forever is an empty promise

I've been meaning to write about this for quite awhile, but I've always forgotten about it. Every day I walk the distance between the train station and school. And at one point I walk past this atelier of some sorts. And through the window I can see a painting of a woman. It is grey and dull, matching the feeling that the painter is trying to send across to it's viewers. And I can't exactly pinpoint what it is, but it is really intriguing to me. I sometimes feel like I belong at an atelier, me and my thoughts only. Maybe one day. Anyways, I'm currently hoping to finish this bitch of a project we've been working for the past week. Nah, it isn't really a bitch of a project. I've just never been so exhausted due to transcribing a 50-minute long interview. I had calculated on using approximately one hour on it yesterday. But oh, wait, it's gone one hour already and I'm only 9 minutes in? Yeah, kind of wanted to punch someone then. To my excuse, it isn't easy to replay and hear the same exact sentence and the same voice three times in order to write down what the person says. I'm getting there, though. And tomorrow is almost here. December 1st and Christmas decorations. Despite the cold weather, there is a lack of snow, which is quite depressing. But who cares, I'm going to be listening to Christmas tunes, watching Christmas films and be all jolly tomorrow.

how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

I should probably not be all like yeaahhh and oooh when looking at the upcoming forecasts. It's getting colder and colder, which is quite surprising. It seems like the weather just turned around with a click. And now it's really lovely and wintery. And I can't wait for December 1st, because then I will finally allow myself to listen to some Christmas music. I've been dying to listen to some, oh, and watch Home Alone. And the Holiday, and Love Actually, and The Grinch, and.. and. Oh my, I'm actually really excited for Christmas now. Ah, I'm going to put up all the Christmas decorations too. Ah, I feel so jolly. Why do they have to play both Handball European championship and cross country skiing on the television now as I have my exams? Are they trying to get me to fail? I think so. Today I did two interviews. My favorite was probably the first one, seeing as the person I interviewed reminded me of my old favorite teacher. But it was also because this person shares a lot of similar beliefs to mine. For example about how you need to slow down and be thankful for things sometimes. We can be like robots sometimes, doing the same ol' things day in and out. And you never once stop to think that - yeah, I've got a real good life. Anyways, I can't be bothered to become all philosophical, because I am so so tired right now. And it would be so great if I could just fall asleep right now. Instead I'm going to transcribe the interviews. Someone throw some cold water in my face, yeah?

"get a life"

in the arms of the angel, fly away from here from this dark cold hotel room and the endlessness that you fear you are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie

"Aunt May, Aunt May, is that an angel?" -Spider-Man

find him sitting on my doorstep waiting for the surprise. And it will feel like he's been there for hours, and I can tell that he'll be there for life

I'll have you know that last week I dropped a burning match on my anatomy schoolbook, when I was trying to light a candle. It's not like I wanted to burn up my book, and it was an accident. But I can't help thinking that maybe my subconscious wanted it to burn and die. Nevertheless, panic took over, because it was an accident, and therefore I quickly blew some air on it and got the burning match off my book, leaving a little mark. I don't think I hate anatomy, I actually think I love it. It's just hard when you are supposed to know everything within a really really short amount of time. That's when it becomes frustrating.

I woke up today wanting to push the snooze button on my beeping phone, but instead I pushed the warm duvet off my body and got up. It's not like I had to get up, because I don't have any lectures nor any obligations today. It's just pure will - and the knowledge that I would regret sleeping in. It's snowing today too. And despite being cold and having to hide inside my coat while waiting for the bus and train, I'm quite content. Because I did wish for this. I just hope it won't melt and then freeze, because it's not like I want people to get hurt.

When I arrived at school today I got on Tumblr, instead of doing schoolwork like I should. And then I saw there was an ongoing war about Niall Horan's chesthair. I will link to the picture that started this war - the picture that made me gape and unable to decide whether to laugh or cry. It is not really a war, but a funny game between all the Niall-obsessed people I follow. And considering I only follow Niall-obsessed people, it's everyone. They've divided into two groups - TEAM fuzz and TEAM buzz. It's all very ridiculous and the arguments are poor. But it's banter. And fun. And this is why I love Tumblr, and can't seem to get off it. Oh wow, I just stumbled across a fiction dedicated to this "war". Yes, it is a crazy fandom. Indeed it is.

I am currently at school, and it feels very much like I've wasted the whole day procrastinating and doing everything else than studying. And now I'm really really tired and want to go home and sleep forever. Instead I'm trying to finish something so I at least can feel somewhat accomplished. Is it just me or has the day just flown by? It feels very much like it. And I don't like it at all. Oh well, happy Monday, and must you all be very productive this week. And the best of luck for everyone with upcoming exams. 

Louis' too tired to cry. He's learned long ago tears don't help anyway

Yeah, I think the fact that I'm currently listening to "russelåter" is a proof that I miss being a russ. And I can't believe it actually was this year, seeing at it feels like ages ago. Yesterday was a bit of a fail, seeing as we wanted to go out. Out as in out on the town. But when trying to get inside the pub, the guard looked at my friends ID and said "you have to be twenty years". Course I thought he was joking around, but when I realised he was in fact being genuine, we turned on our heels and pondered on what we could do next. After complaining a bit about the lack of decent nightclubs with 18-year old limits and heading to the cinema to pet the posters of Taylor Lauter, we ended up walking home and watched a film. Nevertheless it was a really cozy night with homemade pizza and oreo cake. And a bit of alcohol as well. And we didn't wake up to birds tweeting outside the windows either, so 'is all good. Not to mention that it actually began snowing today as well. Ah, and now I don't have to be all "Cindy Lou Who" and stare at the window whilst singing. I think it's been a really good day, except the fact that I've barely done any schoolwork, and it's actually two weeks until my first exam. Yeah, and it's not looking too bright either. The title of this blogpost is a quote from a fanfiction I read today, and that sentence just wrecked my heart really. Because it's damn perfect. 

My bones ache, my skin feels cold. And I'm getting so tired and so old

I reckon I might have to explain this drawing to you. The quote is from Skins, a British television show. A conversation between Sid and Cassie from the first cast. And the slugs? You probably won't understand unless you watch Skins yourself. But this quote and scene is one of my absolute favorites. And it makes me really really excited for next years Skins. Effy and some others are back, and I hope it will be wonderful.

I love my dad. Sometimes he will buy food for me. Of course he buys food, how will I survive otherwise? What I meant is that he notices things I like without asking me. He buys loads of bananas because he knows I enjoy them. And he buys my favorite cereal when he sees I've run out of it. And he buys me pasta, because he knows I love it. And he buys me avocados because he knows I like to put it in my pasta. And I know he buys them for me, because I am the only one in the family who likes them. And it makes my heart swell a bit, because it is my dad. And these things are the proof to a humans capability to both be strong and soft at once.

Yesterday I wrapped the first Christmas present this year. And I stuck on one of those cards I made last week. And I just thought about where the Winter has gone. And, but, but, this is Norway. And it is the end of November and soon December. And, and, where is the snow? I feel like Cindy Lou Who from The Grinch, standing by her window singing "where are you Christmas, why can't I find you? Why have you gone away?".

