I am desperate, if nothing else, in a holding pattern to find myself

Oyster and I tried making empanadas today, and we wanted to replicate the ones we tasted in France. Obviously we failed at the latter, but I said A for effort. Better luck next time. Monchita arrived a bit later than me, because she wasn't initially going to come. It's the first time the four of us has been together for maybe a year or so? Maybe I'm exaggerating, but I can't remember anything beyond that time we went in the hottub. We listened to a lot of High School Musical music and sang along. All the songs are my favourites, it seems. We also went ahead and listened to songs from our childhoods, including Miley Cyrus. I know the lyrics to a lot of old songs, jeez. We clicked to watch that song with Dave Days where Miley Cyrus makes an appearance. I had to do a double take, as I saw what looked a lot like Dylan O'Brien in a music video with Dave Days. A guy with dark hair on the drums, with an upturned nose and pale skin. I am aware that O'Brien is a drummer, so I thought maybe, but what a strange coincidence. It was really hard to get a good look as the camera didn't keep still. But reading the description, it was in fact Dylan. "I'm totally gobsmacked," I told the others. I had not expected that whatsoever. Yesterday I was listening to Sleeping At Last whilst reading semi-sad fanfiction. I've not cried in awhile, like, I haven't had a proper cry for such a long time. But yesterday, the tears just came streaming, and I'm sure I could've cried for an hour. But this was around my bedtime, and I didn't want to end up all dried up. I find it so strange how easily my mood shifts. Tomorrow I am really going to go all in with the packing. That means everything, not only clothes, but all the things. Then, if I'm missing something, I'll go out and get it. Need to stop by the library anyway. I also need to plan my last few days, need to get organised. Also, camera-talk. I asked Oyster for advice, and she told me I shouldn't buy a new one. "Your camera takes good pictures," she told me. Only problem is the part where my memory card is stuck, and I don't even know how many GB it is even. I guess I'll just have to try taking as many pictures as possible, just to check the limit. I'm still on edge whether to spend money on a new camera, and I'm really afraid for it to break, or for it to be stolen. I feel like a lot of my life lately has been on edge, between decisions. Am I doing that? Or this? When are you going to decide? It's a bit (very) stressful. Somehow my skin has survived remarkably good. Jinxing myself? Probably.