Every morning I feel like something in me wants to die. And if I'm right I'll be with you

Hi, hello! This morning I was strangely productive. Managed to fight off the urge to start my day with an episode of Teen Wolf, which probably would have continued onto the next episode, then the next. It's all or nothing. Anyway, I finished writing this thing that's due on Monday. Sent it off to my teacher, so now I don't have to think about that. The next thing on my list to do today is preparing for my evaluation on Wednesday. It's always a bit nerve-wrecking for me, because I don't actually know what the teacher wants from me until I've gone through an evaluation. The last like I had an evaluation, I had a fierce nurse supervisor who only seemed to have good things to say about me. Looking back at it, it's a bit funny. "I think I should work more on this, because I feel like I'm not good enough at it," I'd say. Then she'd say something like: "You have to remember that you're not supposed perfect it at this stage, seeing as you're still a student. It's something that'll come with experience". Felt a bit like we were bickering, and like my teacher was just observing with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. I've got a quite different nurse supervisor this time around, not to mention teacher. So I'm curious to how it's going to go. This morning I was furious when I got a sms saying there were no free appointments at the doctor's today, and if they had an e-mail, I'm sure I would have written an angry letter. Luckily for them they don't have one. I was especially annoyed today because with how my schedule looks, I might not be able to try again until late February. Ah February is actually right around the corner, which is both surprising and also not very. I had a really strange dream that I don't think I even want to elaborate. It was just weird. Due to a video by Quick, I fell in love with a song called Thought I Knew by Nico & Vinz this morning. Listened to it on repeat so many times, like I always do once I find a song I enjoy. I am crossing my fingers that I manage to finish school work early tonight, so I can watch an episode of Teen Wolf. I think I deserve that. 

I can't get over you. You left your mark on me

I've been quite emotional today, I think. For some reason I felt really morose once I got home, and I felt a lot like crying. I am guessing it's the lack of sleep from last night. I got a ride from Sally yesterday as well. It's funny because we were walking towards the parking lot: Sally, Manja and I. Then out of nowhere, my nurse supervisor appeared: "you haven't gotten any further than this?" she asked. I was allowed to leave "praksis" around 10:00 pm, when I usually leave at 10:30 pm. But I had already agreed to get a ride from Sally, so I decided to just wait for her. Hence my supervisor's question. She's actually Sally's old nurse supervisor, so I kind of expected for them to chat. But instead Sally and Manja were chatting, and I had a chat with my supervisor. It's almost a bit strange having a supervisor so close my own age, because it doesn't really feel like she's a supervisor. Anyway, it appeared that Sally had parked her car in another spot, than my supervisor and Manja. I didn't know this, as I was still chatting with my supervisor, as Sally shouted "we're going this way!" at me. As always, I enjoyed the company of Sally during the drive to my house. She kindly offered to drive me home each time we both have an evening shift. Once I got home and in bed, I fell asleep a bit too late for my liking. Ended up yawning my way through my "praksis" meeting today. And each time I yawned, I also teared up. So in the end it probably looked like I was crying. Aggy and I did not have our presentation today due to lack of time. It was a bit of a relief because I felt like I was going to fall asleep at the table. But it's also a bit annoying because it means I'll have to think about it for longer than I intended. When I got home from "praksis" today, I had some food before I rang Ale for a chat. It seems that I am going to see her in not so long, which is always good. If I'm productive, I'm going to finish some school work today, then go to bed because I'm knackered. Tomorrow I might just watch Teen Wolf. Or I might be doing school work. It depends on whether I get a doctors appointment tomorrow. The place I usually go have started a new thing where you have to send a text asking about an appointment. If there's a spot free, then you get it. If not, you'll have to try the next day. It's really annoying, but I could just switch to another doctor. I just can't be bothered. 