Today I slept until very very late, because I stayed up very late yesterday. However, I have actually done some schoolwork, and started editing this story I am writing. I have decided to do it properly, the writing that is. These days I really try to avoid looking at the calendar in hope I will not freak out because of lack of time to study. However, we are doing a paper in groups (yes, groups, but just in two this time), and the theme is actually really interesting. I've even sat down and read about it just now. Later I am heading to a friend and sleeping over, because I have not seen her in ages. Two months I think. I need to go take a shower and pack my things now.

But before I go, I will recommend you to listen to Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol. Because I have once again fallen in love with a new song, and I think that maybe my love for Snow Patrol is increasing quite rapidly. So happy Saturday to you, and you, and you.

let sleep swallow you whole

I am at loss for words. No, not words. Emotions. Am I happy, am I sad? What am I? If not sadness, surely it must be happiness. Feelings, feelings, they are so hard to interpret. And most times I just think maybe I am sad. Truth is that it is everything but sadness. It is confusion, annoyance, or anger. But I think that maybe today when I chose to take the bus rather than walk the thirty minute way home, I was a bit sad. And when I walked pass that homeless guy that sits at the same place everyday, playing songs to earn a bit money. And when I realised the lack of snow and wintery feelings. And when that person disappointed me. But other than that, I don't think sadness has been apparent today. John Mayer is played in my earbuds, and it has been a long time, dear John. It makes me imagine myself sway along to the music in a dark jazz club, wearing a burnt-red dress, the skirt flared and knee-length. Continuum is the John Mayer album I am listening to. And maybe the only one with all tracks brilliant. I think maybe I will write a diary for feelings. It is something worth documenting, and it is always always interesting to look back at. Not here though, somewhere private. Somewhere only we know. Sorry, I simply could not help myself. Kudos to you if you understood.

I think maybe, just maybe project hate One Direction is on again. A few significant things has happened, and have indeed made a negative impact on my views of One Direction. However, I think maybe I have forgotten that One Direction consists of five members, and it is increasingly hard to hate them all. Especially when Liam makes a account on Youtube for making videos for the fans. It just tug on my heart a bit. And maybe one day Liam will win my heart over. And probably go break it shortly after too. There are all these new and exciting artists popping up everywhere, and the teenagers just go berserk and aaahh. This is a good thing, course, making the artists even more popular. But then time moves on and that artist change. Not in an abrupt way, but it is those little things. Things that almost go unnoticed, but are so so important. And they neglect making Youtube videos and being themselves and interacting with the fans. It is not that they forget, for it is always there tugging in the back of their mind. More, more, more time. But the more popular, the less time there is. And there is no more time. But Liam makes a Youtube account. And he writes sweet things in the description, about how he wants to thank the fans. And though his schedule is set for a year, he finds time. And he goes on Twitcam to say "thank you so so much", instead of tweeting "thank you". And Niall tweets these random thank you's, and he post videos of the boys. And maybe I have decided already. Decided that I will not hate them. Not now or ever.

Let eyelids fall shut
Let limbs go still
Let the breath even out

Let the dreams of tomorrow start

And let sleep swallow you whole

if our hearts are never broken, well there’s no joy in the mending

Why, hello, aren't you pretty? This quote is from The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and one of the reasons why I love it so much. I sometimes I wish I could meet Charlie, and perhaps have a conversation with him about life and whatnot. He would probably have really interesting answers too. Today has consisted of studying (anatomy) and writing. I've been wanting to write about a certain theme for quite awhile now, but each time I've tried, the words never seemed to come to me. But they did today whilst I was eating. It happens at the most inconvenient of times. Very often at the train or the bus home actually. It's like someone just hit me with a ball of inspiration. I was trying to watch the Bambi awards earlier, because One Direction are there. It sometimes creeps me out that I almost always know the location of the boys. I mean, isn't this called stalking? Surely it must be. Oh well, it seems like the live stream was only the red carpet and in German. Which, honestly, should be quite understandable for me after having German at school for five years. But instead I sat there with wrinkles between my brows, trying to figure out what they were saying about One Direction. You know that feeling when you actually understand something, and then you just want to fistpump? Yeah, happened every time I realised I knew what they were saying. I am trying my best to get tired of One Direction and all, and for a slight moment last week, I was certain I would make it out of this fandom. But I've now realised it's almost impossible. They are just too lovable and relatable and just really fun. And who can hate such people? So, for now, project hate One Direction is off. I had a day off from school today, and as much as it joys me, I kind of hate having Thursdays off. Simply because I always think it's a Friday, but then I realise that tomorrow is Friday, and I've got to attend school. It sucks. But hey, at least I get to attend school. And for that, I am forever thankful. Alright, back to studying. These days I don't even dare to look at the calendar, because I know I'll just freak out. And no thank you - I would rather just avoid panic and stress. My old friends. 

I love the simple thought of you

Oh, please, please. Please do a duet with Gary Lightbody on your new album Ed. When you are going to record a new album, that is. I've fallen in love with this song, and this video because Ed Sheeran looks so awkward without his guitar. And the little kiss on Lightbody's forehead? Can I please "ship" these two? The song itself is just lovely. Do I even have to tell you that I love the lyrics? It seems like I fall in love with new songs every day. And what's up with that? I had a really long period of time where I couldn't find any new music, and now I'm bombarded with new tunes every day. Apparently this song was played on Grey's Anatomy as well. Season eight actually. I guess I was too busy crying and watching the story line rather than listening to the music. But I'm going to watch the episode over again, either today or tomorrow. In terms of my obsession with One Direction, today has been a very eventful day. The Twitterfeud between One Direction and Piers Morgan is possibly the most amusing thing ever. My best friend even admitted to wanting to be their best friends after that (yes, I have evidence now, and you can't un-say it). School is taking it's toll. After hitting the snooze button on my alarm several times earlier today, I finally awoke. And I literally dragged on the first thing I could spot, not bothering to look "nice". I originally planned to stay at home, but I figured I'd do more at school. And I was probably right, seeing as I did quite a bit. I still have a load to do, so no celebration. Except on Friday I'm going out. Oh wow, imagine me doing #TheJoe on the dancefloor. I'll have you know that I've just giggled at the thought. Giggled mi amigos. Who does that? Anyways, I kind of have to go to bed soon. Or now actually. Honestly though, I probably won't go to bed for another hour or so. Yeah, I'm very disciplined. Not.

honey you are the sea upon which I float

Sometimes I'll just listen to my whole iTunes list rather than a playlist. I have about 800 songs, which means sometimes there are songs I've not even listened to. And I guess I fell in love with Green Eyes by Coldplay. The song actually made me think of Harry Styles, and therefore I wrote a little drabble about him. Scroll down if you want to read it. And keep in mind that I was in fact thinking of Narry when writing this and the "I" person is in fact Niall, not me. Oh god, I just reread it now, and it's soooo cheesy. So cheesy I want to puke. Anyways, I think everyone should give Green Eyes a listen, because it is in fact very beautiful. And the most beautiful lyrics of course. I made these Christmas cards on Saturday, was it? And now I am contemplating whether to paint them. Because I love simplicity and all, but I would also love to see how they'd look with colours. Seeing as it's Monday, I am currently at school doing anatomy. I try my best not to think too much about the upcoming exams, because surely I'll just go mad? And the fact that I'm still doing anatomy and nothing else? Oh well.

