With each year, our color fades. Slowly, our paint chips away. But we will find the strength and the nerve it takes to repaint and repaint and repaint every day.

North by Sleeping at Last is my new favourite song of them. The song just sounds like coming home. I've been listening to it a lot, but it wasn't until a few days ago I properly listened to the lyrics and the melody. It has had me doing a bit of thinking. It feels like ever since I got home, I've been feeling restless. I've missed this place terribly when travelling, that's not it. But sometimes it doesn't feel like home, like I've lost a sense of home. It scares me, because if this doesn't feel like home, where is home supposed to be? The places you go to feel safe suddenly don't work any more. Sometimes when you stay in a place too long, I think it starts becoming poisonous, a hinder, rather than the escape you wanted it to be. Well-wishes sounds like your worst enemy turning on you, spitting the most hurtful words. It's so tiring walking around with self-doubt, then having people around you expect so much of you, pushing you further out on the ledge. You're never enough, there's always something you should be doing. God, it's so suffocating. It's Sunday, cleaned my room. New sheets. Cried whilst vacuuming, cried whilst watching a commercial for Amazon, cried whilst listening to Hurts So Good by Astrid S. I'll shed some tears today, go through the motions. And maybe tomorrow, I'll be fine, or better. I would like to leave with a quote from The Notebook. "Would you stop thinking about what everyone wants? Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?"