Ugh, I can't say I'm feeling really great now. More like I'm failing at everything in life, and I'm not going to go into details, because then I'll have to think about it some more, and I don't think I can handle that. I am so tired after "praksis" whilst trying to read for my exam in December, whilst reading for my "praksis". I'm just exhausted, and due to all of these things, it's just too much. And I'm building up to a cold now that Autumn has been dawning on us. I just feel like on the brink of crying, which I'll probably do today, if not tomorrow. If I have time, that is. Right, I have to take a break. Or else I'm going to break myself, probably. Don't be like me, take care of yourself yeah? This is why I enjoy having a blog, because I reflect on the things I do. And writing this down makes me think of decisions I've made and how they affect my physical and mental health. Self-care is important, and I've let myself down. I've got two nurse supervisors, and thus far I've only been with one of them. Even though it's only been three days, I feel like she can read me scarily well. She knows when to push me, when to not, and can sense whenever I don't feel too good. Even before me, sometimes. Today I had to excuse myself off to the loo, and she told me to do that, and then sit down and have some water. It wasn't until she said so, that I felt how tired I was. Also, the other day I very almost fainted due to me observing doctors cut into a person's hand. I was put down on a bed, where I was ordered to lie until I felt better. And I got up once, because I thought I felt better, but then my supervisor came to see me, and she said: "you still look pale, go lie down again". And yes, she was right, I still felt a bit woozy. She might just be a really great nurse. I am very much enjoying myself at "praksis", though I sometimes feel like I can't do anything. It's not always a confidence booster, but I have to learn to accept the fact that I'm not supposed to know everything, either. I'm there to learn. I thought maybe I'd get a bit of a soft start, but my nurse supervisor has been challenging me from day one, which I do appreciate because I need it. Since she reads me so well, she knows if there's something I'm uncomfortable with, and she'll say that I observe, whilst she does it. I've yet to properly meet my second nurse supervisor, so I'm a bit unsure how that'll be. I've gotten a lot of compliments from the nurses, though, which has made me happy. But I'm so good at shooting compliments like that down. I don't know where I get it from, but it's one of the things I need to work on: accept compliments, don't make excuses. Tomorrow I've got work, which might be the last day at work for awhile, because I don't think it's too good for my health to work along with "praksis" and all the reading. Right now I'm going to finish the chapter I've been reading on this week (well, hopefully). Then I'm going to bed, get some rest. Take care x.
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