anything could happen

Today I don't feel like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed. Nice lyrics by Bruno Mars, yeah? I have been spending so much time at school the past week, and I think that justifies one day of being lazy. I will most likely regret this later, but for now I am just going to enjoy it. I woke up at 11:00 today, and I felt somewhat rested after waking up two times during the night. I've gotta tell you - it's not fun to cough so much you start welling tears. But I'm almost positive things are better. I feel like my coughing has subsided. At least for today. But then again, I might be getting my hopes up. I was skyping with my nephew earlier, and it just proves how quickly babies grow up. Sometimes I feel slight guilty for not being there when he's learning new things. But I can't exactly move there, can I? And then I feel jealous of those who are there when he's learning to do new stuff. But what can you do? Right now I'm switching in between listening to Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding and Diamonds by Rihanna. I love both. And it's a result of listening to it on the morning show on the radio with Grimmy. Speaking of Grimmy, I dozed off listening to Grimmy last night. I woke up abruptly one hour later, squinting my eyes seeing as the light was still on. My clock told me it was about 01:20, so I decided to undress and go to bed. When I woke up today I spent a considerable amount of time watching One Direction on Chatty Man quite a few times. Sometimes just staring at the Irish lad and his many facial expressions. And his quiff. Other times I was staring at Liam Payne, who seemed to be in pain. Heartbreak, that is. I just keep rewinding some scenes, and all I can think of is that I want to hug him. But hugs don't take the pain away, does it? For a second maybe, but then it all comes back. The rumours of Liam and Danielle breaking up has never been confirmed, nor denied. But seeing his facial expression falter as Alan Carr was asking Louis and Zayn about their girlfriends, basically told everything there was to say. And maybe it's odd saying this - but I truly feel bad about him being hurt. But then again, I do with everyone. There is so much pain in this world, and it is agonizing sometimes, knowing that I will never be able to fix it. But yeah, let's not get too deep. The plan for the rest of day is to read some fanfiction. I haven't procrastinated and read some for quite awhile, and I think now is a great time to do it. If I can find a good sob movie, I'll watch it. And trust me - I will sob. And then I might, no, I will read some anatomy. Oh my god. My sister popped by and asked me if I wanted some chicken, and I was like: "yeah, alright". And then she actually brought the food up to my bed. That was not expected. At all. Now I definitely feel like a sick baby. Wow, haven't I written much? Well, congratulations to those who did read this.

I almost wish we didn't meet

It is the frown that gives it away. Your smile is fake, it is all for show. You think you are such a good actor, when in truth we can see right through you. How miserable you are. You'd think by now you would know how we all read into your body language. And how we know. You might be smiling, you might be trying to say "I am happy" with that face of yours. But your eyes speaks the truth. The little glint that usually is there, is now gone. 'Tis as if the little innocence that was left has now been dragged away. Like all good from this world has been dragged away from you. You are not fine. Don't even bother trying to lie. Just remember it is okay to not be okay sometimes.

you and I, we're like diamonds in the sky

I was listening to Nick Grimshaw (known as Grimmy) at the BBC radio 1 yesterday. I love Grimmy. He played the new song called Diamonds by Rihanna. And I was a bit taken aback, because I actually liked it. Because once some artists go mainstream, they usually stick to catchy tunes with lyrics that reminisces to a teenagers diary. I'm so sorry for generalizing. However, most of the times the songs that makes the top, are the songs with crap lyrics. But this song actually have really nice lyrics. And it does not particularly remind me of Rihanna at all. Not that I do not enjoy Rihanna. I do. Anyways. I am at school studying, as I have been for the past week actually. I've stayed behind every day except for Tuesday when I did not have school. I'm thinking about staying here till' the school closes, just so I can finish another chapter of anatomy. TGIF, yeah? Well, I did sit at a cafe catching up with friends for over three hours earlier today. Suppose that will have to do for my weekends fun. Yep, I definitely Live While We're Young. Not.

you're always in my head

Did I mention that I am really loving the bromances in between One Direction? Well, I do. I cannot decide whom I love most though, but I do know that I love every bromance with Nialler in it. But ah, Narry. Look, Harry is basically sitting on top of Niall there. And do you see how they look at each other? Yes. I do know I am crazy and only dreaming. But let me have my fantasies alright? But it's not only Narry in this interview. Later on, it's a bit of Ziall, which I also love. Oh god, their hair. Niallers hair. Have you seen 17 Again with Zac Efron? You know that scene where the "mother" grabs Zac's face and starts squishing it. Yeah, I'd love to do that. And oh come on. When did Niall start dressing in those kinds of jumpers? It's like he's slowly trying to seduce me really. I'm not even joking. With the Cheap Monday jeans he totally surprised me. And then I saw him wearing one of these jumpers in burgundy at the iTunes Festival. I was slightly hoping he would dress more like Justin Bieber, just so I could get over my obsession with One Direction and all. I hate Justin Bieber's style. That said, it's an individual thing. I do not hate Justin Bieber, I simply hate his god damn style. And that is maybe why I could never see Justin Bieber as handsome really.  Maybe then I would be able to focus only on my schoolwork. Excuse my teenage outburst here, but it's past 01:00 am, and I haven't gotten much sleep the past few nights. But now I'm off to bed, dreaming about these lovely lads. Or having twins again.

I was made to keep your body warm

They tell you to reach for the stars, to jump off the cliff, to chase your dreams. But what if you have dreams. As in plural. As in dreams that clash with each other. Which one do you choose? Throughout life you are met with decisions. Decisions that will steer you in a direction for the future. This does not occur to you really. They are only small decisions. Insignificant. At least that is what you believe. Life is The Walking Dead. And then I am speaking of the game where every decision will have a consequence. Not the television show. Right. Enough with all the cryptic writing. I am currently at school, where I have finished reading yet another chapter of anatomy and physiology. Right now I am going to write some notes. My coughing has not said it's goodbyes. I like to think of it as another person. An evil person who likes to keep me awake at night. I woke up approximately every hour last night because I was coughing. I suppose it is a good sign though - my body is functioning. I have also come to the conclusion that the reason why my immune system did not manage to fight illness off, is due to my recent operation. The body is a wonderland and all that, but it cannot be expected to multitask and do everything perfectly, can it? I have been listening to the morning radio on BBC with Nick Grimshaw because of One Direction. I love how Nick and Liam spoke about Niall, and how "Finchy" thought Niall was Harry on the phone. But I will admit that I really do enjoy listening to his voice. You know when people are on radio, they need to have a certain voice. I think his voice is slightly raspy - like a sexy morning voice. And I would love to listen to it regularly, but seeing as the radio channel is only limited to the UK, there is not much I can do. I am back to listening to Ed Sheeran. I cannot get my head around how amazing he is. I envy everyone that has ever heard him live. He is not only a great artist, but he is also a great performer. And if you clash those two together, you basically get perfection. Right, now I'm off to study again.

