you were a god in my eyes above the clouds, above the skies

Var en tur innom Boots apotek i dag, og fant ut at jeg jammen meg skulle bli medlem siden det var så mange medlemstilbud. Gikk rundt hjørnet fra der jeg hadde valgt ut en "bodybutter", og gikk mot kassen der jeg overhørte en svært hyggelig kassadame. I det jeg nådde kassen, stod hun og gravde i et par esker, men det tok ikke lenge før hun fikk øye på meg. "Hvordan blir man medlem?" spurte jeg, med en øreplugg i øret og en jakke som stinker kinesisk "nyttårs kake". Hun svarte at det visste hun ikke, men skulle sjekke det på Internett. Hva skulle man ha gjort uten Internett? Ikke vet jeg, 90-talls barnet. Hun fant fort ut at hun bare trengte å registrere meg på hjemmesiden til Boots apotek, og spurte etter navnet mitt. Jeg stod jo med bankkortet i hånda, klar for å betale for "bodybutteren" min, så jeg fant ut at det enkleste var å gi bankkortet mitt til henne, i stedet for å stave mitt eget navn. Også spurte hun selvfølgelig om e-post adressen min. For de som kjenner til min e-post adresse, så vet de at jeg har en nokså pinlig adresse. Så jeg stod der, i kassa på Boots apotek, med damer bak meg i køen, og skulle overlevere min pinlige e-post adresse. Sa det til henne uten å se bort på damen stående ved den andre kassa. "Hæ?" sa hun, og jeg gjentok det. Også måtte jeg stave det ut, for hun ante ikke hvordan hun skulle skrive det. Lærepengen er at man ikke burde lage e-post adresser når man er tretten. Før jeg i det hele tatt hadde gått inn på Boots apotek, og var ute i snøværet, spurte en gammel dame meg om veien. Jeg forklarte henne hvor hun skulle gå, og sa "bare hyggelig", da hun takket meg for hjelpen. Disse eldre damer altså, noen av de er så innmari hyggelige og gode. Jeg snudde meg en gang til, for å se til at det gikk bra med denne gamle og skrøpelige damen. "Du får gå forsiktig," sa jeg, ute av stand til å dy meg selv. Hun lo, "jada, det skal jeg" svarte hun, på vei mot Rema 1000. Da jeg var ferdig inne på Boots apotek, på vei til mitt neste stopp (Kiwi), så jeg denne damen igjen. På den tiden jeg hadde brukt inne på Boots apotek, hadde hun gått tretti meter. Mer eller mindre. Gammel var hun, skrøpelig også, og hun gikk jammen meg ikke fort. Men hun hadde smilet om munnen, og en takknemlighet for all hjelp hun ble tilbudt. En inspirasjon for fremtiden, om jeg får leve så lenge i dette uforutsigbare livet. "Det eneste vi kan være sikker på her i livet, er jo at alt er uforutsigbart," sa hun ene på praksisen min i går. Ja, sa vi. I går kveld, kvart på ti, fikk jeg beskjed om at jeg måtte måke snø av min mor. Javel, tenkte jeg, nydusjet og vått hår som jeg hadde planlagt å føne tørt på de femten minuttene før klokken slo ti. Jeg dro på meg vinterjakka, dyttet fugle-pysjbuksa nedi Hunter støvlene, og gikk ut med de tre søppel posene min mor gav til meg. Så stod jeg der ute og måkte snø, etter en lang dag jeg hadde tilbrakt på praksis, før jeg hadde kommet hjem og spist i en fei. For jeg hadde søren meg et e-læringskurs jeg måtte ta. Og det tok meg selvfølgelig to timer. Også var det denne timen med en treningsøkt som jeg har pålagt meg selv. Helse først, er slagordet inne i hodet mitt Tror jeg skal dø enhver gang jeg gjennomfører det, men neida, jeg lever ennå. Så var det dusj også kveldsmat, før det var ut i snøen. Klokken var ti over ti da jeg lå i senga, klar for å sovne. Men så kom min mor brasende inn for å spørre meg om noe relatert til denne iPhonen som hun aldri forstår. "Å, har du lagt deg allerede?" "Hva ser det ut som?". Hun lukket døren, og gikk til søsteren min som eier soverommet rett ovenfor meg. Helvete, tenkte jeg, idet jeg hørte mamma ha en diskusjon om iPhonen med søsteren min. Presset puta mi over øret mitt, halvveis i forsøk på å døve ut lyden. Andre halvdel var for å unngå å skrike "hold kjeft, jeg prøver å sove". Et eller annet sted i tankene om at jeg måtte sove, sovnet jeg. Sov som en stein til kvart på seks på morgenen. Rullet ut av senga som vanlig, og gjorde meg klar for dagen. Praksis var slitsomt, men jeg fikk gjort litt av hvert. Blant annet fikk jeg spise et stykke sjokoladekake. "Skal du gjøre noe spennende i helgen?" spurte en pasient meg. "Nei, skolearbeid," sa jeg. Og nå er jeg her, glad for helg, og glad for at jeg har bestemt meg for å ta ordentlig helg. Tja, halvveis i hvert fall. Kvelden skal brukes til å lese og ligge i sengen. Sa entusiastisk til min søster ved middagsbordet: "jeg skal legge meg tolv i dag, jeg". Men kanskje ikke. Kanskje den siste dagen i januar skal tilbringes i sengen med lukkede øyne og en god drøm. Spennende liv, det kan du godt si. 

miss the space between your eyelids, where I'd stare through awkward sentences and avoid through awkward silence

Hiya. It's Chinese New Years (eve?) today. So when I got home, I could smell the Chinese "new years cake", though it's not actually a cake. It's not done yet, still have to boil for a few hours, I reckon. Today I was close to getting hit by a snow shovel tractor. Probably going to have nightmares about them, now. Anyway, just wanted to wish you a happy Chinese new year! Ha, maybe I should make two new years speeches each year? No thanks. 

I can't move the mountains for you

We don't get to have everything we want in life. This thought popped up in my head, sitting on the train back home. We simply can't have everything. But that's alright, if you just appreciate the good things you do have. And if there's something you're not happy with, then you should do something about it if it's possible. Instead of complaining about it. This isn't a scolding, it's more like a tip. Because I think it's important to acknowledge all the thing you have, the things that do make you happy. It makes you more grateful, I think. And by being more grateful, you'll become happier. If you have seven minutes, you should watch this video about happiness. I'm not sure if I've shared it here before, but it always makes me happier to watch. Anyway, I was at school today. Dropped "praksis", because we had to go to school in a very ill-fitting time. We were advised to not attend "praksis", by the way. We didn't like, just skip it because we wanted to. The school meeting was a bit overwhelming, because I'd not realised that the paper would be so huge and engrossing. Sally, Allie and I all agreed on that. We spent yesterday writing, and feeling like we'd been really productive. But I think today was a really big set-back, like we just realised how much we actually have to do. And I think sometimes it's underestimated how much "praksis" takes out of you. Obviously, we'll survive. And in the end, it's going to be alright. But it's draining, feeling like there's always something you're supposed to do. And I'm so bloody good at procrastinating, which means I always feel a bit disappointed in myself for not getting things done. And even if I do feel productive, there's always the lingering feeling of it not being enough. Like there's something else I'm supposed to do. It's usually okay after a bit of rationalising. Like I've just written myself-- when I stop and think about the thing I am able to manage, it's better. And usually after a good cry. I woke up at 6:00 am today, despite the fact that I didn't have to be at school before 10:30 am. Decided I'd like to have some hours for myself. Finished re-reading a fan fiction and did some stretching, before I started getting ready for school. I feel it now, feel the tiredness in my bones and how my head feels a bit achy. I've grown tired of my playlists, so I've just been listening to different albums and sometimes I just shuffle, because it's always exciting to hear the diversity in music. My phone shuffled onto Timshel by Mumford & Sons, and I just remembered how much I love that song. It's nice rediscovering old favourites. But I'm on search for something new, something I've not heard before. I ought to go now, be productive. Do the things I've written on my list (sigh). 

