nosotros somos los mejores del mundo

Gah. 2 exams done. 1 left. Oh and one oral exam as well. It's not until next week. But I have this annoying thing in gym tomorrow. And as usual, I am procrastinating. Ain't no other like it. I was so productive and effective yesterday. How come can't I do things like yesterday? Instead I've rewatched the "adventurous adventure of One Direction", watched the MomsView (Omg, Lisa is leaving?), and then watched some more One Direction things. Somebody come and bitchslap me. I need it.

Er jeg en byrde for alle?

Jeg leste et oppsiktsvekkende debattinnlegg litt tidligere. Det rørte meg langt inn i hjerteroten. Og plutselig følte jeg meg nesten slem, uten at jeg kjente denne personen. Noen ganger ønsker man at man kan fjerne all verdens problemer. "Jeg er så ensom, så ensom," sluttes innlegget. Ensomhet, den nye folkesykdommen sier jeg bare. Det gjelder ikke bare blinde, det gjelder alle. Ensomheten er nesten verre enn alt farlig, for den slår deg dypt. For å lese debattinnlegget, bare fortsett å lese nedover.


Er jeg en byrde for alle?
Jeg er 15 år, blind og trolig en av verdens mest ensomme ungdommer.

Det er ingen som ringer meg. Det er ingen som ringer på døra og spør om vi skal finne på noe. På Facebook får jeg tommelen opp når jeg legger ut et bilde, men spør jeg om noen vil finne på noe med meg, er det helt stille.

Jeg kan ikke gjøre ting alene. Jeg kan ikke ta meg en joggetur for å glemme ensomheten. Jeg kan ikke spille et spill på data eller TV. Jeg trenger hjelp til nesten alt. Også til å skrive dette.

Mørkt og stille
Det har ikke alltid vært sånn. Før kunne jeg se. Jeg hadde venner. Det var alltid liv og røre hjemme hos oss. Nå er det bare mørkt og stille. Bare foreldrene mine og jeg hjemme. Søsken er ute med venner. De er på hyttetur. De drar på Frognerbadet. Jeg hører på musikk og finner tekster som rimer med livet mitt.

Støttekontakter kommer og går. De skal videre i livet. To måneder uten støttekontakt nå. Er det meg? Er det fordi jeg er meg at de ikke orker mer? Er jeg en byrde? For alle?

Jeg prøver så godt jeg kan å holde motet oppe. Pappa sier han beundrer mitt pågangsmot. Det er et lite plaster på såret, men under plasteret er det fremdeles et stort åpent sår som aldri gror. Pappa forteller meg også at det finnes så veldig mange andre ensomme ungdommer rundt omkring. Men hvordan skal jeg, som er blind, finne dem?

Jeg savner synet av naturen på denne tiden når alt er grønt og i blomstring. Jeg savner synet av snødekte vidder. Jeg savner det å føle meg inkludert i et fellesskap. Jeg er så ensom, så ensom.

Av Axel Røthe (klikk for kilde) 

the adventurous adventures of one direction

I am currently taking a little break from studying for my exam tomorrow. And I just stumbled across this video. If you aren't a One Direction fan, I guess this video will not suit for you. You will have to know quite a bit about the lads in order to get the jokes. But OMG, this is hilarious. Even my younger sister thought so.

I can't help it, I'm just selfish. There's no way that I could share you

I've got mixed feelings about the song. It's got a great funky tune to it, which I am very fond of. However, it just doesn't appear to me as a song I like the first time I listen to it. Just like "Boyfriend". Oh well, if I keep listening to it, I'll probably like it more. And I will probably like it more than "Boyfriend", as I'm more fond of these kind of things. And by these kind of things, I mean the genre. But it's got nice and cheesy lyrics, and I can only imagine it's his way of saying: Selena, don't leave me. Or I'll die. Then he'll probably have to stop hitting the paparazzi. Oh wow, when did I become such a gossiper?