Tie your hands behind your back, feel my fingertips above your shoulders

Good morning! Yesterday I woke up at 6:00 am under the pretense that I'd do school work. Instead I ended up watching Teen Wolf until I had to get ready fro "praksis". I can't remember the last time I've watched episode after episode from a television show (well, apart from Skins, which ended a while ago). It's just those bloody endings of each episode which makes me itch to watch another episode. And Netflix automatically switches over to the next episode, so it's almost like you can't say no. I even almost succumbed to the urge to not exercise and have a shower yesterday, just so I could watch another episode. Luckily my will to stay sane and not show up at "praksis" without showering overpowered the will to not. After my shower I put on my clothes (as you do), and I didn't pull my hair out from where my jumper covered it (I'm sorry, I suck at explaining), and it looked like I had really short hair. And my goodness, I loved it. I can't wait to chop my hair off. It's going to be so good. "Praksis" yesterday was good I thought. A bit short on staff, which made things a bit busier for me, as I picked up some slack. Had to go help a patient in the midst of my lunch, and I never went back to my lunch-- or, well, dinner because I had an evening shift -- because there were just so many other patients who needed help. I overheard two patients discussing the difference in the employees, and was really happy to hear her say that my nurse supervisor and I were one of the good ones. Later, one of the patients told it to me directly. I've been getting a lot of hand shakes, hugs and "thank you's" as of late, and it's nice. It's just one of those small things that makes my day a lot better. I met Sally and Faye in the wardrobe after "praksis". I always meet someone in the wardrobe because it seems like all of the students share the same wardrobe. On my way to the shift I met Allie, whom I had a chat with until I realised I had to get changed. Anyway, after "praksis" I met Sally and Faye, though Faye had to run to her bus. Sally and I had a little chat, in which she asked me whether I'd want a ride home. "Really?" I asked, hopeful because my bus had just gone. I got changed and we walked to the parking lot. The last time she drove me home must have been a year ago, but she remembered most of the way. I forget sometimes how much I enjoy the company of Sally; we got to talk a lot during the ride home, and I went home with an even broader smile. I woke up at 7:15 am today, not in the pretense of doing school work, but to watch the two last episodes of the first season of Teen Wolf. And only because the sensible person in me overpowered the other one who really wants to start the second season, I am not watching Teen Wolf right now. It's a bit strange for me seeing as I started out reading fan fiction. A lot of the fan fiction stems from the actual show, but then there are also a lot of other things that doesn't belong to the show, hence fan fiction. But it does mean I already know quite a few bits, and it's fun trying to guess what's true or not. For example the alpha in the first season-- I genuinely didn't manage to guess who it was. Anyway, I've decided that I'm either going to spend the whole of Friday or Saturday to watch Teen Wolf. Yes, that's how attached I am right now. But right now I have to spend some time to go through my presentation for tomorrow, because I have an evening shift today as well, then morning shift tomorrow, which is the day of my presentation. It means the only time I have to rehearse is now. Have a good day, and may your willpower be strong. 

I feel so close to you right now, it's a force field

I ended up watching two episodes of Teen Wolf yesterday, after making a Netflix account. It definitely made me cringe, but I have big hopes for the show, and my mind seems set upon the decision to like it. I can only hope that the newer seasons will be better. But for now, I'll continue watching the show (I sound like it takes such an effort, lols). One of the things I've learnt during stressful times where I have to think of multiple things at once, is that sometimes I'll have to "cross that bridge when we come to it". It's very suiting that I'm currently listening to a playlist called "one day at a time", ha. At "praksis" we have a check-list of the things we have to do, and I'm getting into the habit of making my own check-lists. Some are easier to check off the list than others. It's only been four weeks since Christmas holidays were over, but it feels like months ago. At that point it felt like I had loads of time to think of my bachelor, but now I can feel it creeping up on me. Due to watching Teen Wolf yesterday, I didn't read through any research articles, so I'll have to do that today. It is very important that I do it. I also have to try finishing my presentation today, so I can do other school work tomorrow. I just have to do a lot of things most of the time. But instead of doing those things, I am reading a fan fiction or something else. It is one of the most annoying habits of mine, if I can call it habits. I have done quite a few things today, like responding to important e-mails and other grown up things. But they're not big enough for my brain to think: "I've done loads today!". Crossing my fingers that I'll be productive today (and not watch too much Teen Wolf though it's so tempting).