Jick Nonas

It's late and I should really go to bed, because I have school tomorrow. But I've just been looking through my favorites on both Youtube and favorite Tweets. And it just brings back so many memories. And to think that Demi Lovato once tweeted that she knew of "Jemi", and that is would never happen. Well .. never say never, eh? But I loved the days when The Jonas Brothers and Demi Lovato were inseparable. Till this day, it always always make me grin whenever they support each other. Oh my god, and Bounce. I've no words. Can we please turn back time when everything was sunshine and rainbows? No? Fine. Oh and when Nick went solo and performed "Stay". That was one very fine moment, where everyone was like "woah, you're amazing", and I was like "well yeah, he's always been amazing". And the day George Craig from One Night Only followed me on Twitter? *Fistpump*. Oh and the constant "Twitterrape" between Nicole Richie and Joel Madden? Love it: "@JoelMadden: Had a 5 hour blackout... I don't remember anything... but my butthole hurts" "@JoelMadden: well looks like @nicolerichie jacked my twitter again". Oh my god, and even when Selena Gomez was promoting Nick Jonas. Oh my god, more "Jemi" tweets. I could cry over how cute they were. And then it's the hilarious tweets between Luke Pasqualino and Kaya Scodelario from Skins. I would just post pictures of all the tweets, but that would have taken way too much time. I've now scrolled through all of them, and it's kind of some evidence of my various obsessions over the past three years. But only Jonas Brothers has stuck through it all actually. And you know, I still think to this day that I always will be a fan. A jonatic. Right, now I really have to go to bed. Bon nuit!

I've been watching you all night

So when people ask why I love One Direction, I'll just point at this. Oh, and joy. If they are in vocal rehearsals and they are singing this song, it must mean they will perform it on tour, yeah? I sure hope so. As if I'm not awkward enough at the dance floor - I'm going to learn to do #TheJoe now.

I’ll protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door. When the chips are down I’ll be around with my undying death defying love for you

As I walked home in the rain today, I saw people running past me, shielding beneath their umbrellas and whatnot, trying to avoid getting wet. Sometimes I am one of those people too. Other times I am the person who watches in amusement, letting the raindrops hit my skin, uncaring about getting wet. And sometimes I'll look up to the grey and dull sky, and let the raindrops hit my face. Just because I like the feeling of it, and because I feel like it. And because I'm listening to the right music. And that person was me today, enjoying the rain. It's becoming Christmas, though signs of snow are pretty much non-existent. As I was walking to the postal office today, the mall was filled with people. It is not so weird considering it is a Saturday. And the fact that it's nearly December. Nevertheless, I was a bit shocked when I saw people carrying around bags filled with Christmas presents. I used to be early with gifts too. But nowadays, it seems like the days just flies past me. And I wonder: is this how it is to grow up? And I think that yes, Peter Pan, you chose wisely. Because if growing up means the days pass you before you even know it, then I don't want to grow up. Saturdays has become my "in bed all day"-day. Alone with my thoughts. And I have indeed done nothing productive today, other than writing a new letter. That was actually quite productive, seeing as it is a letter I've been struggling to write for weeks now. But it just came down on me, how easy it really was. And how complicated I had made it. Like untangling threads from a lump. I suppose sometimes easy is the way to go. I have decided to make a playlist containing both my favorites by Einaudi and Marianelli. It is the perfect combination for a walk in the dark. Makes your breath hitch a bit, and your heart beat faster, and puts a smile on your face. I ended up crying quite a bit yesterday, while watching Grey's Anatomy. All of a sudden, it just dawned on me that this is the last season. And as pathetic as it sounds, I was reminiscing back to all the characters that now are gone. I suppose it didn't just dawn on me without a reason. It was when Meredith pointed out all the memories her old house wore to Karev. And when Yang startled Karev. And it just brought out a smile whilst the tears were still rolling. Hot and fresh. I salute Shonda Rhimes, because she can make me laugh and cry in the same moment. I am currently listening to The Power of Love by Gabrielle Aplin. And it's so lovely. And oh so pure. It's a bit like when you listen to a song and you don't want to sing along, because your voice is calloused. And you don't want to take away the pureness. For the rest of the night, I think I am going to make a few Christmas cards actually. And write a few letters. And if I am productive enough, I might also do some anatomy. Though I highly doubt that will ever happen. 

the intouchables

I sometimes feel a bit weird. It is like I'm in a state of mind between happy and sad. Like I'm indifferent. Sometimes people disappoint you. And that's alright, because it's people. But when those people are significant, it's not that alright anymore. Because you have these high expectations for those people. Like they aren't supposed to disappoint, they are supposed to be perfect. They are supposed to stay your role models. Nothing else. But then they aren't like that. They aren't unbreakable. And everything feels like such a lie. A big fat lie. And it feels like someone shattered a mirror into a million pieces. But then you have to remember that they too are human. And human equals mistakes. You either believe in the good in people, or the bad. It is your choice to be happy. You are the one who decides whether to be negative or positive. But that doesn't mean that you are never allowed to be unhappy. You must feel unhappy at times. It's only natural.

Because of some stupid reasons, I really wanted to cry today. Just to release some endorphin. Hence why I went to watch The Intouchables at the cinema. I was quite surprised to see (or listen I suppose) Ludovico Einaudi, the composer, during quite a bit of the movie. Einaudi along with Marianelli are my favorite composers (thus far). It made me even more excited for the movie, if that is even possible, as I was quite excited to watch it. It's been on my list to watch for quite awhile. A year or so, I think. But it's never been premiered at the cinemas until now. And I've always had this expectation to French movies being "the good ones". I'm not quite sure why, but it's just something that has settled in my mind, I suppose. And yes, I did very much enjoy this movie. It was a bit weird though, because at the ending I was a bit disappointed because it didn't end up like I had thought. But then again, I was worried before watching it, that everything would be predictable. But it wasn't, and that's a good thing. And that's when I realised that I kind of loved it. I had expected to cry loads, but in honesty, I laughed more. And that's one of the surprises - it's actually very hilarious. But I did cry too, because it's just very touching. And I found it very funny how relevant this movie is to my nursing education. And I had just attended a lecture about phantom pains prior to watching this movie. Which was also something that was brought up in it. It is a very very nice movie, that I think everyone should watch really. And I am very glad I chose the "french movie" rather than the new Twilight movie.

On our way to the train station, I had to stop in order to take some pictures, because they've started decorating for Christmas everywhere. And it was so incredibly perfect, standing there beneath the Christmas lights, and then you could hear bells chime in the background. If only it had begun snowing. I do prefer Oslo at night. It's just a whole other atmosphere. I'm sorry for being a bit vague today, but it is what it is. And I'm not being sad and happy at the same time like Charlie (Perks of Being a Wallflower). No, it's just this weird indifference. But enough with trying to put words to emotions. I think I'm actually going to watch Grey's Anatomy now. And possibly cry a bit more. And don't worry. As I wrote, I relish in sadness. To be honest, it might be the emotion I am most comfortable with.