I've never had the words to say, but now I'm asking you to stay for a little while inside my arms

Hiya, I am not made to speak. Like, my words are all tumbled, and blah. Just, yes, I think I was made to not speak. Anyway, I bloody knew there were something I'd forgotten yesterday. You know that feeling when you know you're supposed to do something, but you can't remember just what it is. I had that feeling yesterday, and I realised this morning that I'd forgotten to do a few online courses I was supposed to be finished with today. Oh well, can't do everything right. Today was a very relaxed day, as we'd gotten permission to spend the day on our paper. So basically, Sally, Allie and I was sat in the canteen for the most of the day. And it was nice for several reasons. One being that we were able to talk and reflect about our experiences. And I think we all agreed today that we're so bloody thankful for our own lives. "Praksis" is basically just flying by like the wind these days. Next week we'll already be halfway through it. I expect it to go a bit slower the next few weeks, though. Just because I've learned so much these past weeks, which I'm guessing is the reason as to why I feel like it's gone by so fast. Our teacher made some rearranges in her schedules, so tomorrow we're not even going to our "praksis". Just straight to school. I was originally supposed to have a night shift tomorrow, and school on Thursday. But these things happen, and life is unpredictable. I'm just a bit sad that means I won't get to see my patient that much this week. Oh well, saw her briefly today, and she seemed happy. But that's my interpretation. Who knows what hides behind a smile? Since we spent our day writing, we'd brought along our computers and curriculum relevant to our paper, which means my backpack was really heavy. And because my bus only goes twice an hour, I usually just leg it, if I've missed the most recent bus. Because I'd rather walk a 15 minute walk, than wait 30 minutes for a bus to come along. But today, I must admit, I would probably have enjoyed to just wait for the bus a lot more. Instead I walked, and my back didn't really appreciate it that much. Oh well. I'm currently watching One Direction performances from the last tour, because I'm being sulky, and dealing with my 1D withdrawals (obviously this is an exaggeration, and you should probably use the word "withdrawal" correctly. Don't follow my lead) by reading fan fiction upon fan fiction and whatnot. Their new music video for Midnight Memories comes out on Friday, which happens to be the day that I'm meeting up with the kilo-gang. It's very suiting as our meet up is in line with One Direction. Alright, I ought to go exercise and then be productive and stuff. (I'm just going to listen to One Direction sing More Than This acoustic first..).

I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem

Hiya, I'm back! I went into town because I had to stop by school, and I was inside the building for literally five minutes, before I headed back home. All that time spent on travelling for five minutes. Oh well, I got home to by bed and fresh sheets. There's something very lovely about going to bed with fresh bedding and whatnot. Not that I went to bed exactly. I cuddled up beneath the duvet and finished reading a fan fiction I started on today. I should probably have started counting how many I've read. But it's too much of a fuss. After finishing reading the fiction, I moved onto my unfinished card and took advantage of the fading daylight. It's finally done, and I showed Monchita in pride. She said: "must have taken ages," and like it was an invitation to complain, I started on the tale of how long I'd used on it. Anyway, I curled my hair this morning, in procrastination because I didn't want to read curriculum. My hair has gotten quite long in my opinion, and these days I sort of just want to chop it off. Also, it does seem like the tips of my hair is getting brighter with each day. Might just be me imagining it, but still. I'll probably colour it next time I've got my sister in reach. I'm currently drinking some apple (bottom jeans.. name the tune) juice, and dwelling over Niall's recent tweet. I mean, I didn't honestly think that One Direction would be completely "off" during their "time off". But I didn't expect them to already be writing music for a new CD. At least they'll be together again, which is always nice for my heart. This morning I stumbled across a rendition of Once Upon A Dream by Lana Del Rey, which was daunting and lovely. I do suggest you give it a listen. It didn't occur to me to search up why Lana Del Rey had done a rendition of the song, until now. And it appears that it's for the new Disney film, called Maleficent. A little spin on the story of Sleeping Beauty. And it's Angelina Jolie who plays the main character. I'm not quite sure what I think of the trailer yet, but I think I'll want to see it. I ought to be doing school work now. But I am spending the whole day tomorrow doing it, so it isn't the most appealing thing to me as of right now. Might treat myself with another fan fiction and some ice cream. 

written on these walls are the colours that I can't change

The "do not disturb" application on iPhone is genius. Going to bed at 10:00 pm is quite early for a lot of people, which is why I use this application. Because my friends tend to stay up later than I do, and occasionally send me messages or likewise. And because I use the alarm on my iPhone, I need to have the phone in a close distance. When I was first trying to get into going to bed at 10:00 pm, my phone went crazy with notifications and whatnot. But then I discovered the "do not disturb" application, and changed how the apps would notify me. And voila, no more disturbing noises. I spent so much more time than expected on drawing. It's a card, and I've not yet managed to finish it. So I'm going to finish it today, or I might go crazy. Whilst drawing yesterday, I watched Sex And The City 2. I usually watch it when I want some inspiration for interior. And when I realised I wouldn't finish the card by the end of that movie, I watched The Proposal as well. It's one of my favourite movies to watch, and though there are many funny scenes to choose from, my favourite scene is actually the scene where Margaret calms Andrew down from his panic attack. There's just something very intimate about knowing the buttons to push when calming someone down from a panic attack. Anyway, I finally realised I wouldn't get the card done if I wanted to exercise, change bed sheets, eat and have a shower. For Christmas, I got this Abilica ECO Yoga Mat by my brother, Lumba. It's weird, because during Christmas time, I rearranged the presents under the tree in hope that it would look a bit more organised. And I saw the present, which later revealed itself to be the yoga mat-- and it should have occured to me that it was in fact a yoga mat. Because I specifically wished for it from my brother, and it was in such a peculiar shape. However, I was actually really surprised when I opened it. But yes, it's one of my favourite presents, as I use it all the time. When I exercise, I use the Nike Training app, which Sugar recommended to me, a long time ago. When I've got a full hour, I usually do the "Full Stretch Guide" by Shawn Johnson, then the "Dynamic Yoga Workout" by Leah Kim, and then "Alpha Abs Workout" by Joselynne Boschen. And thirty forward lunges, thirty backwards lunges and 30 squats. The Nike guides should take 45 minutes, and the rest depends on how exhausted you are, I guess. I skipped out on the stretch guide yesterday, as I didn't have time for it. However, I only use the stretching guide as a preventive to avoid any injuries of sorts. And for relaxing reasons. Well, there you've got some of my exercise routine per date, ha. I would go for runs-- I do in the Summer. But I just can't understand how people are able to brace the snow and jog on. Oh well, let's hope it'll stop snowing soon. Yesterday I stumbled upon the official One Direction Tumblr. I didn't realise they even had an official Tumblr. Felt a bit stupid, honestly. But jeez, Zayn Malik is a beauty. Anyway, I went to bed at 11:00 pm yesterday, and woke up at 7:00 am. I'm supposed to write a "log" right now, because I need to get out of the house before it gets too late, and I'll have to deal with the rush traffic. No thanks, hate rush traffic. When I was exercising yesterday, I listened to Take Care by Drake, the album, that is. And it keeps hitting me, how much I adore that album. So this morning, I tried re-evaluate my decision of not buying tickets for his upcoming show. And believe me, had he performed songs from the Take Care album, only, I'd bought tickets already. But I was late with falling in love with that album, and therefore I didn't go to his concert when he was in fact performing songs from that album. Nothing Was The Same is good, I guess. But I've been listening to it this morning, and eh. It's alright, in my opinion. Apart from a few songs I quite enjoy, there's a lot of songs I think nought of. Maybe I'll end up falling in love with it later, when the concert has already been. But I don't think so, actually. I just think that the Take Care album is much better, and I've had people agreeing with me. Oh well, life goes on. I am crossing my fingers that Ed Sheeran will announce tour dates in Norway. He's already announced tour dates for Great Britain. But I am also crossing my fingers that he's not chosen a tour date close to the One Direction-- oh dear, it looks like he's doing a few festivals in Europe in June. Oh god, I'm on full alert mode now. I wouldn't be surprised if the dates will clash and I won't be able to attend his concert. Would be just my luck, to be honest. Anyway, have nice Monday, and I'll speak to you later, probably. Good luck with whatever you will experience today, and here's a nice cover of Story Of Your Life to listen to on your endeavours. 

