More pictures from Warszawa. It's strange to think that it's only been a bit over a week ago since I got home from the trip. In honesty, it already feels like a month ago. To be fair, it was back in February, and now it's already March. It's scary how quickly the time passes, but in a way it's also relieving. At the end of this month I'm starting in my new job, and I'm glad I've got time to prepare for it. I'm strangely scared of commitment, because it feels like being bereft of my freedom. I don't like the idea of being chained down to something forever, because I wish for various challenges. I don't want to feel like I'm going to do the same thing for the rest of my life. (Goodness, if I feel like this about life, how would I cope in amorous situations). For now, my new job is a temporary position, and that feels good. In a year and a half I might be scrambling to find a new job, or I might get the opportunity to continue. I enjoy the feeling that I won't know where I am in a year, it makes life more exciting. Although the job is a commitment, I feel very ready for it. I'm actually genuinely excited for it, though parts of me are nervous. Obviously. I'm actually going to be reading quite a bit of theory in preparation. Yesterday I was shovelling snow, but I didn't do the driveway. I was going to wait until evening, but then some of my extended family decided to stop by, and they got stuck in the driveway. So I did end up shovelling the driveway earlier than expected. Luckily they got out, and I finished the driveway in time for the rain to somewhat melt the snow. Agh. I forgot how physical shovelling snow is, especially when the snow is wet and heavy. But I'm glad that I did the shovelling, as I was feeling quite down on myself yesterday. I think I've been feeling that way for a few days, and it's so frustrating. It all stems from the so deeply integrated notion of always feeling like I have to be productive in order to feel content. It's not that I haven't been productive the past week, in fact I've been just as productive and unproductive as I normally am. However, my own feeling of productiveness was more negative. And because of that, I've been a bit mad at myself. Mad for not doing this or that, regardless of all the things I've actually done. It's annoying, because it won't actually help me any further. If anything, it's detrimental to be self loathing. Today didn't start off at a good start either, but after doing my morning ablutions, I started doing a few bits that I had been wanting to do. I cleaned some of the travelling jars (for skin care and whatnot) I had brought with me to the trip, I cleaned my make-up brushes, I put on a load of sheets and towels in the washer, and I folded clothes. So I feel productive, and I therefore feel better. It's good and bad at the same time, because I don't want to feel dependent on feeling productive in order to feel good. But I guess it's a long battle of unscrewing something that's so bloody internalised. To be fair, I'm also very content at the moment because of the beautiful weather. Sun is important for my well being, and I've definitely been feeling the lack of it. Plans for today include exercising and showering, as I postponed it from yesterday. I'm also going to start reading some theory in preparation for my new job.
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