think I'm gonna win this time, riding on the wind and I won't give up

The snow is never ending. I keep thinking it'll melt, but then another layer falls to the ground whilst I'm fast asleep in my bed. Sugar asked me whether I thought it would be milder in March, and I honestly don't know. The weather is more unpredictable than I can ever remember. Friday's celebrations were really good. I got a bit tipsy on one beer, which I think indicates how much alcohol I usually consume. We were at a quite posh restaurant which was new for all of us. I suppose the location should have tipped us off at the posh-ness. Nevertheless, we had a good time, and we even got a round table. It wasn't until later that I realised that Kiwi had not specifically asked for a round table when reserving a table. "It's faith," she told me when I asked her about it. I also think it was faith that later on, we were asked to switch table in exchange of a free cava on the house. I realised that it was due to good manners that Marble and Kiwi agreed to it, rather than the free cava, which Kiwi barely touched. I spent yesterday doing quite grown up things, which included summer jobs. I told my belieber friend that I don't enjoy planning so far into the future. Well mostly when it comes to things I don't like. I also did some work for my bachelor, which is actually the first time. Though I've barely done anything, it made me feel ten times better because it's the getting started part that I am so good at avoiding. Sadly I decided enough was enough around 6-7 pm, and decided to read The Rosie Effect. It was really good, and I really love Don. I don't know yet if I'll write my opinion on the book, but if I don't, I recommend it. Today I have thoroughly cleaned my bedroom, because it's been ages since I've dusted properly. Right now I am reading through insurance papers, because apparently that's something you should do when you grow up. I am also looking through HTL Hotels website, because my belieber friend told me they opened a new hotel in Oslo not long ago. I am really happy about it, because I remember loving the hotel when we went to stay in Stockholm. I am really tempted to book a room for the One Direction concert, but there are not any rooms available for three people, which sucks. Bah. Today I am mostly doing school work. I am going to try finish my new presentation for the next week. And if I have the motivation I'd like to read through a research article before the day is over. I also really want to reward myself by watching an episode of Teen Wolf for all the work I've done this weekend. I didn't really have much time to do much school work and other important things I had to do. So that had to be postponed to this weekend. I am just not how sure I'll enjoy Teen Wolf, and which episode I should watch either. I am also really nervous I'll enjoy it much more than I initially intend to. Who knows? I have been having a break from One Direction as of late, mostly because there's not much to report from them at the moment. Though I must admit that I am absolutely shocked by the amount of tweets from Zayn and Louis. The tweets from Liam I expected, but not the stream from Zayn and Louis. I am also surprised that Niall is the one who have tweeted the least during their break. It's made me all flabbergasted. I have barely read any One Direction fan fiction. The only ones I read these days is if they include Niall. And knowing myself, that says a lot. I am excited for the new tour to start and see which songs they'll be performing. But I am also not that excited to be sucked into the fandom again. The reason for why I was really thinking of One Direction today, was because I was listening to Four whilst cleaning this morning. I've not properly listened to the album since before Christmas. The sound of Fireproof made me reminiscent of the autumn. But it also made me really content with life as it is. Even though I am going through a really stressful phase of my life, where I am making (direct) life-changing decisions, it made me think of how nice it is being in this position as well. Whatever happens, it feels like this year is going to be so fucking good. Despite all the downs I keep having. Also, I can't wait for the summer to come so I can sit at the edge of Tjuvholmen and enjoy the sea. 

I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me. And every day is like a battle, but every night with us is like a dream

My new background picture on my phone is definitely not a drawing of Zayn Malik. If you managed to deter that as a lie, you were correct. I do have a drawing of Zayn Malik as my background picture, because it's beautiful. I mean honestly, look at it. I am so congested, it feels like I can barely breathe. Yay. It'll probably get worse tomorrow due to the cold. Am definitely going to wear wool on wool in an attempt to fight the cold. In the midst of all the things I've had to do this week, I forgot that I had to make birthday cards to my friends. I remembered yesterday before I had an evening shift at "praksis". I realised that the only time I would have time to make some would be today, though I'd also have to buy presents today as well. My friends might have to do without birthday cards this year. By "my friends" I mean Marble and Kiwi, who are celebrating their birthdays together tomorrow. I can't believe I forgot cards-- it just hasn't even passed my thoughts. At least my presentation with Aggy went well today, so I guess one of the things that made me forget about the cards were worth it. I got a lot of praise from our teacher, and I had to awkwardly share the lift with her, in which she started complementing me. Eugh, it's the kind of situation I am uncomfortable with, but I'm trying to learn how to accept compliments. The thing is that I didn't actually have time to go through my presentation because I finished writing the manuscript for it yesterday, before "praksis". So when my teacher pointed out that Aggy and I should have our presentation after a lot of really great presentations, I was not ready. However, somehow I managed to make everyone laugh, and then I can't really remember anything else. When I got home from the mall today, I found a package addressed to me. It was The Rosie Effect by Graeme Simison. I can't wait to read it, though it's the same size as the Marian Keyes book I bought last week. Speaking of which; I've yet to start reading it, but I thought maybe I'll allow myself to do it this weekend. Oh, that reminds me that I bought chocolate today (Lion), and my mouth is almost salivating of the prospect of chocolate. 