in the shadows

There is something delicate about writing. Not as in writing. But as in writing. Somehow you open yourself for the world to devour you. Tis' as if you are cut wide open for the world to see your every emotion. Every high, every low, everything. You are left vulnerable. But it is a decision you make yourself. Maybe because you want to be devoured. Maybe it is better to leave the possibility for someone to judge you. For the possibility that someone out there will fancy what they see, will overshadow the ones that do not appreciate the sight. Because hope will always be there. Even in the darkest times. Perhaps you will not admit to it. But it will be there in the shadows, tantalizing you, the hope. So you let yourself be cut wide open for everyone to see. And you hope for someone to see you.

you are not alone in this

Yes, my newest obsession with photography is taking pictures of pictures on posts. Preferably in black and white. Right now I'm watching the Mumford & Sons gig at iTunes Festival. And although I must admit that they might not be the best entertainers, they are amazing performers. Their music makes me smile. Always. I'm going to wish their album for Christmas. Speaking of Christmas, the past month or so, I always imagine that it's snowing outside. I've just completely skipped thinking about autumn, and just jumped straight onto winter. I keep listening to Christmas-music, and music that reminds me of winter. I've been at school today for nearly 11 hours, studying for anatomy, and then attending a lecture. Since I've only got 4 and a half hour sleep last night, I'm absolutely knackered. Like, my head hurts due to lack of sleep. I have been knackered throughout the whole day, and I was so close to falling asleep during the lecture. The reason why I've gotten so little sleep is my cough. I can't fall asleep while having a cough-attack, and I always wake up because I need to cough. So, yeah, though I want ten hours sleep tonight, I doubt it'll happen. Hopefully my cough will go away soon, or else I might just have to cry out of annoyance really, and become sleep deprived. Tomorrow I'm reading some more anatomy. But when do I not read anatomy? That's the question. 

wrapped in piano strings

I am currently at my school, studying. But I thought I'd take a little break and write a blogpost, seeing as I'll probably spend the rest of the day studying as well. There is something satisfying with staying at school and reading or whatever you do. Like, you feel accomplished. And I certainly do now. I realise I have done way more studying here than I'd ever do at home, so from now on I think I'll have to stay at school a lot more. I've already decided to come here every Sunday. On the other side, it's kind of creepy staying at school this late, with no people around. I feel like a character in the Scream movies. So now I'm just waiting for him to pop up behind me or something. One Direction's performance on iTunes Festival is finally available to watch. I might have to watch it later tonight. I just want to re-watch all the hotness. I have school tomorrow, but seeing as I only have like three school days, it's barely anything. Except I've got an article due to Friday, which means I'll probably have to be at school with my group. Hopefully it'll turn out alright, but next group assignment, I want to split in smaller groups. Or else I'll have to stare daggers at those who never do any work. I'm listening to Radical Face, and they are so incredibly chill. Like, you should listen whenever you want to relax. Did I mention that I had a dream about having twins? Yeah, I did. It was all very very odd, and I suspect you'll think I'm crazy if I tell you about it, so I wont.

I'll always love you

I'm completely blank these days, being sick and all. Plus I'm trying to study, but I just can't seem to do it. And then I don't know what to blog about anymore, so I thought I'd leave you with a little story I wrote back in April or perhaps earlier. It's the kind of fluffy love story. I even managed to fit in the word "inseparable" in it. It's one of my favorite songs, and one of my favorite words as well. But yes, hope you like it. If not, then sorry to waste your time. 
I'll Always Love You
He smiled at her picture. Her naked back displayed with her long hair draped around her back. Her face turned towards the camera. She was smiling shyly. He had first been introduced to her by a friend on his party. She had been shy, but he'd managed to make her smile. And that was it. From then on they were inseparable. They would do everything together. Everything from sleeping to biking. Memories come streaming to his mind, one in particular.

"Hey, what's this?" she asked, picking up a card on the kitchen-table. There were no answer, and her curiosity won. She opened the card and read what it said. It was him. He'd left her in bed that morning, not wanting to wake her up. He'd gone to the park, and the card asked her to come and meet him. Surprised that he'd known her that well to know she would read the card, she let out a little nervous laugh. She ran upstairs and chucked on a pair of shorts and a thin top. The weather was warm in December. The summer had just about started in New Zealand, but she suspected the weather had been a bit warmer this year because of global warming. As she entered the park, she saw him at the bench by the pond. His head was slightly chucked back, his face feeling the warmth of the sun rays. She snuck up behind him and planted a kiss on his forehead. "Well hello, miss sunshine. I was waiting for you," he smiled. "Yes, I saw your card. Normal people leave notes, not cards". "Well, I knew you wouldn't resist to read the card. Last time I left a note, you didn't read it, so there you have it," he chuckled. She sat down beside him on the white bench. She felt a modest burn on her thighs as they felt the contact with the warm bench. "I have some news for you," he said. "Bad or good?" she replied. He looked down on his hands, wondering how she would take his news. "I'd say they are bad". She noticed his sudden change of mood. "I've got some bad new too," she shared. She nodded for him to start. "Well, I've been summoned to the military, and I'm leaving in one week". She closed her eyes and didn't know how to react. She had known in the back of her mind that he would be summoned someday, but didn't think it would be so soon. They were only 19. She stood up and started walking towards the exit. She felt a bit wobbly, but continued walking. He had been watching her response to his news, scared that she's burst into tears. In stead he was surprised that she had walked away. She kept walking all the way home, and never looked back. She opened the front door and shut it behind her. She walked up the stairs without saying hi to her parents in the living room. She felt furious. Her cheeks felt hot, and angry tears streamed down her face. She hadn't expected the news to be that bad. Her news were about his toaster. It was broken.

