life carries on and I miss him like a hole in the head

I'm having a moment of weakness. You know how thoughts just run through your mind without your permission? I've been trying to not think about my sisters dog. Because I don't want to realise the truth, is the thing. I'm avoiding it, the acknowledge of his disappearance. I still hope, though it's slithered down to a tiny piece of hope. I asked my younger sister what she thought of it, because she seemed so unaffected, not once speaking of it. She said: "I've not allowed myself to think of it. I can't," and I finally understood her silence. It's the same thing I've done, isn't it? But I was just thinking of someone, and that train of thought lead to another, and it wasn't long until I thought of Scott. In our living room we have a wall filled with pictures of our family members. And highest to the left, is a picture of my sister's two dogs. In my phone I've got multiple videos of him. Albeit his tiny size, Scott has a lot of character and will bark like crazy. He's got the worst breath and will try to lick your face. He's afraid of the food bowl and will pick up one piece of dog food to the floor before he'll eat it. He'll sit down on his bum, but his fur is so soft, he'll slide backwards until he hits the wall. He'll lie down in the crook of your arms when you lie down on the sofa, and he'll guard the family like he's the biggest and scariest dog in the world, when the truth is that he's tiny and adorable. I don't want to go to my sisters house and only hear the sound of one dog coming at me, when there's supposed to be two. You know, before David was even born, when my sister was pregnant and had a tiny stomach still, I gave her a book about parenting. The typical gift you get for someone when they've just gotten pregnant. I didn't actually give it to her, just left it behind for her to find when we had already left her house. She called a few hours after we'd left, and she said thanks. Thanked me for the gift and the card, told me she had cried. I wish I remember exactly what I wrote. Maybe I'll ask her if she kept it. But what I do remember was mentioning her dogs, told her they were her "test" babies. And that she would be a great parent, already was, my sister. You know, I was just listening to a playlist, and Holes by Passenger came on. And it just made the tears leave my eyes even faster. Made me wail, actually.

"Said we've got holes in our hearts, yeah we've got holes in our lives. Where we've got holes, we've got holes but we carry on"