even when its wild, I'll be thinking bout you

Hello, it's nice being able to wake up at the same time as most of the population. Waking up at 9:00 am, instead of going to bed at 9:00 am is a relief. I was really nervous for my first night shift, because for some reason I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. However, the first night went well, and the second was a bit tougher. At least I got to see Kiwi in her groove. I keep saying it, but before Sunday night, I had yet to see any of my friends in action, actually being nurses. So it was sort of strange, but also not surprising when I thought it would be. Oh no, there's a crisis on board. I've been reading so much Teen Wolf fan fiction, now I want to start watch it despite cringing looking at a preview. My instincts says I'm going to develop a crush on Dylan O'Brien too, which-- I don't need more crushes thank you very much. But it feels inevitable. Also I can't seem to stop reading Teen Wolf fan fiction, so that's a new development. I have always been a person who likes to do one thing at a time, and I like to focus only on the thing I'm doing, before I start on something else. However, this school year has really fucked that up. And it's really stressful for me, because I'm not used to juggling all these things at once. I expressed my despair to Oyster yesterday, and she told me to focus on the things that are most important first. After I got home from the night shift yesterday, I slept from 9:00 am until 1:00 pm, before I got ready to meet up with Oyster at the mall. It was a successful shopping trip, and for once in a long time, I bought quite a few things. We headed back to Oyster's after she couldn't hold any more bags, and we basically just sat around. I met a family member I've actually not met before, and I also played the role of responsible and strict grown up, trying to help Oyster helping her younger brother do her homework. I got another view of the new house, and it's coming along really nice. Can't wait for them to move in actually. Ale has made me aware that Sam Smith is coming to Norway, though not anywhere close to me. He's doing a gig at a festival in Bergen in June, which is causing me a lot of distress right now for several reasons. I think I've mentioned more than once that I would love to see Sam Smith live. He was the artist that I fell in love with last year, or maybe the end of 2013. Can't really remember anything else then going home from my "praksis" listening to the songs he had released then, when he hadn't made his album yet. Lay Me Down will always be one of my favourites. And my god, when he did finish his album and released Stay With Me as his first single I was so proud. There's a lot of artists that I love and have loved and thought would become big, and Sam is one of those, so when he got so much praise and recognition, it made my heart swell for him. So obviously I'd want to listen to him sing live, and I could especially imagine it with Ale by my side, because we both adore him. I won't forget last summer when Ale was visiting. She came knocking at my door in the morning, and went to lie down in my bed beside me when she realised I was awake. Demanded that I'd put on some Sam Smith, and we both sang/hummed along. My dilemma is that I'm not sure how much money I'll have by summer. Because I ought to buy myself a new computer sometime soon (no offence my precious computer, you know I love you), and I think I should prioritize a visit to Lynx and co seeing as they'll be having a new baby this spring. And I also have to make sure that I get a job somewhere-- oh god, it's really stressful. I know for sure I don't have to worry about a summer job, but I have to worry about a job after the summer-- and I might have to spend the summer to prove myself. Basically, I'm at a turning point in life, where I'm slowly ripped away from things I'm used to. Although I know that I'll be fine regardless of the job prospects, because I have the safety of my home and family. I just have to remind myself of that, and that I won't like, die (hopefully). Ugh, I'm not used to think of these important things. Anyway, I went to meet my co-student today because we have a presentation on Thursday, and it was nice. I'm really enjoying the company of Aggy because she's fun to be with. She asked me about the night shifts, and I admitted to her that the second night was quite hard and that I was really tired. She said: "yeah I know, because whenever I see you you're usually smiling. But yesterday morning you just said: good morning". We take the same bus and get off at the same stop. So on our way to the bus, we saw it had already arrived, and I turned to Aggy and asked: "do we run, or not?". She said to run, so I ran as fast as I could in the snow, trying to not trip on any hidden ice. Luckily we made it, which was caused by the lady before us who must have taken ages to pay or summat. Due to the night shifts, my body is a bit strange. And right now I feel really tired, so I might go to bed early tonight, though it might be different after I get in the shower. If I'm a good student I'll find a research article for my presentation. If not, I'll either be reading fan fiction or a book. That reminds me-- I spend so much time reading on my iPhone, which means I'm swiping to the next side all the time. When I multi task, my brain isn't always at it's sharpest. So when I got home this afternoon, I was undressing and taking off my bra (because you don't willingly wear a bra at home, jeez) whilst reading on my phone. Don't you think I tried to swipe over my own chest then? Like my brain thought my bra would magically fall off by swiping my chest. When I realised, I definitely had a good laugh at myself. 

And another one bites the dust. Oh why can I not conquer love?

When I wrote that I had to drown my sorrows in a pear cider the other day, I didn't actually cry. It took me until yesterday before it finally hit me. It was probably because I talked to the teacher who gave me the grade, and my goodness. If you really want to torture yourself, you should definitely have someone tell you over the phone all the things you did wrong. Couldn't really talk to her, only said "mhm, okay" and likewise. I know who she is even, and I am aware that she's really strict. However, it still sucked a lot yesterday. Knowing that I have worked so hard, and that I was having such a hard time prioritising revising rather than my "praksis" back then-- and still ended up here, listening to a teacher listing off all the things I didn't manage. It's hard to listen to, because essentially I feel like the one thing I've been somewhat good at throughout my life is school. So when I fail that, it's like having someone say I'm a failure. It's easy to listen to that voice confirming that you're not enough when you're disappointed and sad and vulnerable. Rather than being rational and pointing out all the positive things. I cried a lot, and I think maybe I was just waiting for it these past days-- on my eventual breakdown. I ended up crying whilst trying to do school work, so I took a break and reread a sad fan fiction which made me cry even more. Couldn't be bothered to exercise, and eventually jumped in the shower around 7:00 pm. I also realised I hadn't eaten anything since lunch. Instead of staying up until 5:00 am, I listened to Kiwi and my belieber friend and went to bed early. Didn't realise crying can make you so tired. Today is a better day, and it's easier to believe the logical part of my brain. On another note, I heard another cover by Conor Maynard yesterday, and as always (it seems) I fell in love with it. It's a cover of Elastic Heart by Sia. I am not too fond of Sia. I can't put my finger on why, but apart from Titanium (which I'll love forever) I don't like her voice. Anyway, Maynard did a cover of her song with a mashup of Love Me Like You Do by Ellie Goulding, Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars and Fill Me In by Craig David at the end. I really wish I could buy his covers on iTunes. I'd download them in a heartbeat. It's a nice day out, and I'm sat here trying to write for my presentation. I'm feeling good, and I've had two cups of tea. It's going to be a long day, but a good one, I think. It's definitely going to be interesting. If I have time for it today, I might start reading the Marian Keyes book. I have a quite a few days off next week because I'll basically have been at the hospital (my "praksis") 6 days out of seven this week. But I suspect most of them will be spent doing school work, and hopefully doing research for my bachelor. It's two weeks until February. That's crazy, how quickly life is. In less than four months I'll have a new nephew. This year is going to be a really fucking hard year, but I suspect it'll be a very fulfilling one as well. Have a good day xx. 

