And another one bites the dust. Oh why can I not conquer love?

When I wrote that I had to drown my sorrows in a pear cider the other day, I didn't actually cry. It took me until yesterday before it finally hit me. It was probably because I talked to the teacher who gave me the grade, and my goodness. If you really want to torture yourself, you should definitely have someone tell you over the phone all the things you did wrong. Couldn't really talk to her, only said "mhm, okay" and likewise. I know who she is even, and I am aware that she's really strict. However, it still sucked a lot yesterday. Knowing that I have worked so hard, and that I was having such a hard time prioritising revising rather than my "praksis" back then-- and still ended up here, listening to a teacher listing off all the things I didn't manage. It's hard to listen to, because essentially I feel like the one thing I've been somewhat good at throughout my life is school. So when I fail that, it's like having someone say I'm a failure. It's easy to listen to that voice confirming that you're not enough when you're disappointed and sad and vulnerable. Rather than being rational and pointing out all the positive things. I cried a lot, and I think maybe I was just waiting for it these past days-- on my eventual breakdown. I ended up crying whilst trying to do school work, so I took a break and reread a sad fan fiction which made me cry even more. Couldn't be bothered to exercise, and eventually jumped in the shower around 7:00 pm. I also realised I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. Instead of staying up until 5:00 am, I listened to Kiwi and my belieber friend and went to bed early. Didn't realise crying can make you so tired. Today is a better day, and it's easier to believe the logical part of my brain. On another note, I heard another cover by Conor Maynard yesterday, and as always (it seems) I fell in love with it. It's a cover of Elastic Heart by Sia. I am not too fond of Sia. I can't put my finger on why, but apart from Titanium (which I'll love forever) I don't like her voice. Anyway, Maynard did a cover of her song with a mashup of Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding, Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars and Fill Me In by Craig David at the end. I really wish I could buy his covers on iTunes. I'd download them in a heartbeat. It's a nice day out, and I'm sat here trying to write for my presentation. I'm feeling good, and I've had two cups of tea. It's going to be a long day, but a good one, I think. It's definitely going to be interesting. If I have time for it today, I might start reading the Marian Keyes book. I have a quite a few days off next week because I'll basically have been at the hospital (my "praksis") 6 days out of seven this week. But I suspect most of them will be spent doing school work, and hopefully doing research for my bachelor. It's two weeks until February. That's crazy, how quickly life is. In less than four months I'll have a new nephew. This year is going to be a really fucking hard year, but I suspect it'll be a very fulfilling one as well. Have a good day xx.