don't have direction, I'm just rolling down this road, waiting for you to bring me in from out the cold

Altså, i går la jeg meg i topphumør. Jeg har vært veldig effektiv de siste dagene, og jeg følte jeg virkelig gjorde innsats i treningsøkten. I dag startet jeg på drøftingsdelen, som jeg har gruet meg litt til. Det er jo her alt det reelle arbeidet gjøres. Samtidig er det oftest i denne delen hvor jeg begynner å tvile. Akkurat nå sitter jeg litt på kanten, litt usikker, men jeg vet ikke sikkert før jeg har prøvd meg frem. Det er vel det som gjør det så vanskelig. Denne dagen har definitivt vært mindre produktiv kontra de forrige, men det var kanskje et bevisst valg også. Noe pause må man ha. Om jeg kunne blitt ferdig til fredagen liksom, nei da hadde jeg blitt glad. Men det er liksom ikke målet, ukens mål var jo å bli ferdig med teoridelen. Og den er i boks. Jeg har såpass mye tid på meg at jeg ikke ser behovet for å rushe meg igjennom noe. Slik som det går nå, tror jeg det skal gå bra. Jeg stod opp i dag for å kjøpe billett til Sam Smith, fordi det var forsalg i dag på morgenen. Jeg valgte sitteplass på tribunen, selv om jeg kunne fått sitteplass rett ved scenen. Jeg bare ser for meg at i en såpass stor sal, så blir scenen så høy at du sitter og ser oppover. Også kunne jeg valgt å sitte litt lengre bak da, men det er vel en del som skal stå, og det gidder jeg ikke. Jeg sier det, også skal jeg stå på konserten til Sigrid om tre uker. Men altså, konsensusen er at jeg ikke gidder å stå i mengder hvor jeg vet helt sikkert at det er mange ivrige folk. Mens jeg så på oversikten over konserter jeg skal på i fremtiden, så innså jeg at Harry Styles faktisk har konsert i mars-- to dager før eksamen. Jeg er også ganske sikker på at det blir min vanskeligste eksamen i tillegg, så det er jo fint. Jeg kjøpte jo faktisk billettene før jeg visste noe om skole, så det var jo alltids en risiko at det ikke ville gå som ønsket. Er litt i tvil om hva jeg skal gjøre, men hittil så tror jeg at jeg kommer til å dra likevel. Det er til tross for at Harry er den artisten jeg har minst lyst til å se av de konsertene jeg skal på. Sam Smith er den jeg gleder meg mest til, og jeg krysser fingrene for at det ikke skjer noe denne gangen som gjør at jeg ikke får sett han. Jeg husker fortsatt kalde vintermorgener på vei til praksis, hvor jeg hørte på de få sangene han hadde utgitt. Jeg har hørt på In The Lonely Hour utrolig mange ganger, og det er fortsatt en favoritt. Det er faktisk en drøm å få se han opptre live. Jeg skulle bare ønske han valgte å spille i en mindre sal. Intime konserter dere, de er best. Takknemlig er jeg likevel. Musikk er tross alt noe av det beste jeg vet om i livet, og det er ikke så mange mennesker som får dratt på så mange konserter som jeg. 

what use is running when you need someone to hold?

I do already miss my brothers company in the living room. It's much too silent, and there's no one who will participate in watching football with me. No one to bother me when I don't want to be bothered. I am so thankful for all my siblings, and there's nothing like it-- being gathered together. On another note, I am really bloody happy to not have to wake up early tomorrow. I want to sleep for ages, though I'm sure it'll probably not be very much longer than I've woken up the past few days. Initially I wasn't supposed to work today, but I agreed to a shift. And I was supposed to leave at 2:00 pm. However, we were short on staff, so I had to stay for an hour longer. I didn't really mind, because I actually quite enjoy work sometimes. But once I got home, I realised how tired I was. I had some dinner, put on a new load of washing, and then Monchita and I went grocery shopping. I have the evening shift tomorrow, which is a nice change. Because usually it's a lot less busy. I've just had a cup of tea, and I think I'm going to do some stretching (to the sound of Bon Iver of course), because my limbs feel quite stiff. And that's not good-- that's how you get injuries. Anyway, I just watched a video of Niall and Harry touching each others crotches? I don't know whether I should be surprised by anything they do any more. Oh, and it appears that Des Styles (Harry's dad) and Bobby Horan (Niall's dad) was at the Milan gigs? The ones in San Siro, where they filmed for their concert DVD. (I'm just saying that if Niall and Harry were both gay or bi and happened to fall in love with each other, their in-laws would be best friends and hang out without being in the presence of their sons). I'm currently watching the game between Germany and Algeria, and it's really exciting. I have been cheering for Algeria, but Germany just scored a goal, so it seems likely that they'll probably end up winning. Right, I'm going to brush my teeth, do some stretching and then go to bed. Good night! 

what use is money, when you need someone to hold?