I wanna stay up all night and jump around until we see the sun

When I told Kiwi and my belieber friend that my last years new years resolution was to get more sleep, my belieber friend called bullshit. According to her I've been up at 4:00 am as of late. Kiwi also insisted that I've been staying up late. I can only remember staying up until 6:00 am at New Years, which was a special occasion. So I asked them what their source was, and they very nearly yelled "your blog". I've honestly got no idea of what they were talking about. However, today I am actually going to try to stay up really late, maybe until 5:00 am. Why you might ask? Well, I've got a night shift at "praksis" tomorrow, which I've never done before. So my strategy is to fuck up my sleep pattern. Though I'm pretty good at staying up all night, it's mostly when I'm watching films after films. And even then I sometimes scratch my eyes one too many, and shut my eyes for a bit. So I guess it'll be interesting. Yesterday was a busy day, where I woke up around 8:00 am, had breakfast and got ready. Then I went to the mall to pick up some gifts for Lynx and Grepper. Around nine months ago, when I was sat by a beautifully decorated table and celebrating my sister getting married, a selection of people were handed a note. Monchita and I were a part of that selection of people, and we were asked to send a package of things on the 19th of January. So that's what I got up to yesterday. The trip to the mall was short, and I went to the post office to buy packaging, before I went home. My goodness, the weather outside was seriously frightful yesterday. And I looked it when I came home: mascara under my eyes ala Taylor Swift being crazy in Blank Space music video (although considerably less glamorous). I wiped off all of my mascara, made some lunch to go, and headed to my "praksis". Because despite it was my day off, I still had a meeting with my "praksis" group. It started really gloomy, because our first subject was the exam. The rest of the meeting wasn't gloomy, and I really do enjoy my group, not to mention our teacher. After the meeting, I walked Aggy (my new co-student) to the wardrobe whilst planning our presentation. After that I took the bus, then the train, and ended up in the city. It was intended! I didn't just take random transport to a random place. I went to my favourite book shop, and realised they've got really cool note books and stationary, and I could have spent an hour in there, but I didn't have the time. Instead I found Marian Keyes' newest book, and it's huge. I don't know why on earth they've printed them in that size, but I couldn't be bothered to find another book shop. Then I walked to Zara, where I experienced something that reminded me of the Rowan Atkinson gift wrapping in Love Actually scene. It was slightly hilarious, and a bit annoying. Once I got what I came for, I rushed to Ahlens, where they sell Muji. I was going to buy the black gel pens I usually go for, but they didn't have them in stock, and I couldn't resist this (second picture) pen. Wow, that's a sentence I never thought I would write. But I really couldn't resist it. After my little shopping spree, I walked to the restaurant where Kiwi and my belieber friend was sat. We had food and caught up for hours. We've not seen each other properly for a month, so people had a lot on their mind, I guess. At one point, talking about love and relationships, I couldn't help but think of all the chick lits I've been reading whilst growing up. It felt a lot like being in one of those books, where the single ladies are moaning about being single. It was slightly hilarious. My belieber friend and Kiwi shared their concern about me, which I really appreciated, because I am concerned myself. I wish I knew why I'm not yearning to be in a relationship ASAP. To be truthful I've never really been throughout my whole life. It would be a lie to say that I have never yearned for having someone there. But I only yearn for it sometimes, and only when it's in my favour. And apparently that's not how relationships works. Apparently it's about compromises and being there for each other, and teamwork. Maybe I've just decided that it doesn't suit me? My belieber friend suggested I'd spend more time in the library, or in the post office in the hopes of finding the love of my life. I guess it's a better idea than my brother in-law's brother in-law. I told him about my experience with cleaning severed fingertips, and assisting the doctors in stitching from my previous "praksis". He suggested I'd look lovingly into the eyes to any man I'd have to clean fingers and help stitch. Said maybe the man and I would lock eyes and fall in love, and that it would be a great story to tell. I don't know when people around me started thinking I'm living in a film or a book. Lols, it is honestly so hilarious to me that I'm at this stage of life. Oh dear. After long chats about the most random things, we eventually decided to go home. I was home around 10:00 pm, and went to bed not long after. I woke up this morning, a bit later than planned. Was planning to go to the doctor today, but they didn't have any free appointments, so I'll have to postpone that. Instead I went to the post office to send the package to Lynx and Grepper, as I didn't have time for it yesterday. I did not bump into any candidate to be the love of my life (sorry b. friend, I gave it a go). It's bloody slippery outside, so I walked like I was 71, rather than 21. Seeing as I didn't do it yesterday, I have to do a lot of school work today. Luckily I know I'll get it done today rather than procrastinating further, because it's actually due today. I'm curious as of how I'll survive staying up late today, considering I get tired around 9:00 pm these days. Wish me luck, and I'll wish you luck with whatever you're doing today. (Slightly tempted to write toodeloo. Well, now I've done it). 

