I loved you with the good and the careless of me

Whilst enjoying our drinks at Cafe Sør, the other day, I felt a sudden sadness. Nostalgia, perhaps. Think I muttered that I missed Ireland, and both Marble and Ale "awww"-ed at me. "Don't worry, we'll go back sometime," Ale assured me. Earlier that day, Marble had seen my whiskey bottle on my desk. Told her to sniff it, see if she didn't think of Dublin when she did. I wonder if I'll always feel this way about Ireland, or if I've just romanticised it so much I can't get the idea of Ireland out of my head. I had a suspicion about this before going to Dublin actually. But it was wrong, it seems I genuinely do have very strong feelings about Ireland. I had a little panic a few hours ago, whilst sat in the sofa, watching television. I thought to myself "is this what I want to be doing next year? Have a job and then coming home to watch television and going to bed? What will my goals be? Will I want to settle down and have children? WHERE AM I GOING WITH MY LIFE". My panic quickly faded after I pushed the thoughts away for another time. It is never clever to think about your life one year ahead. Ireland has left me thinking of autumn and tartan. And now, autumn is finally here in Norway. It's cold in the mornings, and in two weeks it'll already be October. Ale saw my schedule that I've got on my wall above my desk, and I'd used my "dislike" stamp to cross out the days that has passed. She commented that it wasn't very nice, was it? And I told her "but I dislike that I've no longer got those days, that I've lost yet another day of my life". Mostly it was just something I said to justify using the "dislike" stamp, but it wasn't untrue. I don't like that I sometimes wake up and it's suddenly in the middle of the month when I feel like the month just started. But I also don't like how people are being killed by people, and I also don't like having to feel afraid walking alone in the night, and I don't like the thought of anyone close to me dying. And I don't like being sad without knowing why. I am having one of those days today, I think. Being sad without no apparent reason, A day where I find faults and flaws more than I can find solutions. Tomorrow will be better (hopefully).