just a little bit of your heart is all I want

I woke up this morning feeling a bit sad and disorientated due to my strange dream. My dream started in medias res: I was sat on a carpeted floor, which was beige-coloured. And in front of me, in a car seat, was a baby boy. Because the dream started there, I didn't realise it was my baby boy. The dream was basically about my struggle to breastfeed the baby, because I couldn't remember ever giving birth to a baby since the dream started in medias res. So firstly I didn't think it was possible for me to breastfeed, because of the lack of prolactin and oxytocin. But it worked in the end, and I fell in love with the baby. Once I woke up, I remember thinking "where's my baby?". It was a very realistic dream, and now I just really want to hold a baby. I saw a few babies today, when I was at my "praksis". That went very well, by the way. Shook hands with both of my nurse-supervisors, got a guide from the superior nurse, smiled at a few doctors. The latter was a bit awkward, because I was mostly just smiling at people like I'm trying to do nowadays. And then this young and gorgeous doctor walked by, and I was smiling, so he smiled back. And then I actually focused on his face, because although I smile at people, I don't actually look at them. But I did look at this doctor, and then I thought I smiled a bit too much, and it just felt a bit awkward and I started over thinking like Bridget Jones. "Oh my god, he was gorgeous, and I smiled at him like I knew him. He's probably got a wife at home and two small kids with blue eyes like him". Maybe this smiling thing and being polite thing has caused me more trouble than not? When I got on the bus after "praksis", the bus driver said "Hi", which is a completely common thing they do in other countries. But in Norway, it's a bit common. However, most people just give the bus driver a nod, or a smile, as if saying "yeah, I heard you, and Hi to you as well. I just can't be bothered to say it, so I'm going to smile at you instead". Today I said hi back, and maybe he was a bit surprised, because he said hi back a second time, which caused us both to laugh a bit. And in the corner of my eye, I spotted a guy who had been observing this exchange of hi's. He was smiling, which I saw once I turned away from the bus driver to find a seat, so I smiled at him. I spent this afternoon doing errands, and in ten days or so, I'll have the pictures from my disposable camera. I spent more time than usual deciding whether to buy myself some biscuits along with my tea today. And I actually ended up doing the healthy thing-- dropped buying biscuits all together, and went for yoghurt as a treat. But I did buy a bar of chocolate. Although that's for Saturday, so, yeah. Tomorrow is my first proper day at "praksis", and I'm a bit worried about getting there on time and finding my way through the hospital. Oh well, can't see the future. I'm going to go eat now, then do a bit of reading, because I've not done any reading today. Instead I watched the VMA's, which I thought was quite good, seeing as there were a lot of women doing well. It was a pleasure to see the audience sing along to Sam Smith. Beyonce was amazing as per usual. Ariana Grande mentioned that her album was out today, so one of the first things I did now was to purchase A Little Bit of Your Heart so I can listen to it on repeat and belt it out. Anyway, have a good evening.