We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we're together, cause we're scared to see each other with somebody else

Drank an apple cider to drown my sorrows due to my exam results. Haven't been drinking alcohol for a while, so I suspect the cider has made quite the dent. The average grade for the exam was a D, which, I personally think says a lot about the exam itself. I should probably be really angry about the whole thing, seeing as I spent so much time and effort revising. However, I sort of don't care. The only thing is that if I want to do a redo, I'll have to read for it whilst being in "praksis" and trying to figure out what to write about for my bachelor. It's just a bit too much, and I don't know if I could possibly handle it. I am going to let myself sulk today, and then I'll get back on my horse. For me, I think it's important to embrace the emotions when exam results are revealed. Regardless of the results, I rarely get really happy or sad. It's more of a "alright, that's fine", then I go on with my life and forget about it. In a way it's good I guess, I don't get too caught up in it. And I've always fiercely believed that grades doesn't decide whether you're smart or not. But still, I am going to try to embrace it more now. Maybe have a little cry or summat. My patient stopped me today and asked: "are you always this happy?", and I answered: "no, everyone has bad days". He said "I don't believe you, I think you're always like this". I told my co-student this, and she said: "yeah, you're always really happy and smiley". And I had to stop and think if I really am. I don't really think I am, but maybe I am? Yesterday was a good evening at "praksis" I thought, and it was really nice being with my co-student. Today was also good, though the morning was really rough. Felt a lot like I had slept for three hours when my alarm went, and I still feel a lot like I'm going to crash, so I might go to bed early tonight. I am half tempted to just get into bed now, and read fan fictions. But I am supposed to do school work and exercise, so my wishes will probably not be indulged. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day, and my head won't be this full. 

only then I am human

It seems like I'll never tire of Take Me To Church by Hozier. It's just so good. The Burberry show yesterday was wonderful, and I really enjoyed the colour palette. I mostly just prefer watching the autumn/winter collections because I enjoy the colours more, and I find that they're more interesting. And you know I love coats. My hair has grown really long, and I'm still in the mindset of not liking my hair to be on the longer side. However, I decided to hold off a proper hair cut until I'm done with "praksis", because whilst I really enjoy having less hair to care about (my goodness, it's so freeing), it's more practical for me with longer hair as I can put it in a proper high pony tail. But I can't wait to chop off my hair, and maybe I'll go back to the purple/red hue. The thought of it makes me long for summer actually. Am currently reading a fan fiction by one of my favourite writers. Admittedly I should be doing a bit of school work, but as per usual I am procrastinating. I have a late shift at "praksis" today, and an early one tomorrow. I've got Thursday and Friday off (well, mostly). I don't really feel like going to "praksis" but that's life, sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do because it'll pay off in the bigger picture. Also I think I might get to be with my co-student today which will be really nice, as we've actually bonded quite alright. It's actually strange how quickly I got along with her. But it seems that I'm always lucky with people in my life. My order on the sequel to The Rosie Project have been delayed, which has made me so sad. I really want to read it now. But I guess I might read something else in the mean time (my head is saying I should read review articles for my bachelor, but my heart is saying to read anything else). Have a good day xx.

