the strangers in this town, they raise you up just to cut you down

I've made another birthday card, for Lynx this time, as her birthday is just days after I get back from London. I used this flowery background, which I find utterly gorgeous. I've now got a piece of it in one of the frames I keep on my desk. It goes well with it's surroundings, as I realise a lot of the "artworks" I have displayed around my bedroom has purple hues in them. Volla seemed very happy with her card, which arrived today, a few days late. "Never too old to get birthday cards from you in the mail," she wrote me. I think I've finally managed to plan the time of the meet-up with the Brits. It's been a lot of going backwards and forwards. A person says they're good to go, only to say they're not available later. I don't fault anyone, but it does make it hard to make plans. Thomas informed me that it'll be bonfire night when we all meet. I've only heard about it through British vloggers, but I know there's fireworks. So that'll be exciting if we can catch some. I've started to get properly exited, and thinking of what to wear as outerwear. It's going to be significantly colder in most of Europe (it seems, according to the weather forecast's I've been reading) during the time we travel, so I am tempted to just go with my coat. However, a big city holiday usually means a lot of walking, which means warmth. I asked Gemma for her advice of the weather, and she said it was definitely coat-weather. But then I asked: "in Norwegian standards too?" as I know she's been to Norway plenty of times. She laughed, jokingly answered: "in that case it's like Ibiza for you". I've been trying to plan a bit, but to be honest the only thing I truly want to see is Notting Hill with it's pastel colour houses. I would actually love to try a Sunday roast, but I suspect I won't be able to do that. Kiwi hasn't been that demanding when it comes to wishes for what to do. I'm sure we'll figure it out, hopefully not have a bookclub in the hotel room. It does remind me that last time I went to London, I bought more than five books. Happy actual Halloween. It's darker-- I forgot yesterday, as I was jogging to Marble, that we've changed into wintertime, and I couldn't understand why it was so much darker than the day in prior. I don't actually think there's been anyone to the house, much to my mothers relief. 

you held your course to some distant war in the corners of your mind

I think I somehow thought it was Sunday yesterday, because I cleaned my room and everything. So when I woke up today, I was kind of like "it's Sunday again?". Yesterday I walked to Marble's house in my costume. I hadn't put make-up on, because, well. I didn't actually want to creep everyone out in the light of the day. I brought my cat-bag filled with a bottle of gin, a bar of chocolate, two bottles of Schweppes' russian water, and my actual handbag. We made two pizzas, in a kitchen too small for five people working at one time. We brought them upstairs with a few drinks, ate and just talked, I guess. Marble had made the room really Halloween-y with pumpkins, dark candles, etc. After I'd stuffed my face with pizza, we started getting ready. I only had my make-up left, which was the hardest part. Marble and I attempted helping Kiwi putting on contact lenses. As I said to Kiwi later, it was one of the most entertaining parts of the evening. After she finally got them on, Marble and I were stood on each of our sides of Kiwi, holding her hands and telling her to breathe. "It sounds like you're supposed to give birth," Marble laughed. We went to get the cake once we were finished dressing up, and it was only slightly mortifying to walk past Marble's parents and friends who were having a dinner party. We had cake, then started a highly effective drinking game. I've not actually been drinking since my belieber friend and Darren's wedding (apart from a few ciders and beers to my meals in Spain), so it was plenty more than I needed yesterday. I think I halved the amount of my gin bottle, though Kiwi did drink some of it too. We had planned to go to a certain pub, but, well, we wanted to dance. So we ended up walking quite a bit, before we stood in a long line to a club which I've not been to for a year. There's a reason for that, and I think that if I can avoid it in the future, I will. I gave a death stare to a few people, this time, not for fun as to scare people, but because I was genuinely pissed off. People who are drunk off their asses can be the most annoying people ever. Ugh. Marble and Kiwi were strangely tired, and I mocked them for becoming old. As it is, their 24th birthdays are around the corner, so. We ended up running to the night bus (we were going on separate buses, but Marble's bus was about to leave), and you should've seen us running. I don't know about the others, but I'd spent quite a bit of time walking around in my heeled boots, and my feet were aching. We were running as fast as we could in our states, and right then it felt fast. But as I told the others, I could just imagine a car driving past. And if you'd see the run in our perspective, it's fast. But in the perspective of the person driving past, it was probably like seeing old ladies walking briskly with their walkers. At least that was the image I got in my head. Marble made it. Then I waited for my bus with Kiwi. We were all half an hour after each other. Kiwi and I were taking selfies and whatnot. No shame. I finally got on the bus, which drove fast. It was a nice change, because I usually take the night bus with Marble, and it takes a long time. I ended up home earlier than I had expected, and I washed all of my make-up off. Monchita who didn't recognise me in my costume yesterday, left this afternoon. She'd been to a concert yesterday, and slept at a friend's house. But we had a last meal together, before she left to go back to school. I've gotten all the siblings' consent to go ahead with secret santa, so that'll be exciting. I've practically spent today trying to plan a get-together with most of the Brits from the Indochina-trip, and it's currently doing my head in trying to find a day when everyone is free. It's kind of giving me memories of planning the hen-do this year, but thankfully I've kind of roped Gemma into planning with me. Oh well, we shall see how it turns out. Meeting one person is better than none, I guess. Guys, I had a jog to Marble's house to get my things. A bloody jog, which I've not done for two years. I wasn't planning on it, but I had the right gear on, didn't have anything I was carrying, and it was really cold. So I just started jogging, and my god, it's really obvious I've not gone on a jog in years. I don't know, maybe I'll have to incorporate it again. Or maybe it was just a once in two years -thing. Before I go, can I just speak about a song called Angela by The Lumineers? I have their first album, but as usual, I haven't ever gotten around to listening to their newest album. I know Niall (Horan) has been very promoting of their newest album, but again, I've not gotten around to listening to it. It wasn't until I was listening to a random playlist, and I heard the live version of it. And this time, it's not necessarily the lyrics that has gotten to me. It's the actual song, the melody, how it builds up and everything. And that's kind of foreign to me, as I'm always such a sucker for good lyrics. I don't know, I just really like it. 

