I feel a bit empty today, which is a strange thing. Sure I am stressed, worried and have a lot of things on my mind. However, it's a bit like I'm numb and indifferent. Whenever I am reminded of the date nowadays, it's a bit like I blanch. I'm more and more realising the huge task of writing my thesis, and my lack of time. Technically it should be entirely possible to produce 25,000 words for my thesis in the amount of time I've got left. But, I'm not the kind of person to be productive every day, though I try to be. It's a worry even if I know I can postpone my deadline. Truthfully there's not a huge reason for me to avoid it, but I'm just so determined to be done with this now. I can't really see myself trying for a phd in the future, knowing my experience from this last year. If I do, I think it'll be some kind of life crisis. It doesn't make much sense that I quit work early today, when I am actually running out of time. I did do a lot of thinking though, and I actually did an important change in my analysis. There was something wrong about the flow, and it's been on my mind for several days now, but I just couldn't figure it out until today. So I am really happy with today's work. But it did mean I was tired by six pm, and sometimes you just gotta stop whilst it's all still good. I spent those extra hours trying on my formal dresses. I've got an occasion this year, which is really exciting, and I've been browsing different online shops for a dress. However, Oyster pointed out I could just wear one of the dresses I already own. She was talking about a certain dress she was present to when I bought it. So I tried to listen to her advice, but I collected all the dresses I own that could be considered formal, and I tried them all on. I actually own a helluva lot of dresses-- it's like the pitfall I'm not really aware I have. Like, when you think you're obsessed with coats, and then you open your wardrobe to realise that 1/3 of it is dresses. I did decide on what to wear, and it's from my own wardrobe, so I'm happy about that. I've really been enjoying letting my phone die from the lack of battery. Does me a load of good, just being without my phone. Obviously I'm more productive that way, whatnot with my thesis in the writing. But it's also making me take a daily break from social media. I know it's different for everyone, but I just find that social media often is a toxic place for me. So it's nice just shutting it all off for a bit. I've not really done any exercise since December, which I can't believe is three months ago, but my body definitely feels it. Not in the way that I feel like I need to start on "the summerbod". But in the way where I mostly sit on a chair everyday, and I'm starting to get neck pain and headaches as a consequence. So I think I'm going to try ease back into exercising, though I don't know when I am going to make time for it. Lately I haven't really listened much to music, and I would love to find an album to fall in love with. Instead it's just been singles that I've added to my 2019-playlist. I haven't done one of those yearly playlists before, but I want to try it this year so I can document my songs of listening-choice. There's thirteen songs thus far, and there's so many different songs. The last two I've added is Look back at it by A Boogie wit da Hoodie and I'll never love again by Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper. I love the melody of the first song, also I kinda got the Sunflower (Swae Lee) vibe from the song and thought it also was a song from a Spiderman-track. It all made sense in my head. I haven't seen the Lady Gaga movie, and I probably will never see it. But I listened to that song, and I just felt like I was listening to a Celine Dion song. And for the ones that don't know, I love Celine Dion ballads. So it was a yes from me, and an addition to my playlist. Although I don't like the Bradley Cooper bit. I need to go to bed now. Hopefully I'll have a really productive day tomorrow.
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