Oyster made cinnabuns for her birthday celebration yesterday, and she was kind enough to wrap up one for me to bring home. I had it as a dessert after dinner, and it was gorgeous, as usual. Yesterday was a bit like an everlasting day, after waking up so early. We went for dinner at a restaurant before we all went to Oyster's house. I think we were initially going to watch a film, or play a game. But in the end, we just ate cinnabuns and chocolate covered strawberries whilst chatting. I thought my friends were quite crazy, but wow, I've got to rewrite my definition of "crazy" after seeing Oyster's friends (haha). When I left home, my mum asked me whether I was staying the night or not. I said I didn't know, thinking I probably wouldn't. But in the end I did, and I ended up having a rant about my love for Niall Horan to Oyster, which I'm sure she really appreciated. This morning I also ran to Mars to show her this picture of Niall and Harry. "Aren't they cute?" "Erm, who are they? Oh, that's Harry, isn't it?" "Yes!" "One of these days that'll be you" "Hm?" "I said one of these days that'll be you in the hug!" "No, but I want them to be boyfriends". I think I've made it clear how strange I truly am. I got home after following Oyster to the library, where I borrowed yet another book. I went out to walk in the grass barefooted and to read this book in the sun. But I must have been a bit tired, because I shortly fell asleep, and woke up a bit confused. The gum I had been chewing on was no longer very appealing, and I sat down to see if there were something on the telly whilst having some juice. I was extremely pleased to see that I was just in time for the final of Champions League in handball. I managed to watch one of the semi finals yesterday, so I was quite pumped to see the end results. Yesterday I watched Kiel win, and today they're playing against Flensburg. It seems like the latter is the favourite, which automatically makes me cheer for Kiel. Because unless there's a team I usually cheer for, I usually go for the underdogs. It's very tense, and Kiel were in the lead at the start. But right now Flensburg is ruling, and their keeper should get a lot of kudos for that. It's not looking good for Kiel, but you can only hope. I am going to finish watching the game, and then probably read. Have a nice Sunday evening. 

You'll never know the endless nights, the rhyming of the rain. Or how it feels to fall behind and watch you call his name

At 11:00 pm yesterday, I was sat reading a new book (which is quite hilarious), whilst I was listening to Coldplay's set on Radio 1 Big Weekend. In the midst of it, I stopped my reading, because wait, is that? what? oh my god! Coldplay were doing a tiny cover of Best Song Ever by One Direction. And the whole crowd was singing along. My day had just been so great already, so it multiplied all my happy feelings. I am aware that Coldplay has done tiny covers of One Direction before as well, during their gigs. First time they did it was when Harry was there, which must have been ace, because Harry's always been such a big fan of Chris Martin. Prior to this, I had been cuddled up in the living room by myself with a cup of tea, some chocolate, my book and The Object of My Affection on the telly in the background. It reminded me of my younger self, when I had a telly in my bedroom-- and I'd watch all of these movies before going to bed. And this memory made me very happy, as well as I got to watch a bit of Pretty Woman too, which is one of my all time favourite movies. In addition to this, I've been so overwhelmed with all the emotions that comes along with watching One Direction playing Croke Park. The cheers and roars that rise whenever Niall has a solo, or when the camera is filming him-- it's amazing. And it's lovely how the other boys takes a step back and lets him have his moment. "Help me sing this one to Niall, alright?” Liam said before singing Don’t Forget Where You Belong at the first night at Croke Park. Louis said: "This is for Niall" in one of his speeches. And Harry had a speech about Niall himself. And it felt a bit like a concert dedicated for Niall. I spent most of Friday night crying because of all the emotions with seeing one of your favourite people being so loved and emotional. So there's been so many things that's made me happy the past few days, and it was just topped off with listening to Coldplay yesterday. It wasn't even the One Direction cover, but it was Coldplay themselves-- every gig I watch of them is amazing. And I could just picture myself standing in a green field in Glasgow surrounded with people chanting for Coldplay to do an encore. I love Coldplay, and I said to Oyster the other day: "I want to collect all their CD's". It's strange because I never thought Tumblr was a place you'd go to gain knowledge, but it's raised so much awareness in myself, that I am so grateful. My night yesterday was topped off by listening to Leave Your Lover by Sam Smith just before bed. The music video is gorgeous, and the song itself is also gorgeous. It makes me so happy that I discovered Sam Smith, because he is amazing. His album is released tomorrow I think, and I would have grabbed it if I had the money. But because I'm broke, it'll be a bit of time before I can get my hands on it. I hope you have a splendid Sunday. I know for certain that I'll really enjoy this day, despite the rain and grey skies. Appreciate life, educate yourself about your own rights, and always question everything. Try to lift your head up from the ground, and see all the things you never normally notice.