I'll take this chance, so call me blind. I've been waiting all my life, please don't scar this young heart

I think my uterus really worked itself yesterday, because I'm pretty much painfree today. I'm grateful for it today, but yesterday was not fun. So I'm gonna go ahead and say I prefer an even dose of dull pain over a few days rather than a big dose of pain for just one day. I've sent the birthday card, although the wind is so bad I almost lost my envelope. I reckon I'd look like a fool running after the envelope. I've just seen this video of James Corden and Niall Horan parodying Pony by Ginuwine (Halloween-edition). I feel slightly uncomfortable watching it, but I'm so glad to see the duo-- I genuinely do believe they're gold together because of their chemistry. (also, I love both James and Niall, so). I can only hope for more of them in the future. Monchita arrived home this morning, which was a surprise. I wasn't aware of when she'd be home, just that she was coming home today. It's been two months since she moved to attend school, but I still find myself looking for her in her room sometimes. It's strange, that. She's mostly got her time filled up with her friends, and I don't mind. I find that whenever family comes visiting, I don't need to spend all my time with them. It's just their presence that calms me. Speaking of family, Monchita and I were talking about the idea of secret santa. It just seems like all of my siblings are in a saving mode (Volla is re-doing her house and getting married next year, Lynx is having another baby, Lumba is saving to buy an apartment, Monchita is officially a poor student), so it seemed like the logical thing to do. And I also think we've grown up to a place in life where we no longer are dying of euphoria by the sight of Christmas presents. Regardless, I've always wanted to try it anyway. We were hatching the idea by the dining table, and we realised we couldn't draw names to traditional way (drawing papers from a cup or summat), and Monchita goes: "just search it up". I was completely blank, other than the term "secret santa". Funnily enough though, a generator popped up, and it was exactly what I was looking for. Anyway, Volla is on board with the idea. I'm just waiting for Lumba and Lynx to confirm whether they want to or not. Monchita has left for a Halloween party, I've cleaned and waxed my boots, which is something I should've done ages ago. I need to go over my Halloween-costume, just cause I haven't actually looked at it since I last spoke of it.  

Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do. All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

GBBO is over. I'm sad about it, but I'm very glad I haven't followed it for more than just one season. Otherwise I think I would be devastated. I was quite underwhelmed by the finale, which I think might have been because of the lack of my favourite baker. Also, in my eyes, it became pretty obvious who was the winner. My plans today consisted of posting my card to Volla, however, I was kind of reluctant to do it. Plus, I needed their new address. I sent a snap to Mog, asking for the address, but I didn't have patience to wait for an answer, as the arrival of my period today wanted to make itself horrible. The start of my period is sometimes really painful, and the pain doesn't go away unless I keep moving (I mean, I'm sure painkillers would help, but I hate taking pills because it takes me years to swallow a pill). So usually I just exercise. Today it only helped a tiny bit, so I got dressed for a walk. The first twenty minutes, I was contemplating turning around, because I was still aching. But I persevered, and ended up on a 8 km walk in lovely autumn weather. And the pain had slowly become more dull, and once I got out of the shower, it was almost non-existent. I don't necessarily think exercising is a way to take away pain, but like a distraction. It's like if you hurt your shin, but pinch your upper arm just to distract the pain from your shin. Nevertheless, it was a really nice walk. I hope that my uterus has done most of the work today, so the remaining days of my period isn't as excruciating. Ugh, I've also got a new zit on my chin, one of those that hurts whenever I move my face. Thanks a lot. At least I get to update my Clue-app (an app for the period, I'm sure I've spoken of it before). I didn't get an answer from Mog until I had showered, so I've decided to leave it be for tomorrow. I'll have to do that and polish my shoes (yes, I am eighty years). 

were you safe and warm in your coat of arms, with your fingers in a fist

He kindly offers insight to his troubles in his life when I admit that I'm feeling troubled. He doesn't push, he reads between the lines. It is a comfort to not feel so alone in this game of life. For the first time in forever, I can finally see a few blue spots on the sky. The sun is shining behind the clouds. It's a great relief to my mental well-being to see a bit of light, and it does make me wonder how I'd cope without. Apart from waking up with a throat as dry as the desert, this morning has been swell. My nephew turns five whole years, and he is my constant reminder of how quickly time flies by. I pulled out my painting gear yesterday, when I was attempting to make a birthday card. Instead of doing something planned, I just went with my gut I suppose. The result is a blue circle which I guess can look a bit ominous. It's not my typical birthday card, but it is what it is. I did say I was going to stop making these cards-- I'm just finishing up this year, I guess. I really wanted to make banana bread yesterday, but the bananas were eaten. It's not often the bananas in the house last until they get overripe, so I rarely get to make banana bread. Oh well, I guess I'll have to find something else to bake. In other news, I have found myself a bit tempted to make a multiple-tier cake. However, I'm not that fond of cake, so it would be more for the decoration and not for the wanting to eat it. Maybe it's better off if I don't bake, leave it to GBBO. As it is, I don't have much of baking prowess. Niall is appearing at Late Late Show with James Corden tonight, which I'm looking forward to because it's always nice to see Niall in company with someone he feels comfortable with. It always prompt the most natural interviews. 

