really hard to scream for him. And I would’ve screamed a lot more last night, had I just had more voice.

Basically, within the first parts of the concert, half of my voice was already gone. Which was evident at the end of the night. That’s the second thing I didn’t expect me to do: scream throughout the (almost) whole concert. Also, I had really underestimated the screams. I forgot earplugs, but since I didn’t use them on the Bieber-concert and turned out fine, I thought I’d be fine tonight too. And I would, I guess. If it hadn’t been for the minutes where the boys “disappear” before Live While We’re Young, Niall’s speech and What Makes You Beautiful. That’s when I started holding for my ears, because it was piercing my eardrums, and that hurt. Like a method of torture. But at that point, I didn’t care too much. I was too happy to care for my future hearing ability. Obviously, I knew they’d sing the last songs, so I didn’t scream that much. But I was a bit (very) sad at that point, because I thought everything had gone so bloody quickly? It barely felt like 30 minutes to me. The ending consisted of the boys spraying each other in water, which probably felt amazing, because it was bloody hot in the arena. And the fans have been really great, bringing glittering hearts to wave with during Little Things, and bringing balloons for the end of the concert. The lads commented on this fact, and it made me really happy for the one who started the arrangement.

If I have to think of highlights of the night (other than seeing them in person), it was Niall’s speech before What Makes You Beautiful. He basically said that it was really hot in the arena. And then Liam started singing Hot In Here, and then Niall joined in. And yeah—I’m pretty sure they’ve never sung that song in a concert too, so it was a delight. Also, I’m a sucker for Teenage Dirtbag, so that was a highlight too. I just can't not rock out to that song. And then there was the fact that Niall wore a bloody flower crown. And you don't know how many times photoshopped flower crowns on One Direction members has been circulating on my Tumblr dashboard. So when he wore it, I was so surprised. And now that I look at the picture of him with a flower crown, it almost doesn't look real. Could have been a photoshopped one, except it's not. And then Harry wore his hair band from the "russebuss" he partied in. And the boys wore ski goggles on and off. Actually, everything was sort of a highlight to me, hah. When the concert ended, everyone started popping their balloons, and it sounded like fireworks. And it was really lovely. And I just really want to do everything over again. “Put this day back on replay and keep reliving it”. I did give Kiwi a sweaty hug afterwards, and I tried explaining her how grateful I am today at school.

I think I came home at 0:30 am yesterday, and then I had to get some nutrition and liquid in my body before I went to sleep. But then I started writing this document in fright of forgetting. But then I started shaking, as in when you are freezing. And I decided to go to bed to get warmed up. Except it didn’t work, and I realised I wasn’t actually cold. I was restless, and my body was full of adrenaline. At this point it was 3:00 am, and I was cursing the adrenaline for being stupid. Because I had to get up today, and attend a lecture I didn’t want to attend. In the end I fell asleep at 3:30 am—I had to force myself to think of something that always puts me to sleep. My mind was so full of thoughts I guess, that I couldn't go to sleep. And I don't want to say that this was the best day of my life, because I've had several amazing days in my life. But this is very close to the top. And I'm just so happy.

The lecture today was actually really good, and I was very glad I went. Also, I didn’t feel that tired at all. And I nearly didn’t go on my phone to check things at all. And that says a lot! Sugar and I went to praise the lecturer, because we like to do that. Just because someone is a teacher, lecturer, or something similar, it doesn’t mean they don’t want feedback too. It wasn’t until I was sat in the cafeteria, that I realised how tired I was. Holy shit, I’m going to spend the day watching videos of last night. And I have this itching feeling that I’m going to waste so much time this week, watching the lads. Oh dear. I really can kiss that exam goodbye. (Oh my god, I'm just watching a video right now, and I nearly gulped up my water, because you can see when Niall gives this sort of wave off, and I just-- I watched that. Yesterday. From my seat. And oh wow).