I can be the subject of your dreams

I've been trying to live by the words "do whatever makes you happy". Once a thing no longer makes me happy, gives me more grief than happiness, I try to cut it out. I realised a few months ago, that spending so much time in the One Direction fandom on Tumblr was starting to give me more grief. It took me a few months until I started cutting back on the time I spent there, then I eventually started unfollowing blogs I knew brought more negativity than positivity to my life. Once I did, it was less hard than I had imagined. Because those were blogs I'd followed for years now, people I've followed. Twitter is something I check up on rarely now, and I also unfollowed a bunch of people who gave me more negative vibes. On Facebook my dashboard is only filled with news from people I want to hear news from. I've been throwing away stuff, slowly, but surely. One of these days I'll go through my memory box and probably throw out half of it's content. I think I am doing a cleanse of some sort. The dictionary defines it as to make clean or to remove by or as if by cleaning (ex: to cleanse sin from the soul). It's never been a concious decision, it's something I realised not long ago when I was throwing out half of my underwear collection and most of my make-up. I guess I'm starting anew, tired of holding onto the things that used to be me. I'm still very much me, but not the person I used to be. I read a quote on a pillow case, I think, when I was wandering through the mall the other day. It said something about how you don't travel to discover yourself, but to make yourself. And it really hit me, because everyone keeps talking about how travelling is a way to discover yourself, or "finding yourself". But it really is about making yourself. Your whole life is about becoming a person. I buy a lot of my music, preferably on compact discs, also known as CD's. Why? When I was about 16-17, my English teacher talked about how the release of a CD cover used to be a huge thing, and how having the CD in your own hands was a big part of enjoying the music. And I found that I agreed. Most albums is a story, like a fashion collection, there should be a link between the songs. When I buy a new CD, the first thing I do is to listen through the whole thing, and read the booklet. The booklet usually holds lyrics to the songs, and dedications. When I bought 1989 by Taylor Swift, I did exactly this. And what was different, was that she'd written an honest and really genuine foreword to the album that explains a lot about the new sound. There's a line, that I especially enjoyed reading, and I'm sure I've mentioned it before: "I know people can change because it happens to me little by little every day. Every day I wake up as someone slightly new". It's just a bit of a reminder that you won't always be the same person you are, you're constantly changing. Admittedly I spent yesterday watching videos of One Direction performing, and it made me smile. Which again reminded me that it's not One Direction that was giving me grief, but the fandom and all the other buzz around. I went to the cinema with Sugar and Marble today which was really good. I met up with Sugar before, because she'd just gotten off work and had a bit of time before the movie started. I hadn't seen Sugar for ages, so it was really nice to catch up with her. Both of us ordered a pizza, and we only ended up eating half of them, because we didn't have time. Usually when I eat, I mostly eat rather than talk. But I was quite talkative today, I thought. On our way to the cinema, I called Kiwi who was supposed to watch the movie with us, but had to cancel. At that point I'd forgotten that Marble was going to watch it with us, but Kiwi reminded me. I'm forgetful, I reminded Sugar. I'm old to my bones. Kiwi also had to remind me of a thing I'm doing on Saturday. I thought she was joking with me at first, but she was telling the truth. Oh well. We got to the cinema just in time, bought tickets, half-yelled at a bunch of teenagers, sat down in our seats and chatted until the movie started. It was good, nerve-wrecking and a bit sad. The plot was expected and unexpected at the same time, I thought. If Marble could have had it her way, she'd have the characters turn into characters in Sims and decide their actions. In other words, she was quite agitated. Also, I have to admit that old hotels give me the creeps. After the movie, we sat down for tea and talked some more. That's what you do when you've not seen people in awhile, I guess. I kind of had to smile, because it's been a long time since it was just the three of us. We also sat down at a restaurant I feel like I've been at frequently. Like, I even recognise the staff. Sugar pitched an idea about exercise, in which I responded "I feel like I'll end up lying on the grass and crying". But it also sounded quite fun, so I really hope we'll follow through with that idea. All in all, it's been a really great day for me, and I'm really glad to have met up with Sugar and Marble today.