I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time, that the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes

De har laget en fartsdump på veien utenfor huset. Jeg prøvde å se hva de hadde gjort med veien i går, men det var ikke mulig å se utifra stuevinduet. Men fra soverommet mitt, ser jeg det veldig godt. Aner ikke hvorfor, men synet av bilene slakke ned ved fartsdumpen gav meg latterkrampe da jeg først så det. Jeg tror det har noe med at jeg er så vant til å se bilene kjøre så innmari fort på veien, og sånn har det vært i alle de årene jeg har bodd her. Det er overskyet ute, men for første gang på lang tid, så virker det faktisk lyst. Værmeldingen viser at det skal være sol til helgen, hvilket jeg gleder meg veldig til. Monchita kommer hjem til helgen, også er det Halloween-feiring med Kiwi og Marble. Jeg har ryddet rommet, og nå tror jeg at jeg skal prøve å lage bursdagskort til Volla som har bursdag på lørdag. Hele denne uken er fylt med spennende dager, faktisk, når jeg tenker på det. 

I got lost in the storm of my ways

I found this postcard at the bottom of the postbox yesterday. It was soaked. It's from Ale, who seemingly never fails to send me postcards from her holiday destinations. Twas a nice surprise, you know how I love finding cards and letters in the post. That does actually remind me that Volla's birthday is coming up. I'll have to think of something. Yesterday I accidentally bought a hella expensive apple juice. I'm not exactly picky when it comes to apple juices, but this is apparently premium. I guess the ingredients are better (less sugar, more actual fruit, etc). I also got another loaf, which I've not had since last week (because I'm pretty sure my dad ate the last of it. Surely that's why he offered to go on a grocery run for me..). In the grocery store there was a Halloween set-up, as in you could walk through a house. I decidedly walked around an isle to avoid it. I also got my package, as expected. This morning I woke up 4.30. The days are mostly dark, but the night is darker. But in the morning it's hard to differentiate between morning and night, so I had to check my phone to see if it was ungodly hours, or just the morning. Definitely ungodly, but I was wide awake, so I had a bit of a read. Then I fell asleep again at 5.00. I had loaf for breakfast this morning, and it was oh-so good. I know it's not good for me, but, simple joys of life. Yes/no? I'm gonna go with yes. Who knows when I tire of it-- a long with most of my obsessions, it's inevitable. I had a pretty good exercise session yesterday, so it's fine. I really fancy some more loaf now though. October is almost over, which is crazy, as it just started. But I do find myself getting excited for jolly holly times, although not the excruciating cold. I was looking at gift wrapping paper the other day, and I was kind of tempted to buy one. However, I know the selection will be better in another month. It's still early times, and I'm trying to suppress feeling jolly just yet. I do have a knack of getting excited too early, and then not have any "Christmas cheer" when it finally comes around. Okay, brain, stop! Halloween first! (was singing a Christmas song in my head)

My lungs still breathe, my mind still fears. But we're running out of time

In about two weeks, I'm going to London. I've not been since four years ago, which was a trip with my sisters. This time I'm travelling with Kiwi, my travelling-bud. The main-reason for our trip, is to visit some of the people we met during our travels this year. However, we both suspect we'll have time for ourselves, so I want to make the most out of that. I did quite a bit of research yesterday, mostly about food and shopping. There's a few shops I'm really looking forward to, also, I'm hoping to lose myself in a grocery store again. I had a nightmare trying to understand the Oyster-cards. They've got an option for tourists: The London Pass. However, I'm not going to travel within all the zones, which means it'll be a waste of money. I also considered a travelcard, but actually wrote to the costumer services. So, whenever you go travelling to a city where the public transport is good, always check the options when it comes to travel cards. Sometimes it pays off not getting one. In London however, it does pay off having an Oyster-card because you'll pay less for a ticket. Anywho, it nearly does my head in just thinking about it. I've watched the semifinals in GBBO (spoiler alert!), and although I knew the outcome beforehand (it was kind of obvious), it was a pretty sad one. I can't put my finger on why Selasi has grabbed so many hearts. But I suspect it's the character he is, he's an enigma. Just different, I guess. Nearly cried when I saw Mel and Sue say their farewells. It's a strange thing, because the show starts off so lighthearted and mostly just fun. However, it becomes so emotional as you can't help becoming fond of the contestants. I definitely think the contestants left in the final are worthy, and it is the way I wanted it to go. I didn't actually want Selasi in the finals because I didn't think he deserved it based on his past bakes. Five minutes into this episode, I was already shaking with nerves. But I also had a great laugh. Next week it's the final, the last episode. And I'm gutted. In my head it would last longer. I guess the next thing is Teen Wolf. Final season huh. I am worried that I'll dislike the last season, which is almost a given if my favourite characters won't be in it. And I'm pretty sure that's how it'll go. Nevertheless, I'll be watching it. I've kind of avoided watching trailers, because I want to be surprised. I have fifteen episodes left of s5 before I've watched all of the seasons over again. So maybe that'll be enough to keep me in the gap between the end of GBBO and the start of s6. I need to go to the shops, but I've been waiting for a package to arrive, so I can get everything done in one stop. It looks like it has arrived actually, but I've not received any messages yet. So, for now I'll just wait.