This had happened four days ago. Three days left until he'd be gone. He was looking at the picture, and her soft smile. It had gone four days since he last spoke with her. She simply wouldn't reply his messages or calls. She had strictly instructed her parents to not let him in either. He didn't know what to do, but he was determined that he'd see her again, kiss her again. He walked downstairs and through the open door. He stumbled across his skateboard placed on the porch in the garden by his younger sister. He decided to skate to her house. He called her. It went to voicemail. He called her again. It went to voicemail again. He rang the doorbell. This time no one answered the door. He was a bit hurt. Had her parents started ignoring him? he thought. The thought was quickly brushed off, when he noticed that their car was gone. He felt desperate. He knew he would have to do something if he wanted to see her. A tree. He spotted a tree close enough to the house. So he climbed, climbed to the middle of the tree. Just enough for reaching the porch. She heard noises outside her bedroom. But her parents had gone an hour ago. She wondered what it was, and a thought quickly occurred to her brain: "were there intruders in her house?". She heard a knock on her window, and quickly turned against the window. It was him. She was shocked, paralysed even. She couldn't make herself move her limbs. He mouthed "open the door". She finally managed to walk across her bedroom and open the door to the porch.

"Hey," he said. Almost a bit shy. "I've been trying to reach you," he smiled. The room filled with a tenseness so noticeable, they both seemed a bit uncomfortable. Her eyes twitched a bit. Seeing him after all these days of trying to forget him, made her eyes well up slightly. He instantly walked towards her, and dried her tears with his thumb. He was standing so close that she could smell his scent. His breath was soft on her face. Almost as a reflex, her hands traced his face. He closed his eyes and let her hands trace his face. It felt like ages ago since he had last touched her. "I've missed you so much," he whispered with his eyes shut. She felt his stubble on his face and his tired eyes. "I've been busy with forgetting you," she replied. "But you've spoiled it by coming". He opened his eyes and locked eyes with her. Their faces were inches away. "Don't forget me, I'm here. I always will", he said. Before she could reply, he locked his lips with her. It was a small and tender kiss, but a kiss that brought every memory back to her mind. She sorely regretted letting him kiss her, and pulled away. But he didn't let her go out of his arms. "Please, you are leaving and I was really having a progress on forgetting you. Until you spoiled it with that kiss of yours," she whispered, not really knowing why she had continued whispering. "I guess I will take that as a compliment," he smiled weakly. He let her go, but they both stayed in the same position. Their eyes were still glued to each others. "Go, please, it would be so easy to just forget you". "Would it? You know I'm not leaving forever? I know for a fact that it wouldn't be easy for me to forget you," he sighed. He looked down on his shoes and her bare feet. Her eyes traveled the same way. He didn't know whether to take them off or keep them on, since she wanted him to leave. "I .. I don't know, okay," she trembled. "Even though you aren't leaving forever, you will most likely meet another girl, and if you were to still be in a relationship with me, I'd only be in the way ..". He looked up this time, and used his hands to bring her face up to him. "I don't understand why on earth you think I will meet another girl in the military. You know, the military where I am supposed to train for war. It's not like I'm standing there with a gun training on hitting the target, and I'm like 'Oh hey, yes, I like chocolate, movies and walking on the beach. How about you?'. It's the military, not Paris". His voice changed slightly, he almost sounded mad. "And have you ever thought about me? It's like you only think this is hard on you and not me". "I'm sorry, but it's you who is leaving, not me," she said brutally. He laughed a little, but he was not amused. "Yes, I am leaving, but it wasn't my choice. I'm sorry that I've been summoned. But I'm a guy, and that's how it works, okay? So don't blame it on me, because if I could have chosen, we wouldn't have been her arguing," he replied rigorously. Their faces were only an inch away this time. "Well that's nice then, but that doesn't change anything, sorry, but you are still going away. And I'm stuck here, without you. So I have the right to forget you if I want". "Fine, do whatever you want then. Forget me! Forget that we ever met, and forget everything we've ever done together. Forget me completely," he nearly spat. "See that picture there?" he pointed at the wall. "Throw it away, or else you will be reminded of me. Oh, and throw those flowers away. And that necklace you are wearing - I'll take that back for you .. along with the ring. And the kiss I gave you, let's 'un-kiss' it please. Just forget every fucking thing about me. I don't exist, okay?" he continued. She was surprised by his brutality. It felt like he had slapped her with his harsh words.

He realised what he had said, and grunted. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Don't forget me, let us be together forever," he said with a weak smile. She felt tired. It was emotionally tiring. They had fought before, but not in an intensity like this. She sat down on her bed, and he followed. Her parents would be gone for four hours. They had been gone for one, that left three hours. She turned her face to him. He whispered something with his face faced against the floor. "What?" she asked, turning her face against his. "I love you," he said, still with his face glued against the floor, but louder this time. He continued: "I always will, most likely. But if you really truly are sure you will be better off without me, then okay. I will stay out of your life. And when I'm done in the military and come home, I will not speak with you. This way you can forget me completely," he said softly. He couldn't bare looking her straight in her eyes. It would break him. It was breaking him already. Just the thought of losing her was unbearable. But if that was what she wanted, he promised himself to do so. At least to try. She lied down on the bed and asked him to do the same. They were lying against each other, looking at each other. She noticed his swollen eyes were blank. They were slowly filled with tears. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," she said, and kissed him. He embraced her, and kissed her back, only to stop for breath. Between kisses, they were apologizing to each other. They were both tired and rolled beneath the sheets. He held her tightly, scared of letting her go. "You are killing me," she laughed. "Sorry, I just don't want to let you go," he explained nervously. Almost as if it was the first time he had embraced her. He kissed her, and shut his eyes. "I really have been missing you" she smiled with her eyes shut also.

The day had come for them to part their ways. He was heading to the military. They had spent the night together ever since he had climbed into her bedroom. The time was 06:00. He was leaving at 9:00 to reach the bus. "Are you awake," she asked. "Yes, I am, and have been throughout the night," he replied and then proceeded to turn his face to hers. He smiled tiredly. "I haven't slept either," she trembled. A mix of sadness and tiredness brought tears to her eyes. She closed her eyes and let them fall onto her sheets. The small space between them disappeared when he snuggled closer. He kissed her eyes carefully, and brought his hands to her face. "We will write!" he said, as if it was the brightest idea ever. "It will be like this old-school-movie of ours," he chuckled excitedly. Her eyes were dry now, and a smile was forcing its way to her mouth. "You are so silly. Sillyface," she smiled, until it once again dawned on her that she and her silly boy would be apart for one year. This time she sat up to avoid her tears drowning her. He wasn't the emotional type, and through the two years they had been together, she had barely seen him cry. However, this week had seemed to make him a tad more emotional. She wasn't sure whether to cry more, or to laugh. But unlike her sobbing and sniffing, he was only shedding a few tears. 