the worry cracks a fracture from your hip to your chest

Hiya! This is the vintage purse I got from Volla for Christmas. On the backside (second picture) there's a see-through pocket, in which I've placed this old train-map from Paris in. I love the purse, but it'll probably take me awhile before I start using it properly. Always need time to fall in love with my belongings properly. I actually went to bed at midnight yesterday, after contemplating whether to watch a film or not. I did the mistake of searching up "Ryan Gosling" in the Tumblr search bar, and it made me really want to watch Crazy, Stupid, Love again. I really love that movie. But I've not got it at home, and it was late, so I decided to go to bed instead. I don't feel like I was very productive yesterday, but in hindsight, maybe I was. I wrote down a lot of notes, actually, for my paper. And I read up on a lot of things. I also did a few mundane things like folding towels and put on a load of bed sheets for wash. Sunday is my "clean the bedroom" day, so that's definitely up on the things to do today. I've currently moved my desk towards my bed, so I can sit on my comfortable bed and look out of the window. It's nice, like this. I could look out of the window for hours, looking at the snow flakes (never ending snow, I tell you) fall to the ground and get lost in my thoughts for hours, probably. I've got tomorrow off, but I'll be bracing the snow tomorrow anyway, as I need to go into town for a bit. And then there's always a lot of school work I need to do-- there's always some school work, whether that is curriculum or a paper. Always. Today I woke up at 9:00 am, and I ate breakfast and had a cup of tea whilst reading a bit of curriculum. But my parents were both awake and watching telly and talking. So it was far too distracting for me, and I retreated back to my bedroom. Isn't that weird, how it's more distracting to listen to a few familiar voices in a room, then if there's a hundred people chatting around you? I've been reading interior blogs, and I just really love interior. I have loved it for ages, been dreaming to decorate my own space since I was nine. Anyway, listen to Full Circle by Half Moon Run. Is it good? Can't decide myself, but I've been listening to it on repeat for the last day. I think I really like it, but there's something missing. You know, I remember I once had a music quiz in my English class, and my teacher talked about how CD covers used to be a really big thing. And how people used to analyse them and whatnot. And I sort of wish it had the same significance today. But time moves on, and the CD covers almost have no significance today, because who even buys CD's these days? Except for me? Oh dear, if the music shops have to close in the future, I might actually cry. On another note, I think, maybe I'll spend today doing whatever I want, because I feel like I've just been doing a lot of school work lately. (But I have to write a few notes and clean my bedroom first). Want to light a candle and do a bit of drawing on this peaceful Sunday. Have a nice day, and enjoy life a bit, yeah? Do whatever makes you happy. 

does he know not to talk about your dad

Morning. It's stopped snowing for a second. "Praksis" feels like it's going by so fast. Next week will be my third, and it'll only be five weeks left. I've chosen a primary patient, and she was very positive about it. Had a long walk and talk with her, which was very nice. It brings me back to what I wrote about making people happy-- the feeling making someone smile a genuine smile that reaches their eyes, it's really good. Someone you know doesn't smile that much. When I got home yesterday, I finished reading a fan fiction I'd started on in the morning, whilst eating my breakfast. It made me cry, which was a bit surprising. My head felt a bit heavy, so I decided to paint my nails A luxury for the weekends, as I need to remove it on Monday for hygienic reasons. A proper down with being a nurse-- to not be able to wear nail varnish when you want. I went to bed at approximately 10:00 pm, after that stretching guide by Shawn Johnson. I know it by heart now, which is why it's so relaxing to me. Maybe I'm taking the sleep thing too seriously, however, sleep is actually vital. And you don't appreciate a proper night of sleep before you've experienced the opposite. I am so grateful I don't actually have proper problems with sleep. Imagine waking up everyday, after sleeping for a proper amount of time, but never feeling well rested. Imagine trying to chase that feeling. Terrible, I say. Anyway, I awoke at 7:00 am this morning, which is far to early for a Saturday morning, some people would say. But when you go to bed at 10:00 pm, it's not that early. I did a bit of relaxing yoga, before I went down to eat my breakfast and read up on some curriculum. Does it sound like I'm doing a lot of exercise lately? I'm not really. At 9:00 am, I could hear my parents waking up, probably seeing my bedroom door open and my absence. I listened amusedly to my parents, standing in the bathroom, chatting about where I could possibly be. When my mum finally went down the stairs, and walked inside the living room, she spotted me. Asked me what I was doing up that early, and told me she thought I'd gone to school or summat. My dad did the same, and I was just sat there with a smug grin. Ha, the story of my life. Which reminds me, I was listening to my music on the bus yesterday, and then I just distinctly heard something that sounded like Zayn's verse in Story Of My Life, also my favourite part: "Cause baby running after you, is like chasing the clouds", and I paused my own music, listening intently to the music which was playing in the bus. And after a few seconds, my suspicions were confirmed. I somehow always get surprised when I hear One Direction music out in public. But yes, made me smile on the bus trip back to the bus station. And yes, in 1D related news, they are releasing a new video for Midnight Memories, which is their new single. The pictures from it really makes me wonder what the plot is all about. I suspect it'll be entertaining as always. Let's talk about music. I don't know if I ever mentioned Keaton Henson on my blog, due to the playlist I made for Kiwi for Christmas. I kept a lot of music secret for myself, which was bloody hard as I usually write about it on my blog. But I couldn't do that, as Kiwi reads my blog. But yes, Keaton Henson-- I heard Sweetheart What Have You Done To Us whilst listening to a playlist on 8tracks, and it made me stop whatever I was doing, just so I could listen to it properly. Within the first few seconds of watching the music video, I fell in love with his sincerity in his voice, face and lyrics. And it made me want to listen to all of his music. And so I did, and I fell in love with his sad and morose songs, because I have love sad and morose songs. And his lyrics are so great, which obviously makes me fall for songs even worse. You should know that by now. I have no doubt that his music is not for everyone. Anyway, I've been quite productive the last week, and I feel like working on my new paper-- like, I actually want to. And I want to read. Which is all very great, and makes me happy. I'm going to watch a vlog now. A vlog I postponed for today, because I wanted to stretch that joy of a new vlog. But first I'm going to get myself a cuppa and some chocolate. Because it's chocolate Saturday, yay. Anyway, for those of you who are awake: have a nice Saturday x.