I'm just the underdog who finally got the girl. And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world

These are my absolute favorite lyrics from One Direction thus far. I don't quite know why, although I have a few suspicions. I slept really long today, catching up on hours I lost earlier this week. Hence why I am not at school right now. And it actually feels a bit weird. Which again, is really weird. I have not been very productive today either. I guess it's just something about my bed screaming: lie down and just be lazy. Oh, and then there is the fact that I've actually eaten decent food today. On the days I stay back at school, my food contains of bread. And more bread. I can manage with that of course. But it get's quite boring in the end. I just skyped with my sister and nephew, and I saw him standing alone for the first time! And he stood alone for so long. My sister pointed out that it was the longest he had ever done before. I was actually going to blog about my nephew before my sister rang and asked us to come on Skype, so I guess it was faith, eh? Tomorrow I'm going to the cinema to watch either a sad french movie or the new Twilight movie. It's probably going to be the sad french movie, seeing as I don't really fancy sitting in a cinema filled with teenagers swooning and screaming. I did it once. Never again. Oh my god, I had almost forgotten about Grey's Anatomy, until it popped into my mind as I was thinking about what to procrastinate with. And I was almost a bit disappointed until I saw the ending. And then I was like: alright, I'm in the mood to write some fiction. And then I did write. And then I just saved the file. And now it's probably never going to see daylight. And that's the end of that story. Can I just bring up how I think Zayn is a complete cutie? Because even if One Direction just released their album, he spends loads of time on Twitter trying to promote Little Mix's new single. I find it very adorable and absolutely heart clenching. I just find Zayn and Perrie very lovely together. And maybe it's easy for me to say because I don't actually fancy Zayn. But you know, whatever makes you happy. You should always be happy for someone if they are happy. Even if it stings. Alright, now I need to go and eat, because my mum is yelling. And my sister just scared the hell out of me, telling me to go downstairs and eat. And who can say no to food? Not me.

tend to touches just to show you how I feel

Truly Madly Deeply is my favorite One Direction song at the moment. And I have a feeling it will become one of those songs I can listen to whenever. A song that I'll never grow tired of. Here is my drawing from yesterday. I did in fact sit down in my bed to draw this yesterday. This is a part that Liam Payne sings. "..And tend to touches just to show you how I feel. Or should I act so cool, like it was no big deal". And I just think it's really beautiful, and a bit Ed Sheeran-ish to be honest. I wouldn't be surprised if it was Ed, himself, who wrote this song. Although it might be a bit too cheesy for Ed. I am currently at school as usual. Reading anatomy actually. I was hoping to finish this chapter about cells today. But I've been procrastinating a bit today. Still, I think I've managed to do quite a bit. It's on these days I feel like I don't even live at home. I spend all my day at school. And then I head home to sleep and shower. Like, yesterday my younger sister popped into my bedroom, saying hi before she went to bed. Just because she hadn't actually said hi, or seen me that day. I think I am going to sit for another two hours, and then I'll be heading home. Hopefully I will get home safely too. Yesterday, whilst walking to the train station I spotted two police cars and a policeman with a dog. It was sniffing for something - evidence, I think. I suppose I was a bit taken aback. I mean, I know big cities equals crime and all. But still. You don't actually go around and think of it, do you? Right, I've gotta go and "get my head in the game". Yes, I was in fact referring to High School Musical there. I sometimes like to pretend I live in a musical, and belt out songs to whatever is going around me. It's true. You can ask my friends. Oh wow. Before I go for real, you should defnitely go and give Beneath Your Beautiful by Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande a listen. Just do it, please, because it is bloody beautiful. Almost perfect, even.

did I dream that we were perfectly entwined?

I realised I've not shown some pictures from my "hometown" in Aalesund. These were taken early in the morning, when people were sleeping softly in their own beds. I went for a walk with the dogs, slightly because I felt bad for them, and because I wanted to take some pictures. It is not very easy trying to keep still and take a picture when you've got two dogs trying to sniff everything that is of interest. And then you've got one of my sisters dogs - whenever he's done with his 'business', he wants to go home. Like seriously, he'll refuse walk further unless it's in a direction towards home. And he's bloody smart too, so you can't fool him. So either, you'd have to pick him up and walk with him in your arms, or just go home. But this time he actually followed my instructions, and kept going even if he was done with his 'business'. God, I miss the dogs. I remember being the only person awake in the house, sitting in the sofa and watching Grey's Anatomy. And then the dogs would snuggle close to me, and I'd just pet them. Dogs can really make your day better. I am currently at my school, finally finished with this paper we have due til' Friday. God, I hate group projects. Because how are you supposed to work in harmony with a group of thirteen people? Sometimes I wonder if my teacher is sane. For the next two hours or so, I'm going to read some anatomy. And then I am heading home. I'm actually staying back at school for the rest of the week, because I need to be effective with my time. It's one month until my exams, so I think I'll just have to throw away whatever is called a social life, and just become best friends with my curriculum. Even if I really want to go home and do some drawing right now. It's like I've made a list of all I want to do, and I just keep saying yeah, for Christmas. Wait until then. One Direction is still on replay, and I'm falling more and more in love with Truly Madly Deeply and Irresistible. So much that I'm thinking of illustrate some lyrics later when I've gotten home. After I've showered, that is. Hopefully I'll be sensible today and not go to bed at 3:00 am. Yeah, I told my friend yesterday at the train that I was going to bed early that night. At least I hoped for it. But then I shrugged a bit, and said, that I truly live the same life as in the weekends on the weekdays. Except for showing up early at school and attending lectures, that is. What I meant was my sleep behavior. And therefore I cannot always tell which day it is. Because staying up til 2:00-3:00 am. is something I associate with the weekends.

I'm just the underdog who finally got the girl

Holy crap. It's like seventeen tracks on this limited edition of Take Me Home, right? And now it seems like there is some kind of deluxe album, where it's three other new tracks, which adds up til' twenty songs. And what is really surprising to me, is that two of these "extra" tracks are possibly two of my favorites. I am possibly a bit overwhelmed right now, seeing as I'm so tired I'm struggling to keep my eyes open, and the fact that I'm just a bit overjoyed too. But here it goes, this will be my list of favorites from this new album. The order of songs won't have anything to say. I'm sure these favorites will switch from time to time, but there are a few I'm quite certain will stay favorites of all times.

Little Things. Alright, so order might have some to say when it comes to this song. Because I think it's my absolute favorite. I love it mostly because of the lyrics actually. And I think I've admitted to liking songs simply because of their lyrics. If I let you know I'm here for you. Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you. I might be a bit biased, choosing the lyrics from Niall's solo. But the truth is, that this sentence kind of sums up the whole song. And it's like Ed Sheeran (the man behind the song) knows. Like, he knows the exact thing to say. Everyone has a tendency to be self-critical, and it's just nice to hear that - yes, you don't actually have to be a barbie doll to be loved. And that it's you they add up to. We're all made of flaws. Remember that when you're criticizing yourself - whether it's something physical or mental. And then I've just got to mention that all the boys sing this song so beautifully live as well, and the fact that Niall and Harry always have to look at each other during the little duet they have. Narry feels. Oh god, I've listened to this song about 400 times. Not even a joke.