He quickly wiped them away, feeling a bit odd, he thought to himself. He was never really the one to cry. But seeing her so devastated, and feeling likewise, not to mention the lack of sleep - made him shed a tear. Or three. He softly brushed her lips with his mouth. Her breathing increased. He kissed her tenderly, hoping she would stop crying. She kissed him back, more passionately. When they pulled away from each other, their faces were only an inch away. He could feel her breath on his face, and vice versa. "Let us forget about everything for the next two hours, okay? No crying," he whispered. She nodded carefully, afraid to hit his nose. On another note, she decided to fill the space between them with a little nose cuddle. She kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, and his eyes. She used her fingers to slowly touch his mouth. "Stop teasing me, and kiss me woman!" he said eagerly. She left out a little laugh. "Oh, never," she said with a British accent. "These lips," she pointed at her mouth, "will never touch the ones on your face, dear," she continued with the accent. He smirked at her with a devilish grin and rolled her over with him on top.

He smiled at the picture again. He took the frame and shoved it in his bag, before they left for the bus. "I love you, don't forget about me," he smiled. He tried to make jokes in order to avoid tears. However, that was unavoidable. Just as he said it, she broke into tears. He brought her into his arms. Her face was buried in his chest, making his shirt wet of tears. "How can you smile like that," she asked between her sobs, with her face still buried in his chest. He brought her face to his. Face to face, eyes locked onto each other, hands intertwined - he said nothing. They stood there in complete silence. The sounds surrounding them were shut out in the bubble they seemed to stand in. And as if they could read each others minds, both said "I love you". And they both knew then, it would always be them. Even if they were in different states, countries, continents. Different galaxies even.

let's go crazy till we see the sun

Ah, this must be my lucky day in relation with lads from One Direction. First I actually saw their twitcam live. I've never ever done that before, because they never care to announce it before it's ended. And I think I was staying up all night and waking up throughout the night for one week back in the summer vacation, just to be sure I didn't miss one. But I always did miss them. And then I just randomly went on iTunes store, and happened to spot "iTunes Festival", where it said One Direction performing 10:00 pm. And I was like, yeah, they're probably going to perform a few songs and then their new tune. But no, they did their whole Up All Night show. And it was so incredibly nice to see them do all the little things they do on that show. I've missed it dearly. And when I saw the Nouis-moment during Torn. Ah, it gets me every time. And then I really thought they sung Moments really beautifully, and I decided that I need to listen to it more now. And they all looked so hot (imagine me saying hot the spanish way), like incredibly lush. Especially Nialler. He's coloured his hair darker, I think. Or maybe it was just a bit dark. I don't really know. But I do know that I really wanted to brush my hands through his hair. After watching the concert, I'm actually really pumped now, and I seem to like Live While We're Young a lot more. I suppose if I listen to it enough, I'll probably end up loving it too. I had to add this brilliant picture with Louis and Kevin of course. And then the Zarry in the background. Gosh, how I love the bromances. If I were to choose, they would all be dating each other. For fucks sake it seems like this iTunes Festival has been going on the whole September month, and even Ed Sheeran had a gig. Next week it's Mumford & Sons. I'm deffo going to watch that. Now I'm going to watch Ed Sheeran. Ah, again, contemplating whether to go to school tomorrow or not. Wait. Conor Maynard and Gabrielle Aplin too? Holy crap. So many artist I have to watch on this iTunes Festival now.

I know we only met, but let's pretend it's love

Do you see what I meant about dressing like Zayn Malik? Let me just put on my snapback, and I'll be all sorted. It could have been my Halloween costume, if I only had Michelle Phan's sister to do my make-up and look like Zayn. Anyways, I thought I'd actually post some outfit pictures for you, seeing as I haven't done it for ages. I've just seen the music video to Live While We're Young by One Direction. It seems that it was leaked, and therefore both the song and music video was premiered today. The one time I actually managed to be on Twitter when the boys announced that they were doing a little twitcam, it lasted for seconds only. This made me very jolly indeed, actually viewing the live twitcam - that is. The only problem was that I was in class, with my teacher a few steps away. And I was really contemplating to just watch it while she was standing in the room. But luckily we got to go a bit earlier. Though I did manage to see the twitcam, it lasted for like maximum 40 seconds. And then it was done. Anyways, back to the song and musicvideo. I was right, I'm not too excited by the song. I really want to love it, but I don't. It's like I almost feel bad about not loving the song, but I had expected this. Plus, I don't particularly love One Direction's upbeat songs, only One Thing. Therefore it's not too weird to me that I don't love the song. I am more about the slow ones. Like More Than This and Moments. And the songs written by Ed Sheeran. Those, I am waiting for. But I kind of like the message of the song. It's all like YOLO, and I'm pretty sure they sing "tonight let's get some and live while we're young". I am indeed wondering if the song translates to: "Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but we only live once, so let's go shag". In other words, it's definitely not Disney. The music video for Live While We're Young, however, is quite awesome. I don't mind seeing Niall without a shirt. I never do. I can only imagine how many gif's there are going to be on Tumblr now. Right now I'm contemplating whether to go to school tomorrow in order to study. I have Friday off, but seeing as I am quite the procrastinator at home, I might as well just force myself to be effective. I am actually going to school on Sunday as well. Wow, now I really do sound geeky. I'm still coughing like crazy, and it didn't help when I was freezing today. So now I'm both coughing and sneezing. Lovely, yeah?

wanna call you mine, wanna hold your hands forever

I'm coughing. And it's so annoying. I hate coughing. I've always thought of myself as immune to getting ill, because I've got a quite good immune system for some reason. But Bergen has managed to make me ill. At least I'm pretty sure it was Bergen. And going out on Saturday night when I felt my throat burning for wrong reasons, was probably not the best idea. But, ah, so close to saying youknowwhat. But, I didn't think much of it, my burning throat that is. And now I'm just coughing, coughing and coughing some more. That's what you get for being careless. As of right now, I'm writing on this fucking article. But honestly, all I really want to do now, is to get some sleep. Like, I would love to be sleeping beauty and sleep for a hundred years. Or was it a thousand? I don't know. I really do have a bad habit of getting no sleep. No wonder I can do it so easily now. I've gotten used to it. But no - no sleep now. I am writing this shit, and then I am going to bed. There will never be a break, will there? I guess not. I am looking forward to tomorrow though. Weekend is finally here! I am still loving Wanted by Hunter Hayes. I have a feeling the lyrics of the song will be chosen as  my titles for quite a while.