I walked through the rain for you, you said to "go home"

He's brought her a coffee to her desk, asks her if she's okay. "Thanks, I'm alright," she shrugs, trying to smile reassuringly despite her hollow answer. His face falls a bit, before he forces a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. And that's how she knows her attempt at a smile was failed, probably looked more like a frown. It makes her stomach churn with something. His soft stare feels piercing, as if he can look right through her, so she turns back to her computer, trying to ignore the shake in her hands as she tries her best to finish typing up a report. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see his hand halter mid-air, like he wanted to touch her, but suddenly changed his mind. She forces herself to focus on the computer screen, where she's written "fuck" repeatedly, but it's not like anyone else will see. It doesn't occur to her that she was holding her breath, before she can hear the sound of the door being closed a minute later and she breathes out in relief. She looks up to an empty office and wills her eyes to stay dry. 

Baby, are you listening? Wondering where you've been all my life

Oh my, Lynx and David have been suffering from some sickness the last few days, and so they've been staying at home. And this morning I've gotten loads of snaps from her, the most recent: a video of David disappointed since he can't quite managed to remove his ear. "You can't remove your ear?" my sister asked. In which David answered sulkily "nooo," still trying to pull his ear off. Oh the joys of kids. I've taken advantage of my day off, and headed outside to take some pictures of the snow. But everything is white, so there's not much to take picture of really. So I decided to shovel some snow as well. Braced the snow with my Nike Air Max. Despite the little use of them, I love them. Honestly, I think I have an obsession with Nike (mostly Air Max) shoes. Oh dear, all of my obsessions. Anyway, I've been up since 7:00 am. Was supposed to wake up at 6:00 am, but I wanted to sleep for an hour more, just because I could. So I slept for nine hours, rather than my usual eight hours. Also, I went to bed at 10:00 pm yesterday, because I felt so bloody knackered. Skipped out of yoga, and only did some stretching. For the ones who wonders, I use the "Full stretch guide" by Shawn Johnson on the Nike Training app. So, I'm not like, just stretching randomly. Although that would probably do too. But yes, it's turned into my favourite thing to do-- stretch whilst listening to the For Emma, Forever Ago album by Bon Iver in the dark. It's so relaxing and makes me so sleepy. Which is why I wanted to go to bed shortly after. As per usual, I fell asleep listening to my current lullaby, and woke up with the earplugs in my ears. It's so weird sometimes, because sometimes I think I pull them out before I fall sleep, but I don't? So maybe I'm actually dreaming it? Anyway, this morning I ate my breakfast whilst reading a fan fiction I started reading yesterday, and then I've been doing some school work whilst listening to Nick Grimshaw on the Radio 1 breakfast show. And of course #FashIan has been out and about again. Hilarious, I tell you. My goodness, all the kudos to Ian Chaloner who has been brave enough to pull stunts like those. I've just been snacking on "nature's own fast food", ha, what a brilliant slogan! I'm going to eat lunch soon, and my goodness, I need to be better at taking my D-vitamins. I've been shite at it, and it wouldn't be surprising if I had a blood test only to show lack of D-vitamins. Which, I suspect might be one of the reasons of my tiredness. I miss One Direction. It's like a phantom ache to not see them together, and I've started dreaming of Zayn, actually. In my dreams, he's spray painting one of my walls in my new loft apartment. What a great dream! Mr. Christopher Bailey is still very present in my dreams, strangely enough. Alright, I'm going to get some lunch now, and then I'm going to continue on school work. Might pop in later, actually. If not, have a great day! 

what did you give me to make my heart beat out my chest

Hi! Yesterday and today was a bit of a busy day, I guess. After "praksis" yesterday, I met up with the kilo-gang at our usual cafe, and we spoke for a few hours, and I'm sure we could have continued for hours more. Sugar and I shared some worried looks over at Kiwi and my belieber friend at times, as they seemed a bit more crazy than usual. It was lovely, however, and so nice to catch up. When we do these catch ups, we speak about nearly everything, and people who walk past us must think we're slightly loco. I probably would, if I was a stranger. I got home at 8:00 pm yesterday, after a nice trip on the train with Sugar. Friends are a big source to happiness. It's not the first time I've said it, and probably not the last. The first thing I did when I got home, was to eat before I jumped into the shower. And before I knew it, it was 9:50 pm, so I had to blow dry my hair, and go straight to bed. Today I woke up a lot earlier than I would have needed to, but it was nice nevertheless. I always do treasure the minutes I have for myself in the mornings. We didn't have an ordinary day at "praksis" today, as there was a lecture of sorts-- about trauma and dissociation, as we have a lot of patients with those. There were cake and tea, so I got myself a piece of chocolate cake and a cup of tea in addition to my own breakfast this morning. Was quite nice, I ought to say. During the lectures, Sally kept using things from my pencil case without asking for permission, and she basically has been doing it the last week. I didn't mind of course, found it rather amusing that she used my pencil case more than I did myself. And I don't know, but it strangely feels like it's a progress in the "getting to know each other" period. Like, if she feels comfortable enough to do that, then, it's nice. And I'm just so happy both Sally and the other student (who I'll call Allie from now on) are so kind and they both have very positive attitudes, which I find really important. Especially since I spend a lot of time with them, and it sucks spending time with people if they're only going to be negative. Because it'll affect you, no matter how many positive things you've experienced a day, your mood will be brought down if you spend time with someone who is plain negative throughout the whole day. And it's mentally exhausting, I find. Anyway, Sally, Allie and I had to leave early, as we had school at 1:30 pm. But before that we had our lunches in the canteen, and I sat beside this lady, who herself had experienced quite a trauma, and it was very inspiring to hear her talk. So much that when Allie and Sally started packing up and notifying me that we had to leave, I was reluctant to go. She was a very friendly lady, and I appreciated that she shared her story with us, as I can imagine it's a hard thing to tell. It's one of those kind of things that reminds you to be grateful for things in your life. And it really does give you another perspective in your life. Also, it is amazing how strong a human being can be, if it's needed. Anyway, Allie drove Sally and I to school. However, we had to walk quite a long way to her car, so I was freezing my ears off. The pictures are old, just so you know-- we didn't walk that way. Jeez, that would be horrible. School was nice, I think we've got quite a relaxed "praksis" group, and our teacher is quite nice. However, we had about half an hour to prepare a little presentation of sorts. And we were four people in my group with one book. So we were scrambling to write notes. Don't think anyone had time to even read through the bloody thing. The guy in my group said with a sigh after he'd written his script: "I don't know how she thinks we'll learn from this". It was quite stressful, and stress doesn't go that well along learning. We ended up staying a bit over the supposed time, and then Kiwi and I went to the library. Speaking of Kiwi. I ordered something for her birthday just after Christmas Eve, 29th to be exact. And it's yet to come. Previously when I've ordered from this certain company, it's taken two days from the order and to the delivery, which is amazing. In my eyes, at least. But now it's gone 24 days, and it's yet to be sent, which kind of pisses me off. But that's that, and I can't really do much about it. Kiwi also sent me a very nice and reassuring message yesterday, I think. Didn't see it until now, but it was in line with the blogpost I wrote yesterday about Scott. So thanks, Kiwi. That was very nice of you, and very needed. I think I'm quite happy these days. Overall, I guess. Maybe it's the sleep I've been getting. Albeit I am very tired today, and would like to go to bed now. I have tomorrow off-- well, not exactly, as it's meant to do school work. And I am going to do that. But today, tonight, I might just enjoy myself and catch up on some Youtube videos. And if I end up doing some school work in addition, that would be great. But I feel like I really need some time to relax now. I think I'll do some stretching and relaxing yoga. Especially since I was standing for half an hour, waiting for the train that was delayed. And I do always get quite tired of a stuffed train. Ha, I was actually dozing off on the train, and each time I blinked my eyes open, I caught this woman's eyes. Each bloody time. Oh well, have a nice Wednesday evening. Be happy and stuff, count your blessings xx.