you disappear and make me wait

I was needled thrice today (meaning: people took my blood, lols). Admittedly I volunteered, as I don't really mind needles. It also reminded me that I have to make a doctors appointment. I've not been for two years, I think, and it's time to have a check up. I think I might even have gotten a new doctor because my old one retired. It's the last day of LCM (London Collections Men), I think. And I just thought of the Burberry show, which ended some time ago. I'm going to watch it soon because I can't not watch Burberry shows, they're my favourite. Am half tempted to listen to the Breakfast Show from this morning, because according to my sources, a lot have happened as they've been off on holidays. But I don't think I'll have time for it. Heard Where The Broken Hearts Go in the store the other day, and I couldn't remember which song it was at first, but then I realised and I always get so proud when I hear that song. Can't wait to hear it live. Each winter I convince myself that I'm not as attached to One Direction anymore, and therefore I'll ease out of being such a big fan of them. But it's like I forget it's because they're on their holidays, and therefore I don't get any "stimuli". They're going on another tour soon though, so it won't be long until I'll be all overwhelmed again. Actually it's only three weeks until the tour starts. I didn't end up asking my brother to tag along with him today, because I realised that I need to do school work. Also have to read, but I don't feel like reading to be honest. If I could just avoid curriculum for awhile, that would be great. My co-student made me aware that the results for my exam will be revealed tomorrow, which is great (meaning: not great). Also, I met one of my old nurse supervisors today, which was really nice. I talked to Manja about our previous "praksis" today, and we both agreed that we honestly miss it. I was in the same building today, so I was half tempted to just go and stay there, ha. Right, I am going to watch the Burberry show now, then school work. And maybe I'll give in to my temptation and have some chocolate biscuits because I've not had one for weeks. It's crazy that I haven't caved yet. 

We lay in the dark, cause we've got nothing to say. Just the beating of hearts, like two drums in the grey.

Well hello! My sister and nephew have left the house, and I'm pretty sure I've got dried slobber on my face from where my nephew insisted to press his face to mine with his mouth wide open. He's been aware that he was leaving us today, so he was a bit more cuddly than usual. In a hurry, on Wednesday, I managed to write 7.11.14 as the date. Took me a few seconds before I realised, but yeah. On Thursday a lot of people from my "praksis" group had a lecture together. We did however not know that it ended around 10:45 am, and that we would be dismissed to do whatever. Except we couldn't do whatever seeing as we had a group meeting at 1:30 pm. So we basically had some bonding time-- eating lunch together for an hour and a half, then spending the rest of the time in massage chairs. Honestly: it hurt a bit sometimes, but it was also bloody ace. And I know it was because my body has felt great ever since. I think I might have to make it to a habit. When my brother asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I answered: The Rosie Project. However he couldn't find it in the store (in English). It means I ended up ordering it online along with the sequel. I had no idea there was any sequel, so I can't wait for it to arrive. I read The Rosie Project back in summer, and I remember it being so delightful. Can't say it was any different as I reread it this week. Monchita made me aware of the fact that Marian Keyes have published a new book as well, which I was so shocked by. It means I've not been very good to read her e-mails that I'm subscribed to. I'm trying to decide whether to buy it in the stores or just order it online. But I know I'm going to the mall on Thursday anyway, so ah-- decisions. A few days ago it suddenly started snowing, so now the outsides are covered in snow. These days the weather is very unpredictable, I think. So I never really know what to expect. I can't believe that a week ago, it was still Christmas holidays. But I can't say that I feel like I started "praksis" properly this week. But I'm going to give it more effort the upcoming week. I'm going to sit down and make proper plans for the next weeks, set goals and shit. My brother is going on viewings on apartments tomorrow, and I almost asked to tag along, just because I feel like the experience is important. Haven't decided yet if I should ask. Adulthood, my friends, is both great and horrible at the same time. Anyway, have a good evening x. 

I've been thinking bout' you babe

I was on my yoga mat doing exercises for my abs when I was thinking of my previous "praksis" and it occurred to me that I missed seeing blood. Mostly I just think I am missing my previous "praksis" (meaning: I miss the feeling of knowing what to do, seeing as I'm completely new at my current "praksis". Well, to be completely honest it's more than that). Incidentally this was the exact moment my phone chimed with a message from Manja, saying we'd gotten a mail about work from the boss from my previous "praksis"-- whom technically is my boss now. They do say to be careful what to wish for. It felt rather creepy, but also good. After the two days at my new "praksis" I realised that I was spoiled with pretty doctors at my old "praksis". Seriously, it's true. Anyway, second day of "praksis" and I'm trying to understand how I made it through the last one, considering it feels like I've got no spare time. It feels like the 24 hours in a day is dedicated to my education only. That does not include the next few days when Lynx and my David will be here. And if I know myself, I'm probably not going to blog much. I saw Sugar when I first walked into the wardrobe today, and at the end of my day at "praksis" as well. We even took the same bus, and she clutched my arm whilst I was terrified for the bus door. It was really nice, and I just realised now that maybe this will be our future as well. Cramming into full buses, catching up on our way to work/home from work. The end is close, it feels like. Hope you're all doing well, and that you'll have a splendid week xx. 