I wanna wrap you up, wanna kiss your lips

These are my two buys from Bergen. I bought myself some new Cheap Monday-jeans from Weekday, and then I bought a pair of Nike Air Max! I kind of can't believe it myself, because it's so far from my comfort zone. And it honestly feels like I'm heading in a whole other direction with my style. Sneakers, sweaters and caps. Grey, blue, white and black. That's the clothing and colours I mostly wear these days. I honestly feel a bit like Zayn Malik. And I don't mind really, I love his sense of style. My only problem is how I am supposed to style Air Max'. But hey, they look really cute along with my nurse uniform. Holy crap, just remembered that the new One Direction single will be out next week. Let's all take a pause and freak out. Right, done? I'm not. I have now realised I am quite looking forward to new music of theirs, and especially songs written by Ed Sheeran. But somehow, I am kind of expecting them to disappoint me. Do you understand? Like, you hear songs by artists that you find amazing, and you naturally expect something even better next. And when it's not better or as good as the old, you're left disappointed. Anyways, I think I've had the most fun lecture today. We were all standing up and doing gymnastic exercises from like a decade ago. And my lecturer was somewhat in her sixties, and she shouted to the technician: "put on Anastasia". Well, more like commanded the technician. At that, I was doubled over with laughter. I'm actually really glad I went. I've been listening to Wanted by Hunter Hays the last 48 hours. I think I firstly heard it because of a fanfiction actually, and it just stuck. It's so incredibly pretty. I know I say that about all the songs I like, but I actually do mean it. I sometimes wish I was a man for several reasons, one being that I would know how be my dream man atleast. I'd write a love song and play it with my guitar. A love declaration. Ah, how lovely wouldn't that be?

my fingertips and my lips, they burn from the cigarettes

Dear lord, I slept for ten hours straight. I haven't done that since Summer vacation. I guess I really was knackered yesterday. After waking up at 6:00 am, after falling asleep at 1:30 am the day before, and then rushing to the airport, only to go home for an hour and a half, before I went to school from 14:00-20:15 pm. Well, I guess you can say I was absolutely delighted to end the day. I have indeed continued my tradition with drawing on sick-bags. I would love it if one day I end up finding one of my own again. That would be epic. I've always thought of travelling as an escape of reality. Especially when you do these little trips in between school. The thoughts of all the things you need to get done will always be there. No matter how hard you try to push them away, they hang there in the back of your mind. In your subconscious. And the minute I stepped into my garden after getting off the bus yesterday, I could just feel all the thoughts stream back. But it's all just too much. I don't understand how I'm supposed to do everything I want, or need, in such a short amount of time. The days should have more hours. Or maybe if I could just pause the time for a bit? That would be nice. Right now I'm working on an article due next week. It's a group thing, but seeing as some members of my group are complete dimwits, I just thought I'd take the case in my own hands. I just need to get it done, so I can finally focus all my attention on anatomy and physiology. But that's not the only things that makes my stress-level go higher. It's life decisions. Darn those life decisions. At least I found a new Wattpad story yesterday. Yes, I'm still addicted to that. If only I had more willpower.

Oh, wow, it seems that my horoscope from Monday seem to write exactly the same as I stated. "There's nothing wrong with having big dreams as long as you wake up and put your feet back on the ground before setting off in the real world. Let your imagination wander today; reality will be waiting for you tomorrow". How nice. 

forrest gump, you run my mind boy

I was so relived to see some sun today, after spending the last days in rainy Bergen. It felt like I had been in a room without a window for several days, then to finally go outside and feel the sun-rays on my face. Honestly, though, being in Bergen with two of my best mates has been a blast. And the rain can't beat that. And I've never met so many gay people in my life. Not that I have anything against gay people, I've just never been introduced to one who is openly gay. And to be truthful, I've wanted a gay best friend for ages. Seeing as it's been a blast the last days, I've not completely satisfied my need for sleep. But I think I've just gotten used to it, and become slightly sleep deprived. I'm glad the day is finally over - I really want to sleep nine hours tonight. And I don't have school tomorrow. And by the way, I didn't forget about Nick Jonas, my boo. Yes, I'm going to call him my boo. He turned twenty yesterday. Can you believe it? Two decades. I tweeted him a birthday message. But I've long given up the hope for him ever seeing a tweet by me. Ah, don't they grow up fast? I just want to hug him. Is that so much to ask for? I guess it is. Lately I've been obsessed with the song Forrest Gump by Frank Ocean. I actually first heard it because of Joe Jonas. The brothers actually have a really good music taste. All of them. Well, I don't know about Frankie, though. I'm going to post a few pictures soon. But for now I'll leave you with a picture of my friends smelly feet.

fly me to the moon

Hiya, thought I'd stop by before I'm leaving. Today has been a very productive day with my group from school, though it was only five of thirteen that showed up. But I kind of think it was better that way. We got to bond a bit more, and we were much more effective. Though it's been a productive day, it's been a very stressful day. I just finished packing. I'm leaving my wellies, because I don't have the heart to drag all these things along with me. Never have I packed as much as I've done now. Except if I'm staying at a place for several weeks of course. But with travelling at weekends, I usually only need a backpack. I was slightly disappointed by myself when I saw that I couldn't fit everything in my backpack. But hey, I've got a valid excuse. It's my knits - they use so much space. Now I need to finish a bit school work before I jump in the shower, then go back to school work, and then I'm heading to my friend. I'm not leaving for Bergen until tomorrow, but seeing as the flight is so damn early, and my friend lives really close to the airport, I thought it would be the best alternative. I am not looking forward to catch up on all the school work when I get back home, but sometimes you need a real slap from reality. Ha, that sounds really odd. Anyways. Guess who's birthday it is today? Well you guessed it, it's someone from One Direction. The one and only Niall Horan. I love how I always somehow manage to drag One Direction into my blogposts. But anyways, I was so happy when I saw all the cute birthday messages for him from all the lads. Plus Harry's mum, which shows how close all the families are. One of my favorite tweets are actually by Anne (Harry's mum): @NiallOfficial making beef casserole ... You hungry? #sillyquestion. I love it! Anyways, I need to get my arse back to work. And I'll see you soon with new pictures. If the rain will allow me, that is.

