there's times when I wish I was where I was, back when I used to wish I was here

How is it that one day you feel content and happy, and then the next day you just hope the roof flies off so you get sucked into space as Mr. Bishop stated? The past two months have been spent dealing with applications and permits in order to even start my master thesis. And it's been a journey alright. For every step I've taken, you can bet that I've taken at least three steps back. It's been frustrating, but I've persevered because I know a process like this rarely goes smoothly. That being said, I'm not going through this whole process with a positive mind 24/7. It's ups and downs and dealing with the downs so I can have another up, and then experience another down. And so it goes. I'm not sure what makes today special. Maybe it's Monday, maybe it's my period (probably), or maybe it's the fact that it's October already, and I'm still waiting to get started. I think a lot of it is down to the last fact. Because I haven't been able to start, I'm trying to make up by doing other bits of the thesis. However, my whole thesis is dependant on the interviews. And I can't really start writing on certain parts, because it might cloud my mind to whenever I am able to start my interviews. So I feel a bit like I'm sat doing nothing and not having any certain timetable. That's maybe the worst, the involuntary unpredictable life. I'm losing time, and I'm starting to realise that I might have to postpone the submission of my thesis. It'll mean that I'll be spending another four months on this. Since I started my master, the group of friends I became closest to, have all quit. And I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I've considered it myself. To be fair, I'm 90% sure my whole class has considered it. In times like these I can't help thinking whether it's worth it, whether I'm doing the right thing, whether it's what I want. All these questions keeps circling around my brain, and at the moment I don't feel like I can answer them. And that annoys me immensely, because what is the point in this if it's not worth it, if it's not the right thing, if it's not what I want. I am frustrated and sad, and I realise it's due to more than my thesis. Although a lot of the frustrations lies within the problems with my bloody thesis. In writing this down, in realising I'd only add four months extra if I had to delay my thesis, in realising I've seen this exact thing happen with a lot of other students-- I've come to realise it's not so bad. I think I just might need to get outside and be inspired by something or someone. I need to be with friends instead of isolating myself. I need to give myself a mental break sometimes. I knew I was going to have a meltdown prior to this year of studying. But I didn't realise it would come before the analysis- and writing process. I'm not going to lie, my motivation has sunk a lot, but I'm going to go to bed early and hopefully have a good sleep. And maybe tomorrow is a new day, where everything feels a lot different.