you're the one that I want

Eeep, the good weather is just gone in time for my exams, which I am quite grateful for. Because firstly, no one wants to spend their afternoon inside writing an article and whatnot, whilst the sun is shining bright outside. Secondly, it's a hell sitting in a warm room whilst concentrating on your task(s). Right now I'm trying to get as much of information in my head as possible. I can feel the stress coming. Not only because of the exams, but because of a tight schedule the next weeks, and then the not knowing how my life will turn out after school is finished. Obviously, I will start studying next fall again. However, what if I don't like my choice? Nothing is secure before you actually do it. You can plan a travel in specific details, months before. However, in the end, something can happen, and your plans are spoiled.

don't wake me up

Oslo can be quite beautiful in summer. And with the weather we've had for the past week or so, it's been amazing. A little sneakpeak on the real summer, I hope. Next week is filled with worse weather, although it's not bad. It's just not as good as this. Today we grilled and tanned in the park. I also did some studying, before I went to the shore and ate some ice cream at Fridays. It was a really really nice day. And I hope there will be more throughout the whole summer. It's like a dream. Don't wake me up.

you'll always have a spell on me

There will always be a part of me that belongs to you. A tiny piece of my heart will always miss you .. it will always feel lost and insecure without you. I cannot imagine one day I won't smile when reminiscing about you. But I wish I didn't have to go back for the memories in order to smile.

euphoria

The last week has consisted of sun, sun and more sun. I've taken advantage of it, and spent almost all time out in the sun. Today I went swimming with two friends, and it was really nice. Now I have a few days left to study for the upcoming exams, and it slightly worries me that I don't feel worried. But as long as I know I will not die of any exams, things will be alright. Yesterday I went to the mall with my friend, and I bought these two things. I love sweaters that you can throw over nearly everything. And it's really nice for late summer nights. Although it might be too hot now. It's 77,54F/25,3C in my bedroom now, and I'm about to die of heat. However, I can't make myself complain about it. It's kind of nice to have a real summer in Norway. And it's so nice how everyone is happier. K, thnx, bye.

a pile of my clothes at the end of your bed

Yes, I think it's safe to say that I love my pink shorts. I think I might go and buy a new pair in a different colour. I have sadly not been as productive as I wanted today. Instead I've been doing different things. Secret things. Really big things. All I can say is that I love my life, and I don't think I'll be too bothered with getting average grades on all exams. I'm just too happy to be bothered. It's only Wednesday, but I already miss my younger sister popping into my room. I don't even know when she is coming back. Oh well. The weather outside is ridiculously warm. And I love it. I'm afraid it'll be replaced with rain and rubbish weather. 

my judgement is clouded like tonight's sky

The weather outside is delightful. I ate about three ice creams at school today. I was so hot that I didn't even notice I spilled water on my elbow. That's how hot it was. I gathered you were sick of my food-pictures, so here you have one of my new pink shorts. I quite love them. Right now I need to get my ass out of bed and take a shower before I start studying for the upcoming exams. It's what I should have been doing all day. Instead I've been lying in the sun and listening to nice music. Music that reminds me of Tryvann. Oh well, yolo, right? This is where you facepalm and go "please, don't use that phrase".

I like the way you smile with your eyes

Yes. More food pictures. As I'm the only "child" in the house at the moment, I have a lot of good food to eat, which is another unusual thing. I always have to share with my sister, but now as she is gone, I'm going to eat everything. I also took her Ice tea today. That's how nice I am. Don't think it's giving me good karma, though. I'm coughing like a dog barks at a cat. And it's sooo annoying. I need to go to sleep early today. The last class at school I was almost asleep. Like falling asleep in the car home from Tryvann at 3:00. Seriously, that was how tired I was. And I honestly tried sitting up in order to get more awake. I even wished for someone to throw water in my face. OMG it's so warm in here, I might just strip off all my clothes. YESS, that means summer!

everything about you

Today my brother and my eldest sister and David left. My other sister isn't leaving until early tomorrow. The weather decided to be nice to us today, so we had a little barbecue. Me and my younger sister biked to the shop in order to get some groceries. And the feeling of summer was everywhere. People walking in shorts, buying groceries for barbecues and outdoor-activities. Tomorrow is the start of all seriousness. Even my younger sister is leaving tomorrow, so I'll be home "alone" for almost a week. Quite lonely for me, who is used to have siblings around most of the time. I'm currently listening to One Direction, and I've given up the fight against them. I like them. There, I said it.