bioderma crealine h2o

The product itself 
So here's the review. And do keep in mind that I'm quite new to doing reviews of skin products. I've done reviews of books before, but it's not like you smear your face with a new novel, is it? Bioderma Crealine H2O is a makeup remover, and according to Bioderma official website; "Specially formulated for sensitive, normal to dry skins, the Sensibio H2O micelle solution gently cleanses face and eyes. It removes water-resistant make-up. The micelles contained in its formula effectively micro-emulsify impurities while maintaining the skin’s balance (soap-free, physiological pH)". Wow, a lot of difficult words, eh? But basically it says that the makeup remover contains a whole lot of stuff that's not going to harm your skin. In fact, it guarantees "excellent cutaneous and ocular tolerance". Again, they are using a lot of nicer words, basically saying that it guarantees for excellent skin and that the eye will tolerate the solution if you get some in the eye. I am using the word basically a lot, aren't I? When did I become Harry Styles? You tell me.

My story 
I firstly heard about this product through one of my favorite Youtubers. I cannot exactly remember who it was, but I'm sure it was one of the Pixie's (Sam, Nic or Tanya). And then when I heard it was a french product, it fit perfectly with my schedule, seeing as I was going to Paris shortly after I heard about it. I bought it at a little drugstore in one of the malls we went to. And I'm pretty sure it costed me about 19 euros? I'm not quite sure. But I got two bottles - 2x500 ml. And that's quite a lot actually. I've only used less than half of one bottle. And I've had mine since June, which means I've been using it for three months. However, do take in mind that I use a little amount of makeup. Therefore it is naturally that I might use less than some people

The pro's. 
-It's cheap, and therefore a lot for your money.
-It soothes your skin, and leaves you feeling fresh.
-It takes away your makeup so effortlessly. It's like you only have to wipe away things once.
-It doesn't have any strong scent, so if you have sensitive skin, it hopefully won't break you out.
-You don't actually have to use any cleanser after removing with this product.
-The packaging - the lid allows you to not spill out all of the product. You know how sometimes products comes with a screw on the top - like nailvarnish remover - and then you have to be careful not to spill too much of the product. Understand what I'm saying, or is it just gibberish to you?

The con's. 
-It's extremely hard to get a hand on. Except if you live in France of course.
-This is a very individual thing, but it does seem slight drying to my skin. And I mean slight. I don't actually have to put on moisturizer afterwards, but sometimes I do.

Conclusion 
All in all I think it's a product that's worthwhile to try out. That is if you can get a hand on it.

say you'll never let me go

I was watching this yesterday, obviously because One Direction was on the Australian X Factor. But these guys totally stole the show in my opinion. Sure, I've only seen the contestants from Ronan's group, but I really hope these guys win the whole thing. Fortunate for the win, eh? Did you even see how Zayn bopped his head along to the performance? That definitely means it's good. Fast forward to 1:08 if you only want to watch the performance. Ah, I keep re-watching their performance again and again. So addictive, even makes me want to listen to Beyonce. And the dancing is amazing! Speaking of Ronan - whilst watching, I actually managed to listen that Ronan is Irish. I had to give myself a clap on the shoulder for that. And speaking of Irish people. Niall has once again been hanging with the Biebster. And it makes me so happy for him. I hope they become best friends. And live happily ever after. With Selena of course, can't forget about her. I have also been loving all the recent 1D tweets today. Niall and Louis tweeting each other, Niall tweeting about it being his last day as 18, Niall tweeting about punching Josh in the balls (do it!), and all the boys promoting the X Factor USA. Right, enough time wasted. I need to get my act together and finish some schoolwork, study and then pack. I might pop inside, and leave you a review later!

a tornado flew around my room before you came

I used to think that Youtube and blogs were my guilty pleasure. Recently Wattpad has replaced both. It is quite frustrating, seeing as I've spent so many hours (I don't even want to know) reading. Sure, reading is a really good thing. And my vocabulary is expanded for each day I read. However, whenever I find a new story I cannot stop reading. And that means I'm spending more time reading stories on Wattpad than studying. Today I have however been reading anatomy and physiology. I was absolutely knackered yesterday. A consequence of going to bed at 3:30 at a Sunday. It's like asking for disaster really. I almost fell asleep during the lecture, but I did surprisingly remember a lot from the lecture. That, I realised when I was reading the chapter about the endocrine system. And I must say, though I slightly hate studying for anatomy and physiology, I love learning from it. It's only Tuesday, but I can already tell I have a lot of work to get done till' Friday. And I don't quite understand when I'm supposed to manage to fit it all in. I need to be done by Friday, because that's when I'm flying out to Bergen. I cannot wait for that. Always love to escape reality for a while. However, the weather doesn't seem too inviting. I guess I'll have to bring my wellies then?

Du og jeg, jeg og du. Alltid vi to.

Var det deg? Var det dine øyne jeg så? Husker du meg, som jeg husker deg? Det tok kun et blikk der øyene våre møttes, og plutselig rant alle minnene tilbake. Du og jeg, jeg og du. Alltid vi to. Hjertet slår raskere, magen fylles med sommerfugler. Et sekund med øyekontakt brytes da jeg hører venninnene mine snakke til meg. Jeg vender blikket mot venninnene mine, og svarer spørsmålet deres. Etter det som føles ut som en evighet, vender blikket mitt opp igjen. Du ser fortsatt på meg. Men jeg er sky, og det vet du jo. Jeg vender blikket bort i et sekund, før jeg tør å se opp igjen. Men du er borte. Var det virkelig deg? Eller var det bare en fremmed? Men han hadde dine øyne. 