C'mon, C'mon. I'm not quite sure if it will be a short-lived romance between me and this song. But it's a song that makes me happy and jump around like crazy in front of the mirror in the bathroom whilst brushing my teeth in the morning. Wow, long sentence. Anyways, it reminds me of an episode where a guy said "I've been watching you all night", to which I found creepy and brushed him off. And the fact that One Direction actually sing the same sentence .. well, first time I heard the song I had a laugh attack. And now I cannot listen to this song without thinking back to that stuffed and warm club.

Rock Me. This song I know for sure is a short-lived romance. It's a song I'll grow tired of quite soon. But at the moment I adore it. Simply because of this line: I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care. It's just something about the way Niall sings the line. Not necessarily the lyrics, but it's the melody, and how his voice changes during the sentence. I can't really put my finger on it, but it's just something. And then it's just the fact that I'm certain the song should be named Fuck Me. Do excuse my language, but just listen to it and read the lyrics, and then tell me I'm wrong. Can you imagine? One of the lads asking you to "rock them". Eh .. (coughs).

Truly, Madly, Deeply. I just heard this off the "deluxe album", which I did not know excisted, on Tumblr an hour ago. And lads. Lads, I truly, madly, deeply, fell for it. I don't actually know what I think of the song. I'm actually very fond of the verses and the bridge, but I'm not too fond of the chorus. I think it kind of ruins a bit of the song. But I guess that's something individual. I'm just the underdog who finally got the girl. And I am not ashamed to tell it to the world. God, my breath hitched a bit as I heard dear Nialler sing this line. It's just simply perfect, and possibly my favorite line out of all the new One Direction songs actually. But it doesn't stop there. Cause here's the tragic truth; if you don't feel the same, my heart would fall apart if someone said your name. This is one of Zayn's lines actually. And you can't not help but flutter a bit whilst he sings it. And then Liam sings beautiful lyrics too. I won't write them, simply because I might just post the whole song lyric when it's posted somewhere on the internet. I'm just too darn lazy to write down the lyrics. And if Nialler, Liam or Zayn hasn't won you over yet, Louis will. I hope I'm not a casualty. I hope you won't get up and leave. I might not mean that much to you, but to me, it's everything. Yeah, I think this is my second favorite after Little Things. It's quite tough competition between these actually.

Irresistible. This I've just heard. But it reminds me of sunsets on summery days, midnight swims, and star gazing - and other sweet things. I am very fond of "slow" songs, which is why I'm pretty sure I'll grow tired of C'mon, C'mon and Rock Me. And I don't understand why they've chosen to put both Irresistible and Truly, Madly Deeply on the "extra", because I think they are bloody brilliant. And to be truthful, I really fell for this song because of the simplicity. Not too much of instruments that takes away the focus from the lyrics and the voices. It's simple. And I enjoy simple. And then it's the lyrics too. It's in your lips, and in your kiss. It's in your touch and your fingertips. And it's in all the things and other things that make you who you are and your eyes. Irresistible. 

this is the start of something beautiful

Hiya. I just came home from school an hour ago. I'm a bit tired after only having four hours of sleep yesterday. Sure, it's all my fault, seeing as I went to bed really really late each day in the weekend. And then when I went to bed at 1:20 am. yesterday, I fancied some food. So naturally I decided against falling asleep  and went downstairs and ate whilst watching the EMA's (I recorded it earlier). I'm not very smart when it comes to sleep and all. Due to the lack of sleep, I was a bit delirious today. It only happens once in awhile. Most times I'm just really tired, but I'll pull it through until I go to bed that day. I mean, it's four hours. I'm usually fine with it. But today I was in a hyperactive mood where I laughed at basically everything and nothing. But I'm fine now. I am most definitely not laughing for no reason right now. I think I've just passed that hyperactive obnoxious loud mode. And now I'm just in that mode where I'm tired and really want to sleep forever. Instead of sleeping, I need to finish a bit of schoolwork, seeing as I've once again been a lazy arse this weekend. God, I just realised yesterday that it is one month until my exam. One month people! I am slightly freaking out, because I don't understand how I am supposed to even care about getting a good grade. All I care about right now is passing the exam. And I guess later on I'll be really pissed off because I've wasted so much time doing shit. Excuse the language. I also realised yesterday that it should be winter by now. But to be honest, the weather outside is quite warm. For being November, that is. I keep thinking - it's winter now, and therefore I cannot use this jacket anymore. But in truth, I'm still using my "autumn" jacket. I don't actually know if I feel happy about it. Because though it's cold, it usually lights up a bit outside. It's not just dark and glum. It's snow.

the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine

I want someone to make me a mix tape too. That would have been awesome. God, videoplayers and cassette players. I miss it. I know we've got loads of videos and cassettes in this household. But technology moves on, and leaves old inventions behind in the dirt. I really want to find a decent videoplayer - there should be an "vintage" technology store somewhere. I'm guessing it already exist, but where, I don't know. It is fathers-day here in Norway today, and for that occasion I made this card yesterday. "P" stands for "pappa", which basically can be translated to "dad, daddy, etc". Happy fathers-day to every father out there! Prior to this card, I've made two others, whom I've painted. So I figured I'd take a break from painting, and go for the "simple", which is also my favorite thing to do. Even if it takes me loads of time - which, in hindsight I realise I should have spent on studying. Nevertheless, I think the outcome was pretty good. I'm watching a bit of X Factor UK, and is it just me, or does Union J look a bit too groomed? I think they always look like they've got on too much makeup - like their cheekbones are always there. And their eyebrows looks too groomed. I don't know - maybe it's just me who likes them a bit more gruffy and all. And why does George Shelly (or Shelley) sing so little? I mean, I thought the three seconds he sang in this Taylor Swift cover were gorgeous. But yeah, three seconds. And no, I don't think he looks very much like Harry Styles other than the obvious curls. Anyways. It's not even 3:00 pm here, and it already feels like it's 6:00 pm. Seriously, it gets dark here so early, and it's really depressing. I guess it won't be long until the Norwegian population go into their "winter depression". I'm currently listening to One Direction's (who else) Little Things live on X Factor UK. When I find a decent video, I'll post it, because it is beautiful. Although I've now got a new album with like 17 tracks on it, I think Little Things will always stay my favorite. Because it is Ed Sheeran who wrote it, hence the utterly beautiful lyrics. And I just think the boys sing it beautifully. And then there are the harmonies. Oh, sweet, sweet harmonies. Harmonies is the difference between a complete and an uncomplete song sometimes

