There's this fan fiction I read from time to time, when I feel the need for it. It's a Teen Wolf fiction, and it's centred around the character Derek Hale. In the show, I feel like his past is kind of glossed over, and only used as an explanation for the angry and untrusting person he appears as in the first seasons. It took me awhile to actually become aware of how much of a traumatic past he has, and the fan fiction I keep rereading is focused on his healing in the aftermath. It's really therapeutic, and even if I've never experienced what Derek Hale has, a lot of the issues he's dealing with, I would probably bet a lot of people deal with. It makes me feel so zen! I woke up today at a reasonable time, got out of bed when I had intended to despite my weird alluring dreams, and I generally feel content and motivated. It's a rainy and dreary Monday, and I think it's gonna be like this all week. But I had an overall unproductive week last week; didn't do nearly as much as I had planned in terms of my thesis, didn't do any exercise except for dancing on the dance floor, and did the bare minimum when it comes to cleaning. The latter I could allow myself, as my mother did a clean on Saturday. I cleaned my bedroom as always, changed my sheets and wore my new joggers. When it's warm enough (aka not winter), I pretty much keep my window open 24/7. It's only a bit, but you would be surprised how much pollen makes it's way inside. So I've started cleaning my window sills with a white cloth just to see, and it's appalling just how much pollen ends up on my cloth. I'm so grateful I've not got pollen allergies (knocks on wood. Seriously, my desk is made of wood, so it comes in handy). Anyway, the point was that I felt generally unmotivated the entire last week, and so I wasn't very productive at all. But I feel okay with it, as I've come to understand that I sometimes need to have times like that in order to find motivation again. Plans for today is to finish transferring and sorting my manual notes to a digital document, then find new articles to print out. Hopefully I'll be able to read through and write notes to at least one article. I did want to be finished with my theory this week, but I think it'll probably not be finished until next week. Still have to get a draft finished to send to my supervisor. I'm trying to trust and enjoy the process rather than just thinking of the end goal, though I really want to be done with my thesis. It's more of a "I'm tired of this shit" rather than a "oh no, I'm not done as quickly as everyone else". One of the recurring conversations I've had in my life for the past four years, really, is that conversation about figuring out what to do after you've finished school. Going from a clear structure and goals from school, to life which is pretty chaotic and challenging, can often cause a life crisis. Sometimes it might be existential, which in my opinion, is one of the hardest. I was done with nursing school at the ripe age of twenty one, almost twenty two. Hadn't actually properly thought about life, as I had been attending school for sixteen years without a break. I suppose that's why people who does gap years tend to do a bit of travelling to "find themselves". It does help getting away from your regular life, getting enough distance so you can be somewhat objective. I suppose Kiwi and I tried to do this, and mostly I didn't feel like I had found myself. Can't speak for Kiwi, but I think it was the same for her. But in hindsight, I do realise that we probably got more out of the trip than we realised back then. My decisions in life has definitely been affected by my experiences from the trip. That being said, I don't believe in promoting the idea of having to travel in life as I don't think it's for everyone. Not everyone has the same needs, and I read this amazing thing on one of the Youtube-videos from the ask-Reddit threads: "Should my personal goals and values really have to be the same as everyone else's for me to be happy (and/or respected) individual?". Generally, when growing up, we tend to compare ourselves to others and mimic others behaviour. And that's just good old normal learning how to be persons. But at some point it stops being about learning to be a person, and almost like a competition which I'm sure is magnified by social media. But life is different for everyone, we have different needs, different wants, different timings. So it doesn't really make sense for us to compare ourselves to others, and trying to live up to certain expectations. Also, people rarely experience a time in their life where they just know what they want to do. Mostly it's a product of trying out different things in life and just seeing what they prefer to do. Sometimes that might take ages or maybe you won't ever figure out what you want to do with your life. But nevertheless, it's still a life you're living. And similarly to the process of writing a master thesis, life isn't linear, it's lots of bumps in the road and the end goal isn't necessarily the most important part. Jeez, thanks for coming to my TED-talk. Anyway, back to my research articles.
Ingen kommentarer:
Legg inn en kommentar