let me feel your devotion, let me feel your emotion

Halloween-kostymet er in the making. Problemet mitt nå er at jeg synes kjolen jeg har kjøpt er lite "glamorøs", også klarer jeg ikke tenke ut en løsning på hvordan jeg skal gjøre den mer glamorøs. Jeg har gjort noe DIY på den i dag, men synes absolutt ikke at den passer under kategorien "glamorøs". Samtidig har jeg sett på en del sminke-videoer for å få inspirasjon til egen sminke. Og jeg innser at jeg ønsker å være skummel, ekkel. Jeg fant en annen kjole i klesskapet som jeg tror tilhører Volla. Synes den kan gå til den glamorøse delen, men jeg er redd den tar bort "heks" fra Halloween-kostymet. Så, skal jeg rett og slett bare være en skummel heks? Eller skal jeg gå for glamorøs heks? Eller skal jeg prøve på et midtpunkt, og risikere at jeg verken ser glamorøs eller skummel ut? Å, jeg har så mange spørsmål. Jeg så på Kick-Ass i går, fordi Kiwi nevnte hun ønsket å være Hit-Girl fra filmen. Verken hun eller Marble hadde sett filmen, men en av de kommenterte "vet jo at du liker den," til meg. Og ja, husker at jeg satt i leiligheten til Lynx og Grepper den gangen da verken av nevøene mine eksisterte. Vi hadde filmkveld, og det var den filmen som ble valget. Det er nok ikke filmen for de som ikke liker blod og vold, og dessuten kan det være et par groteske scener. Men fy søren, det er så merkelig å tenke på at den er seks år gammel når den fortsatt er like bra. I dag har jeg forsøkt sminke til Halloween, og jeg tror faktisk jeg har bestemt meg for kjolen jeg kjøpte. Gikk ned for å hente skoene mine for å prøve hele antrekket og sminken sammen, og jeg gav nesten moren min et hjerteinfarkt. Jeg er ikke så overrasket, sminken min skremte meg selv hver gang jeg så meg i speilet. Og det skal sies at jeg faktisk ikke hadde sånn veldig skummel sminke. Hun skrek hvertfall, og datt nesten av stolen hun satt på. Jeg fikk latterkrampe og noe dårlig samvittighet. Jeg har sånn circa bestemt meg for sminken, men altså, dette er mer effort enn jeg noengang har lagt i et Halloween-kostyme. Synes at fjorårets var veldig bra til tross for at det var veldig impromptu. Uavhengig av hele kostyme-styret, så tror jeg det skal bli en bra Halloween uansett. Kan vi prate om været? Synes det har vært utrolig mørkt i det siste. Tåken har lagt seg som en mørk skygge den siste tiden, og det ser ikke ut til at det blir noen endringer i det. Du skulle trodd at etter å hatt døgnet, så skulle jeg sove i mange timer? Jeg våknet klokken fem på søndag, seks på mandag, og sju i dag. Dette er uten vekkerklokke altså. Hvis jeg våkner klokken åtte i morgen må jeg le. De to siste treningsøktene mine har jeg fokusert litt på mage. Det går ofte i glemmeboka på denne tiden av året, så jeg er veldig fornøyd med meg selv. I går forsøkte jeg å høre på litt ny musikk etter jeg hadde hørt på dette coveret, som Ale også sendte meg en link til i dag morges. Før jeg la meg dog, hørte jeg på en akustisk versjon av Meteorite av Years & Years. Ja takk, Olly, sier jeg bare. Danset til den i sengen liksom, i den forstand det går an å danse mens du ligger horisontalt. 

Lær mæ å stol på det, at det går bra. Livet vil mæ godt selv om rommet e alt førr lite nu

Tenk deg å være så stressa at du løper ut i verden uten bh, ikke for å snakke om joggebukse og olje i ansiktet. Gårsdagens meg var litt av en sak. Klarte å skremme vettet av en kvinne også, der jeg løp og peset forbi henne på en mørk fredagskveld. Hun falt ikke overende, men hoppet i luften, og det tok henne lang tid for å komme seg igjen tror jeg. Jeg løp hvertfall videre, for jeg hadde ikke tid til å dvele på det. I dag har jeg vært med Kiwi og Marble, og vi havnet på vårt faste spisested. Jeg kjøpte meg en kjole til Halloween, og jeg skal faktisk gå for "glamorøs heks" i år. Å være heks er enkelt, det er bare den glamorøse delen som er litt vanskelig. Uansett gleder jeg meg til utkledning. Vi snakket om livet, og det er veldig deilig å kunne prate med mennesker som er i lignende båt. (I går snakket jeg med Ale om livet også, dog jeg gikk lenger i dybden da ettersom jeg ikke var like trøtt som i dag). Etter jeg var ferdigspist med min skinke- og oste- croissant (Kiwi pekte på den før jeg hadde sagt noe om hva jeg skulle ha. "Skal du ha denne?" spurte hun), gikk vi for å se på bowlingen som senteret har tilbudt i alle år jeg kan huske. "Ser det fristende ut?" spurte jentene. "Jeg liker egentlig ikke bowling," svarte jeg. Så da gikk vi videre. Omsider ble klokken mye, og Kiwi dro sin vei for denne gang. Marble ble med meg på dagligvarebutikken, hvor jeg kjøpte te og eplejuice. Essentials liksom. Jeg gikk en vei hjem som jeg ikke har gått på år grunnet veiarbeid. Det gav gode minner, blant annet minner om jul. Kjenner jeg har begynt å glede meg, spesielt da jeg var i hobbybutikken i dag og så på gavepapir. Jeg ble veldig sliten da jeg kom hjem. Har tross alt døgnet, og deretter sovet fire timer. Jeg satte meg ned og så på Cinderella med Lily James. Jeg så den for første gang hos Lynx og Grepper, og jeg husker at jeg likte den så godt. Hadde ikke noe annerledes reaksjon denne gangen heller. Nå skal jeg faktisk gjøre meg klar til sengs, for jeg trenger virkelig å sove. 

