what use is running when you need someone to hold?

I do already miss my brothers company in the living room. It's much too silent, and there's no one who will participate in watching football with me. No one to bother me when I don't want to be bothered. I am so thankful for all my siblings, and there's nothing like it-- being gathered together. On another note, I am really bloody happy to not have to wake up early tomorrow. I want to sleep for ages, though I'm sure it'll probably not be very much longer than I've woken up the past few days. Initially I wasn't supposed to work today, but I agreed to a shift. And I was supposed to leave at 2:00 pm. However, we were short on staff, so I had to stay for an hour longer. I didn't really mind, because I actually quite enjoy work sometimes. But once I got home, I realised how tired I was. I had some dinner, put on a new load of washing, and then Monchita and I went grocery shopping. I have the evening shift tomorrow, which is a nice change. Because usually it's a lot less busy. I've just had a cup of tea, and I think I'm going to do some stretching (to the sound of Bon Iver of course), because my limbs feel quite stiff. And that's not good-- that's how you get injuries. Anyway, I just watched a video of Niall and Harry touching each others crotches? I don't know whether I should be surprised by anything they do any more. Oh, and it appears that Des Styles (Harry's dad) and Bobby Horan (Niall's dad) was at the Milan gigs? The ones in San Siro, where they filmed for their concert DVD. (I'm just saying that if Niall and Harry were both gay or bi and happened to fall in love with each other, their in-laws would be best friends and hang out without being in the presence of their sons). I'm currently watching the game between Germany and Algeria, and it's really exciting. I have been cheering for Algeria, but Germany just scored a goal, so it seems likely that they'll probably end up winning. Right, I'm going to brush my teeth, do some stretching and then go to bed. Good night! 

you bite your friends like chocolate

Hiya! Yesterday I found my favourite pair of undergarment-- it's been gone for so long, but I finally found it. Is that strange? To have a favourite pair of undergarment? Well, I don't really care. This morning was a hard one, I definitely felt like I was dying when I had firstly awoken. But I also had the strangest dream. It contained my siblings, shoes, a shower, and a gangster squad. I wonder if there's supposed to be a secret meaning? Lolz. On my way to work this morning, I was biking by a bush. Suddenly there was a deer jumping out of the bush and straight in front of me. It really freaked me out, because while I think it's fascinating to watch them from my window, I find them quite scary at a close distance. Their stare almost never waver, and I keep losing the game of who can stare the longest. Ugh. Anyway, it didn't actually stop in front of me, it was just passing the road and going wherever. It's funny, because the past weeks or so, I've seen more deer than cats. Crazy. When I got home this morning, I was planning to go to the shops, but my sister said: "erm, it's a Sunday". I had completely forgotten. And then I realised that if today is Sunday, then yesterday must have been Saturday. Furthermore it made me realise that I had forgotten to indulge in some chocolate. Bah. Today I've been doing mundane things like: cleaning my bedroom and the guest room, doing the washing, making food. When I was sat at the dinner table with Monchita and asking about her day, I felt like a proper adult. Onto a subject that immediately makes me a youngster again: yesterday One Direction had a concert in Italy. And they got a question (they had questions for the concert, probably because they were filming for their concert DVD) about what they would do if they were girls for 24 hours. Mr. Harry Styles actually answered: "I'd do Niall". I firstly saw a quote of this, and more often than not, quotes on Tumblr are taken out of context. So initially I didn't believe it. And I did hear it when he answered, but I thought I heard wrong? But then Liam, who also seemed a bit bewildered, said "well, that will be all over Twitter in the morning". So it appears to be valid. #GoNarry! And then they did a fist bump? And I think Harry said "Happy pride!", which sort of explains why he said he'd do Niall(?). But yes, as Harry said: Happy pride! I'm going to have a cuppa now, and chill out in front of the telly. Then it's bedtime for me. 