life carries on and I miss him like a hole in the head

I'm having a moment of weakness. You know how thoughts just run through your mind without your permission? I've been trying to not think about my sisters dog. Because I don't want to realise the truth, is the thing. I'm avoiding it, the acknowledge of his disappearance. I still hope, though it's slithered down to a tiny piece of hope. I asked my younger sister what she thought of it, because she seemed so unaffected, not once speaking of it. She said: "I've not allowed myself to think of it. I can't," and I finally understood her silence. It's the same thing I've done, isn't it? But I was just thinking of someone, and that train of thought lead to another, and it wasn't long until I thought of Scott. In our living room we have a wall filled with pictures of our family members. And highest to the left, is a picture of my sister's two dogs. In my phone I've got multiple videos of him. Albeit his tiny size, Scott has a lot of character and will bark like crazy. He's got the worst breath and will try to lick your face. He's afraid of the food bowl and will pick up one piece of dog food to the floor before he'll eat it. He'll sit down on his bum, but his fur is so soft, he'll slide backwards until he hits the wall. He'll lie down in the crook of your arms when you lie down on the sofa, and he'll guard the family like he's the biggest and scariest dog in the world, when the truth is that he's tiny and adorable. I don't want to go to my sisters house and only hear the sound of one dog coming at me, when there's supposed to be two. You know, before David was even born, when my sister was pregnant and had a tiny stomach still, I gave her a book about parenting. The typical gift you get for someone when they've just gotten pregnant. I didn't actually give it to her, just left it behind for her to find when we had already left her house. She called a few hours after we'd left, and she said thanks. Thanked me for the gift and the card, told me she had cried. I wish I remember exactly what I wrote. Maybe I'll ask her if she kept it. But what I do remember was mentioning her dogs, told her they were her "test" babies. And that she would be a great parent, already was, my sister. You know, I was just listening to a playlist, and Holes by Passenger came on. And it just made the tears leave my eyes even faster. Made me wail, actually.

"Said we've got holes in our hearts, yeah we've got holes in our lives. Where we've got holes, we've got holes but we carry on"

the sun don't shine without you

Hi! Yesterday was a bit of a fail. Didn't do the school work I had intended to do. Ditched it in order to read a fan fiction I started on earlier. Also ate crisps, and didn't actively go to bed before 10:30 pm. Was very disappointed with myself, to be honest. The lack of will power can sometimes be hard. Also, I had a bad night in terms of sleep. Woke up frequently, and my sleep was sporadic. However, it didn't bother me too much, other than the fact that I yawned a bit more, and would love to have slept a bit more this morning. I had a really good day at "praksis" again. Lots of meetings though, which can get a bit too much sometimes. But I definitely feel like there's progress in my knowledge about psychiatry and how everything works. A slight progress, at least. My nurse supervisor is really good at praising me, I ought to admit. She had the afternoon shift today, so I told her about what I'd done today, and she praised me for the things I'd done. And I don't know, but I don't feel like I do that much. It's limited how much you can do, honestly. But hey, it's always nice with recognition. I also got a message on my phone from Sugar, which was very sweet and heart warming. Small steps to make people happy, remember that. The message was about the blogpost I wrote about making people happy with small steps the other day. I think I forgot to mention something-- you may say something really nice to some people and they'll shrug it off. But to others it might actually make their day. So don't be disappointed if you don't get the wanted reaction out of people. And don't ever feel obliged to do this (counts for everything I write on here, really). Although I enjoy saying nice things to people, I don't do it 24/7. Only when I feel like it, and when I truly mean it. Or else, it will be a bit fake. In line with the subject of happiness, I watched a TED talk yesterday, called "The happy secret to better work" by Shawn Achor. It addresses ways to happiness, and what it implies. It's really good, you should watch it if you have twelve minutes to spare. I strangely enough came across it on Austin Butler's Twitter. Don't ask me what I was doing on his Twitter-- I'm not quite sure myself. I really enjoy TED talks, they're really good, and if I had time, I would watched a few other talks right now. Except I don't have time for it. Due to my laziness yesterday, I have extra work that needs to be finished today. That's what you get for being lazy. Albeit it is a bit annoying, I had a really great day today, and I kept grinning on my way home from "praksis". I even missed the bus, which I won't go into, but for a moment I was quite furious. However, it quickly faded as I rationalised, and changed my perspective of things. Cognitive behavioural therapy is great, folks. Also, Harry Styles, Zach Braff and Donald Faison? Best threesome there is. Wish they would make a skit together. Would probably be hilarious. Ha. Ok, I am honestly going to try do the most important things on my "to do" list today, and also watch Youtube videos in between. Compromise with yourself, people. That's the way to go, I believe. 