klar ikke pust, men æ veit det kan gå vess æ klar å stå i det selvom æ får lite luft

I was delighted to see that Selasi is through to the quarter finals in GBBO, however, I genuinely didn't want anyone to leave the tent. It's like Mel said; wish that I could squeeze the five of them into the quarter finals. I am really looking forward to next week's episode, however, I've also come to dread the end of this show. It'll be the last season on the BBC, last one with Mel, Sue, Mary and Paul all together. I suppose I can watch the five seasons prior to this season, but it's not the same, is it? I signed up for newsletters regarding Niall Horan. Was not expecting to see a handwritten letter in the e-mail I opened yesterday, and it made me so fond of this guy. As if I don't think he's a great chap already, but then he goes on doing small things like this. I hope he never loses his gratitude and normalcy despite his success from such young age. It's is very admirable. I went to bed at a reasonable hour yesterday, popped the window open and cuddled into my cocoon of a duvet, then went on to re-read a fan fiction which makes my insides hurt each time I read it. I got a text from Monchita today: "is our sister pregnant?". Had to laugh, because I thought she already knew. Thought Lynx had called her, but apparently not. So she was the last in the family to know. I spent some time exercising today, which made me very happy because my motivation has been so lacking. I sometimes cannot believe I regularly exercised for months upon months some year. Tried going back through my archive, but I can't remember which year it was when I used to wake up early and work out with The Breakfast Show with Nick Grimshaw as background music, then go to "praksis". I did come across a blog post where I wrote something akin "it was a perfect day for a run". Oh my god, here's another example: "Yesterday I woke up at 7:00 am so I could listen to Grimmy whilst having my breakfast. Then I did "Dynamic yoga" and "Alpha abs" routines from the Nike Training app, before I went for a jog". Hands down, I've not gone for a run in years. Reading that I got up that early to have a work-out session, and then a jog afterwards is almost a bit surreal to me. Perhaps one day I'll get those good habits again, but for now I'm most likely to stay in bed, eat a piece of toasted loaf, and avoid exercise. The younger-me must be disappointed. Oh anyways, I'm going to head to sleep now. It's bed-time for older-me. 

E æ på rett sted, heng æ med de rette? Ka e det egentlig æ driv me?

"Jeg skulle hatt på meg mer klær," tenkte jeg i det jeg gikk ut i kulden i dag. Er det kaldere? Det føltes slik ut. Til tross for kulden, har jeg ikke brukt kåpene mine ennå. Skuldrene sklir liksom opp til ørene, og jeg blir så anspent i kulden. Mamsen så på avisene som lå på tv-bordet, huffet seg. "Når du ser disse spøkelses-bladene, så må du bare kaste de," sa hun til meg mens hun pekte på reklame fra lekebutikken som selger Halloween-kostymer. Hun rasket seg å kaste de, mens hun grøsset. Det er nok greit at huset er plassert ved en vei uten fortau. Er få barn som tør å ta turen til huset på en Halloween-kveld, noe som er positivt for min mor som genuint synes de er skumle. I går trente jeg faktisk. Var i ferd med å skippe det, orket ikke. Men så fikk jeg akkurat nok motivasjon til å begynne, så da gjennomførte jeg. Avsluttet med litt beroligende stretching. Motivasjonen min til trening har liksom smuldret, forsvunnet. Så de få gangene jeg får det til, så må jeg gi meg en klapp på skulderen. Kiwi kommer til helgen, og det blir et bra gjensyn. Har ikke sett henne på to måneder, og jeg er faktisk ikke sikker på om jeg har gått en like lang periode uten å møte henne i løpet av vennskapet vårt. (throwback: her er første gang jeg nevnet navnet hennes på bloggen). Forrige uke drømte jeg om at Marble avfyrte skudd mot to personer. Tror egentlig at de var innbruddstyver, men det var som om det var hennes verste fiender. Jeg forsøkte å fjerne pistolen fra Marble, men jeg rakk ikke før hun hadde skutt begge. Heldigvis overlevde begge. Det var en veldig stressende drøm. Jeg må få i meg en matbit, også skal jeg se på tv. Gleder meg så sinnsykt til GBBO. Det er faktisk så underholdende for meg.

Gje mæ nåkka som betyr nå, nåkka æ verkelig har tru på. For æ vil kjenn at æ lev, kjenn at det riv i hjertet