don't try to wake me up in the morning, cause I will be gone

I had big hopes for this movie. I really did. And so when I sat there in the dark room with chatter around me, also known as the cinema, I was judging every bit. The intro even. I was so skeptical to the movie, it's almost a bit maddening. The thing is - the book is just full of amazingness. Every page contains of a brilliant line that later will be seen on Tumblr as a quote. I'm not even kidding. This picture of mine - yes I did sit down and do a bit of painting - will later on be uploaded to Tumblr. Just because I think this quote is brilliant as well. Anyways, back to the movie. My sister actually think it was quite good. I'm not so sure. I don't love it, nor do I hate it. I think I like it. There were a few details I really missed, and I wanted Charlie to be as emotional and weird as he is in the novel. And then everything happened so quickly. Like, it seemed a bit rushed. But then again, it's a movie. I also think it was a bit vague as of what really happens in the novel. But to be fair, the novel itself is quite vague too. I did like the actors though. Especially Logan Lerman as Charlie. I think he was perfect, and exactly what I'd imagined when I read the novel. Emma Watson, however, was not what I had imagined when thinking of Sam. But I think she's a great actor and all, and I really love the tunnel-scene. What I really think they did a good job with, is the scene where Charlie starts seeing. I cannot reveal further about the subject. But it was good, and that's when the tears started dropping down my face. Up til' then I hadn't cried, and that's when I decided that - yes, yes, I quite like this movie. But I think people will have to read the novel before they go watch the movie. It's the only way to really understand. I don't know .. I cannot decide what to say really. It just was good, and then the ending was brilliant. And I did get chills along the way. Good chills, that is. I don't know - I cannot decide on what I really think. I just really love the novel, and I'm glad that the movie might just make more people read it. Anyways, I'm going downstairs in order to watch a One Direction interview and eat something. Cause I'm starving. And yeah, it's 02:05 am. and I should probably be sleeping. But hey, it's Friday. Cut me some slack, yeah? Not going to be young forever, so I might as well enjoy it.

there is no substitute for time

This is the card I sent for my sisters birthday. She turns 29 today - 10 years older than me. And she just happens to have her birthday on a 9th, which I also do. What a coincidence. If it was night, I'd probably write something rubbish about how there really is no substitute for time, and how we all have to remember to make the best of it, because you won't get back the time you've spent feeling sorry for yourselves. It is true though. But I'm not in my "deep" mode just yet. I got the new One Direction album today. I must admit that I was a bit surprised when the lady at the check out pulled out their single and a poster out of nowhere, and threw it in my bag. I was a bit like uh, I was just going to buy the album, thank you very much. But she just explained how it was free and that I should come by next week when they start selling the One Direction book. It's a nice Christmas present, she said. I just smiled and decided to not tell her that I've already got it. But yeah, now I've got like five different Live While We're Young on iTunes. I bought the single when it was first available on iTunes, and I got two remixes along as well. And then we have the one on the CD, and lastly the single itself. It was a bit funny actually, because back in the days (yes, I've nearly lived for two decades, and therefore I am entitled to use that line) I used to go and buy singles only. But then one day they just stopped selling them, and then I didn't buy them anymore. So I was a bit surprised to see that I got one today. Anyways, I am looking forward til' tonight, because I'm finally going to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower. But my instincts are telling me that I will be disappointed. Because when have you ever seen a movie that's better than the book itself? At least I don't think I have. And I am a bit skeptical to the cast. And I also secretly wish that they were British, and not American. Oh well, I'll report back to you about how it was. 

"Heavy Date" by W. H. Auden

Love has no position,
Love's way of living,
One kind of relation
Possible between
Any things or persons
Given one condition,
The one sine qua non
Being mutual need. 

feels like snow in September, but I always will remember

1. I love Summer Love by One Direction. I just think it really fits the voices to everyone. And it's just a really nice song about saying goodbye to someone when you don't want to say goodbye. There are lots of songs I love on this CD, and I find myself thinking - wait, if I love them, surely One Direction's music must be a part of my music taste then? I've always said that they're not exactly my cup of tea, but I think maybe they are now. And you know, there are so many songs on this album that makes me grin and just dance along. So, I guess, maybe I will fall in love with a happy song.

2. I'm looking forward to Friday, because that's when the Take Me Home album is out, and I am going to the cinema in order to watch The Perks of Being a Wallflower with my younger sister. I sort of made her read it, because I loved it so much. But most of the times she'll actually read whatever I pass in her direction. It's kind of nice. But then again, I don't give her novels that I know she won't like. And the only time she read a novel from my collection that she didn't like, it was her choice. I decided to bring her along to the cinema, seeing as I brought her along to the cinema last year too. We watched Shrek then. And I just thought I'd make it a tradition - you know, bringing her along to the cinema once a year. Just her and me. I think it's important to establish a good relationship with your siblings, because surely you'd want them to be in your life forever.

3. You see that picture I've posted along with this blogpost? Yeah, that's Nialler. But more importantly, I love his jumper. I was watching this live ustream they had last week or so, and it instantly caught my sight. It was like love at first sight .. with a jumper. And so I was just staring at the jumper throughout a lot of the ustream, thinking about where I could get one. Except for when Nialler was laughing. You can't not watch his face screwed up while laughing his infectious laughter. He was sporting it again yesterday at the airport on their way to conquer America. Oh wait, they've already done that. It's a bit funny, because Liam, Louis and Niall always go for a comfy plane ride, wearing jogging pants, and jumpers. Whilst Zayn and Harry go for the "Oh, is this a runway?" look. And then they look all handsome and lovely. But to be quite honest, I quite like Nialler wearing jogging pants and jumpers. It just fits him really. And to think that I'd say that - I hate when boys go around in jogging pants. Oh, and Uggs. Please, please don't do that to yourself. I think there is a big reason why I'd never be this fond of One Direction back in their early days. Jogging pants and Uggs and everything Abercrombie. I'm sorry, that's just a big no and thumbs down for me.

4. I went to bed at 3:00 am. yesterday, after studying for my test today. And then I woke up at 6:00 am. - meaning that I got very very little sleep. But I passed. And I was so relieved, because although I was almost certain it would go well, there will always be a part of me that doubts myself. And I think that goes for everyone. Because life learns you to not be certain of anything. After coming home from school, I just went to bed and slept for five hours. And when I awoke, it was really dark, leading me to think it was nighttime. But in reality, it was 5:00 pm. And what did I do then? Course I celebrated by scrolling down my dashboard on Tumblr, looking for more One Direction related posts. I'm not sure if I've made it a habit to procrastinate with watching One Direction videos, reading about them, looking at pictures of them, reading One Direction fan fiction, etc - when I have important school things to do. Because thus far, it seems like it. I barely even read for this test I had today, because I was procrastinating all day. I even had my sister slap me for it. Thanks for that, by the way. And then there is my oral exam back in June. God, I was almost certain I'd fail that. Just because of One Direction. Yeah, you douchebags, I am talking about you.