I don't think this will last, but you're here in my arms

Morning chirps, I've been awake since 8:30 am. Albeit, I didn't actually get out of bed and away from my phone until 9:00 am. I've had my breakfast and watched a few videos on Youtube. It has occurred to me that I've unconsciously taken a bit of a break from the British youtubers, which is very strange, as I love the British people. I used to only watch american youtubers before, but then I stopped with that and converted to the British people. Maybe I'm going back to the american ones, or I might just actually have found a balance between them. Ha. I am obsessed with Sam Smith. He's just got such a gorgeous voice, and I'm obsessed with most of his songs. I'm currently jamming to his song, Nirvana. Such a great tune. Super Soaker by Kings Of Leon is also a really nice morning tune. Speaking of music-- when we were dining at Jacob Aall on Friday, I registered the choices of music, and I was pleasantly surprised that they were playing a lot of Bon Iver music, mainly from the For Emma, Forever Ago. They also played a few The xx songs, and I said to Sugar, who was sat beside me: "this is my music" in glee. The songs from the For Emma, Forever Ago album reminded me of yoga, as I've recently taken to only listen to For Emma, Forever Ago when I do yoga. I did a bit of yoga yesterday, actually. Some stretching and relaxing yoga. Not any dynamic yoga, no thanks. And it was so good, because I was really sleepy as well, so my body felt even more flexible. Although I did find a bruise on my knee cap, which I didn't realise was there before I was about to stretch. And I must say it's very inconvenient to have a bruise on the knee cap, as it slightly hurts whenever I bend my knee as well. Oh well, I'll have to live with wincing a bit each day for the time the bruise wants to stay on/in my body. I didn't end up reading any curriculum yesterday, and I sort of already knew I wouldn't when I wrote it yesterday. Was too tired, and I ended up watching snippets from This Is Us before I went to bed and fell asleep to the cover of All I Want, which I've spoken about before. I sometimes have songs I use to make me fall asleep. And the mentioned cover has been my "sleeping song" since I first heard it. I'm pretty sure it works, as I woke up with my ear buds still in my ears this morning. A lot of music talk today, and now that I mention it, I just remembered: yesterday, before Marble and I left Kiwi, who was poorly-- we had a little music session. It's always nice to have music sessions with relaxing and beautiful music. Oh and the picture above is from what I was wearing yesterday. I bought the jumper on sale a few weeks back, and I think it looks so nice with gold coloured accessories, though my heart truly lies with silver coloured accessories. Tomorrow it's back to "praksis", and I already can't wait for next weekend. Although, I must admit that I don't hate the days of "praksis". They're quite relaxed, though of course it's tiresome with school work on top of it. But I enjoy the environment I've so luckily have been placed in. Also, my co-students, including Sally, are so nice. They keep baffling me with their kindness. I'll admit that I was a bit unsure how "praksis" would go without J.D., who has currently taken a break from the studies. I mean, he was sort of my safety net, and a part of why I wasn't that nervous for the previous "praksis". This time everything felt new, including my co-students. But people keep surprising me, is the thing. It reminds me to not judge people on beforehand, and be a bit more positive to new people. We are always growing, no matter how old you are. And I keep learning new things about myself, and it's very interesting actually. Because I'm me. I'm in this body and mindset, yet sometimes I don't realise things about myself until someone points it out. Isn't that strange, that the phrase: "you know me better than I know myself" is an actual thing? Today I'm going to clean my bedroom, firstly. And then I'm actually going to do school work. But first I might get some lunch to snack on. Hope you have a nice and somewhat relaxing Sunday! 

I love lying next to you. I could do this for eternity, you and me

Hiya babes. Yesterday was a blast. A proper night out. Last time I was out in a club was back in November, if I remember correctly. We started out dining at Jacob Aall, After all, it was Marble and Kiwi's birthday celebration. I, along with Sugar had a spicy chicken burger, which was really good. Opted to eat something else than pasta, which I've eaten so much of when I go out to eat. Change is good, they say so. After a bit we went to a bar-- I think it is a bar? The girls had some drinks. I didn't drink at all, because I'm trying to cut out all alcohol in January. And just my alcohol consumption in general. Lately I've been saying "I shouldn't do that" to myself a lot, but then I still end up doing it. And it's been a really annoying habit, when you know you're basically choosing the wrong alternative due to your lust and wishes rather then what you should do. Basically, I'm trying to be a bit stricter with myself-- at least more than I have been lately. Anyway, after a failed attempt at going to a nightclub (age limits, bah), we went to our "usual" nightclub, and it was strangely enough not packed, which it usually is. I actually managed to see the the interior, the lights and the wallpaper, and the whole place because of the lack of people. It's wasn't exactly empty-- all the tables were occupied, and the dance floor had yet to be opened. We did of course end up sitting across some well drunk people, and I had someone speaking Mandarin to me, in which I answered "huh?" about three times. Sugar leaned in to tell me that he was speaking Chinese to me, because she apparently knows more about the language than me. I'm a fail at a lot of things, sadly, including my own nation. Anyway, some drunk people are quite amusing. When you've drunk away that filter that usually keeps you from saying certain things, and you're all over the place-- that's when it's quite amusing to watch and listen to you. I'm grinning at the moment, because of the memories of last night. So many funny things happened. It's the first time I've experienced someone using my necklace to pull me towards them. And someone exclaiming they would like to propose to me-- that's new. And as per usual, we met the weirdest people ever. And why do we always meet these very international people? When I went outside to take a break, we met this guy who basically had lived all over the world and whatnot. Anyway, I had actually thought we would leave the nightclub before it was closed, but we ended up staying for the whole time. Most of which we danced. That's my favourite thing about this certain nightclub. They usually have good music and a big crowd, so it's easy to lose yourself in your own world. But this time it wasn't packed, and therefore I had a hard time losing myself to the music, because whenever you looked up, you locked eyes with someone. I like the feeling of not being seen. Like, when you all melt into a big crowd, and that's all you are: a part of a crowd. Nevertheless, I had quite good fun on the dance floor, as I always do. Also, the locking eyes with people, ended up being a bit positive, I suppose. Please read the next lines with a pinch of salt, and with my personality in mind. This is not a love story. There was this mid-eastern guy with a really cool style, whom I had locked eyes with upon multiple occasions during the time we were on the dance floor. I'm sure I also locked eyes with other people multiple times, but he was the one I remembered (the most). Also, when I was on my way to the loo, I bumped into him, and we smiled at each other. In the end of the night, after dancing with a lot of different (crazy) people, and when the dance floor started to get a bit thinner, we ended up dancing beside the mid-eastern guy and his group of pals. And I'm not quite sure how, but I think his Vietnamese friend introduced himself to me, and then the mid-eastern guy. And the thing is, I genuinely thought he was really beautiful. Like, sometimes you see people who have such a nice face. Probably due to symmetry in facial features. But yes, he was really beautiful looking, in my opinion. He also had a really cool style as well. And I'm not afraid to tell people I like their style and whatnot, when I mean it. Though we were dancing beside each other (our groups) I didn't actually try to interact with him and his friends, it was more of them interacting with me. It was only twenty minutes before the club would shut down, so I was more worried about enjoying the last minutes with my own group of friends. But when we decided to leave (Kiwi, Marble and Marble's friend. The other girls left one by one, during the hours of the night), I hung back a bit. Because I wanted to tell this guy, how I thought he was very nice looking. And so, I turned around to him, and leaned in to say: "I wanted to tell you something before I left, I think you're really aesthetically beautiful". Whilst telling Marble and Kiwi this, when we were all in bed later that night, Kiwi exclaimed how she couldn't believe I would do something like that. But here's the point in this story, which I did tell you, was not a love story (though it does seem like I should make poems about his symmetrical face and his light chocolate coloured skin)-- it's really easy to make people happy. Even if it's just for a fleeting moment. So, telling him that, I thought was the right thing to do, as I more than once thought of his looks during the night. He didn't actually get the message the first try, as the music was loud, so he clutched my arms and made me lean in to shout it in his other ear, and once he registered the message, he sort of pulled me away to look at me, and he smiled. Thanks, he said, and something else I didn't register. And then he invited me to a "nachspiel". But yes, point with the story is, again, if you can make someone happy with a little comment like that, why not? It's so simple, and gives you a really nice feeling to see someone light up. Warms your heart, actually. I guess it's not for all people. But I really enjoy making people happy. We didn't go to the "nachspiel", as I'm sure that all of us were quite tired in our bones. After all, we started the evening at 7:00 pm. And at this time, it was 3:00 am. So yes, I mostly just wanted to change into comfortable clothes, get something to eat (had a sausage, and Marble and I met this very creepy man who followed us to the 7/11 store. But he was also quite nice to chat with, so I didn't really mind. But that's also because I enjoy talking with strangers despite the dangers in it. I do lots of stupid things like that), and listen to calming music and sleep. I almost didn't take any pictures of last night. Kiwi did, though, she took loads. And we looked through them this morning. Despite setting the alarm at 11:00 am, and planning to get almost six hours of sleep, I awoke at approximately 9:00 am instead. Of what, I don't know. But I tried going to sleep again, but to my dismay, it didn't work. So I had just below four hours of sleep, and it was alright. I'm used to little sleep, I guess. But that doesn't mean I'm not a zombie now. I most certainly am a bit drowsy, and could do with a bit more sleep. However, because I don't want to destroy all of my hard work with getting a proper sleep pattern, I've decided to not take a nap. I'm getting older, and my body needs more time to adjust. My body hurts a bit due to new bruises, a lot of dancing, and because I exercised before leaving the house to go to this shindig. I plan on waking up bright and early tomorrow and be productive, as there are loads of things I need to do. Sorry, this has been very long, and I applaud you if you read through this. I'm going to eat a bit more chocolate, and maybe some proper food. And then, if I can bear to, I'll read up on some curriculum. Have a nice Saturday! 