Just reading through my favourite book, "Lucy Sullivan is getting married", and there's a scene where there's a thunderstorm. "Thunderstorms filled the air with negative ions, although I'm not sure what they are, I know they're supposed to make you feel good". I have read this book so many times, but it's only now I actually read that sentence and thought of it. I googled negative ions, and it's true that they boost your mood. Apparently the amount of negative ions are usually high in mountains, ocean, waterfalls, and other. When I read that, I did an internal face palm. No wonder I feel so at peace in the mountains or by the water. To be fair, a part of that is also the view, and my associations to the nature. However, it's nice to see that it's also a bit of science. When Maggie and I was watching television the other day, we started discussing Australians (they were in Australia on the tv-show). It just seems like most Australians are really fit? Maggie meant it in a "they're really bloody hot", whereas I'm not very into the surfer-type (ugh, flashbacks to all the surfer types in Bali). However, I can admire toned bods. Sunday was a cleaning day, and just utter relaxation. Watched Stardust, which has to be one of my favourite movies. Then I finally got a move on and did a bit of exercise, which I haven't done in what feels like ages. Was very chuffed with myself when I was done. Woke up to my alarm this morning, and though I had enough hours, I still snoozed a bit more. I've gotten into a habit of sleeping with my window open, and now it seems like I can't sleep with it closed. So it gets pretty cold in my bedroom, and the act of getting out of my warm cocoon and stepping into the cold air is the least tempting thing. The past days I've been listening to Sondre Justad. I had a period last year when I listened to an acoustic version of Nu har du mæ on repeat. I didn't however, listen through his album. I have now, and it's really good. I feel like I'm always late on the bandwagon, which is fine. I just need some time to appreciate things. 

pull the sheets right off the corner of the mattress that you stole from your roommate back in Boulder

I am no longer allowed to eat chocolate in the cinema. Twice it's happened to me, and I end up spilling chocolate on myself in the dark. Didn't even notice the stains until I got home today. Bridget Jones was charming as always, and I did indeed have a laugh. Admittedly I was slightly disappointed. I think it's just because I hyped the movie up in my head, actually went ahead and grew expectations to the film. I did leave the cinema without crying once, which also was a bit disappointing. To be fair, I was sat beside two middle-aged women who acted like teenagers, snapchatting and trying to find filters during the movie. They kind of ruined a bit of my watching experience. I've read all the Bridget Jones' books, though I can't actually remember much of the last book. I do know, however, that the movie isn't actually a portrait of the last book, which is a relief as it's pretty sad. I would marathon all the Bridget Jones' movies in a heartbeat-- as most people do (I'm pretty sure it's done very well) I really love the series. Yesterday I saw this (pictured) foot in flesh, though he's grown quite a bit. Last time I saw him was when he was quite tiny, and though I love babies, I prefer them a few months old. Not so fragile. He's not much of a crier, does fuss, seems to have itchy gums, have ticklish thighs, and a gorgeous laugh. He did a fart, and I said "ooh, that probably felt really good for your tummy, didn't it?", and he smiled widely, like saying "oh yeah, 'twas the best". Maggie, Oyster and I went to the shops (with the babe of course)-- picked up groceries for a taco and cinnamon buns. It appears Oyster is quite the noob when it comes to tacos. Maggie and I used to eat it pretty regularly in our childhood. What Oyster lacked in taco-knowledge, she made up by making lovely cinnamon buns. I was pretty full with tacos and apple juice, so I only had one. We watched an episode of a really popular Norwegian television show, which made me cringe so much. I felt better when we watched another show that I've been following on Instagram for awhile. It was also pretty cringeworthy, but I didn't mind. We ended up watching television for hours, and I held a slightly fidgeting babe in my lap until he was to be fed and put to sleep. Oyster left before me. I wanted to finish the episode of the show we were watching, then we ended up watching the episode after that too. Another episode was about to start, and I said "alright, I need to go now too". So, just before midnight, I walked home with a bag of cinnamon buns. Maggie lives pretty nearby me, which I find is a tiny bit funny. It's like all of my childhood friends from the same neighbourhood moved to the same place one after the other. I watched a preview of an episode of Teen Wolf, surely it must be the first episode. It made me a tiny bit sad, because it's the beginning of the end. Also, I'm not sure how much I'll get to see Stiles (my favourite character) in the last season. My second favourite character is Derek, and he's been gone since s4, which has been pretty crap for my emotional investment in the show. So if they're taking away Stiles in addition, I won't exactly be very happy. Oh well, I'm really looking forward to it. Though I hate the await of new episodes, which is why I don't watch television!

I taste the pleasure on your lips. You make planets start to spin

Watching GBBO is a tense affair. Have to admit that my shoulders rise quite a bit. I can't believe it's already been seven weeks of it, though I only started watching it when it was already week four? Maybe week three. After the first episode I had a clear favourite, not necessarily to win the competition, but just because of his persona. And after a bit of a Tumblr-search, I've gathered that I'm not the only one who adores Selasi. This Buzzfeed article certainly points out a few of the reasons why he's so likable. I'm also very fond of Andrew-- he was an instant favourite because of his Irish roots. I just can't help it! This week I finally thought it was the end of Selasi's journey, and it was a close call, but he's still in the competition. To be fair, at the moment everyone is pretty much a favourite. Don't really want anyone to get sent home. Ugh, now I have to wait another week for a new episode? This is why I don't watch television. My plans today was originally to go watch Bridget Jones. A few nights ago I watched the music video for Meteorite by Years & Years, and it's just fecking gorgeous. I have a thing for Olly dancing around, especially in a Swarovski-encrusted culotte-style catsuit. I think it's just because he's such a character in their music videos, the most recent ones anyway. In an interview with Elle, he said (about the music video): "I imagined myself as a wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between my thighs". It makes for great imagery, and I couldn't not want to dance along to the song. There's just a thing about Years & Years-- more often than not their songs makes me want to move. So I went to download the song on iTunes, and I saw it's a part of the soundtrack to Bridget Jones. I'd mostly forgotten about the movie after the whole disaster with Marble trying to watch the movie at the cinema. But being reminded because of the song made me want to go watch it today. And I was going to, however, I would be too late for the screening I wanted to watch, and the later one was already almost sold out. So instead of going today, I purchased a ticket for Saturday. Regardless, I've been dancing to Meteorite each night before bed since I've heard the song. Since I didn't go to the cinema, I went to the shops instead to get a few essentials. Wore a scarf for the first time in ages, and it felt really nice to walk out in the crisp weather. The woman in one of the shop complimented my perfume, and when she asked which perfume I wore, my mind went blank. It's like, the only perfume I've been wearing for ages now. Should know it, but I did say it's Chloè. Anyhow, I just thought that was really nice to get a compliment like that, and it reminded me of the power of a strangers compliment. The other week or so, I saw a woman dressed like a (my) dream, and I really wanted to compliment her. Only, she was a few too many metres from me for me to feel comfortable to shout "hey, loving your outfit". Tomorrow I'm seeing Oyster, Maggie and the little babe. Last time we all hung out together was an impromptu visit on my side, as I was walking home the day after a night on the town with Marble and Ale. And that was months ago. So it'll be really nice to see the little babe-- also I've been a tiny bit broody. 