I don't want another pretty face

This song brings out so many old memories. Great memories. Don't you love rediscovering songs that reminds you of happy times? I do.

don't tell anyone

Du er som en skorpe på et sår. Jeg har unngått å klø i måneder. Men så kommer du tilbake. Du sniker deg inn i hjernen min. Nesten som en parasitt. En parasitt som aldri går bort. 

the magician's code

I slept twelve hours today. And I still feel tired. My family went to Oslo today, and we did a slight sightseeing tour. My nephew took a picture with the guard standing in front of the royal palace. And he got quite the attention with the idiot-like sunglasses he wore. Even the guard had to work hard not to smile. Right now my feet are aching. But I don't care too much. I'm too happy. However, the exams are creeping up on me. And I haven't even opened any of the textbooks. But I'm going to watch How I Met Your Mother now - the last episode of this season. Have a nice Friday.

Gratulerer med dagen, Norge!

Da var det virkelig over. Russetiden er over. Tristheten har slått inn flere ganger både i går og i dag. Gårsdagen ble brukt ute i regnværet langt ute på landet, før vi dro videre til en annen fest. Imidlertid ble regnet for mye, og til slutt ble klokken tre før vi ble hentet. To av oss satt oppe til 06:00 for å ha en Cougar Town maraton. Men det gikk lite bra - istedet duppet jeg av innimellom, og tok til sansene (går det an å bruke det uttrykket på norsk? probably not, men jeg gjør det alikevel). Vi gikk for å legge oss, før vi sov i ca 3 timer til 09:00. Deretter ventet frokost, russetog og Oslo. Dagen ble avsluttet på Frognerparken i sola. Perfekt med andre ord.

you make me feel good

Herrow there, little fellas. Today we are partying like Dumbledore and Snape. I've just wiped off the mustache I sported today at school and at the mall. I'm thinking of letting my friends cut my hair tonight, and I'm the slave of my friend today. I had to lie down in fetal position inside the liquor-store. Didn't honestly feel too good then. But it's all good. It's even kind of funny. They are called "russeknuter". I will try to take lots of pictures. Try.

rumpeballa over alt, æ føl æ blir overfalt

Nej, nej, nej! Russetiden er over så ufattelig mye tidligere enn forventet. Kan vi spole tilbake til fredags-kveld? Den nest-siste dagen på Tryvann? Du går rundt i et godt humør sammen med en gjeng med glade mennesker. Dere sier hei, og hilser på hverandre. Uten nødvendigvis å ha en felles venn. Du bare gjør det, fordi du har lyst. Du møter nye mennesker i de ulike ringene. Stereoanlegget i ringene står på fullt, og bena verker etter å ha danset i lang tid. Men dere fortsetter likevel. Dere går tilfeldigvis forbi en random person og high-fiver personen. Du forsøker å få vaktene til å smile, kanskje å danse. Og når de først gjør det, jubler du. Det er kun 2 knappe dager igjen av russetiden. Jeg sitter igjen med tusenvis av russekort, til tross for at det føles ut som om man har delt ut tusenvis. Tiden går så fort, så altfor fort.

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose

In the middle of the school-day today, I started feeling quite tired. And I knew I should have taken a nap yesterday, but I was so busy trying to watch all the youtube-videos I had missed and all the other things I had planned for the day. I fell asleep 23:30 yesterday, which isn't really bad at all. However, considering the lack of sleep, it was a bit too late for me. When I came home today, I ate, and went to bed at 16:39, and woke up at 19:30. And then my sister and my nephew came. The whole family will be here within Wednesday. I am very fond of these family-gatherings. It's just so nice.