5. Lastly, in this long blogpost, I just want to congratulate Obama. I've been a fan of Obama since the election in 2008, even though I'm not too fond of politics. I'm the kind of person who lives in denial. Ignorance is bliss, yeah? Not really. Something that has annoyed me immensely is the fact that a lot of Americans (on the Internet) have been really mean to those who does not live in America, but still have an opinion about who should have been elected. "Do you live in America? No. So your opinion is invalid". Comments like that angers me, because fuck you, people are allowed to have opinions. And to think that they (I'm not generalizing all Americans, only those who has left comments similar to the one I just stated) think that this election doesn't affect others? How stupid can you be? Of course it affects others - it affects the whole damn world. We are all intertwined countries, dependent on others. And if one falls, everyone falls like domino bricks. But yeah, congratulations Obama. Thank god, because though I might not be as updated on politics as everyone else, I stand for equality. And I just hope that once in the future, we'll all look back and think about how stupid we were to think that same-sex marriage, or relationships even, are a bad thing. Please parents, don't pass on your judgmental thoughts to your children. Ah, if only I could somehow knock some sense into some people. Jeez.   

the perks of being a wallflower

"I didn't feel like reading that night, so I went downstairs and watched a half-hour-long commercial that advertised an exercise machine. They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it. The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And I told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night. That's when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn't mind a bit". 

I haven't studied at all today. And I did actually start painting, though the idea of me becoming an artist and painter has long sailed the ship. I was painting the birthday-card, and a little painting I called "Winter Nights". But as I said, I have long ago discarded the idea of becoming a painter. And that's for a reason. I cannot paint. Even if I didn't study today, and rather chose to read The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I don't feel too bad about it. Because finally, I've read a book. Not a bloody fanfiction, but a novel. And I think it's my new favorite book. But then again, I have lots of favorite books. It's just so incredibly relatable. I wanted to gift my sister with this book for Christmas, but apparently she only wants a map. And I told her that I had planned to give this novel to her. I think we have a relationship where we bond over books. And I just found it really ironic now, as I'm reading the description to the movie on IMBD: "An introvert freshman is taken under the wings of two seniors who welcome him to the real world". You see, my sister was just trying to explain to me what an introvert was, after having painted "a lone wolf" for art class. I suppose I'll have to rub it in her face, and force her to read it now. I wish I had a teacher that kept giving me books to read, that would be amazing. And god, I have a feeling I'm going to become that aunt that gifts novels only. And all my nephews and nieces are going to loathe my presents, and rather wish for money. But their parents will force them to say thank you and smile, rather than frowning. The quote is one of my favorite parts of the novel. I cannot decide what's my favorite part, because it's so witty and fun and sad, and everything. And I love how Charlie is all awkward. And I hate that I have not come across this novel before, seeing as it was published when I was seven. But then again, I think it's the perfect timing, because I don't think it would be as relatable as it is to me now. I'm going to watch the movie tomorrow. I should probably be worried about school, and how my exam will be on Wednesday. But to be honest, I feel too happy at the moment. And somehow it all feels a bit less important. And I really don't know any longer if I care enough about failing in school. And that should scare me. I am also going to make a music list tomorrow, containing all the songs in the novel. God, it feels so nice having a "break" from One Direction. I decided yesterday that I hated my obsession with them, and so I complained to my sister and asked her why in the hell she had to introduce me to them. And so I decided to hate them from now on, but then I realised I have a ticket to their concert next year, and it would be really sad to stand there looking all glum in between all the screaming teenagers. So I've decided to not hate them yet. Right, I'm off to bed now. And I'm going to force all my friends to read the novel. Whether they want it or not.

Letters, I love them. It is the most wonderful feeling to come home and find a letter addressed to you. Not bills or magazines, but letters. I sent my sister a letter for her birthday last week, and I just received a letter back. And you know, I knew before I opened it; I am going to cry.

In my letter to her, I wrote about memories about her making me a cup of tea before I went to school back when I was younger. I suppose it was more of a question – sometimes I have these memories etched into my mind that I don’t know whether is true or not.

I got my answer. It was true. She did use to make me a cup of tea, because that was something our father used to do for her when they were younger. Oh god, the tears are welling at the thought of the letter. I shall forever keep it, and bring it wherever I decide to move.

The past days I’ve been struggling a bit I suppose. Trying to understand the meaning of it all. It’s something I try to avoid, because it is a question I’ll never be able to answer. I study a lot. In fact, I’d say it’s what defines me. I am a student, I study. And then I read this at Tumblr today:

I pity those who spend their lives drowning in schoolwork honestly. Most of them study so hard to memorize something for an assignment or test and then as soon as the assessment is through, they flush that knowledge out quickly and easily.  

That’s not knowledge.

And it’s even more pathetic when they claim to think that that makes them a “smart” person. You’re not a genius, you’re a robot. Working hard, sure. But on an assembly line. You’re trained. You’re tame. Great, you’ve learned to remember, if even for a moment, but you’ll never learn to learn.

No. You’ll work hard only to continue working hard. But one day you’ll see that the system isn’t working. And you’ll try to learn a different way. But you don’t know any other way. 

You were never taught.

And I just thought. Yes, I am a robot. And I have been trained. Whenever I study for a test, I study. And then I forget. So naturally I thought; fuck this. I'll just become an artist and paint sad pictures that no one wants, but I'll just continue, and I'll start smoking and drinking away the pain that's eating my insides up. But then I think that if someone would take away school – well, I think I’d feel a bit lost, because that’s all I know of. It is something that has been constant in this life of mine. It's everything I know.

Tumblr might be a place where teenagers “ships” and have “otp’s”, but it is also a place full of wisdom. And it is a dangerous place, because once you are sucked in, it’s hard to get out.

I relish in sadness. It is something I have just realised. When have I ever fallen in love with a happy song? Why does everything I read have to be sad? I have become very good at manipulate my own feelings. Whenever I want to feel down, I will. And it is easy with all the sad Tumblrs out there. Because once you will recognize other feelings being similar to yours, it’s only natural for you to believe you are sad too, because your feelings matches together.

But you’ve forgotten that you have more than one feeling. A human being is capable of feeling so many emotions, and sadness is only one.

Up until the letter I got from my sister, I’ve had a pretty depressing day. For even more depressing reasons that I shall not share. Not because of secrecy, but because they are ridiculous and embarrassing reasons. I was listening to Adele – because sometimes she just puts words to the emotions I cannot speak. And then all of a sudden I was crying because of a Winnie the Pooh gif on Tumblr.

And that's when I know I have gone crazy.

But I'm okay now. And I am going to write another letter now. And make another birthday card for my other sister. And then I am going to read, because for the love of god, I need to. That is, if I don't want to fail school. And you know, maybe I actually do. I don't even know anymore. So maybe I'm not okay. But that's fine too. It's okay not to be okay sometimes, as Jessie J so nicely puts it. But someone please hand me a copy of The Perks of Being A Wallflower. Because I simply must read it.

people say we shouldn't be together, too young to know about forever

I like it when I listen to music, and everything else becomes mute and unimportant. Another world kind of. The people rushing in front of me on the train station, are only extras in my own little world. Extras that does not exist  It's all in my head. It's best when you're walking outside in the cold night alone, and your breath comes out like smoke. Because even if the darkness can be scary, your music is filling your ears, washing the worries away. And it just makes you grin, really. Or cry. It depends on the song, and if it hits you in the chest like a bullet. It is best at night because you are super sensitive, and everything sounds better. Listening to the same song in the morning might not be the same, so you just have to enjoy it while it lasts. But it's fine, because the next day, you're staying up all night, doing the same thing over again; listening to music, and letting the mind travel far away.