when you were here before, couldn't look you in the eye

Sometimes you convince yourself that you're fine. So much that it's a surprise when it dawns on you you're not. That's a good job of ignoring your feelings, not that I'd recommend. In fact, it was just what I advised my Tumblr-friend against a few days ago. Yet I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at my curtains with a wobbly lip. Letting out a sob, it turned out to be one of those sobs that can't be stifled, and before I knew it, my head was in my hands and I couldn't bloody stop crying. Like a dam opening the floodgates. I can't remember ever crying like that unless it's because of a sad movie/book. I had to stop eventually, when my brother cautiously knocked on my door, notifying me about food. By then I'd used three kleenex's. Food wasn't exactly my priority, instead I got my sketchpad and blue pen out. Started writing with my hand like I haven't done in ages. It was very nurse-y of me, because I wrote down all of my negative thoughts, everything, so I could have it in front of me. The crying that had subsided started again, but I continued writing. Then I went to get food, and have a little break to think of the things I'd written. Went back to my sketchpad, and I started writing a list of positive things about myself. I'm not fine-- if anyone asks and I answer "I'm fine", it's probably a lie. I'm in a difficult period of my life, and I'm struggling to understand anything. However, today was most progress I've done in a long time, the most honest I've been with myself for a long while. 

I felt a tremor in your kiss. Earth shakes, and I answer it. My body realigns. It's too much, I cannot handle this

Oktober kom med en kulde som jeg ikke har sett frem til. "Det er så rart at kroppen glemmer kulden hvert eneste år," kommenterte jeg til Darren. Jeg har klagd over kulden til alle rundt meg, inkludert Lynx som jeg facetimet med i dag. "Høsten er her, og det er litt deilig det da," sa hun. Jeg gravde meg ned i sengen i dag, kunne like godt lagd en iglo. Så nei, foreløpig, synes jeg ikke at det er så deilig. I går var jeg hos det nye hjemmet til ekteparet. De pusser opp for tiden, og jeg har snakket om mitt ønske om å male såpass mye, at min belieber friend spurte om jeg ville male. Jeg hadde i utgangspunktet lagt planer med Oyster, men jeg forklarte henne at jeg virkelig ønsket å male. De fleste synes det er en merkelig greie, og jeg kan ikke si helt hvorfor jeg hadde (har) ett så intenst ønske. Tror det ligger i at jeg liker å male, men mest fordi jeg liker følelsen av å skape noe, liker følelsen av å bruke hendene. Jeg vet ikke. Vet ingenting. Malte ferdig to vegger, også spiste jeg fire pølser. Og da var jeg egentlig ganske ferdig. Var egentlig ferdig før dagen hadde startet, fordi jeg våknet i mørket en gang. Om det var natt eller tidlig morgen aner jeg ikke-- eneste jeg vet er at jeg lå og slumret til alarmen omsider gikk. Så i tillegg til matkoma, kom mangelen på søvn inn i bildet også, og jeg satt i den tomme stuen med opprevet parkett og stirret ut vinduet. Ekteparet malte ferdig soverommet, også dro vi for å se på nytt golv. De kjøpte 32 pakker med parkett, og de skal ha kudos for hvor effektive de var i går. Jeg var hjemme i 9-tiden? Sovnet i 2-tiden? Ikke at jeg kunne skryte av søvn natt til i dag heller. Det var som om hodet bare var veldig tungt, og fant ingen komfortabel stilling. Den tunge følelsen fortsatte da jeg "våknet opp" i morges. Og den varte inntil langt utover ettermiddagen. Fikk et facetime-anrop, og første jeg så var nevø numero uno med et ultralydbilde. Surprise, Lynx er gravid igjen. Det er en gammel nyhet for meg, da jeg fikk vite det for et par uker siden. Men for nevøen min var det en overraskelse, og jeg hadde ikke sett noe ultralydbilde før nå. Da jeg var på besøk, spøkte vi om at det kanskje ble tvillinger, og ansiktsuttrykket til Grepper var noe ala: "omg nei". Jeg lo som bare det. Blir koselig med nytt tilskudd, og jeg som har drømt om å lage barnerom i det siste (se på dette fine rommet!)-- jeg har alltids vært glad i vogner, men i det siste har jeg sett på senger. Mens jeg facetimet med kidsa, ba den eldste meg om å gå ut i finværet. Jeg gikk meg en tur i hagen, viste epletrærne, plukket to epler. Hittil har jeg unngått og spise epler fra hagen fordi at jeg ikke har likt smaken, men disse var faktisk veldig gode. Så det er jo veldig fint! Satte meg i sola en stund, for den varmer godt. Men sekundet solen blir borte, så er det kaaaaaldt, så jeg løp inn igjen for en kopp te. 