æ vil bare dans med dæ, la hele verden se dæ

I've decided to take a day off. I'm all in for pampering all day. My limbs needs to rest, and get ready for the next weeks, months of exams. I'm very very saddened yesterday was the last day of Tryvann, and it ended too soon. Though it's supposed to shut down at 3:00, the music shuts down at 2:30. We walked along all the other russ, and said bye to all the guards. Again, I'm really going to miss it. For me, yesterday was my favorite day. Right now I'm going to watch all the Youtube-videos I've not seen, and then read the new H&M magazine (which I love), and then take a long shower.

when he lays you down I might just die inside

Friday. Please come soon. I love Fridays so much I should probably name my firstborn "Friday". I did not have the presentation today. I finished writing the script for the presentation yesterday about 2:00. Tried to wake up at 07:30, but didn't work well. Slept till 08:30. Tried to fix the powerpoint. 09:15 I had to go and get ready for school. 10:45 - school started, but with no teacher to my joy. 12:30 - realised I wouldn't be finished till the next subject, and would have to postpone my presentation. 15:50 - home, ran upstairs and started typing. 16:01 - looking at the time. 16:05 - looking at the time. 17:00 - slight panic. 17:38 - blogging.

Basically all I have to do now is to practice. I need to know word for word - well, not completely. Just enough for me to feel okay. 17:42 - post the blogpost, and turn on some 1D-music.

sing for the lion and lamb

Jeg hører på gamle sanger og ser på gamle bilder. Russetiden er snart over, hvilket gjør meg litt trist. Jeg vil ikke helt gå tilbake til individualisme. Jeg liker kollektivismen. Men det skal bli godt å ta av buksen. Jeg har ikke et så stort klesutvalg med den røde buksen. Ja, gikk med militærjakken min sammen med buksa i dag. Ikke de fineste fargene sammen, men jeg var så lei av å gå med den samme svarte jakka. Jeg savner forresten å gå i shorts. Akkurat nå har jeg mini-panikk. Jeg forsøker å mikse ferdig en presentasjon på 15 minutter. Jeg absolutt er nødt til å bli ferdig i morgen. Orker ikke èn dag lenger. Men jeg klarer ikke å se enden i presentasjonen min. Jeg har ikke skrevet om alt jeg skal skrive. I tillegg har jeg skrevet med det mest muntlige språket du kan tenke deg. Jeg skal heldigvis bare prøve på en 5 i karakter. Vel, egentlig bør jeg prøve meg på 6 - for jeg har en sjanse til å få den på kortet. Igjen - "hoping for the best, but expecting the worst".

she puts the color inside of my world

Demi Lovato, John Mayer and Taylor Swift are my favorite artists to listen too when I want to relax. And they are all so nice to sing along too. I've made a new playlist on iTunes, named "lax" as in relax, not the airport. Anyways, here it is:

1 Falling Over Me by Demi Lovato
2 Daughters by John Mayer
3 Catch Me by Demi Lovato
4 Breathe by Taylor Swift
5 Gravity by John Mayer
6 White Horse by Taylor Swift
7 Don't Forget by Demi Lovato
8 Untouchable by Taylor Swift

she begged him not to go

(Picture from: vanillascented.freshnet.se) 

Hello my dears. Today I am not stressing and fretting with schoolwork. This is probably a bad idea, as I do have to finish the presentation about Belarus. All I've done now is to find numbers - statistics. However, I am supposed to speak about the demography of Belarus for15 minutes or so. How much are there really to say? Anyways, a little while ago I posted a blogpost with things I wanted if I was rich. A caps were one of them. And I still cannot get the obsession out of my head. I simply cannot. When I've got the money, I am quite sure I will purchase one. Later tonight I am watching a Nick Jonas live chat. Finally. I've been waiting for ages. However, it is with his co-star, and not his brothers. But Nick is Nick, and that will have to do!