do you think about me still

The frequency in my blog posts has gone down the past days. And therefore I felt obliged to at least do one post. I thought I might as well do it now, seeing as tomorrow most likely will be spent studying. I got the book Dare To Dream from my best friends younger sister. And instead of reading for school, this has been what I've been reading. Great. Since I've not been a fan since the beginning, nor really been a fan in that way where you know everything about everyone, I've learned quite a few things by reading this book. It's quite amusing actually. On Thursday I stayed up until 4:30 am. just in order to watch the broadcast of the VMA's. And I'm so incredibly happy for One Direction, but mostly for Niall. "He met Demi, kissed Katy Perry, won three Moonmen, and cooked with his Idol. Possibly the best night of Niall Horan’s life". I mean, he got a smooch from Katy Perry, whom I suspect have a really really soft spot for Niall himself. I've got to admit that I officially love Katy Perry now. She captured my heart when she was singing along to the words of One Thing into Rihanna's ear. That is one sight I'd never believe to see. And then Niall met Demi Lovato, who he's clearly been crushing on. It's quite obvious whenever his cheeks turns red whenever Louis says that "he wants to do naughty things to her". Oh, the boys really do know how to tease him. But I just saw a video of Demi being interogated by Simon on the X-Factor USA about Niall. And it was so incredibly cute in so many ways. And then he hung out with Justin Bieber. Sure he has hung out with him before, but it seems that they are just bonding more and more. And it gives such pride to see him living his dream. Right now I'm listening to Thinking Bout You by Frank Ocean. Ever since I saw his performance on VMA's, it's been stuck on my mind again. And it's such a nice song. I really really love the lyrics. Oh, and the bridge. That's my absolute favorite part, and therefore I will leave you with the lyrics from the bridge.

Yes, of course I remember, how could I forget how you feel? And though you were my first time, a new feel. It won't ever get old, not in my soul, not in my spirit, keep it alive. We'll go down this road 'til it turns from color to black and white.

I will try to fix you

Tonight has been an emotional roller coaster. I've gone from laughing to sobbing in just seconds. And never in my life have I been this grateful for my own life. And never in my life have I ever felt this guilty either. My problems seems to dissolve whenever I hear about other peoples problems. And then I just feel guilty for even seeing the issues as my problems. Like, they don't even matter. And it kills me to not be able to fix things. I get so agitated because in my mind I'm trying to find the solution. And I want to fix people. I want to make things better. I want to make the pain go away. A few weeks ago I confessed that I'm attracted to troubled people. But now I'm starting to wonder if it's always been this way. Have I always chosen people with troubles to become friends with? Maybe. Maybe it's been an unconscious thing. I don't really know. But all I know is that I've always wanted to help people. One of the reasons why I want to become a midwife, is that I can travel to an African country and help out. It's been a dream of mine for a really long time now. Not necessarily to become a midwife. But to help. But it's so far away. And I feel helpless in this position. I can't fix other people. I can only help. The only one who can fix your problems, is yourself. Behind every face lies a secret. Something that forms you. Today I've opened up and told some of my deepest secrets, though it might not seem too much to other people. But to me it matters. And that's it. It shouldn't matter who has the biggest problem. Everyone has problems to deal with, and you shouldn't keep shut because someone has bigger problems than you. Nor should you keep shut because you've got bigger problems than others. Talk, open up, cry, hug, whatever. Some things are too big for only you to handle. Tonight has definitely opened up my eyes. And I'm so thankful for it. I have some of the bestest friends in the world, and sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am. They bring me so much joy, and so much wisdom. And I cannot imagine life without them.

we both know it's a cruel world

(You know how you have this scan app on iPhone? I totally tried to scan my wristband. Sadly it didn't work though).

Is it weird if I said the surgery was a blast? Probably. But it was. What I was surprised about was that I enjoyed the surgery most. I had expected to enjoy the wearing a hospital gown and lying in a hospital bed the most. And I was even awake during the surgery. Well, half-asleep. You know, heavily sedated. My nurse anesthetist said that the drugs I were on, was like a truth serum. And she was probably right. I might or not have told one of my doctors that he didn't look old, that my teacher is kind of a hag, and a few different things. But the important thing is that I actually made the whole crew laugh like multiple times. I suppose I have underestimated my skills to make someone smile or laugh, and it gives such satisfaction, because I know a smile or a laugh can mean everything. I also got compliments on my body butter (SPAresource coconut body butter) to my surprise. According to the information I got in my mail, I had to shower the day I was going to have the surgery, hence the scent still evident. One of the receptionist told me I smelled really good, which surprised me, because I was holding a plastic bag that smelled really yucky. So I said "are you sure it's me though?" obviously confused because the scent of coconut was long gone from my nostrils. The only thing filling my nostrils was the yucky smell of plastic. "Yeah, you smell like summer. Like I just want to go back on holiday," she smiled. "I suppose I'm just trying to elongate the summer," I shrugged. Both the receptionist had a fit of laughter, which again definitely surprised me, seeing as I didn't intend on being funny. But there you go, you should totally go and buy the body butter. As of my surgery, I could feel the pressure when my surgeon was .. well to put it nicely - poking my body. It was an odd sensation, but I had thought that it would be all scary to lie there awake. However, now as I've experienced it, I wouldn't have taken it back. I didn't really have any aches or anything. I just felt a slight discomfort. But now as I'm pretty sure all the meds are out of my system, I'm feeling a bit more sore, and almost a bit vulnerable. Like, I can't jump without wincing slightly. And that's too bad, because it means I'm not able to jump up the stairs, or run for that sake. Which again means I might have to postpone my running goal for #Shaytember even more. It's a bit annoying, but what can you expect? The body is a wonderland, but it needs time to heal. Right now I've just finished reading a chapter about hygiene and likewise. And now I'm going to write some notes, before I read some more.