we won't be going home for so long

I was sitting on a bench inside the bus shelter, tying my hair up into a high ponytail whilst waiting for the bus, when the man beside me said: "it's cold, isn't it?". I wasn't too surprised. Sometimes older people will say something about the weather conversationally, and it's nice. But after the acknowledging hum or "yes" from my part, the conversation is usually done. Today, however, it continued. And it felt a bit like sitting down beside Forrest Gump. It was actually uncanny how similar it was, a random man starting to chat to me about all of these things, and he was wearing sneakers, and there were just something about him that screamed "Forrest Gump" to me. We stopped talking once we got on the bus, but he still smiled and said goodbye when we'd arrived at his stop. I had a really great day at "praksis" today, so this case just made my day even better. Today has been a busy day, and I've had lots of errands. And that's where my happiness has gone a bit down. Had a bit of a fail at the mall, and it's quite annoying seeing as I braced the snow that's been falling all day, every day. I'm not so very happy about the fall in temperature next week. Don't quite enjoy freezing that much. Oh well, here's the winter I was waiting for. Except it's just really late. Sugar sent me a video, and I nearly fell off the chair, laughing. It was hilarious and good for my soul. I actually went to bed at 10:00 pm yesterday, and I had yet another night of blissful sleep. And I was so happy when I woke up, feeling well rested. My weekend starts today, so I'm going to stay up for a bit. Mostly because I still have quite a few things to do. Otherwise I'd might have gone to bed, actually. Just because. Who doesn't like sleeping? Or actually, we're supposed to read a fictional book for "praksis", so I would love to read the book I've chosen. Because I love reading too. I had a really disappointing realisation some hours ago-- it's not Saturday tomorrow, which means I can't eat the chocolate bar I bought at the grocery store today. How very disappointing. I'm also craving the cinnabons Oyster made the other weekend, because I was looking through pictures on my phone, and of course I had loads of pictures of them. Drool. Alright, have a good night y'all. 

now I got you in my space, I won’t let go of you

Hiiiiii! Guess what, folks? I slept. And what a relief it was to wake up today, after eight hours of sleep. Only woke up once during the night, and I fell asleep again shortly after. Though, I must admit that I had the most gruesome dream-- nightmare is probably a bit more fitting. It's actually so vile, I don't think I'm going to air it on the blog, or try to analyse it at all. Had a really good day at "praksis"-- have only had good days to be honest, despite being dead tired yesterday. Also got a proper introduction to all of the patients today. Well, to all the patients who attended the meeting. I think I've been really lucky with my new "praksis". Seems like I'm always lucky with them, because they've been really welcoming to my new "praksis" pal (Sally, I'll call her) and I. My nurse supervisor is also the sweetest person there is. Also, they're really understanding, and just great. Albeit the staff are a bit older then my previous "praksis". But that was expected. I'm currently doing a bit of school work because I need to finish my log today. Or at least try to get it finished. And I've also got a lot of other school stuff that I've got to get finished. Just bits and pieces. I actually think I need to spend my weekend on that. That, and reading up on different mental disorders. I'm placed at a "praksis" where I meet about every mental disorder there is, so I need to know something about everything. Right now I feel a bit like an unknowing "noob". And lack of knowledge is very discouraging and holds me back from doing things I might have done, if I'd known more. So, apart from Friday, this weekend is going to be dedicated to school work. And probably loads of other weekends too. I need to grab something to eat, because I intend to go to bed at 10:00 pm. Was actually in bed by 9:50 pm yesterday. Felt so early to me, but it was necessary, and I am trying to keep up my promises with getting more sleep. I'm trying to make my body used to having seven hours at minimum and preferably eight hours of sleep. Nine hours is divine, luxury. Let's just all treasure sleep and revel in the fact that we don't have to wake up bloody early each day due to kids. Well, all of those who doesn't have kids yet, that is. Do you know what's funny? I was just browsing through MTV's "brand new artists", and it seems like I've already heard about all of them. And even more peculiar was when I was looking through "Burberry acoustics" on Youtube, and some of the last artists who performed, includes Josh Record and Lewis Watson, who I both love. I'm really glad I love music. It's the best thing and such a big part of me, I don't even acknowledge it. Almost like another limb. Alright, peace and love. See ya xx. 

don’t give up when your heart stop, and you tell me that you care

Hiya, I'm really knackered today. Had another bad night's sleep. It's started to get on my nerves now. Despite the days with good sleep, I mostly only remember the ones with bad sleep. Tonight I fell into a light snooze, where I woke up every now and then, and when I woke up, it felt like I'd been up for hours. And I nearly fell asleep during my "praksis" today, and it was horrible because I was so tired, but I needed to use my brains, and agggh. Hopefully I'll sleep tonight. Or else I think I'm going to go off my rocks eventually. I can't force myself to go to bed now either, because I'm afraid it'll screw up everything and make me unable to fall asleep in the evening. So, I'm like, a zombie. It was snowing a lot this morning, and it was nice, and warmer than yesterday. But after standing out in the snow for half an hour, I had to give up waiting for the bus which was way past twenty minutes late. My dad ended up driving me to "praksis" today, but everyone were late due to traffic caused by the snow. When I got home from "praksis" today, the first thing I did was to cut my sister's hair. Was funny-- living out my dream to be a hairdresser. Got something to eat, and now I'm here. Exhausted, and trying to force myself to be productive when all I really want to do is to have a long and warm shower and then go to bed. Instead I'm actually going to do the things I need to do-- well, some of them. Except the part where I actually have to go to the mall and look for presents for Marble and Kiwi. I'll have to save that for another day, because I just can't. You know what, I even forgot what I've written about on my exam. And despite how much I tried to figure it out, I never remembered. Still don't. Well, now I do, because I just checked it. Lately I've been using my CD player quite a lot, and I feel slightly old for using it because it seems like no one uses them anymore. Oh, and fun fact: did you know (had to run into Monchita's bedroom to ask: "what's the name of that movie where he says eeeeevaaaaaa?") that WALL-E is six years? That's ridiculous. Where does the time go? Oh well. Have a nice day, nicer than mine, at least x. 

