sometimes I go running in the dark when I don't know how to read the stars

A. Sleep doesn't always come easy. I'll toss and turn, look at the ceiling, 

look at my phone for the time. And then I force myself to close my eyes, 

think about whatever puts me to sleep nowadays. 

Sometimes I might fall asleep, other times I'll just start tossing and turning, 

then doing everything again. 

B. I think, and think. 

Most of the thoughts are bullshit, twisted, 

intended to poison myself. And though in the back of my mind

 I know they're untrue, I let myself swim in them. 

All the things I can solve, just by speaking up. 

They get as far as when you inhale before you say 

something that's on your mind. 

That's when I close my mouth. 

As long as I dont speak of it, it doesn't have to be true. 

C. I read through a book whilst waiting at the library. 

It was only around 100 pages, and it was prose. 

So it doesn't take ages. 

I stood the whole time, the twenty minutes it took. 

My arms ached from holding the book, and my heart twisted as I read the title: 

"nothing happened". 

D. We weren't always strangers. We used to be quite 

close, 

played with our toys together. 

She discovered boys 

whilst I still mainly wanted

 to be friends with them.

 We grew from 

each other,

 and now she's growing another life. 

E. I can't see myself like others do. 

I've supposedly lost weight, 

my legs are supposedly tan, 

I'm supposedly a grown up. 

I'll never see myself like others do. 

As it is I'll never see my own face,

 just what's in the mirror. 

F. It occurred to me the other day

 as I finished reading a letter from Ireland, 

that I can't have everything. 

You choose, or fall onto a path. 

It'll lead you to loads of things. 

Exciting things, maybe. 

But that'll also mean there's paths you wont step into, 

things you wont experience. 

I have to remind myself to understand that's okay. 

G. He infuriates me at times. 

Abandons me when I need him the most. 

And with a gasp that could compete with a gasp from a heroine, 

the realisation of attachement dawns upon me. When did I let him beneath my skin?

H. What's the point of it all? 

What's the meaning of life? 

Why do we continue when there's so many poisonous people? 

How do people manage with days of this? 

Would I be happier-- would the grass be greener on the other side?

I. Please circle your thumb on my wrist when we're watching television. Please remember my favourite kind of chocolate. Please write me silly rhymes. Please dance ridiculously with me. Please map my body with your mouth. Please don't leave me. Please, please, please -- I beg. 

J. Inadequate. 

What an awful word. 

Yet it fits me so perfectly 

at times,

 I dont want to throw

 it away from my vocabulary.

 My own pep-talks are weak,

 weakening

 when they're trying to tell me what to do.

 It's not enough,

 what I've already done.

 It's never

 gonna be enough.

 Always going to be inadequate 

in their eyes. 

K. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up,

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, 

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, 

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, 

shut up, shut up, shut up, 

shut up, shut up, 

shut up.