can't you see I am a product of my own past, so I know this will never last

I've been a bit anxious about the trip to Rome, and it confused me. You would think that by now, I can handle a trip to a big city. So I've been thinking, racking my brain to find reasons. And yesterday I realised it's the first time I'm going somewhere new in over a year. Yes, I've travelled to quite a few places the past year, but they've all been somewhere familiar. Just realised this is untrue. I went to Amsterdam for the first time. However, I don’t any connections to Italy. As in, I've never had an interest for the country, and therefore I've never really done any research about the place. Netherlands I have a relationship to from before, and the other difference with that trip, is that I wasn’t in charge of the trip like I am now. So Italy is foreign to me, in a way. I have also been in a strange mood the past few days. It's standard whenever I start thinking about what to do in life. I'm still in school, and will be for a while. However, I've learned that I can't just stick my head in the sand whilst revising and focusing on school. By the end of these two years, I'll be even more "adult", and I want to be somewhat closer to figuring things out. Cue me in two years, some gin in my body and freaking out about not knowing what to do. Oh well, one can only hope. I've also been thinking of love, as many people point out is the meaning of life. And I wonder if I should give more effort, do I need to start worry like the people surrounding me do? I can't tell if I want to compromise, to adjust to another person. Maybe I'm looking at it in the wrong perspective. I packed today, and I've read up on a few things about Italy. Knowing the reason for the anxiety is kinda the solution, like, now I feel calmer. Life, however, is always going to be a hard nut to crack. You could say it's not able to crack at all. I've cleaned my bedroom, so it'll be a nice place to come home to. My bed will be missed, but in a week I'll be back here, reading curriculum, preparing for my next exam.