starting to forget the way you look at me

(Picture: this Tumblr here)
Hiya. Today I didn't have a nightmare about missing a flight. Instead I woke up at 5-ish. And I can't decide what I dislike most. Yeah, I'm gonna go with the last, especially since I went to bed at 1:00 am. Which means I only had about four hours of sleep. I don't like being sleep deprived. I just woke up completely awake at 5:00, so I just thought fuck it, might as well just wake up then. So instead of trying to get more sleep (I already knew that wouldn't work), I read another story on Wattpad. Surprise. And when I was waiting for the bus I saw this guy that really reminded me of Chris from Skins, cast number one - which is where I got the "fuck it-attitude" from. And I just had to stifle my little laugh. Since I've come home from school, I made myself some pasta. It's probably my guilty pleasure. But it's soo yummy sometimes. I felt bad about eating just pasta and scrambled eggs, so I decided to eat some avocado with it as well. Some days ago, my dad just came in to the living room, and was like "Why haven't you eaten the avocado? I bought it for you". And I was like scrunching up my nose, trying to get my face to match my thoughts of avocado. "I don't even eat avocado," I shrugged. But seeing as it was the only "green" thing in the fridge, I thought I'd might as well use it too. And I must admit, I don't dislike it. I cannot make up my mind whether I like it or not. It was just there you know. Like cucumber sometimes. It tastes like water, nothing special (in the first world, not speaking for those who don't have the amount of water as us. Again, the voices inside my head is now shouting at me for being so careless). Wow, now you know how much I can write about the experience of eating avocado. I probably could have stretched it sooo much longer. Since eating my pasta, I've just been reading really. And spoken with my friends via. the lovely Internet. Oh what would I do without Internet? No, without electricity? It's a shame to say so, but I'd probably be smarter, spending even more time reading. I also skyped with my sister and my nephew, and he's growing up so fast. It's like every day his face becomes bigger and fatter. And his smile is so contagious. Seriously though, it really is. Since I've got to get up early tomorrow, I think I'm heading for bed soon. Plus the fact that I'm slightly sleep deprived now. Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for tomorrow, it's stupid. It feels like Christmas morning to me. Talking about the surgery of course. I'm going to wear one of those hospital gowns! This is actually getting quite silly. Right, now I'm going to write a few notes before going to bed. That is if the house doesn't blow down by the ridiculous wind outside. And if I don't die of heat, because, it's getting hot in here so take off all your clothes. 

penny and dimes for a kiss

Please listen to this cover of Call Me Maybe. It's so beautiful, and I've loved Savannah since I first heard Goodbyes. Which in all honesty is a really long time, and I can't even remember how I bumped into her and her lovely voice. I got home from a lecture in anatomy and physiology two hours ago, and I actually felt a bit accomplished, like I understood something. It really does help reading, and this will only motivate me further. Ah, next week I'm going to Bergen. I simply cannot wait for new surroundings and new places to explore. Right now I'm actually going to read. Again. Ha, my life is really exciting. Not. But hey, this is actually something I understand without having to read it a hundred times. I am already looking forward to the weekend, but to be honest, I only have like two school days this week. 'Cause I'm going to be a rebel and skip out on Wednesday. Alright, jokes, would you ever believe that I'm a rebel? I'm having my surgery that day, and it still feels so odd that I'm excited for it. I decided to postpone #Shaytember a week, considering that mother nature decided to step in, and of course the surgery. However, I am still going with it, but it will just end in October instead. I am feeling oddly aware of the fact that One Direction is now in the states. It almost made me a bit saddened when they took off, just because they are further apart from me. Am I going crazy? Someone please slap me to senses! Oh gosh people. The dreams of missing flights are on repeat. This time I missed my plane from China back home. I was still so stressed when I woke up today, thinking I had missed my plane. Luckily it was just a dream, but darn, those are really vivid. And out of all things in this world, I'd really hate to miss a flight. Let's just hope it doesn't actually happen in the near future. That is an experience I'd like to skip out on.

I wish I was strong enough to lift not one, but both of us

I spotted a new bruise after my shower today. On my arm. And so I just had to search up some clues. And it seems to be a possibility that I lack some vitamins. But there is a lot of answer when you google things, and you'll never be sure unless you visit the doctor. Seeing as this is a fairly little important issue, I probably won't. Oh gosh, I had a really vivid dream about missing the plane to Bergen. And it was so stressful because I didn't know when my plane went, so I had to find it on my e-mail on my iPhone, and I couldn't find it. And yeah, it just turned really weird. I always have these dreams whenever I am flying somewhere. Always. Ah, I really like this picture. First of all. It's black and white, and most of the time it gets prettier that way. But the whole scenario too. The lads are sitting at a table with posters of themselves behind them. Fairly old pictures of themselves - that is. Must be kind of awkward seeing yourself looking so different. I know for a fact that I would've cringed if it was me. I am also very fond of Zayn's hat, and how no one looks into the camera. It's just a really good picture. The white wall against the black table, the shadows that the blitz have made. Just everything. I had to smile when I saw a conversation on Twitter between Niall Horan and Ed Sheeran. Made my day.

Niall: I dont like jet lag! He's evil ! He just threw a bucket of water over me t wake me up at 6 am!oh no that was a glass of water I spilt #wee

Ed: @NiallOfficial you tweet some weird shit mate

Niall: @edsheeran why thank you Edward! Love u too ! Haha

my friends are in the bathroom, getting higher than the empire state

Do you ever wake up with new bruises? I do. And it's so odd sometimes. Mostly it's on my shins, and I don't think much more about it. Because who knows, I might have walked straight into something without noticing. But the other day, as I was applying body moisturizer after a shower, I noticed a bruise on the back of my thigh. And that really is suspicious - because how do you get a bruise there? I don't know. Maybe I walk in sleep and attack people, you know. Anyways. I've just finished cleaning my bedroom, changing my bed sheets  and giving my books a new home. Hence the pictures. I've actually placed them on a little shelf inside one of my closets. But seeing as I didn't actually use it (I like to have my clothing on display), I just thought I'd move my books in there. I've had them in my window ever since I switched to this room, and it was always a temporary place. You shouldn't place books in the window frame. They get discolored and things like that. But now as I've moved them there, my bedroom almost feels a bit naked. When we were in Trondheim, we went into this little used book store, and they had like a library in the basement. And there were so many books. Heaven, I tell you. I didn't actually buy anything, because I'm being good with my money. It was something there that really caught my eye, but I let it slip, since I couldn't say yes to the question I always ask myself in these sorts of times - do you really need it? My mum and sisters however, bought a load of books. I might actually snap a photo of my sisters, because it is a beauty. Yesterday I went to bed at 2:30, because I was so busy writing, I didn't actually notice the time. And then I woke up 10:00 today. And I don't know why. I've been waking up at that time each day this weekend, and it's really bugging me, seeing as I go to bed so late. It's like - hey I actually need my sleep you know. Anyways, I'm going to carry on writing notes for anatomy and physiology. Am I the only one dreading tomorrow? I don't like what Mondays symbolizes. Please listen to this cover of We Are Young. It's amazing.