Edit: The live chat is rescheduled. A bit bummed, but it's probably the best for me anyways. More time for schoolwork. Yaaay!

you're still waiting for the snow to fall

Yes, I am listening to Christmas songs in May. I've finally switched rooms. And as you can see, I've placed a mattress on the floor as a bed. I remember doing it last year, and I quite like it. It feels a bit relaxed. My windows has been used as book shelves for now. I would love to keep them like that - I believe that books look gorgeous on display. However, I am afraid the sun will somewhat destroy my books if I leave them like that. So I need to find somewhere else to place them. Today went better than expected.. but then again I did skip one class in order to study. I am pretty sure that was the difference between a whole grade. Had I not skipped that class, it would not have gone as well. Right now I should be making a presentation about Belarus. And I am going to do it. Soon.

tonight we are young, so let's set the world on fire

I've tried to study all day long. But honestly, half of the time I've spent day-dreaming, watching TV or eating. In other words, tomorrow doesn't look very bright for me. In these situations you can either get lucky, get what you deserve, or just piss yourself. I am "hoping for the best, but expecting the worst" (Forever Young. Yes, can't get enough of that song). But I still have some time left to knock some knowledge into my brain. I'm crossing my fingers.

let me love you

"Life happens. Adapt. Embrace change, and make the most of everything that comes your way. Goodnight." Nick Jonas via Twitter. 

forever young

Jeg ser det i dine øyne. Smerten. Den som du forsøker å skjule. Jeg skulle ønske jeg kunne gitt deg en klem, og presset smerten bort. Akkurat som du må suge ut gift av et slangebitt. For ditt humør sprer seg over mitt. Jeg vil at du skal være glad. Skulle så gjerne fjerne den smerten du føler. 

Når man har ekstra studs etter russebuksen og man kjeder seg, blir det fort et DIY-prosjekt. Jeg må passe på så jeg ikke studder alt jeg eier. Fredagen kom og dro, og jeg må igjen fokusere på skolearbeid. Det er en evig sirkel. Å tilegne seg kunnskap er noe man må gjøre gjennom hele livet. Enten det er ved hjelp av bøker, eller bare erfaringer. Jeg foretrekker det sistnevnte. Men nå har jeg faktisk lånt geografi læreboken fra første klasse, og jeg kjenner at jeg savner faget. Jeg ville faktisk ha satt meg ned og lest gjennom hele boka om jeg hadde hatt tid. Husker at jeg klagde over faget til min eldre søster, og hun sa at hun misunnet meg. For hun hadde ikke hatt faget. Og nå tenker jeg at jeg savner det. Men det er nok mer enn faget, det er første klasse. Da jeg trodde jeg hadde all-verdens tid før jeg måtte tenke på fremtiden. Hvor blir det av tiden, sier jeg. Jeg vil ikke bli voksen. Jeg lever i evig fornektelse. 

I'm swimming in a sea of forgetfulness, just to get a glimpse of the you I remember

No, but seriously. I love this song. And the lyrics. And the meaning behind the song. One of my favorite quotes are from a song by The Jonas Brothers, just because I'm such a huge fan, joke. It's because it's true: "People change, and promises are broken". One day you might wake up, and the one you considered your best friend, might not be your best friend anymore. It's life. As Buddha said, there is nothing about humans that will always stay the same. We are constantly evolving.