I don't have the answers, so I won't tell you lies

The day has passed far to quickly. Fell asleep wishing I could be done with the day already. Today was the day I had been dreading for since before Christmas holidays. I was standing by the sink in the kitchen, when I realised yet again it was only a few days left before I'd have to start "praksis", and I groaned out loud. My sister and brother laughed. And my sister asked "what was that for?" when I reappeared in the living room with a noticeable sagging in my walk. "I have school in three days, and then "praksis" is coming up right after," I sulked. When I woke up today, I was still avoiding the fact that it was my first day of the new "praksis", and instead I read a fan fiction I started on yesterday. I was so absorbed into the story, that I almost forgot check out how I would even get there. And in the end, I took the wrong bus and ended up having to walk for about 25 minutes. It was okay, except in the end, my toes were frozen. Not so very odd, when it was -14 Celsius. Luckily I had my orientation skills, as I was a bit unsure where to walk. I have walked the stretch before, but that's years ago. When I finally arrived and hunted down the right entrance, I was a bit early, as I'd calculated that I would use quite a bit of time to find the way. I also realised then, that I had taken the wrong bus and walked an unnecessary long way. However, except for the biting cold that threatened to freeze off my toes in the end, I quite enjoyed the little walk. Which is also why I walked back to the train station after my day was over. They let us go a bit earlier due to illness in staff, and a busy schedule. And I had no objections. It was of course a lot better than I had expected-- always is. But it's still odd, because as my two previous "praksis" periods have also been new experiences, this one feels like something completely new and out of my competence and knowledge. Perhaps I'll learn the most in this "praksis" period? Maybe. When I got home, I continued reading that fan fiction, and it was good, very good. "Maybe he showed him a way to make the broken bits of him fit back together. Perhaps that's love, fighting the urge to fix someone because they have to fix themselves" (x). I do enjoy a bit of a complicated love story. And it's nice, because it's a story that shows love in a different way then it's so often romanticised. It shows that love can also make you bring out the worst in each other. I find different types of love intriguing. And I believe that you can love a lot of things and people, but that you can love them differently and someone more than others. So I wouldn't dismiss previous loves, and say "what you felt then, wasn't love, because it couldn't possibly compare to this". Anyway, it was a surprising ending too, actually. It was just really, really nice. And I'm rereading bits of it already. Did I mention here that I read a bit of Cloud Atlas fan fiction? Well, I did the other day, and it was good. I was quite fond of the storyline between Rufus Sixsmith and Robert Frobisher. Because I am a romantic at heart, at least I think so. And I also carry a fondness of exchanging letters. Which leads me back to my own life-- after I'd finished reading the fan fiction, I went out to brace the cold yet again. But this time, I wore my bubble hat, which I've not used in years, I think. With my 100% wool "Mariusgenser" (a traditional Norwegian jumper), my wool coat, bubble hat, scarf, mittens and winter boots-- I trudged my way towards the post office where I posted a letter and other things. When I got home, I had a bit to eat. Oh, and I ate crisps! Which is a bad habit I've successfully managed to keep in wraps. I only eat it when someone's bought it and we're watching movies. But yesterday I was watching a bit of Rain Man, and I ate a great deal of crisps. But I guess it's alright. This is where the phrase "yolo" or "kal ho na ho" comes in. I did do some exercise yesterday, including dynamic yoga, which nearly killed me in the end. Also very reassuring that if anyone hears a thump from my bedroom, no one comes running to ask if everything's okay (sarcasm). Just screamed "Tony!" at Nichoulas Hoult's Twitter page-- I'm not quite sure what's wrong with me. I suspect it's the lack of pictures of Mr. Niall Horan, who's been rumoured to be holed up in a hospital in America somewhere due to his knee operations. If it's true, he's doing a good job on Twitter pretending he's not. That bastard, he knows how to play the people. One Direction are not to be trusted (sighs). I also miss watching Essiebutton's daily vlogs, so I was bloody ecstatic when there was a new one today. But now I'll have to wait for the next one, and that makes me really sad. Oh and the picture is of something I quickly scribbled down in my drawing book yesterday, after writing the note on my phone. I tend to do that a lot-- write down pieces of things that comes to mind, on my little notebook in my iPhone. Right, now I've actually got to do some school work and prepare for tomorrow. Can't avoid my life forever. 

I am feeling so small. It was over my head, I know nothing at all.

I was awaken by an incoming face time call this morning. Thought it was my alarm, and was very confused as to why I had on my camera. A few seconds later, it clicked to me, and I answered it, whilst groggily getting out of bed and getting dressed. Spoke a bit to David, and then he said all of our names, so I had to find each person so he could say hi and give them a wave. Monchita was still in bed, and David flashed his stomach to her, so she did the same to him. This was great amusement to Lynx and Volla, and perhaps Grepper if he was even there. I went to put on a jumper and socks, before Monchita yelled at me to come get my phone, and so I ventured downstairs where my dad was sat and gave him the phone-- and so on. Yesterday Volla sent me a snapchat of David's dump in his little potty trainer, and jeez, I hope you're not eating your brekkie whilst reading this. But it was a lot of poop. I showed my mum the snapchat, and filmed her reaction to it as an answering snap. And then Volla proceeded to send a picture of the incident to me as well as the snap chat. As if that was necessary. Oh well, we'll have it to show David when he gets older. That'll be grand. To my joy, I finished reading "PS, I Love You" yesterday. Thought maybe I wouldn't get it done, as I didn't start reading properly until 5:00 pm. It took me about seven hours or so. I was a bit surprised, because I'd forgotten so much from the book, and I kept thinking "oh, yeah, that's what's going to happen next" before I realised "no, that's from another book". And it was actually a surprise to the end-- honest. But it has been ages since I've read the book, or even watched the film. I was a bit unsure at the beginning, as I kept thinking "why was I so fond of this book, again?" because it felt like every other novel. But I did remember throughout. I actually love this book, and I've not cried and laughed so much in ages. One moment I'd be snorting with laughter, and there was seriously once when I had to put down the book because I was laughing so much. It lasted probably a minute, where I was a bit scared I couldn't stop in the end. But then it was the sudden crying too. Finished reading a page with a fond smile on my face, and then read the first line the next page, and my face just fell and I started wailing. I felt such relief to read a proper book, once again. I also think it was a good time to read it, as I usually get so immersed into the characters lives, and stop thinking about mine. This time, however, I kept stopping up and thinking about my own life, and I felt like I could relate to so many of the things Holly (the protagonist) was facing. Also, there were so many things that were written so beautifully: "Some people go through life searching and never find their soul mates. They never do. You and I did, we just happened to have them for a shorter period of time that we hoped for". I just found that so gorgeous. Everyone should read this book, it's great. And Cecelia Ahern is really talented. I'm no stranger to her books, I'm an owner of a few of them, and they're all great. The picture of the text, is a part of a typewriter series by A.Y. who owns this Tumblr which is gorgeous and full of these kind of things. But this certain piece hit me straight in the chest, and I'm certain it goes for loads of other people too. One of my new years resolutions this year was to be more brave. I'm not going to go so much into detail about that now, I'm not ready to do that. But I will print out this piece by A.Y. to hang above my desk or wherever to remind myself to be brave. Today I'm going to finish quite a few things, and tomorrow I'll start another adventure. And it's going to be okay, because I'll always find a way to make things okay. It's still snow outside, and maybe it's staying this time. But the sun is out, and it's so beautiful. And this is just a reminder of how much the weather has to do with my mood. Isn't that scary? To think that along with the darkness comes the dark? Have a nice Sunday, enjoy the weather, and life.