Did you have to ruin what was shining? Now it's all rusted

Hiiiiiiiiiiii! I feel a bit like it was ages since I had blogged, but not really. Hunger Games was a bit disappointing to be honest, but I think the next and final will be better. For once I think I was all in it for the action, and then the third movie in the instalment was too much of a build-up for me. Highlight was the last bit when Katniss looked a bit like someone from a horror movie. Saturday I spent almost the whole day at Oyster's. Initially I was planning for a shorter visit, because I knew I had to spend some time to prepare for "praksis". However, neither Oyster or Mars wanted to let us go, so we ended up leaving around 11 pm. Mostly we played cards, ran around in the new house that's not quite done yet-- and scared each other. Was very amusing. It is strange to have them live in the same place, albeit we live on different edges of this place. So it still takes me twenty minutes to walk from my house to theirs. Anyway, when I got home, I promptly went to bed. I didn't sleep very well, and I had four hours of continuous sleep. Plus one hour when I dozed off later. I was very cranky when I woke up, and I'm sure you wouldn't have wanted to meet me then. Sunday was spent preparing for "praksis", although preparing including reading fan fiction and exercise, rather than reading curriculum. Today was interesting. I wasn't too nervous when I woke up this morning, and I slipped back to my normal morning routine quite easily, though I would have preferred to sleep an extra hour. I had a full day at "praksis", and it was a lot of things to soak in to be honest. And quite a few times I was approached to like I worked there, before I quickly said: "oh, I'm sorry, you have to speak with someone else". My nurse supervisor seems really nice, which wasn't too much of a surprise seeing as both Sally (she had her as a supervisor) and Kiwi (she works with her) told me good things about her. The only thing I didn't enjoy by today, is that I got a new wardrobe, which is significantly smaller than my old one, so you know-- never take wardrobe space for granted! Luckily it looks more like spring outside rather than winter, so I don't have to bundle up in that much of clothing. After "praksis" I stopped by the mall to pick up a few things, including envelopes because I realised how much money I've spent on buying one envelope at a time. Now I'm ready to write letters! I have to spend today and tomorrow reading as much of curriculum as I can, because on Wednesday my sister and my nephew are arriving at the house. Can't wait to see them! After they've gone, I have to sit down and make a proper schedule for how I'm going to spend my time until Summer, because I really have to start my bachelor. It's not one of those papers I can afford to avoid as long as I can. Though admittedly that's what I want to do. Eugh. Right, must do a bit of school work, and send e-mails and like read. 

We danced all night to the best song ever. We knew every line. Now I can't remember how it goes but I know that I won't forget

Marble and I went to bed yesterday at 7:00 am and slept until 2:30 pm. I'm pretty sure that I've celebrated New Years Eve at Marble's the past three years now, so I didn't want to not do it. And my heart didn't want to leave her home alone. I specifically told her that this time we were to make the food together. When I got to her house she had already peeled the potatoes, in which I did scold her a bit. Mostly it was just a mocking bicker between us, whilst I removed my coat and boots. Her parents were dressed to the nines, partly courtesy of Marble. They were waiting to get picked up to go to a party. Whilst Marble went to gather things, I caught up with them. I also got a little lesson on how to cut a certain vegetable from Marble's mum, as it's something I've cut perhaps once of twice in my 21 years on this planet. The meal ended up to be really successful and it was bloody nice. We enjoyed some Hellenic beer along with the food, before we went upstairs to put on a movie. We watched Bridget Jones and basically mouthed along to the lines whilst enjoying dessert (brownies and ice cream with warm berries). We also drank margaritas, and "whiskey on the rocks". When midnight came, we went outside to look at the fireworks, and my personal discovery was that whiskey makes you warm. It was a really great evening, and we talked about a lot of things as we always tend to do. But it was really nice, and it felt a bit like I hadn't seen Marble for ages, when the truth is that I saw her December 23rd to give and receive presents. But then I didn't have a lot of time to stop for a chat because my dad was waiting outside in the car. Anyway, the night ended up with discussing wedding dresses. We woke up because of Marble's alarm, and I'm pretty sure the both of us would have slept even longer if it wasn't for it. Once in the kitchen, making breakfast I greeted Marble's mum with "good afternoon", a tiny bit embarrassed. She laughed at us, "rough night, huh?". We ended up watching skiing whilst engulfing the breakfast. Then we went to watch some more television. Around 5 pm I decided that it was time for me to go, seeing as I'd been there for 24 hours. Marble decided that she'd walk me, and we had a really great time walking to my house, just talking. All in all I had a really fucking great New Years celebration. However I did have a bit of a hard time to fall asleep yesterday, and I ended up having a cheese toastie at 1:00 am, and falling asleep at 2:30 am. Hopefully I'll get into a routine again. I'm going to get ready soon, because I'm going to meet Marble again, ha! We're going to watch the newest Hunger Games. I don't know if you remember, but some time back in December or summat, I watched the first movie in the series, and I thought it was quite interesting. And then we watched the the second at New Years Eve, and I said to Marble after: "dammit, now I want to watch the newest". And well, that's what we're doing today. It's one of the nice things with Marble. If I say I want to do something, she'll find a solution before I forget what I said. Right, I ought to go now. It's 2015! We're in the future (guess the reference).