all good things are free

For example: sunsets .. I love sunsets, and it's free. I also love watching the stars. And just in general - nature. Today I started at school quite late, and so I went to the busstop in order to get to school. On the way I walk past a school. And what happens? "Aaaah, kan jeg få russekort? Kan jeg få russ? Jeg har to søstre, kan de også få?". Sorry if you are reading this, and don't read Norwegian.  But the world is a unfair place. Anyways, I was glad to give them away, just because I want to get rid of all the cards. And then the bus comes, and I arrive close by my school ten minutes later. I decide to go buy shampoo and stuff at the mall. A man stops me, kind of odd-looking. "Eh, kan jeg få russekort, du skjønner det at, sønnen min tør ikke å spørre," he says awkwardly. "Åh, ja, såklart, det er mange som ikke tørr å spørre," I smile at him, and continue on my way to the grocery-shop. There I meet an old lady. "Åh, har jeg spurt deg om russekort?" she asks sweetly, like any grandmother would do (well most). "Nei," I answer with a smile. "Å, kunne jeg fått ett til mitt barnebarn?" she asks, and starts to tell me about her grandchild. I give her one, and continue to the check-out, and then venture on to school. My teacher then proceeds to ask all the students to give her a "russkekort" for her children. On my way home from the bus stop after school, a car stops by me. "Kan jeii få et russekort?" "Jeg ååå" "Kan jeg også få et russekort?". The mother in the car asks for three "russekort", and I gladly give three to them. Since when did parents and grandparents start collecting "russekort" for their children/grandchildren? Funny.

never met someone quite like you

Today is a day for studying. Like crazy. I just want Friday to get here so I can get it over with. I have insanely much reading to do. And that's just one subject. I need to study for Religion & Ethics too. I just want to disappear. Anywhere but here. I have however been outside in the beautiful weather today as well, which makes me happy. I kind of can't wait for tomorrow - for school. Yes, maybe I'm lame. But I haven't been to school for what seems like ages. First there were vacation, then there were the days I didn't have mock exam, and then I had like one regular week with school, before I've basically had this week off as well.

c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-i-o-n

A picture from yesterdays Madcon concert on Tryvann. Yesterday I was celebrating 13-years of school soon ended. Today I'm celebrating something different. It's not long ago when I posted that I would become an aunt for the first time. Now I was informed that my eldest sister is engaged. The wedding is not until 2014 though. But still. I can't wait. I can't wait for everything - from the wedding planning to the actual wedding. Celebration now, c'mon. Anyone seen the Friends episode with Ross playing this song? Oh, and Phoebe "singing" along? No? I need to get another Friends-fan-friend to chat about friends. Yes, now is the time to call me a loner.

you are my sunshine

Against all logic and all my very good arguments yesterday, I went to Tryvann. I do not regret it though, it's just always fun. Today I woke up at my friend really really early. I went out to the living room to check the time. And it turns out it was only 5:20, so I headed for bed again. Next time I woke up, I saw the sunshine, and said "yay, summer". The final time I woke up, I went to brush my teeth. We ate our breakfast out on the porch in the sunny weather, and chatted about yesterday and whatnot. After finishing breakfast I rushed to the train station. It was so hot, and I wore a fleece sweater. When I finally sat down in a seat by the window with few people around me, I decided to change clothing. Don't quite know what went through my head, but I changed, hoping no one would step through the door and see me in my bra. And luckily no one did. When walking home from the train station, there were a "russe"-van driving past me, and they totally cheered when they saw me, also another russ. I "waved" at them and exchanged smiles. When it drove past, I had a little giggle to myself. A man across the street with his dog was smiling at me because of the "wave" I did. And I had to think to myself: in this country where individualism is the main thing, it's nice to be apart of collectivism when being a "russ". Anyways, I managed to get home and did some studying before I headed out in the sun and got a little tan whilst studying. The weather today has been fabulous, and I can only hope it will be the same tomorrow. Still, there are the worries in the back of my mind waiting for me. On Friday I have two hearing sessions. I can't wait for next Friday. I'll be done with three hearing sessions and one presentation. And then it'll be Tryvann again, and my siblings are visiting. Happy may 1st!

PS: In between all the updates about "russe"-stuff on Facebook, I saw one update saying "RIP Alexander Dale Oen". I immediately searched his name, and it turns out it was true. I'm so shocked. And terrible saddened by the news. Not because he was one of the hopes for the Olympics in London. But because it happened so suddenly, and because he's just reached the top a few years ago. He would still have had such a long carrier in front of him. And last but not least, his family. It's my worst fear. To lose one of my closest.