I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care

Oh my god. I'm sorry, but it's nighttime and I've just listened to Rock Me by One Direction - sorry, I just couldn't not listen to it. Don't worry I'm going to buy the album anyways. Holy crap. I love it, and I don't understand why. Well, actually, I'm pretty sure it's because of the line: "I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care". Yeah, I really love that line. Oh and then there is the fact that Nialler sings a lot! And is it just me, or is there a sexual reference in this song too? I wouldn't be surprised if all songs contained sexual references. I suppose that's the one direction to go, eh? Oh, facepalm - I'm so sorry for the pun. It seems that I am in the mood to have horrible humor and be a complete fangirl in the same time. Although I'm loving Rock Me, I really hope the rest of the album will stay unleaked. Or else I'd just feel really bad, considering this song has already leaked. And that Live While We're Young was leaked. And yeah. Oh god, I was supposed to go to bed ages ago, but I cannot stop replaying this song. It's just addicting. Oh god, now I'm scared to wake up tomorrow and all the songs will be leaked on Tumblr, and everything is just ruined. Well, not ruined. But, yeah, ruined. Oh god, I really cannot wait for the album now. And how many times have I said "Oh god"? Probably too much. I'll give the song another listen, and then Little Things. And then it's straight to bed. Promise.

you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you're perfect to me

I think it's safe to say that this song has reached number one in my top 25 most listened to on iTunes. Apparently I've listened to it 260 times. That's in five days. Sure I know I've listened to Wanted by Hunter Hayes 222 times, but that was during a long period. To be honest, I've probably listened to it a lot more than 260 times because of Youtube. And the music video is on replay, you know, staring at their beautiful faces. I always try to figure out who sings the highest harmony. Or just in general, harmonies. I don't quite understand why, but it feels a bit like a secret that not everyone knows of. By now I can listen to a song of theirs and recognize the singer. But not harmonies, those are the hard ones. Oh god, I've now listened to more previews of the upcoming album. And I am impressed, I think I might actually really like this album. I went to the mall today, and wow, it's large. But to be honest, a part of me dislike it. But change has always been a term I am not completely comfortable with. On one hand I try to embrace it, because I know it'll eventually lead to something good. But on the other hand, I clutch to the known, scared to let it slip through my fingers. It's an odd feeling. I had planned on studying right now, but I think I might have to head for the bed a bit early. I feel slightly woozy, like I'm going to fall asleep any minute now. Sorry for all the One Direction by the way, but whether I'd like to admit it or not, they kind of dominate my life now. Yeah, I remember when I had my oral exam, and during the time I was supposed to make the presentation, study and practice, I actually went on Tumblr, checking up on new One Direction related things. I was speaking to my sister earlier about my obsession, and it became clear to me that it is in fact her fault that I am obsessed. In fact, it was her who pointed it out. And so when it dawned on me, I said "Yeah .. you're right. It is your fault! You are the one who made me obsessed". At this she nodded sadly and then sighed, probably regretting asking me if I wanted to see that episode with One Direction on iCarly. God, I even explained One Direction to my mum just now. My mum who isn't updated on anything. Anything. I'm so sleepyyyy .... bon nuit.

last first kiss

I don't know if I should squeal or not. Tickets to the One Direction concert next year is in box, I've just listened to a few previews of new One Direction songs, the album is released next week, the music video for Little Things will be published today - it's a happy day. I heard a snippit of Last First Kiss, and yeah, Nialler you chose a good favorite, because it sounds really really good. It's so weird, because I keep having these low expectations, because I guess I've already decided that I am going to be disappointed. But then I listen to these previews, and I think to myself .. what a wonderful world. Okay, no, that wasn't it, but the lyrics just came to my head. Anyways, what I meant was that it actually sounds really decent. And that's the thing that scares me, cause' I'm a Jonatic. I love the Jonas Brothers, right? But I'm sad to say that thus far I'm quite disappointed by the previews I've heard of their songs. Alright, so it's been three years, but I feel like they've changed their style completely. I'd rather have it back to the Inseparable-sound. But you know, in their own lyrics - people change, and promises are broken. I'm still going to buy the album, and I would go to a concert if they finally decided to come to Norway. That's actually one of the reasons why I was so surprised One Direction is coming to Norway. I wasn't aware that so many people were fan of them, but guessing by the ticket sale, they do. I'm pretty sure it was all sold out in 30 minutes or less. Cause when I finally got "in", everything was sold out. You can guess that I was a bit taken aback. Oh my, can't wait to stand in a crowd of teenagers bopping along to all their songs. It's going to be epic. Anyways, I'm going to do some schoolwork now.

watch me fall down to earth

"Life is short. There is no time to leave important words unsaid". I think this was on my mind when I sent my sister her birthday card today. It wasn't a very ordinary birthday card. But to be fair, I never really write ordinary birthday cards. I wrote it a while ago in a very emotional state, basically pouring out all feelings on a sheet. I never did mail it though, simply because I felt too exposed. Like someone stripped off my duvet. But I just mailed it today, and never looked back. I barely even read through it, because I knew it would make me cringe slightly, and not want to mail it. Right now I'm listening to Ed Sheeran. And god, it feels like I fall in love with his music every time I listen to it. It's been so much new music lately, I don't quite know what to listen to. I have all these playlists on iTunes - but I hate having too many, so naturally I'd delete the ones I'm tired of listening to. But now I've just been introduced to Little Things by One Direction, and then there's The Last Time and Everything Has Changed by Taylor Swift. But I still love Youth by Daughter - it inspires me to write the most heart wrenching sob-love story every time I listen to it. And then there is Birds and Bees by Alex Johnson. And re:stacks by Bon Iver. And Cough Syrup by Young The Giant. And .. just a lot of good music. I've been procrastinating a lot lately, avoiding schoolwork. To be fair, I've done schoolwork - practicing for this practical test I have on Monday. But I've not done any schoolwork in the sense of reading and writing. And yesterday I decided that today, the first of November would be my official "get your act together" day. Yeah, I'm planning on doing so much schoolwork that I'll have a clear conscience on Friday when I plan to check out the new mall over here. But thus far, I've already wasted an hour and half on Tumblr and writing. I was listening to Turn and Turn Again by All Thieves, and it inspired me to write a sad and angsty One Direction drabble. However, the song ended, and Little Things by One Direction started, and I just found myself suddenly writing a fluffy love story. So now I'm stuck between choosing. And to be honest, I prefer sad and angsty stories, but I really wanted a happy ending. Because I write too much depressing things in my opinion. Maybe that's why I appear positive in real life? Because I get rid of all my negativity with writing? Actually - that might be it. Okay, now I really have to get going and start my "get your act together" day. Because I really don't have time to waste more time. It's November! My exams are in December. Fuck, I've got a bit more than a month to study anatomy. And that's not even all. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.