I wish I was older when I was young

I går dro jeg og Marble til en annen bydel enn vi pleier å henge i, fordi hun hadde funnet en restaurant/cafe hun ønsket å prøve. Begge trodde at vi sist var der på en nasjonaldag for flere år tilbake, men viste seg at vi har vært på utested der opptil flere ganger. Jeg var veldig åpen til å prøve noe nytt, så vi endte opp på det jeg antar er et tamilsk spisested, og det var sjarmerende i den form av at det ikke føltes særlig fancy ut. De har ikke gått langt for å lage et pent sted, men det har en god atmosfære i mine øyne. Og maten, ja, det var veldig mye forskjellig jeg ønsket å prøve, men absolutt ikke hadde plass til i magesekken. Det var veldig godt, og jeg er veldig glad for at vi spiste der. Drar absolutt tilbake. Vi bestemte oss for å gå til Frogner, men vi undervurderte det sure været. Det ble liksom så surt at verken av oss ønsket å gå ute lenger. Jeg hadde t.o.m. på meg en tykk genser. Så vi endte opp på trikken. I kø for å kjøpe kinobillett til Bridget Jones, så sier karen at filmen er utsolgt. Jeg hadde allerede satt kortet mitt inn i kortautomaten. Marble og jeg så på hverandre i sjokk, for vi hadde faktisk sagt "nei, det er ikke vits å kjøpe billett på forhånd". Grunnen til at vi tenkte det var fordi at en films popularitet vanligvis daffer av en viss tid etter premiere. Og det har vært to uker siden filmen kom ut, så vi antok at det ville være ledige billetter igjen. Men nei. Vi fikk beskjed om at filmen gikk på en kino der ekteparet bor, så vi bestemte oss for å reise i den retningen. Men på t-banen, sier Marble at vi kan ta en annen kino som jeg ikke hadde tenkt på. Der stod det at den skulle gå 20.30, og at det var 14 plasser ledige. Men i det jeg skulle velge seter, så det ut som om det kun var ett sete igjen. Så på toget, ringte jeg til kinoen, og damen sa: "det er dessverre kun ett sete igjen". Da var vi allerede på vei hjemover, og vi ville ikke ha rukket filmen som gikk der ekteparet bor. Med andre ord failet vi sykt. Jeg var ikke akkurat kjempelei meg, synes heller at det var litt artig. Vi endte opp med å reise til Marble, var vitne til en nesten slåsskamp på bussen, diskuterte den "nye" døren til Marble. Vi lagde te, tok med oss en kanne vann og to sinnsykt gode epler, også satte vi oss på "loftstua". Satte på Maze Runner, fordi Marble aldri har sett den. Sist jeg så på filmen var på flyet med Kiwi. Men jeg halvsov, var sliten. Så når jeg så på filmen i går, så var det mange ting som jeg faktisk ikke husket. "Du vet faktisk ikke hva som skjer du," kommenterte Marble. Filmen fikk meg til å glede meg til treeren, dog det virker ut som det skal ta tusen år til før den kommer på kino. Marble og jeg snakket om hukommelse, og jeg nevnte at jeg hadde sendt en sang til Ale som hun mener jeg har sendt før. Men jeg er ganske sikker på at jeg startet å høre på Gavin James for et par dager siden. Tingen er at Niall (Horan), som jeg har hørt om Gavin via, har tweetet om denne artisten for tre år siden. Så jeg kan ikke krysse ut muligheten for at jeg faktisk har hørt på akkurat den sangen før. Marble spurte om artisten, og jeg sa "han har sånn typisk sound som jeg liker. Han er ire". Hun lo, "selvfølgelig er han ire," sa hun. Men seriøst, gå og hør på Bitter Pill (deluxe, ja du må høre på deluxe fordi det inkluderer live sanger som faktisk er bedre enn studio versjonene) dersom du ønsker noe relativt avslappende. Jeg har ikke helt fått favoritt-sanger, fordi jeg genuint er glad i omtrent alle sangene. Men The Book of Love (er et cover), Coming Home, og  Hole in My Heart er veldig fine. Spesielt live. Jeg nevnte til Marble at jeg har en irriterende tendens til å begynne å høre på en artist måneder etter artisten har vært i Norge og hatt konsert. Det gjelder også Gavin James, men jeg har stort håp om å kunne høre han live en dag. Jeg begynte ikke å grine på torsdagen, eller, jeg felte ett par tårer, for jeg så Liam (Payne) hadde tweetet noe til Niall angående singelen. Og det ble bare for mye, for jeg har alltids beundret vennskapet mellom karene. Niall har sagt at han ikke kommer med noe album før neste år, og jeg tror på det. Men han er også en av de flinkeste til å holde på hemmeligheter, har bra pokerfjes-- så kan ikke si at jeg helt stoler på ham. I dag har jeg endelig sett ferdig Teen Wolf sesong fire, og jeg tror faktisk ikke at jeg klarer å se ferdig sesong fem før den nye sesongen. I stedet kan det faktisk hende at jeg begynner å se på en ny serie! Men nå tror jeg at jeg skal se på den nyeste GBBO episoden igjen. Har sett på hver episode minst to ganger, for det er så mye jeg liker tv-showet. Hei oktober, du er da litt tidlig ute synes jeg.