the more I swear I'm happy, the more that I'm feeling alone

My goodness, I've just finished watching the game between Brazil and Chile. I've never seen a game with so much tension. Of course I was cheering for Brazil mostly due to Neymar. But because I'm not a huge football enthusiast and "belong" to a certain team, I am quite democratic when I'm cheering. When seeing Chile scoring a goal, I went like: "oh no! but, like, that was a really decent goal. So good job Chile!". I think Chile did an excellent job, and it's only luck that brought Brazil the win this time. Also, Chile was the perfect opponent to Brazil, because they were good at blocking what Brazil is known for. I've come to realise more and more that there's a reason for why I don't usually watch football. I never knew how much drama there is in a football match. And I think there's a lot of faking when it comes to people falling over and whatnot. Also, unless you're some sort of hero, you're either loved because you played well, or you're hated because you didn't do well. It's just too much negativity for me, I think. However, I will most likely continue watching the World Cup. Also, after the game I just watched, I think I've fallen in love with Julio Cesar. Not because he probably was the reason for the win today. But he was in tears just before the penalties, and it was so clear to see how much this meant to him. Bah, I am a sucker for emotions, aren't I? Anyway, it's been another day at work, and it was almost empty on the roads this morning. Not so strange when it's a Saturday. I think the days pass by so quickly, and today is the last day I'll see my brother for awhile. Monchita, Lumba and I had a little face time conversation with David and Lynx. It was nice to see their faces again, and I can't wait for them to come this summer. Summer is passing by quickly and it is actually quite stressful, because there's so much I'm supposed to do. It doesn't worry me too much, because that's life. And although it feels like I'm working a lot these days, I only have five weeks before I have the start of August for my own enjoyment. Anyway, that's still five weeks away, which is lots of days I can't be bothered to count, so I'll just enjoy the little time I have left of this summer. I'm going to go now, spend some more time with my brother. And then it's back up bright and early tomorrow. 

my shirt looks so good, when it's just hanging off your back

Hi! Blogposts might be a bit sparse sometimes, due to work and whatnot. And next week there will probably be a bigger lack of updates (both because of work and Ale visiting). But I've always told myself that this blog will only be updated when I want to update. So on days there's no updates, it might be just because I didn't feel like it. Yesterday I biked home from work in the rain. It's something I probably shouldn't recommend, because it can be quite dangerous if you can't see things properly. But getting soaked in the rain is one of the most liberating things ever. When I took a shower after getting home, I felt one with the water. Either I haven't been watching telly on the right times, or there's not much football on telly anymore? Oh well, I've moved on to beach volleyball now. I've got three books (actually four, or a hundred) that's waiting for me to read them. However, after my first read-kick-week, I've moved back to fan fiction, and oh my god. Some people are so good at writing angst and sad stories, and they happen to write about things I can relate to, which makes it so much worse. I spent Thursday (I think?) reading this fan fiction with an ever growing lump in my stomach. But I took breaks from reading it, which prevented me from crying. You should never trust a trending topic on Twitter, but when I saw something trending about Niall Horan getting better (or summat, agh, I never do remember anything), I was intrigued. And it lead me to watch a video of Niall from the last concert in Amsterdam, where he was limping because someone threw something against his wonky knee. And it was actually quite heartbreaking to see the usual smile-y Niall on stage, bent over in pain. For the fans, I'm glad it happened at the ending of their concert, or else it would be a really subdued concert without Niall's antics. I hope the boys (hey Harry!) took care of him. Another thing that slightly pulled my heart strings, were his tweets afterwards: "[...] But only having my operation 5 months ago, I still get a bit of pain and I'm very scared about it". There's very few people who would admit to being scared about something like that, which could possibly end their career. It's because of these kind of things why I am so fond of Niall-- I've never seen him ashamed of himself in any way, and I find that such a great trait (to an extent, of course). His tweets after the concert is also a prime example of why he is the best member of One Direction to own a Twitter. First of all, he thanks all the fans for coming to the concert. Then he says "please stop throwing things at us", and then he says "I'm not complaining, but". He pleases the fans by being thankful, but he's also forwarding a message without being rude. Personally I think it's quite absurd that he even has to say that he isn't complaining, because of course you should be allowed to complain about people throwing things at you whilst performing. I strongly dislike fans who goes "oh you're just ungrateful" to things like this. Because my goodness, who are thankful for being a dart board ever? It's a miracle Harry hasn't been injured yet by the amount of things he gets thrown at himself. Anyway, it's already 8:00 pm now, and I'm just going to relax for a few hours before I go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities, but it's going to be quite busy at work. Don't think my feet will appreciate it. Especially because I said yes to work at Monday as well. Oh dear-- I'm just going to spend next week (after Tuesday) trying to relax my bones for a bit. Right, I'm going-- bye! 

When we both fall asleep underneath the same sky. To the beat of our hearts at the same time. So close but so far away.

11:11. It's like a taunt, like someone's pulling a trick on me. Positivity made me think of it as something lucky. It made me bet my pride on all the number 11 football players. Mosquito bites doesn't itch as much as the feeling of missing a limb. I can't put words on my feelings, can't put them in a category. Nor can I trace the reason for them. Or maybe I can, maybe I just don't want to admit to them. One Step forward, two steps back. Life is a strange game. I am a worrier, but I can put my thoughts away when I need it. But what about the worriers who can't? I've been here for twenty years. How am I supposed to survive another sixty years? It's terrible trying to fall asleep with a thousand thoughts in your mind.